Preparing for Moby's homecoming wasn't quite the blissful experience I imagined. My dad and Nate built a makeshift ramp up the stairs to our house; that was a nightmare in and of itself. Holy hell, never solicit this kind of help from anyone other than a professional. Seventeen hours later, five additional men, and countless trips to the hardware store, and I now have a piece of plywood lying across my front stairs. That might be a slight exaggeration, but I swear, not by much. Never in my life have I seen grown men fighting over stupider shit-nails versus screws, hammers versus nail guns, types of wood-for the love of all that is holy, who cares? I would like to believe we don't need to build something to withstand the test of time, just help Moby out for a week or two until he's more comfortable walking on his own. Day two of preparing for Moby's return included modifying the shower to help make it easier for him to get in and out. Taking glass doors off a track shouldn't be ve
An hour later, Dax graces me with his presence. I'm sure Cam ran off to tattle on her friend not loving her fiancé's brother. Hearing the thoughts in my head, I try to shake loose my shitty attitude but find myself having a death grip on it, refusing to let it go."What's up, Dax?" I ask coldly."You got a minute to talk?""Not really, but I'm sure you're not going to go away until I make time so say what you have to say." Holy nastiness, Batman. I've become a raging bitch.He doesn't respond; he waits for me to have the decency to lift my head and make eye contact with him. Expecting to find anger, I see nothing but warmth, his eyes are inviting, and there's a trace of a small, sympathetic smile. Completely caught off guard, I harden myself to anything he has to say, visually offering my defenses crossing my arms against my chest, leaning back. "You've got five minutes. Go."He laughs. The son of a bitch laughs. "You're so much like Cam. When I was trying to get her to no
Reading the post on Facebook sends me into orbit.Me: It would have been nice if you asked if I wanted a party before planning onePiper: It's just dinner at a Mexican restaurant. You have to eat.Me: Doesn't mean I have to do it with a bunch of people who haven't cared enough to come see me in the weeks I was cooped upPiper: Really, Moby? Do you want me to cancel?I hesitate before responding. I don't want to have dinner with those assholes. Most of them haven't bothered calling or texting much less come by, but suddenly they want to make sure people see their names on the RSVP list. I don't do fake. I know I've hurt her feelings. People always say you can't read tone in a text but I sure as hell can read her tone in her last text, it's exasperation at my ungratefulness. She's trying to do something for me, something to get me out, and I'm shitting on it.Me: No. I'm sorry. I'm just not sure how I feel about seeing peoplePiper: Why would you not want to see people?
Moby's starting to seem more like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde than the man I married. One minute he's loving and attentive, the next he's an arrogant ass lashing out at anyone who dares cross his path. I'm leery about how dinner will go. These are all people who care about him, even if they haven't made personal appearances at the hospital. They're taking time out of their schedules to come welcome him home, spend time with him, and encourage him. If evil Mr. Hyde is present tonight, we may have zero friends when the night concludes. He can't stand the sympathetic way people look at him. If Dr. Jekyll makes an appearance, all will be grand. Sadly, I've seen both of them today in a matter of minutes and can't guarantee who I'll be dining with.I pull up to the curb of the restaurant to let Moby out so he doesn't have to walk as far."What are you doing?" he looks at me confused."Letting you out while I go park so you don't have as far to walk.""Are you just trying to scream at any
Waking in the morning, Moby's already out of bed. I lie there staring out the window at the beautiful day. My heart lightens with the sunshine beaming through the glass until images of the night before begin to flood my mind. I wonder what I'll face when I find my husband. I know I can't control his thoughts or his mindset. I can only control my own, but maybe in harnessing positivity in myself, it'll be contagious. I'm probably being overly optimistic but willing to give it a shot.Tossing the covers aside, I climb out of bed. I need coffee, and am going to have to face him to get it. I mentally prepare myself to be joyful, confident. I may make myself sick with my charade, but if I can get Moby out of his funk, I'll try anything. When I open the bedroom door, the smell of my favorite brew assaults my senses. I find Moby sitting on the couch the way he would any Saturday morning: a cup of coffee in hand, a magazine in his lap, and him stretched out in comfy clothes. Phoenix cuddl
The weeks seem to fly by with never enough time in the day to get everything done. We've created a new routine, or as much of one as possible with constant physical therapy and doctor's appointments. Moby's currently doing outpatient physical and occupational therapy at Peace, the same hospital he did inpatient therapy with. He goes for two hours a day, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I take him there-since he still isn't able to drive-then take him home, before going to work, three hours late.Cam's been more than accommodating, allowing me to work eleven to seven instead of eight to five. I usually don't take a lunch break, so I'm not there quite so late but a couple times in the last month I've had to use it to take Moby to different doctors appointments. He has regular visits with his neurologist and nephrologist, not to mention an internist. The bills keep stacking up but somehow; something always comes through to pay them before they're due. Moby's short-term disability helps
If Piper knew the half of the depth of my betrayal, there'd be no chance to attempt to revive our relationship. The truth is I'm not doing anything I should be doing. Yes, I go to therapy, and I do what they tell me to while I'm there, but when it comes to what I should be doing at home or on my own, it's not happening. If she checked my log she wouldn't know the different, it's all there, I take the time to write it down, make it believable, but I can only count a handful of times I've actually attempted any of the exercises.None of my physical therapists or doctors have been able to tell the difference, so why bother? They sing my praises, showing me my statistical progress in comparison with other stroke victims, but none of them seem to take into consideration I'm forty years younger than their average patient. I was in prime physical condition prior to this. Parts of me wonder where I might actually be in my recovery if I bothered doing half of what's assigned, but I don't have
I know Piper won't be home before seven o'clock, but I've been sitting at the bar in the kitchen waiting for her to walk in the door since about six. I cooked dinner, although I can't guarantee the quality, I made vegetable soup and cornbread, both from a package. I'm hoping they soften the blow I'm going to deliver over dinner. I can't keep it in; I have to unload the burden.When she comes in, I see the exhaustion just beneath the surface, the darkness under her eyes. Through it all, I still see the gorgeous woman I married even if she's lost a good bit of weight and her cheeks have begun to hollow. I wonder if she'll ever be able to see the man I promised her I'd be."Hey," she says, dropping her stuff on the counter. "What's up?""I made dinner." I point out like a daft duck.She returns my gesture with a smile. "It smells fantastic. I'm starving. Let me go change and I'll serve it up."I attempt to do the chore for her. I can't get them to the table, but I put the soup i