I refused to allow Dax to go back with me to my appointment. He was clearly shocked but sat back down without saying a word. But Dr. Wright was proud of my progress when we went through my journal entry and even told me I'd started to push through things after the muddled breakdown in the bathroom. I confessed my insecurities regarding Dax, and she discussed my relationship with me as my doctor. But when our time was up, she wanted to discuss something about Dax as his friend. "Cam, that man loves you more deeply than I've ever seen him love, and I've watched him with his siblings, my children, girlfriends, parents, grandparents, friends...you name it, I've seen it. There is no one, not ever, who has held his heart the way you do. While you believe he needs to be careful with you-and I agree, he needs to tread lightly-sweetheart, make no mistake, you need to be careful with him as well. He hasn't loved since Jeremy died. This is the first time I've seen him whole in a lot of years."
My Fish knew the moment they saw my face that something was awry. They assumed it was panic from being out alone for the first time, but ironically, that hadn't occurred to me. I hated fighting with Dax-I abhorred it. I wasn't much of a warrior; I didn't need to be. I always found a way to get what I wanted, but with Dax, he wouldn't give in, he wouldn't let me manipulate him into giving me what I desired. That in and of itself frustrated the shit out of me, but to throw callous words at him just to get him to concede was not me. During the entire ride downtown, all I wanted to do was turn around and run back to him, to apologize, but I resolved to see this through so I could show him I was capable of moving on.I told them briefly about what had happened, twice in one day. They looked at me stunned. "What?" "Are you fucking kidding me with this shit, Cam?" Rachel was borderline pissed, and the rosy hue to her cheeks only accentuated her irritation."What do you mean? Rachel,
The next few weeks were a lot of the same: spending copious amounts of time with Dr. Wright and hanging out with Dax, his crew, and my friends. He always seemed to have something going on-usually a project around the house he tried to include me in. I'd never done anything strenuous and had no idea how much I'd enjoy physical labor. There was something rewarding about seeing the fruits of my efforts visually versus in numbers and statistics. The sunshine invigorated me, and working in the yard planting flowers and pruning bushes brought me back to life. For the first time, I stopped to smell the roses, and calm washed over me.I still didn't venture far without Dax by my side-not that I couldn't; I didn't want to. The girls came to our house-that was a misnomer since the house belonged to Dax-a lot for dinner, and he'd formed a bond with each of them, but he and Sutton were tight. I loved all the Fish equally, but Sutton and I just connected in a different way. He had that same link
Most of my clothing was at Dax's house, but I still had enough here to make do for a few days-although, no cell phone or cash might really put a damper on how well I lived. I wasn't hungry tonight, which was good since I had no food, and I could deal with the rest in the morning. Sitting on a stool in my kitchen, I sorted through the mail, the majority of which was trash, but there were several envelopes from my attorney. My stomach churned before I tore open the first seal. I hadn't thought about the charges in quite some time-I had no clue how long it would take to go to trial, and my lawyer had little to do to prepare for the case in my opinion. My attacker's lawyer, on the other hand, couldn't have picked a worse client. I hadn't anticipated dealing with any of it on my own. Dax and I rarely separated-he was always my wingman-but tonight, I was flying solo. I didn't read the letters in order, not that it mattered. One letter stated the judge had set bail at one million dollar
The next morning, things got real in a way I wished they hadn't. My bubble burst with reality. Dax's phone rang at nine o'clock. My lawyer was on the prowl, and when he couldn't reach me, he called Dax. He had the trial date, and it was time to prepare for court. Josh Fost's attorney wanted to settle and asked for a plea, but I had to be on board. Dax was livid I even considered it. But he wasn't the one who would have to get on a witness stand and confess the horrors of what had happened that night. "Cameron, if you let him plea, he gets out in a set amount of time. Why won't you fight against him?" "He's not going to get life for rape, Dax. If I agree to this, at least I avoid going to trial. I avoid having to replay the events of that night in front of strangers. I avoid it being publicized. He still gets punished, and I get freedom.""I just don't see how you can't want him to pay in the worst way a court can punish him! Fucking A, Cam-he violated you. He stole from you."
I mentally tried to prepare myself. Dax and I had spent the day apart. He had been at the house, and I'd been hanging out with Rachel and Sutton, who took the day off. We'd done the girly thing indulging in manicures, pedicures, romantic comedies, and fattening foods. They knew what was going down tonight, and in all honesty, they'd given me the confidence to go through with it. They agreed with Dax that I needed to resume control of my body. I was hesitant to tell them anything-I didn't want Dax to believe they thought any less of him, but he wanted me to have moral support and agreed to it. Oddly enough, neither thought of him as less than a man-they both thought it was swoon worthy. Figured, they weren't the ones who had to play this part.When I left them, I stepped into the theatrical role of a character I didn't know. Parts of me remembered this strength; I'd always had it in every aspect of my life. I was the Boardroom Queen, a force to be reckoned with in the business world,
I knew he was there. He was supposed to be there by five this afternoon, and it was nearing six. The anticipation would only heighten his arousal. I'd left him instructions on where and how I expected to find him when I came in. It was odd to think I'd been living with him and sleeping with him for months, but this would be our first truly intimate encounter-I'd been anticipating it for months, yet never believed it would happen. His physique wouldn't come as a shock, I knew what he looked like, and he me, but I'd never felt the heat of his bare skin pressed to mine, the touch of his fingers beyond the gentle caress he offered in comfort, never heard the sound of his voice when he came or felt the tension leave his body after his release. It was strange the connection one could build given the investment of time and patience. That was where we were. We had invested the time and certainly exercised the patience, but it was wearing thin. I thought I'd be nervous, but the closer I g
I anticipated confusion in our relationship from both of us after he had subbed for me, but it never came. Not from him, and not from me. Several days had passed and my apprehension or expectation for strife to manifest itself vanished. We had agreed before the scene we would not be intimate again before we met with Dr. Wright, which thankfully happened today. We both wanted to get professional advice before proceeding. Hopping in the truck, I looked to Dax. We haven't talked about the scene, and I hoped we wouldn't have to today, but I knew that wasn't realistic. Dr. Wright would pick it apart bit by bit, and I wasn't sure which of us that would make more uncomfortable, Dax or me. He always seemed to sense my apprehension, and as he caught my gaze, his body paused before he reached for my cheek with his hand. "Kitten, there's no need to worry. We're good."I can't help but return his grin. "We'll see how good we are when Dr. Wright starts asking you intimate details." I laughe