An hour later, Dax graces me with his presence. I'm sure Cam ran off to tattle on her friend not loving her fiancé's brother. Hearing the thoughts in my head, I try to shake loose my shitty attitude but find myself having a death grip on it, refusing to let it go."What's up, Dax?" I ask coldly."You got a minute to talk?""Not really, but I'm sure you're not going to go away until I make time so say what you have to say." Holy nastiness, Batman. I've become a raging bitch.He doesn't respond; he waits for me to have the decency to lift my head and make eye contact with him. Expecting to find anger, I see nothing but warmth, his eyes are inviting, and there's a trace of a small, sympathetic smile. Completely caught off guard, I harden myself to anything he has to say, visually offering my defenses crossing my arms against my chest, leaning back. "You've got five minutes. Go."He laughs. The son of a bitch laughs. "You're so much like Cam. When I was trying to get her to no
Reading the post on Facebook sends me into orbit.Me: It would have been nice if you asked if I wanted a party before planning onePiper: It's just dinner at a Mexican restaurant. You have to eat.Me: Doesn't mean I have to do it with a bunch of people who haven't cared enough to come see me in the weeks I was cooped upPiper: Really, Moby? Do you want me to cancel?I hesitate before responding. I don't want to have dinner with those assholes. Most of them haven't bothered calling or texting much less come by, but suddenly they want to make sure people see their names on the RSVP list. I don't do fake. I know I've hurt her feelings. People always say you can't read tone in a text but I sure as hell can read her tone in her last text, it's exasperation at my ungratefulness. She's trying to do something for me, something to get me out, and I'm shitting on it.Me: No. I'm sorry. I'm just not sure how I feel about seeing peoplePiper: Why would you not want to see people?
Moby's starting to seem more like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde than the man I married. One minute he's loving and attentive, the next he's an arrogant ass lashing out at anyone who dares cross his path. I'm leery about how dinner will go. These are all people who care about him, even if they haven't made personal appearances at the hospital. They're taking time out of their schedules to come welcome him home, spend time with him, and encourage him. If evil Mr. Hyde is present tonight, we may have zero friends when the night concludes. He can't stand the sympathetic way people look at him. If Dr. Jekyll makes an appearance, all will be grand. Sadly, I've seen both of them today in a matter of minutes and can't guarantee who I'll be dining with.I pull up to the curb of the restaurant to let Moby out so he doesn't have to walk as far."What are you doing?" he looks at me confused."Letting you out while I go park so you don't have as far to walk.""Are you just trying to scream at any
Waking in the morning, Moby's already out of bed. I lie there staring out the window at the beautiful day. My heart lightens with the sunshine beaming through the glass until images of the night before begin to flood my mind. I wonder what I'll face when I find my husband. I know I can't control his thoughts or his mindset. I can only control my own, but maybe in harnessing positivity in myself, it'll be contagious. I'm probably being overly optimistic but willing to give it a shot.Tossing the covers aside, I climb out of bed. I need coffee, and am going to have to face him to get it. I mentally prepare myself to be joyful, confident. I may make myself sick with my charade, but if I can get Moby out of his funk, I'll try anything. When I open the bedroom door, the smell of my favorite brew assaults my senses. I find Moby sitting on the couch the way he would any Saturday morning: a cup of coffee in hand, a magazine in his lap, and him stretched out in comfy clothes. Phoenix cuddl
The weeks seem to fly by with never enough time in the day to get everything done. We've created a new routine, or as much of one as possible with constant physical therapy and doctor's appointments. Moby's currently doing outpatient physical and occupational therapy at Peace, the same hospital he did inpatient therapy with. He goes for two hours a day, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I take him there-since he still isn't able to drive-then take him home, before going to work, three hours late.Cam's been more than accommodating, allowing me to work eleven to seven instead of eight to five. I usually don't take a lunch break, so I'm not there quite so late but a couple times in the last month I've had to use it to take Moby to different doctors appointments. He has regular visits with his neurologist and nephrologist, not to mention an internist. The bills keep stacking up but somehow; something always comes through to pay them before they're due. Moby's short-term disability helps
If Piper knew the half of the depth of my betrayal, there'd be no chance to attempt to revive our relationship. The truth is I'm not doing anything I should be doing. Yes, I go to therapy, and I do what they tell me to while I'm there, but when it comes to what I should be doing at home or on my own, it's not happening. If she checked my log she wouldn't know the different, it's all there, I take the time to write it down, make it believable, but I can only count a handful of times I've actually attempted any of the exercises.None of my physical therapists or doctors have been able to tell the difference, so why bother? They sing my praises, showing me my statistical progress in comparison with other stroke victims, but none of them seem to take into consideration I'm forty years younger than their average patient. I was in prime physical condition prior to this. Parts of me wonder where I might actually be in my recovery if I bothered doing half of what's assigned, but I don't have
I know Piper won't be home before seven o'clock, but I've been sitting at the bar in the kitchen waiting for her to walk in the door since about six. I cooked dinner, although I can't guarantee the quality, I made vegetable soup and cornbread, both from a package. I'm hoping they soften the blow I'm going to deliver over dinner. I can't keep it in; I have to unload the burden.When she comes in, I see the exhaustion just beneath the surface, the darkness under her eyes. Through it all, I still see the gorgeous woman I married even if she's lost a good bit of weight and her cheeks have begun to hollow. I wonder if she'll ever be able to see the man I promised her I'd be."Hey," she says, dropping her stuff on the counter. "What's up?""I made dinner." I point out like a daft duck.She returns my gesture with a smile. "It smells fantastic. I'm starving. Let me go change and I'll serve it up."I attempt to do the chore for her. I can't get them to the table, but I put the soup i
Lying on the down comforter in our room, staring at the ceiling above me, I wonder how we got so far away from where we once were. I've always considered myself a realist, not a pessimist or an optimist, but the reality of what remains in my glass is obvious.We're at a pivotal point in our marriage, the precipice of change or demise. Overwhelmingly, I want to give up. Our situation is bleak, dismal. The issues compounded by our unintentional isolation, Moby's due to a sheer lack of transportation, and mine merely the circumstances surrounding my life. Life has stopped being about living and morphed into surviving. The days seem longer and less fulfilling. I get no joy in coming home or seeing my husband. In actuality, I can't find happiness anywhere anymore. My job is a means to an end I used to love. My husband a burden at times I wish to unload. I miss my friends. I miss the time before any of us were in relationships when it was just the Fish.As tears fill my eyes, what I'm ac
Six months ago, I moved back home. I thought things would be simple. I figured once I was physically back where I needed to be, everything else would just fall back into place. It didn't. It took work, lots of fucking work, and continues to take work daily.Emotionally, Piper was in a far worse place than any of us realized. She had developed abandonment issues and separation anxiety, not just with me but everyone she's close to. The great thing about working at a crisis center is the resources available to her. Just like Cam, Shelly has become her confidante. They meet a couple times a week, and together, we're all working on putting our relationships back together. It's a slow process and maybe one we'll work on for the rest of our lives. I'm just thankful to have the chance to do it. Whenever I see Shelly, I wonder if she comprehends just how many times she's really saved one of the Cooper boys' asses. Our journey through treatment is made a little more difficult in the last fe
Waking up, still wrapped in Moby's arms, his nose nestled near my ear, I stare out the same window that brought so much disdain yesterday, and wonder if it's possible the world has righted itself and is back on the correct axis.Twenty-four hours ago, the same sun shone through the same glass onto the same face, but its warmth did nothing other than start the repeat of another mundane, dismal day. Today it holds promise and wonder.I observe the clouds move as the light becomes brighter, not wanting to wake my sleeping husband, and instead opt to just enjoy the dawning of a new day.He begins to stir beside me, but I'm unable to tell if he's still in the throws of sleep or going to attempt to join me in the wake of the morning. He answers my unasked question by nudging his hard member against my butt, just letting me know he's there. His smile moves across my neck as he begins to scatter soft kisses over my skin.As his hands begin to wander, I tense in the apprehension of his
I don't have the energy for this. Between last night and today, I'm out of fuel to pretend like I give a shit anymore. I refuse to perpetuate a sham of happiness in my own home. I have no idea why Moby came back here, but if it's to rub my nose in how content he is, I wish he would've saved it for another day. Collapsing on the couch, I stuff my hands in my hoodie pockets, finding the little memento someone so graciously sent me. I haven't had time to really study it, but from the quick peeks I've taken, it's stunning. I rub my thumb over the inscription using it to soothe my weary soul.I watch in awe as Moby strolls across the room, not a single sign of the stroke visible. Whatever he's been doing for the last five weeks worked. He looks fantastic, and his confidence is soaring once again. I fight the attraction I feel seeing the man I married emerge again. It will only end in heartache. When he takes a seat across from me, I know this conversation is going to be more than I can
Knocking on the door to the dressing room to keep from startling her, she calls out to come in.Looking up from her hands, I find she already changed clothes and is back in her hoodie and jeans. It must be eighty degrees outside but I imagine with as little body fat as she's currently carrying around she likely stays cold. When she sees me, she stuffs her hands in the pocket of her sweatshirt in an attempt to hide whatever she was focused on before I interrupted."Are you ready to go home?""Yeah, I'm just getting my stuff. Do you want to meet me there?""No, my car's already at the house. Dax picked me up there this afternoon."She's confused and doesn't understand this has been my plan since she walked out of the hospital. Well, right after Dax and I got into a screaming match, and he punched me in the face. After that, this became my plan.She doesn't resist or argue just rises to her feet, grabs her purse and garment bag. I take the dress from her, holding the door open
I've never been more thankful in my entire life that Piper and I eloped. I cannot imagine having corralled people the way we have been tonight. I realize it's a huge crowd, but we are people, not sheep. Every moment of the evening has been precisely planned by either Cam or her wedding guru, who seems more like a drill sergeant than an event coordinator. At the very least, there's no way I could possibly be sitting at another table.When guests begin to take their seats after the cocktail hour, I finally spot her. My heart breaks. Brooks was right. There's almost nothing left of my soul mate. She looks like a skeleton. The skin barely hangs on her body. This didn't all happen in the last month. Looking back, I knew she was losing weight-and not in a healthy way-but I was so consumed by my own turmoil I didn't recognize how serious things were. The last month has just about killed her. I doubt she weighs a hundred pounds. The constriction of my chest makes it hard to breathe. My on
"Brooks!" I chase after my brother the moment Piper's out of sight."Yeah, bro, what's up?""Did you not give her the gift?""Of course. Just like you told me to. Why?""She's cold. She won't even look at me. You guys promised me this was temporary. I've worked my ass off day in and day out trying to prove myself. Why's she brushing me off?" I'm trying not to blow a gasket, but I'm out of options. I don't have any more tricks up my sleeve. I played the only hand I have. For the last five weeks, I've worked out for grueling hours a day, each of my brothers and her friends adding something to the daily regime. I've been in the gym with my buddies and co-workers who've pushed me harder than I ever pushed when I was healthy. There've been days I worked out more than I slept. My muscles have ached, I've been tired as hell, but I stayed focused to show her how much I love her and that I'm committed as fuck. I haven't reached out one time, there've been nights I took my phone to
Helping grab all the bride's accouterments, we traipse inside, bogged down with more crap than any one person should have. Her hair and makeup are already done, I can't imagine what the hell is in her arsenal, but leave it to Cam to be prepared for any situation. "How do you want to do this, Cam?" Rachel asks after hanging the bags around the room."My mom's bringing in the flowers just before we walk, so really all we need to do is get dressed, right?"I'm just along for the ride. I'll do whatever I'm told."So you guys go ahead and change. I'll do what I can on my own but once I put the gown on you'll have to button it and lace it up."None of us, to my knowledge, have even seen Cam's dress. She's kept it a highly guarded secret, so unless it's made a debut in the last couple weeks, we're all in for a treat.Each of us busies ourselves with lingerie, pantyhose, dresses, and high heels. Every head in the room turns to the door when a knock comes.Sutton gasps when her s
Waking to the sun shining through the windows, the haze-filled rays warm my skin, the illusion of a beautiful day beaming in. I lie in bed, having stared out into the same creation day after day, I force myself to get up and brave the world. Showering, shaving, and donning the most comfortable clothes I believe I can get away with in the spa we're scheduled to meet Cam at, I put on a fake smile, grab my dress, and get in the car. Mentally trying to prepare myself to pretend I'm enjoying my time with my friends, I blast the radio, singing along to the hottest music I can find, but it does little to lighten my mood. The ride is over too quickly, and before I know it, I'm staring at the entrance, my Fish staring back at me. They're waiting for me to get out of the car to go in together. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Repeat.Grabbing the handle, I swing the car door open, plastering my face with a smile that swears I'm happy to be here. They greet me warmly. My girls seem to
The dress is better than anything I could've ever dreamed and so much prettier than the original. I haven't bothered mentioning it to Cam and doubt she'll notice when the time comes. I figure it's best not to acknowledge it, stressing her out even more than I assume she already is. She took yesterday and today off work and all of next week for their honeymoon, but I'll see her, and everyone else, tonight at the rehearsal dinner. I'm dreading the entire thing, which pains me. I've been looking forward to Cam's wedding for years, even though we didn't have a groom. Not just hers but all the Fish. I've wanted to watch my friends take the next step, open the next chapter in their lives, each of them. Somehow, the last year seems to have taken all that joy away, sucked it right out from under me. Not only is the joy no longer there but it's been replaced with apprehension and fear. My friends haven't talked to me since I left Moby, even though they all agreed it was what I needed to d