The knock on the door sent me into a dizzying array of fear. I knew Dr. Right was coming, but when she announced her arrival, it sent me straight into Dax's chest. His robust arms enfolded me, hugging me tightly, reassuring me. With a soft kiss to the temple, he attempted to separate, but I wouldn't let go. I needed to be close to him like rain needed clouds. Without one the other didn't exist, and without space between us, no one could hurt me. "Kitten, I need to answer the door." I stayed firmly planted, unwilling to let go. Dax tried to pry me from him, but when he made zero progress, he murmured something I couldn't hear just before he hefted me into his arms. I quickly moved my grasp from his middle to his neck, tucking myself into his frame. Nuzzling into his shoulder, I whispered, "I'm sorry, Dax." The doorbell rang again, but he stopped to try to look at me. Unable to find my eyes, he spoke into my hair with his lips touching my scalp. The warmth of his words tickle
I listened for his footsteps on the hardwood floors. There were a few, but then they stopped at the base of the stairs where he must have taken off his shoes-the thuds were now muted. Curled into a ball on the couch, I watched him enter the room, sans T-shirt and barefoot. He was nearly too much to take in. Clothed Dax had a looming and somewhat broody presence, but the beauty of his skin and the ink on his perfectly toned chest and arms was enough to take my breath. He was walking art. Kneeling beside me, he kissed my lips tenderly-claiming yet simultaneously asexual. And when he released my mouth, his right hand remained on my jaw. His thumb stroked my cheek while his eyes searched for something I couldn't help him find. "You're exquisite." I had no response-he had seen me at the lowest points in my life, one of the ugliest I had ever experienced just a short time ago. Yet here he was admiring me, and the way he said those two words indicated he wasn't just referring to a pr
The following morning, I resigned from the bank. I had no idea what I planned to do with myself, but fortunately, I didn't have to figure that out right now. I woke up this morning determined to start making small changes, progress toward becoming a new me. After I formally resigned, I shot Rachel an email soliciting her services but requested she keep a lid on my inquiry from both Dax and the other Fish. Rachel was a damn good real estate agent, probably because she was good with people and could sell cakes to a baker. She also had a knack for selling high-end homes. And while mine didn't fall into that category, I asked her to get back with me about taking on the listing. Almost instantly, I received her reply-not only did she promise secrecy, she wondered what had taken me so long to contact her. Without an answer to her question, she promised to have the house on the market by the end of the week. After I had her penciled in to stop by with the paperwork, I sat at my computer, w
I refused to allow Dax to go back with me to my appointment. He was clearly shocked but sat back down without saying a word. But Dr. Wright was proud of my progress when we went through my journal entry and even told me I'd started to push through things after the muddled breakdown in the bathroom. I confessed my insecurities regarding Dax, and she discussed my relationship with me as my doctor. But when our time was up, she wanted to discuss something about Dax as his friend. "Cam, that man loves you more deeply than I've ever seen him love, and I've watched him with his siblings, my children, girlfriends, parents, grandparents, friends...you name it, I've seen it. There is no one, not ever, who has held his heart the way you do. While you believe he needs to be careful with you-and I agree, he needs to tread lightly-sweetheart, make no mistake, you need to be careful with him as well. He hasn't loved since Jeremy died. This is the first time I've seen him whole in a lot of years."
My Fish knew the moment they saw my face that something was awry. They assumed it was panic from being out alone for the first time, but ironically, that hadn't occurred to me. I hated fighting with Dax-I abhorred it. I wasn't much of a warrior; I didn't need to be. I always found a way to get what I wanted, but with Dax, he wouldn't give in, he wouldn't let me manipulate him into giving me what I desired. That in and of itself frustrated the shit out of me, but to throw callous words at him just to get him to concede was not me. During the entire ride downtown, all I wanted to do was turn around and run back to him, to apologize, but I resolved to see this through so I could show him I was capable of moving on.I told them briefly about what had happened, twice in one day. They looked at me stunned. "What?" "Are you fucking kidding me with this shit, Cam?" Rachel was borderline pissed, and the rosy hue to her cheeks only accentuated her irritation."What do you mean? Rachel,
The next few weeks were a lot of the same: spending copious amounts of time with Dr. Wright and hanging out with Dax, his crew, and my friends. He always seemed to have something going on-usually a project around the house he tried to include me in. I'd never done anything strenuous and had no idea how much I'd enjoy physical labor. There was something rewarding about seeing the fruits of my efforts visually versus in numbers and statistics. The sunshine invigorated me, and working in the yard planting flowers and pruning bushes brought me back to life. For the first time, I stopped to smell the roses, and calm washed over me.I still didn't venture far without Dax by my side-not that I couldn't; I didn't want to. The girls came to our house-that was a misnomer since the house belonged to Dax-a lot for dinner, and he'd formed a bond with each of them, but he and Sutton were tight. I loved all the Fish equally, but Sutton and I just connected in a different way. He had that same link
Most of my clothing was at Dax's house, but I still had enough here to make do for a few days-although, no cell phone or cash might really put a damper on how well I lived. I wasn't hungry tonight, which was good since I had no food, and I could deal with the rest in the morning. Sitting on a stool in my kitchen, I sorted through the mail, the majority of which was trash, but there were several envelopes from my attorney. My stomach churned before I tore open the first seal. I hadn't thought about the charges in quite some time-I had no clue how long it would take to go to trial, and my lawyer had little to do to prepare for the case in my opinion. My attacker's lawyer, on the other hand, couldn't have picked a worse client. I hadn't anticipated dealing with any of it on my own. Dax and I rarely separated-he was always my wingman-but tonight, I was flying solo. I didn't read the letters in order, not that it mattered. One letter stated the judge had set bail at one million dollar
The next morning, things got real in a way I wished they hadn't. My bubble burst with reality. Dax's phone rang at nine o'clock. My lawyer was on the prowl, and when he couldn't reach me, he called Dax. He had the trial date, and it was time to prepare for court. Josh Fost's attorney wanted to settle and asked for a plea, but I had to be on board. Dax was livid I even considered it. But he wasn't the one who would have to get on a witness stand and confess the horrors of what had happened that night. "Cameron, if you let him plea, he gets out in a set amount of time. Why won't you fight against him?" "He's not going to get life for rape, Dax. If I agree to this, at least I avoid going to trial. I avoid having to replay the events of that night in front of strangers. I avoid it being publicized. He still gets punished, and I get freedom.""I just don't see how you can't want him to pay in the worst way a court can punish him! Fucking A, Cam-he violated you. He stole from you."
Six months ago, I moved back home. I thought things would be simple. I figured once I was physically back where I needed to be, everything else would just fall back into place. It didn't. It took work, lots of fucking work, and continues to take work daily.Emotionally, Piper was in a far worse place than any of us realized. She had developed abandonment issues and separation anxiety, not just with me but everyone she's close to. The great thing about working at a crisis center is the resources available to her. Just like Cam, Shelly has become her confidante. They meet a couple times a week, and together, we're all working on putting our relationships back together. It's a slow process and maybe one we'll work on for the rest of our lives. I'm just thankful to have the chance to do it. Whenever I see Shelly, I wonder if she comprehends just how many times she's really saved one of the Cooper boys' asses. Our journey through treatment is made a little more difficult in the last fe
Waking up, still wrapped in Moby's arms, his nose nestled near my ear, I stare out the same window that brought so much disdain yesterday, and wonder if it's possible the world has righted itself and is back on the correct axis.Twenty-four hours ago, the same sun shone through the same glass onto the same face, but its warmth did nothing other than start the repeat of another mundane, dismal day. Today it holds promise and wonder.I observe the clouds move as the light becomes brighter, not wanting to wake my sleeping husband, and instead opt to just enjoy the dawning of a new day.He begins to stir beside me, but I'm unable to tell if he's still in the throws of sleep or going to attempt to join me in the wake of the morning. He answers my unasked question by nudging his hard member against my butt, just letting me know he's there. His smile moves across my neck as he begins to scatter soft kisses over my skin.As his hands begin to wander, I tense in the apprehension of his
I don't have the energy for this. Between last night and today, I'm out of fuel to pretend like I give a shit anymore. I refuse to perpetuate a sham of happiness in my own home. I have no idea why Moby came back here, but if it's to rub my nose in how content he is, I wish he would've saved it for another day. Collapsing on the couch, I stuff my hands in my hoodie pockets, finding the little memento someone so graciously sent me. I haven't had time to really study it, but from the quick peeks I've taken, it's stunning. I rub my thumb over the inscription using it to soothe my weary soul.I watch in awe as Moby strolls across the room, not a single sign of the stroke visible. Whatever he's been doing for the last five weeks worked. He looks fantastic, and his confidence is soaring once again. I fight the attraction I feel seeing the man I married emerge again. It will only end in heartache. When he takes a seat across from me, I know this conversation is going to be more than I can
Knocking on the door to the dressing room to keep from startling her, she calls out to come in.Looking up from her hands, I find she already changed clothes and is back in her hoodie and jeans. It must be eighty degrees outside but I imagine with as little body fat as she's currently carrying around she likely stays cold. When she sees me, she stuffs her hands in the pocket of her sweatshirt in an attempt to hide whatever she was focused on before I interrupted."Are you ready to go home?""Yeah, I'm just getting my stuff. Do you want to meet me there?""No, my car's already at the house. Dax picked me up there this afternoon."She's confused and doesn't understand this has been my plan since she walked out of the hospital. Well, right after Dax and I got into a screaming match, and he punched me in the face. After that, this became my plan.She doesn't resist or argue just rises to her feet, grabs her purse and garment bag. I take the dress from her, holding the door open
I've never been more thankful in my entire life that Piper and I eloped. I cannot imagine having corralled people the way we have been tonight. I realize it's a huge crowd, but we are people, not sheep. Every moment of the evening has been precisely planned by either Cam or her wedding guru, who seems more like a drill sergeant than an event coordinator. At the very least, there's no way I could possibly be sitting at another table.When guests begin to take their seats after the cocktail hour, I finally spot her. My heart breaks. Brooks was right. There's almost nothing left of my soul mate. She looks like a skeleton. The skin barely hangs on her body. This didn't all happen in the last month. Looking back, I knew she was losing weight-and not in a healthy way-but I was so consumed by my own turmoil I didn't recognize how serious things were. The last month has just about killed her. I doubt she weighs a hundred pounds. The constriction of my chest makes it hard to breathe. My on
"Brooks!" I chase after my brother the moment Piper's out of sight."Yeah, bro, what's up?""Did you not give her the gift?""Of course. Just like you told me to. Why?""She's cold. She won't even look at me. You guys promised me this was temporary. I've worked my ass off day in and day out trying to prove myself. Why's she brushing me off?" I'm trying not to blow a gasket, but I'm out of options. I don't have any more tricks up my sleeve. I played the only hand I have. For the last five weeks, I've worked out for grueling hours a day, each of my brothers and her friends adding something to the daily regime. I've been in the gym with my buddies and co-workers who've pushed me harder than I ever pushed when I was healthy. There've been days I worked out more than I slept. My muscles have ached, I've been tired as hell, but I stayed focused to show her how much I love her and that I'm committed as fuck. I haven't reached out one time, there've been nights I took my phone to
Helping grab all the bride's accouterments, we traipse inside, bogged down with more crap than any one person should have. Her hair and makeup are already done, I can't imagine what the hell is in her arsenal, but leave it to Cam to be prepared for any situation. "How do you want to do this, Cam?" Rachel asks after hanging the bags around the room."My mom's bringing in the flowers just before we walk, so really all we need to do is get dressed, right?"I'm just along for the ride. I'll do whatever I'm told."So you guys go ahead and change. I'll do what I can on my own but once I put the gown on you'll have to button it and lace it up."None of us, to my knowledge, have even seen Cam's dress. She's kept it a highly guarded secret, so unless it's made a debut in the last couple weeks, we're all in for a treat.Each of us busies ourselves with lingerie, pantyhose, dresses, and high heels. Every head in the room turns to the door when a knock comes.Sutton gasps when her s
Waking to the sun shining through the windows, the haze-filled rays warm my skin, the illusion of a beautiful day beaming in. I lie in bed, having stared out into the same creation day after day, I force myself to get up and brave the world. Showering, shaving, and donning the most comfortable clothes I believe I can get away with in the spa we're scheduled to meet Cam at, I put on a fake smile, grab my dress, and get in the car. Mentally trying to prepare myself to pretend I'm enjoying my time with my friends, I blast the radio, singing along to the hottest music I can find, but it does little to lighten my mood. The ride is over too quickly, and before I know it, I'm staring at the entrance, my Fish staring back at me. They're waiting for me to get out of the car to go in together. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Repeat.Grabbing the handle, I swing the car door open, plastering my face with a smile that swears I'm happy to be here. They greet me warmly. My girls seem to
The dress is better than anything I could've ever dreamed and so much prettier than the original. I haven't bothered mentioning it to Cam and doubt she'll notice when the time comes. I figure it's best not to acknowledge it, stressing her out even more than I assume she already is. She took yesterday and today off work and all of next week for their honeymoon, but I'll see her, and everyone else, tonight at the rehearsal dinner. I'm dreading the entire thing, which pains me. I've been looking forward to Cam's wedding for years, even though we didn't have a groom. Not just hers but all the Fish. I've wanted to watch my friends take the next step, open the next chapter in their lives, each of them. Somehow, the last year seems to have taken all that joy away, sucked it right out from under me. Not only is the joy no longer there but it's been replaced with apprehension and fear. My friends haven't talked to me since I left Moby, even though they all agreed it was what I needed to d