The Unwanted Child

Standing in an open field, I find myself surrounded by wild flowers that seemed to glow under the morning sun. The warm breeze ruffles my hair and soft grass can be felt under my feet. All I can feel is warmth and love flowing through me. My parents rest nestled together on our old frayed picnic blanket, watching me as I play. Laughter fills the field as I chase the butterflies and catch ladybugs to show them. We are happy. For me in that moment life was this endless possibility of hope only restricted by the limits of my imagination. There was no pain, no loss, only love, the delusion of a five-year-old girl who has known nothing else. As I let my father’s strong arms fold around me and my mother softly kiss my cheek, I know in this moment I want for nothing more than to remain here in this field with them forever.

As blackened storm clouds begin to fill the sky over head, blanketing the once bright field in darkness.  Happiness that flowed through us only moments ago was drained away into the now cold earth. Glowing eyes stared back at us form the surrounding tree line and ferocious snarls filled air. A thunderous growl that made the trees and ground shake with ferocity followed. A sound that would remain imprinted in my mind and haunt my dreams till the day I die. My mother’s eyes went wide and her face paled. As I watched my father shift, terror like I had never known filled my tiny body making me shake uncontrollably holding tight to my teddy bear like it was my lifeline. My mother hugged me tight kissing my cheek before looking me in the eye and whispering “run, hide and whatever you do Annalee do not come out till we find you, and never forget that we love you”.  Without questioning her or fully understanding what was happening I ran.

My small lungs burning from lack of oxygen and my legs wanting to give up. Not sure how but I pushed harder than I thought possible, driven only by fear. The surrounding trees blurred past me while the cries of pain and death fell behind. Tears blurred my vision and I struggled to see where I was going. Finally, my small body could no long hold, collapsing towards the ground. Blood soaked my knees from the fall. Mustering all the strength I had left I crawled on my hands and knees into a small hole beneath the roots of an oak tree, still holding my bear, securely hidden away waiting for my parents to come and find me.  Covering myself in leaves and dirt the way they taught me when training me to cover my scent and tracks. At the time I thought they were being ridiculous but now I understand why. My sobs were silent, tears soaked my face. Trying to stay as quiet as I could, I shook, my throat hurt from holding in my pain. The muffled sound of the fighting could still be heard and the smell of blood was thick in the air. Sending silent pleas to the mood goddess to protect my parents and bring them back to me, without them I would be all alone. Their deafening screams found my ears followed my complete silence, the fighting was over, that was the moment I knew I would never see them again.

Ten years later

Waking up sweat soaked the sheet beneath me, as I tried desperately to catch my breath. Tears trickled down my cheek as I repeated over and over to myself ‘it’s okay, you’re okay’, desperately willing myself to believe those word. Finally managing to calm myself down. ‘It was just a dream’, I tell myself. The same dream I had every night for the past ten years. A dream that replayed my parent’s death over and over never letting me forget that I was alone.  Rolling over my bones cracked as I reached for the old cracked alarm clock on the floor next to my worn mattress, I noticed it was 4am, ‘wow, made it almost the whole way through this time”, muttering to myself. Usually, it was midnight or sometimes 2am when I startled myself awake unable to return to sleep. Hopefully I would look a little less tired today and maybe some of the dark circles under my eye might appear a little less dark, but I highly doubted it. Sighing to myself I dragged myself out of bed, pulling on my faded ripped tights and pulling on an oversized tee-shirt. Picking up my shabby and worn stuffed bear I spoke as if it could hear me, ‘Better get started hey T’ giving it a gentle squeeze before placing it back down in the middle of my stained single sized mattress that laid on the cold dirty floor. As I look around my shoebox size room it looked barren and empty like my life. A small threadbare blanket lay over my mattress not enough to keep me warm but it tried. There was no heat or cooling in this part of the packhouse so I froze in winter and boiled in summer, but at least I was not outside in the elements. The three outfits I owned were placed in a cardboard box in the far corner next to my two pairs of shoes. Hand me downs from other pack members that were going to throw them away because they had holes in them, but fishing them out of the trash, a few stitches here and a good wash and I was able to wear them, even if they were a little too big. There are no photos of happy memories scattered on my walls, no lamp to light the dark corners during the night when the demons of my mind would come and play. No warmth or love here, that died with my parents. Just and old stained mattress and my bear to hold when the tears refused to stop falling.

Living in the Orion pack was not all bad, they are strong and loyal, well at least they are when it comes to their own people, which I am constantly reminded I am not. Ten years ago, after three days of hiding in the hole beneath the Oak tree their warriors found me, small fragile and barely alive. My pack, the White Stone Pack, would not care for me after my parents died, I was not a pure blood and unwanted by everyone. The Luna of the Orion Pack, Sophia, took pity on me and allowed me to be raised in their pack.  The Alpha only allowed me to stay to please his wife and only as long as I contributed to the cleaning and cooking duties and stayed out of the way, constantly reminding me I was not a pack member. They pretty much left me alone and no one spoke to me, Sophia would try but the Alpha threatened to send me away if I got to close to anyone. You see they fear me, I am something they do not understand, different, so I am treated with caution. There are not many hybrids in our world, it was considered an atrocity to mate with another species. Those that found their fated mate who belonged to a species other than their own must reject them and take another mate to keep the bloodlines pure. A few rebelled against this rule and were treated poorly for their choice, like my parents. They were allowed to stay in the pack my father belonged to but had to keep me away from everyone else and I was not allowed to interact with others out of fear the bloodlines would be further tainted. No one really knew what would happen to me as I grew up, if I would have a wolf like my father, if I would develop a gift of magic like my mother or both. Most believed I would turn out to be the spawn of satin, they were kind of scared of me, people always fear what they do not understand.

Since coming to the Orion pack, I hoped things would change, that they would treat me differently because they agreed to take me in, but it was still the same. The pack members would not let their kids play with me I didn’t have any friends growing up, well except Axel. Being the younger son of the Alpha, he did not have the same pressure as his older brother Maddox, no one watched Axel as closely. He was always the cheeky, rebellious child knowing he wasn’t allowed to talk to me I think it made it more of a challenge and he wanted to push his father’s buttons. At least that’s how it started. Being the same age and both enjoying sneaking out and getting into mischief it didn’t take long before we become best friends. After finishing my housework for the day and being sent back to my room he would come and sneak me out. We would go swimming in the lake, have competitions to see who could climb the highest trees, not returning till we were tired and dirty. At night after everyone was asleep, he would sneak into my room and bring me treats. Axel knew I loved chocolate but was never allowed to have any so whenever he was given some after dinner, he would keep a bit just for me. Luna Sophia always gave him extra and I wanted to believe it was because she knew who he was giving it to. After enjoying the sweet treats, we would just talk and laugh till we could hardly hold our eyes open, I would fall asleep with him next to me and by morning he would be gone. Axel taught me to read and write because I wasn’t allowed to go to school with the other pack children. He would bring me books of all kinds and bring me the homework they had gotten in school, photocopying it for me to try and keep up. He wanted me to be a part of his world but I would never be. Those moments spent with Axel were the only happy moment of my childhood after my parents died. Times I would forget I was the outcast orphan hybrid no one wanted and just got to be a normal kid who had a friend.

But like everything it had to end eventually, five years ago, his father Alpha Maxwell Heartly, found out he had been sneaking in my room and spending time with me, and he was furious. Axel was ordered never to come near me again or I would be sent away, I guess they could not have their pure blood Alpha son spending time with the likes of an impure mistake like me, I mean what would people think right! The late-night visits stopped after that, guards were watching him more closely and he could never get away. When he would see around the pack house, he pretended I was not there and it was like losing my family all over again because that’s what he had become, my only family.

So, because I had no other choice, I learnt at a young age to enjoy my own company, I did not mind being alone, at least that is what I told myself to make it easier. My workload around the house tripled and I was told if I had spare time to carry on with those, I had no business associating with, I obviously needed more work to keep me out of trouble.  Constantly reminded how lucky I was to just have a roof over my head, a bed and food to eat. Knowing that my only other option was a life as a rogue, I just did as I was told I didn’t want to be cast out on my own, I knew I wouldn’t survive long.

Shortly after Axel stopped speaking to me, I was cleaning the kitchen late at night after everyone had gone to bed. Clumsy and not paying attention I found myself lost in one of my daydreams that took me away to a world that excepted me. The soap made the glasses slippery and one slipped out of my fingers before I could stop it. I watching in fascination as it smashed into a million pieces on the floor, I could relate. Holding back my tears and frustration I reached for the glass still not paying close enough attention and ended up with a deep cut in my left palm. The cut itself did not hurt but all the pain of the past five years suddenly hit me in that moment and I just fell to the ground, holding my bleeding hand and cried. Bring my knees to my chest and hugging my arms tight I sobbed till I couldn’t breathe. Lost in my own pain I hadn’t heard him come in, but when I looked up, I seen Axel. Concern written all over his face. 

“Hey, Annalee, what’s wrong and what happened to your hand” he asked with sadness in his eyes kneeling next to me. 

Anger and frustration ran through my veins and I directed it all at him “what, you’re going to acknowledge me now? You better run along before someone sees you in here talking to the likes of me” I retorted sarcastically. With eyes full of sorrow, he just hung his head, I knew I wasn’t being fair, it wasn’t his fault he was a ten-year-old boy who couldn’t stand against his father but it still hurt. “Look I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that” I softened I didn’t want to hurt him.

“Here let me help you” he pushed a cloth to my hand and stopped the bleeding. Once it stopped, he checked for glass. “You are going to have a nice scar from this” he sounded impressed, boys seriously I do not understand them.  

“Thanks for stating the obvious” I repeated a little too harshly pulling my hand back, instantly regretting it. “I’m sorry, thank you”.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before he finally spoke “I hope you know I wish things could be different, I miss you so much Annalee, I just don’t want him to send you away” Tears filled his eyes as he spoke with nothing but honesty in his words.

“I know, I just I miss you too” I let my tears fall again.

He said nothing else he just held me till no more came. Kissing my temple gently, he whispered softly “I will always be with you, even if you cannot see me, I will always do whatever I can to protect you” he smiled softly. Then his cheeky smile, that I had grown to love, flashed across his face. A look I knew too well, the look of ‘I’m going to do something I shouldn’t’. Before I knew what was happening, he grabbed a piece of the broken glass and slashed an identical cut along his right palm. Placing his hand in mine, he pressed our palms together, letting the blood mix, and whispered “I will be with you forever”. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel quite so alone, laying my head on his shoulder I whispered back “forever” letting myself be comforted by the feeling that there was someone in this world who I mattered to. Because neither of us had gotten our wolf yet we would always carry an identical scar from that night. The only evidence that I, Annalee Starling, had a friend someone who cared if I lived or died and the only thing that kept me going when thing became too much.    

My broken alarm clock started buzzing bringing me back to the present, to the world where I am alone. Rubbing the scar that ran down my left palm I sighed to myself and took off to started my day. My only wish was I made it back here without another bruise, cut or broken bone to add to my already beaten body. Oh well one can dream!