“Come on we’re going shopping” Liana says grabbing my hands and pulling me up off the sofa. I had agreed to let Dylan have the children every other weekend after months of him asking. Harry was six months old now, so he was taking bottles which meant I had some freedom back, not that I wanted it, and this was the first weekend I had ever been away from any of my children.
“Get up and get dressed” Liana said with exasperation in her voice. I know she was trying to take my mind off my babies, but I felt so lost without them. “Ok, Ok I’m coming”, I go upstairs to my room and pull on a pair of skinny jeans and an over-sized t-shirt. Liana was looking lush as usual with her long blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail, black jeans that fitted her perfectly and a rainbow t-shirt, she managed to get her figure back so quickly after having Luna and I still feel so frumpy. I suppose new clothes will help. * We got into town and were looking through the racks when I came across a leather jacket, “I love this” I say out loud “I used to have one when Dylan and I first met but he didn’t like it, so he made me throw it out”, “Buy it!” Liana shouts “Screw that, I’ll buy it for you”, Liana grabs the jacket and puts it over her arm along with a black sparkly dress she’d found for herself. “Why did I let him throw out my jacket” I say angrily, “and my Doc Martens, he didn’t like any of my clothes so I got a whole new wardrobe for him, why would I do that”? “You were young and stupid but now you are wise and independent” Liana says with a smile on her face, “Is that your way of saying I’m old” I ask. “Yes” Liana replies, and we laugh so loud we get a few funny looks from other customers. Liana has always joked about me being older than her, only by a couple of years. I’ve always felt like I needed to protect her but recently the roles have definitely been reversed. Once we’ve had a bit of retail therapy we go for lunch at a lovely little vintage café and order the high tea tier to share with sweet tea. The café is bustling with customers as the waitresses float around with their vintage aprons and 1940’s hairstyles, serving tea in pretty teapots, teacups and saucers. It’s like stepping back in time, the old classics are playing on their stereo, and you can see all the delicious homemade cakes at the counter. “We should go out, out tonight” suggested Liana, “a proper girl’s night out”. “Yeah, that sounds fab, it’s been so long since I was able to let my hair down, or allowed” Anytime I had made plans with my friends in the past Dylan always had some excuse for me not to go, this always annoyed me, but I’d ended up accepting it, I can’t believe I was such a push over. This separation has definitely been good for me, I hope my babies are ok though. “We better get back to shopping after this then as I have nothing to wear tonight except ‘Mum’ clothes”! * Thankfully it’s a warm summers night so I can get away with wearing a pretty little red playsuit with white flowers on it and some black strappy wedges I found while shopping today. Liana has on the black sparkly dress she bought and some gorgeous black patent heels, her long blonde hair is down with loose curls falling round her face. My hair is much shorter, but I manage to pin it up into victory rolls and give myself a red lip. “Now I’m ready! Let’s go” I say excitedly, grabbing my leather jacket (because I can) and my handbag, we jump into Kristian’s car. Kristian drops us off in town and gives Liana a sweet kiss goodbye. “I’ll look after her” I shout just before she shuts the door. Our first stop is ‘Queens’, a cocktail bar. We both order the Candy Floss Fizz, it’s a combination of Prosecco and Gin, once you put the candy floss on top it fizzes into the drink and tastes delicious. We turn around to scope out the place, the atmosphere is buzzing, people chatting loudly, laughing and dancing. There’s a group of young lads that clearly spend all their spare time at the gym, eyeing up some girls on the dance floor. I see a couple of the mum’s from the school run, they’re whispering and looking our way, I put my hand up to wave but they don’t return the gesture, instead they screw up their faces at me like I’d done something wrong. Liana notices and rolls her eyes, “Let’s dance” she says grabbing my hand and pulling me on to the dance floor, I nearly spill my drink everywhere, luckily, I didn’t. We dance all night having so much fun I forget all about the strange looks I got previously. The bar calls last orders, so we make our way to the club ‘Exclusive’. I know the DJ, he waves when he see’s me, playing all the latest tunes, so the dancefloor is heaving but we manage to find space and dance until the club closes at two am. “What a perfect night” I say, “thank you so much, I really needed that”. “Do you know what I need now” says Liana, “a burger”. * Fast forward through a tough eighteen months and it’s Rosie’s first day at school. Being a single parent has been hard but I’m enjoying the time I get with my babies. The post is on the door mat as usual and there’s a large brown envelope, I open it while getting the children’s breakfast ready: Divorce/dissolution/separation petition I, Dylan Lee Baker apply for a divorce in respect of my marriage and give the following details in support of my application: Adultery …… Well, at least he was honest. My stomach feels like it’s in knots, I’m so nervous about letting Rosie go, I’ll miss her so much while she’s there, but I know she will be fine and she’s definitely ready for it. Joshua skips along the path to school, he’s now in year two. It’s one of those wet miserable September mornings. Harry is in his pram under the rain cover avoiding the harsh weather but seemingly enjoying the rain drops that fall just above his face. We enter the playground with plenty of time for Harry to run off and play with his friends, we saw a couple of his friends over the summer holidays but we spent most of our time chilling in the garden with friends and family, the children all seem to have adapted well to spending every other weekend with their Dad, I’m so proud of them all. I had messaged Dylan to let him know what day the children went back to school and asked if he wanted to be there for their first day, but he’d replied that he was working and couldn’t take any time off. I look around to find Joshua and notice the mum's I saw on my night out, they were glancing over and whispering. I felt like I was back at school and the bullies were planning on doing something horrible to me, what is their problem? The school bell rings and the children all line up. I quickly give Joshua and Rosie a kiss before they go into their classrooms. Rosie gives me the biggest squeeze and I try my best not to let tears fall from my eyes, as I turn around I catch a glimpse of someone I’ve not seen before, my heart skips a beat and in my head I say ‘I’m going to be yours one day’!Walking back home from the school drop off my head is whirling. Why would those words come into my head? ‘I’m going to be yours one day!’The whole walk back I can’t stop thinking about my mystery man. He has the kindest face, he’s tall, handsome and I can imagine being wrapped up in his strong arms. I have never had such irrational thoughts about a complete stranger before, what is wrong with me? Anyway, I’m sure he’s taken, he must have a child that goes to the school, maybe in Rosie’s class as I’ve never seen him before.I pop in to see Liana. Harry and Luna play happily together while Liana laughs at me for crushing on some random guy I saw for about two seconds.“Seriously Liana, it’s completely irrational for me to be thinking about him this much but I can’t get him out of my head!”“You’ve been single for nearly two years, maybe it’s your bodies way of letting you know you need to go get some” Liana says with a wink and a cheeky smile on her face.“ha-ha, I don’t think my body
The next day I’m sat across from a police officer at my dining table, re living the events of last night. This is not how I had planned to spend my first day home alone.Penelope is sat next to me with her head on my lap, her big brown eyes looking up so lovingly at me. As I stroke her head, I tell the officer what happened,“Has anything like this happened before?” he asks, he makes me re live my entire relationship with Dylan right from the start and as I reach the end I suddenly realise I have been in such a toxic relationship the entire time, right back to when we first got together and he’d made me change the way I look. I didn’t see it at the time as he had done it subtly. He told me he didn’t like my leather jacket, Doc Marten boots, bright red hair and punk friends. I was so desperate for him to like me I did everything he asked. I wasn’t allowed to listen to my favourite music because he didn’t like it. When he bought me clothes, they were the complete opposite of what I woul
It’s getting late and my tummy starts to rumble. Leaving Penelope snoozing in the living room, the children and I head out to find the local shops. Although it’s October the air feels warm, I can smell the salty sea air and hear the waves crashing in the background.There’s a store called Applejacks that seems to sell everything and will be perfect for us to stock up on what we need for the week, but a wave of delicious smelling chips wafts our way, and we head straight for the local chip shop. As we enter, we’re welcomed with warm smiles by the owners, it looks as though it’s run by one big happy family, working in harmony. The shop is full of expectant customers, which I see as a good sign of a decent chip shop. We order our food and walk down to the beach. Sitting on the sand with our food wrapped in paper, we dig in and it tastes incredible. The children are making yummy sounds as they eat their hot chips smothered in salt and vinegar and in this moment, life feels perfect.“Can w
1 / 13 Where do we go from here? Chapter oneThere I was, twenty-nine years old, three beautiful children and divorced. Who would want me now?I had always dreamt of being a mum and a wife, one of those 1940’s wives you would see in the movies. I loved my family life, looking after my three babies, helping them with homework, cooking and cleaning while the children were at school and having a nice hot meal ready on the table for when my husband got home. Everything seemed perfect, that was until I stumbled across emails, I clearly was not meant to find….’Work is so fun with you Dylan; I can’t believe you threw water on my top and made it go see-through’.’I liked what I saw, and I really like you Stacey, we should meet up more often’.‘What about your wife?’‘I’ll tell her I’m going to see my friends; you make me feel so different, I want to be with you’.There it was in black and white, and my world came tum
The next morning, Joshua and Rosie come downstairs together for breakfast; the smell of fresh pancakes must have woken them. I didn’t sleep much last night, the conversation between Dylan and I played in my head over and over again. Joshua has always been so caring towards his little sister, he helps her up the table as I set pancakes, chocolate and strawberries down in front of them, “Wow” says little Rosie, “Thanks mummy” Joshua says as he tucks into the plate of pancakes, drizzling most of the chocolate on the table.It’s Saturday so Dylan would normally be home, but the children haven’t noticed yet, probably because they’re too busy getting sticky. They look so happy with chocolate all over their faces, how am I supposed to tell them Daddy won’t be living here for a while or even forever. I still don’t know what’s happening and he didn’t bother to try and contact me last night. I’m pleased he didn’t as I was too angry to speak to him then anyway. Harry is cooing away in his mo
It’s getting late and my tummy starts to rumble. Leaving Penelope snoozing in the living room, the children and I head out to find the local shops. Although it’s October the air feels warm, I can smell the salty sea air and hear the waves crashing in the background.There’s a store called Applejacks that seems to sell everything and will be perfect for us to stock up on what we need for the week, but a wave of delicious smelling chips wafts our way, and we head straight for the local chip shop. As we enter, we’re welcomed with warm smiles by the owners, it looks as though it’s run by one big happy family, working in harmony. The shop is full of expectant customers, which I see as a good sign of a decent chip shop. We order our food and walk down to the beach. Sitting on the sand with our food wrapped in paper, we dig in and it tastes incredible. The children are making yummy sounds as they eat their hot chips smothered in salt and vinegar and in this moment, life feels perfect.“Can w
The next day I’m sat across from a police officer at my dining table, re living the events of last night. This is not how I had planned to spend my first day home alone.Penelope is sat next to me with her head on my lap, her big brown eyes looking up so lovingly at me. As I stroke her head, I tell the officer what happened,“Has anything like this happened before?” he asks, he makes me re live my entire relationship with Dylan right from the start and as I reach the end I suddenly realise I have been in such a toxic relationship the entire time, right back to when we first got together and he’d made me change the way I look. I didn’t see it at the time as he had done it subtly. He told me he didn’t like my leather jacket, Doc Marten boots, bright red hair and punk friends. I was so desperate for him to like me I did everything he asked. I wasn’t allowed to listen to my favourite music because he didn’t like it. When he bought me clothes, they were the complete opposite of what I woul
Walking back home from the school drop off my head is whirling. Why would those words come into my head? ‘I’m going to be yours one day!’The whole walk back I can’t stop thinking about my mystery man. He has the kindest face, he’s tall, handsome and I can imagine being wrapped up in his strong arms. I have never had such irrational thoughts about a complete stranger before, what is wrong with me? Anyway, I’m sure he’s taken, he must have a child that goes to the school, maybe in Rosie’s class as I’ve never seen him before.I pop in to see Liana. Harry and Luna play happily together while Liana laughs at me for crushing on some random guy I saw for about two seconds.“Seriously Liana, it’s completely irrational for me to be thinking about him this much but I can’t get him out of my head!”“You’ve been single for nearly two years, maybe it’s your bodies way of letting you know you need to go get some” Liana says with a wink and a cheeky smile on her face.“ha-ha, I don’t think my body
“Come on we’re going shopping” Liana says grabbing my hands and pulling me up off the sofa. I had agreed to let Dylan have the children every other weekend after months of him asking. Harry was six months old now, so he was taking bottles which meant I had some freedom back, not that I wanted it, and this was the first weekend I had ever been away from any of my children.“Get up and get dressed” Liana said with exasperation in her voice. I know she was trying to take my mind off my babies, but I felt so lost without them. “Ok, Ok I’m coming”, I go upstairs to my room and pull on a pair of skinny jeans and an over-sized t-shirt. Liana was looking lush as usual with her long blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail, black jeans that fitted her perfectly and a rainbow t-shirt, she managed to get her figure back so quickly after having Luna and I still feel so frumpy. I suppose new clothes will help. *We got into town and were looking thr
The next morning, Joshua and Rosie come downstairs together for breakfast; the smell of fresh pancakes must have woken them. I didn’t sleep much last night, the conversation between Dylan and I played in my head over and over again. Joshua has always been so caring towards his little sister, he helps her up the table as I set pancakes, chocolate and strawberries down in front of them, “Wow” says little Rosie, “Thanks mummy” Joshua says as he tucks into the plate of pancakes, drizzling most of the chocolate on the table.It’s Saturday so Dylan would normally be home, but the children haven’t noticed yet, probably because they’re too busy getting sticky. They look so happy with chocolate all over their faces, how am I supposed to tell them Daddy won’t be living here for a while or even forever. I still don’t know what’s happening and he didn’t bother to try and contact me last night. I’m pleased he didn’t as I was too angry to speak to him then anyway. Harry is cooing away in his mo
1 / 13 Where do we go from here? Chapter oneThere I was, twenty-nine years old, three beautiful children and divorced. Who would want me now?I had always dreamt of being a mum and a wife, one of those 1940’s wives you would see in the movies. I loved my family life, looking after my three babies, helping them with homework, cooking and cleaning while the children were at school and having a nice hot meal ready on the table for when my husband got home. Everything seemed perfect, that was until I stumbled across emails, I clearly was not meant to find….’Work is so fun with you Dylan; I can’t believe you threw water on my top and made it go see-through’.’I liked what I saw, and I really like you Stacey, we should meet up more often’.‘What about your wife?’‘I’ll tell her I’m going to see my friends; you make me feel so different, I want to be with you’.There it was in black and white, and my world came tum