Chapter Four

The Habi Superior superior looks a worried gaze at me with no words coming out of her mouth. She leads me to her room with all the silence wafting throughout the room. There she is – mom is lying down on her bed sleeping like a still river. Her skin has turned pale, with her lips colored white. She forcefully coughs and a thick blood squirts from her mouth staining her pillow. I rush to get a clean cloth to wipe the blood on the edges her lips. She then grips the blanket that is covering her body. I can feel her fingers holding tight to its cloth from where I stand. The Habi Superior approaches a metal bowl filled with water. She soaks a dry cloth into it and squeezes it tightly until all the water exits the cloth. She wipes the cloth from my mother’s forehead, then to her eyes and neck. My mom shivers in the cold.

I cannot think of a single thing as I look at my mother’s face. My mother woke up with tons of energy this morning and she seemed fine when I visited her in the town hall. There was no sign of an approaching illness.

“Your mother fainted earlier this afternoon,” the Habi Superior mutters as she drains the water from the wet cloth.

“But she seemed fine earlier when I visited her,” I said sticking my eye to the Habi Superior’s hand as she carefully wipes the cloth to my mother’s skin.

“Looking fine throughout the day won’t tell how someone feels.”

“Has she been ill like this? I’ve never seen her drown like that in her bed.”

The Habi Superior remains silent.

“Please tell me.”

My mother’s shiver eventually stops. I place my palm on her forehead and it doesn’t feel hot now.

The Habi Superior and I sit on a couch in our living room. She pulls up a paper from her pocket and hands it to me. It contains a record of what has been found out about her.

“Your mother has been experience what you saw earlier for quite a few time,” the Habi Superior confesses.

“Since when? I never saw her coughing that hard and squirting blood over her clothes,” I replied in shock.

The Habi Superior fixes her posture as if she is about to tell a story. “Your mother has been going to our place without your knowledge. She complains of experiencing tremendous weight loss and extreme pain on her back every single night.”

“But I never saw an event like that. Not even once.”

“Then your mother is a good keeper of her own secrets. I asked her to brew green tea every night. The illness must have come from extreme tiredness.”

“But she drinks wine instead.”

“Really? Oh, your mother.”

“But why would she keep a secret like this. Why would even you keep this from me? You always see me bring her to your place!”

“Because your mother told me to! She doesn’t want you to worry for it might only hinder you to prepare to inherit her spot. Your mother is grown enough to handle her decisions.”

“Maybe she never followed your advice.”

“I’m sorry if this news disappointed you.”

One of our helpers cut our conversation. He tells mother is awake now.

We rush to see mom in her room. The Habi Superior checks on mom’s current state and she sighs a relief from her chest. The Habi Superior leaves us alone to talk.

“I want a glass of water,” mother mumbles immediately. Mother drinks the water I poured straight from a glass pitcher beside her nightstand. She asks for more water and in a single gulp, all the water in the glass is gone.

“How are you feeling now, mom?” I asked with a caring tone from my voice.

“Extremely bad. I must have missed a lot of stuff today. I must get up now.”

“No. Please mom for Kassia’s mercy, take a rest! The Habi Superior is in our living room.”

“She must have told you everything.”

“As she must! Why did you keep all of this from me?”

Mom places her hand on her chest and gasps for a little air.

“I’m sorry for being angry, mom. I’ll talk to Habi Superior.”

“No. I’ve been enduring all this pain for quite a few time already. Because if I tell you, you’d ask me to step down from my post and sacrifice yourself to take on the role you will inherit.”

“Of course, mom, your health matters more to me!”

“I know you still are not ready to go for it.”

Mother is right – I am not prepared to go for it. But what choice do I have? Should I just let her suffer and march gradually to her own deathbed?

“Things for this town has become so hard. The M’ri can’t lose me now. I’d rather die from exhaustion than great guilt.”

These words pierce down through my mouth. Mother is willing to die and leave so this town can have the glory this town had years ago.

“You see the people lining up earlier in the town hall? Everything from them has been drained down from their hands. They’re starving and they have no one to turn to! A wife earlier came rushing to me with her eyes swollen that her husband has died. Guess what? They have nothing to pay for burial.”

“But you know that not all of that should be weighed on your shoulders, mom? They can’t be controlled,” I replied totally unsure of what I just said.

“That is just easy to say!”

My mom covers her face with her hands and weeps silently from all the agony that’s left for her. I cannot think of a single word to say to comfort her from the level of pain she is dealing with right now. My mom would typically be just staring into space looking lost for words but now, tears have finally run down her cheeks. I know nothing with what to do in times like this but to stay silent on her side, listening only until she gets to be able to dry her cheeks.

Minutes passed, my mother has finally gotten her composure back. I hand a glass of water to her so she can breathe well. My mother has started to sweat and her body temperature has dropped down to normal. Her sweat feels cold.

“Are you fine now, mom?” I asked

“Yes. Thank you.” She replied.

“Please take care of yourself. You won’t be able to take care of others if you keep an unhealthy Habi Superiort daily.”

“I’m sorry for bursting out.”

“It’s okay mother, I understand.”

The helpers I called come to her room to get the bowl of water back to the sink and replace her blood-stained pillow with a clean one. She piles herself under a blanket and gets herself ready for sleep. I keep her lamp on burning so heat can travel to her. Upon clearing her other things, I saw on her desk the letter about the location of Kassia’s lost Kurim that I sent her earlier this day. Maybe the Habi Superior brought it here. The helpers and I leave my mom’s room so she can finally take her rest.

“Mom has gotten back to her sleep again,” I told Habi Superior as I offer her a hot beverage for us to drink.

The Habi Superior takes a sip on the beverage and places it after on the table in front of us. “What did she tell you?”

“She said the town has gotten worse. But I don’t understand why would she keep all of this from me.”

“It’s a legitimate fear, Reeve. Being not able to serve your people – thus, failing to serve the post you’ve committed into.”

“At the cost of her own life?”

“Your mom is exceptional. At this point, maybe she has reached the end.”

“What do you mean?”

“Her body has started to resist her own mind. She may want to serve the town more but nothing from her being can be exhausted anymore.”

I take a sip on my cup as I listen to Habi Superior.

“If your mom stays in her post, her time with you will be shortened – so do her life. Water has already seeped through her lungs. If her condition does not get better, her illness would be fatal.”

The words she uttered me shatter all my senses. It feels as if the house broke down into a glare of darkness sucking up to my chest and head. As a child who has stayed with his mother all his life, I always feared to hear those words – those words Habi Superior has just said.

“This words can be big for you but dangers bound to happen to your mom will be much bigger. Stay on her side. And be ready to take on the role you’re bound to inherit. Your time has come.”

“But I don’t think my mother would permit. I believe I am not ready for it so she does. I want her to step down but she fears failing the M’ri!”

“Tell your mom not to worry because the M’ri will understand. She has served them enough. It’s time for her to fend for herself.”

            The Habi Superior takes her last sip from the cup. I lead her to her chariot and bid her a goodbye.

            “If anything comes up, Reeve, just blow this flute and my nightingale shall hear you to tell me where you need my help.” The Habi Superior hands me a wooden flute with all its holes beautifully carved on it. “Final word, son, your mom and town needs you.”

            The Habi Superior’s chariot walks away from our house and I am all left alone in front of our house. So much has happened today and I still don’t want to enter our house yet.

My mom falling terminally ill and I having to take the spot as soon as possible – how can all of this happen in a single day? If I take on the role, I know everything would be a mess. I still have a lot to learn and the town would surely fall down to its slow death if I prematurely take over my mom. But my mom cannot go for it anymore. My mom, the only person who understands me. I cannot afford to lose her. My father leaving us had been too much. I don’t know where else would I go if mom takes a leap away from my life.

Martha probably sleeps well now tonight. I can go there to have someone to talk to about all of this day but the night has run too deep for now. I wish someone I trust was here.

I pull the letter that I found on my mother’s table while I was sorting it from my pocket. It says there’s a lightning that stroke on a hill at that’s where the Kurim lies. A hill. If somebody knows already about the whereabouts of Kurim, then they must have go for it. What is stopping them to do it? If they truly care for this land, then why don’t they step up? Who are they waiting for? My mother? Again?

I crumple the letter and throw it in a fire lit on the twigs close to the rocky side of our yard. I go to my mom’s room. She is sleeping soundly like the deep waters of the ocean. Oh, mom, my mother. “I’ll see you again, my mother,” I said in silence as I bid her a farewell.