Big First Choice

  I don’t have a very good memory. It’s a symptom of childhood trauma, according to my therapist. I’m missing such big chunks that I remember people being in my life but I don’t know how or when they stopped being there.

  I don’t know how I got to this point. 

  I’m a writer but I don’t know my own story. How ironic.

  I was born in the UK until my widowed father fell in love with an architect from Mobia and followed her over here. What he didn’t realise was that this island is also the site of Bunland Mountain, a volcano believed to be a source of magic and when close, supernatural beings take on their true form and have access to their powers.

  I’m a fairy born to normals. A changeling, they call me. My father and brother are normals, my step-mother, step-sister, and half-sister are mermaids. 

  Fairies have a magical power that comes naturally. No choice, not training. Most are short, with pointed ears and colourful hair. 

  Mages are kind of like fairies but tend not to have colourful hair, instead having tattoo-like markings. Mages are born with some potential magic but have to choose their speciality and train. Weaker versions of fairies, some people say.

  Mermaids look like normals on land aside from the scales on their legs. But in water, their legs become tails and they can breathe underwater. They have incredible singing voices and have been said to be able to make a man jump into the sea with their voices. Mermaids need to be almost constantly absorbing moisture and it’s recommended that they live in homes with a swimming pool or at least several bathtubs. Advice that Rose took to heart when designing the house.

  Werewolves are more humans that change into wolves at will, no connection to the moon. Often very attractive with yellow eyes but need to be constantly on the go, kind of like puppies. 

  Then there’s vampires. Pale, elegant, weirdly posh, intelligent, bloodsuckers. 

  And who can forget high elves? Tall, beautiful, clear eyes, long lives, connections to nature, natural leaders. Self important bastards to be honest.

  Like most fairies, I’m on the short side with pointed ears and colourful hair. Mine’s purple actually. But otherwise, I look like my older brother, Russell, and my mother. Slender, pale, grey eyes. Russell’s just me with dark hair and a growth spurt. Normals don’t really have a “look” but if you look at my dad, a middle aged balding white man, you’d say he’s normal looking. Rose, my mermaid step mother, has been described as an elegant black goddess. My step sister, Alice, could be described the same way. And my half sister, Lottie, takes after Rose. If anyone in this family looks like my dad, it’s Hugo, my doberman.

  Then there’s Sarah, who no one expects to look like the rest of us because she’s Russell’s wife. So no one bats an eye at the fact that she’s a ginger vampire.

  Rose designed the house and had it built from scratch. A short walk from the all-through school we attended and Dad taught at, with a pool, several ensuite bedrooms, and a couple of empty rooms in case we needed office space or someone had a baby. Sarah took one room for her office while Alice turned another into a YouTube studio. Russell and Sarah’s baby would have the last room when he was born and old enough for his own room.

  My dad and Lottie get up early to run an informal breakfast club in our house. I come down to let Hugo out for his morning pee to a kitchen full of young children. I don’t know any of their names but they think I’m awesome because I wrote a book they love and have a dog.

  Hugo goes outside while I make a smoothie and check the schedule Rose had pinned to the fridge before leaving for work.

  September 10th 2021.

  Russell’s show - 7pm

  Joey book launch meeting - 10am-7pm

  Sarah overtime - finish at 6pm

  Rose bank meeting - finish late?

  Alice - job interviews (see diary)

  “We’re going to have to meet at Russell’s show.” I said. “Curtain’s up at seven but none of us will finish work before six.”

  “How did that happen?” Dad asked.

  “I’ve got a book coming next week, Rose’s firm is trying to get this bank renovation, you’ve got a parents’ evening, Sarah’s working late so everything’s ready for when she goes on maternity leave, and Alice is trying to hire a new editor.”

  “I thought running a YouTube channel was supposed to be easy.” Dad said.

  “It was when she started. But it’s an oversaturated market and rich people came in with their drones so we have to up our game.” Hugo appeared beside me. “Right, breakfast.” 

  “So, we meet there.” Dad nodded. “Are they still telling us to wear masks?”

  “It’s encouraged.” We managed to keep covid under control in Mobia, a lot better than they had in the UK and between regular tests and the vaccine it was basically a non issue but it never hurts to be careful. 

I left Hugo to eat his breakfast while I took my smoothie upstairs and drank it while I got ready. I’d laid out an outfit the night before, a khaki shirt dress with heeled boots and a wide belt, and washed my hair the night before, I just had to style it and apply some makeup. Before I left, I took a quick selfie for I*******m.

  When I got back downstairs, Dad was getting the kids ready to leave. “You’re leaving?” He asked.

  “Yeah, I’ve got to go into town and do a few things before my meetings start.” I signaled to Hugo to allow me to put his harness on. “Should I pick anything up?”

  “Get something for Russell. It’s a big night, he should get a little something.”

  “I’ll get him one of those giant cookies.” I kissed his cheek and gave Lottie a quick hug. “Ok, I love you. I’ll see you tonight.”

  The high street was pretty quiet for a Friday morning but I could see the regular group of cops wandering. They were just there to remind people not to commit crime, I guess. Also to parade their only two black officers around in an attempt to prove the police force aren’t racist. “Good morning.” Officer Reed said, lifting his takeaway coffee cup in greeting. He’s a nice bloke. And a typical high elf; tall, dark, and handsome.

  “Morning.” I said.

  “So it’s your brother’s show tonight?”

  “Yep. We’re very proud.”

  “I’ve got tickets. I’m taking my mum.”

  “Oh, that’s nice.”

  “Yeah. I’m not a mama’s boy or anything. She just gets lonely since my dad died.”

  “That’s sweet. I’ve got to go. Maybe I’ll see you tonight.”

  “See you tonight!” Reed called as I headed for the pharmacy.

  “You idiot.” I heard the other cop say. “Just ask her out.”

  “The cop has been flirting with you for a year.” Carol the Pharmacist said. 

  “No he’s not.” I said, stuffing my prescription into my backpack. “If he was, he’d have asked me out by now.”

  “Men are intimidated by pretty girls.”

  “Well, god help us if mass murderers are pretty girls.” I sighed.

  I headed to the vegan bakery next. Russell is lactose intolerant and a little paranoid about cross contamination so he likes to eat from completely vegan businesses where dairy hadn’t even entered the kitchen. I bought a giant celebratory cookie. Nothing says “We’re proud of you” like a cookie bigger than your head.

  I came out of the bakery just as Keeley Andrews rushed inside with her guide dog, Mira. “Hey.” I said. “Haven’t seen you for a while.”

  “I’ve been busy.”

  “We’ll have to catch up some time. Are you going to Russell’s show?”

  “No.”

  “You must be the only person…”

  “I’ve got to go, I’m late for work.”

  “Right.” I stood awkwardly in the doorway.

  I met Keeley at service dog training. She was a bright, upbeat, fun blonde when I knew her. She was training for her dream job as a teacher but was having issues getting around due to a lack of depth perception. She was a werewolf and liked to go running in her wolf form at night.

  She was my first friend who wasn’t related to me and I wanted to help so I told her to call my dad when she finished her training. But when she showed up in Mas Peninsula a year ago with her young daughter in tow, she was different but still wanted to be my friend. Until a few months ago and she suddenly started avoiding me. I asked around and it turns out she avoids anyone connected to her students. Which must make her lonely. People breed like rabbits in this town and there’s only one school in town.

  “Hey.” Reed was walking past the bakery. “You ok?”

  “Yeah. I just wanted to get a present for Russell.”

  “Giant cookie? Great gift idea. Nothing says ‘Proud of you’ like a cookie bigger than your head.”

  “Yeah. Well, I better go. We’re planning the event for my book launch.”

  “Last in the series, right? We finally find out what happened to Emily’s mother?”

  “Maybe. Felicity’s Books is doing preorders by the way. All signed.”

  “Already placed my order.”

  Hugo and I came rushing in just before curtain up.

  “You’re late.” Alice said. “Where’s your dad and Lottie?”

  “I thought they came straight from the school?”

  “I thought so too but then you were late too so I assumed they were meeting up with you.”

  “No. I told Dad not to wait for me because I was worried about being late. I only just got out in time.”

  “Did they hire Caroline Jones as an event planner?”

  Rose shushed us as Russell came jogging on stage.

  “Hi.” He said. “I’m Russell Hamilton and I am the older brother of author Joey Hamilton.”

  “Oh no.” Alice whispered. “He’s still going this bit.”

  “Yes, that Joey Hamilton, who wrote The Emily Shade Mysteries. The massively successful series of mystery novels, beloved by children and adults. And I am proud of Joey, she’s my best friend and the non-romantic love of my life. But she published a New York Times number one bestseller novel when she was fourteen and it makes everything I do look a little pathetic.”

  “I hate him.” I muttered into my hands.

  “I feel like I have to open with that because it explains a lot. I not only chose a career that I think makes me a little desperate for approval and I’m not doing well, it’s slow to get started. So I’m very needy. Love me.”

  A woman let out a shrieking laugh behind me.

  “Wow, someone understands how I feel. Another thing I apparently have to tell people is that my sister, Alice, is a trans woman. It’s not a secret, it’s never been a secret, I'd even go as far to say Alice is proud of it. But it’s not something that comes up naturally in conversation but people get prissy when they find out because I didn’t tell them sooner. I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong. I assumed introductions were a simple ‘Hi, I’m Russell’. But apparently I have to open with my whole life story!

  “But it’s weird how it’s almost like people feel entitled to your life story but then when you share it, you’re the asshole. I’m lactose intolerant and people get so upset that I don’t eat dairy and almost seem to demand an explanation. And the explanation is that dairy gives me the shits, which no one wants to hear. I can see you cringing. That’s why you don’t quiz people about their diet.

  “But I have never experienced this more than when I’m out with Joey and her service dog. When I say service dog, people imagine a noble and calm golden retriever leading the blind. Hugo is not like that. Hugo has these long spindly legs and he always looks like he’s having the most fun ever, because he is. In fact, he gets so excited that he’s working, he doesn’t look where he’s going and walks into things such as walls or people. If you’ve never been full body slammed by a very happy doberman, you have never felt true pain.”

  Hugo kept looking up, waiting for commands at the sound of his name.

  “I need to take him outside.” I whispered. “He’s getting confused.”

  I led Hugo out into the lobby and found a bench to sit on. “I haven’t checked my phone all day.” I told Hugo. I went to open twitter but saw I had several missed calls from my dad. I called him back and he picked up after a few rings.

  “What took you so long?” He demanded. “Why does no one in this family answer the goddamn phone?”

  “I’ve been in meetings all day, remember? I came straight to the theater for Russell’s show. What’s going on?”

  “It’s Lottie. They think she had a stroke.”

  “No, that’s insane. She’s a kid.”

  “They took her for a head scan and her brain is bleeding. They said it looks like she hit her head.”

  “Was there an accident at school? Is another kid bullying her?”

  “I don’t know. No one said anything… where’s Rose? Is she with you?”

  “Yeah, she’s in the theater. I’ll get her and we’ll meet you at the hospital.” I stuffed my phone back into my bag and threw it to the floor. “Wait here, Hugo.” I told him, rushing back inside.

  I felt my anxiety levels increase as I ran inside. Rose looked up as I tried to slow down despite being pushed forward by the incline on the ground. “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s Lottie. She’s in the hospital. She’s got a bleed on her brain.”

  “Shit.” Alice whispered. “We’ve got to go.”

  “At least one of us should stay.” Sarah hissed. 

  “You do it then. You’re pregnant, you’ll just slow us down.”

  Dad was in the emergency department waiting room. “Where is she?” Rose demanded. 

  “They took her into surgery to stop the bleeding.” Dad said. “There’s a girl… she’s a junior doctor, I don’t think she’s a surgeon so she might be around here.”

  “Are you the girl?” Alice called to a pretty girl with dark skin and large red glasses. She had sea blue hair and tattoos resembling vines wrapped around her arms.  A mage. A healing mage. Nice choice. I think I’d have gone for healing if I had the choice.

  “What girl?” The mage-doctor asked. “I’m Doctor McMillian. Err, Lucy.”

  “Yes, it’s her.” Dad said. “This is Lottie’s mum and her sisters, Joey and Alice.” 

  “What happened?” Rose demanded. 

  “Mr Hamilton brought Lottie in after she collapsed. We did a CT of her head which showed a bleed which was causing a stroke. We’re performing a procedure to prevent blood building up in her skull and repairing the broken blood vessels. Once she’s awake, we’ll have a better idea of what effects the stroke will have had on her and we’ll be able to plan our next steps.”

  “How does this happen?”

  “There are a lot of possible factors but… Lottie’s injuries are consistent with a head trauma. We think maybe she fell while playing.”

  “I haven’t seen her fall.” Rose said. “Have any of you?” 

  “No.” I said. “It might have happened at school though.”

  “We keep records.” Dad said. “It’s a legal requirement. I’ll check with the nurse tomorrow.”

  “So, it must have happened at the school?” Alice asked.

  “Unless there’s anyone else who might have been with her?” Lucy suggested.

  “Our brother tells us everything.” I said. “He’s got a lot of health anxiety. He keeps a poop diary for fuck sake. His wife is with her sometimes but she’s a lawyer, she knows the importance of making sure there’s a record of accidents, she’d have told us too.”

  “Then by process of elimination, I’d have to say it happened at school. I’ve seen kids easily injure each other in PE or while playing. They just don’t know their own strength and have terrible coordination.”

  “I’m a teacher.” Dad said. “I know what fucking idiots kids can be.”

  “Ok.” Lucy said. “It will be a few hours until Lottie is out of surgery and a bit longer until she is awake and ready for visitors. I would recommend that one person stays here while the rest of you go home and get some rest.”

  “I’ll stay.” Rose said. “Go home. Or back to the theater. It’s still Russell’s big night.”

  “Oh god.” Dad moaned. “I’m the worst father in the world.”

  “I think Russell will forgive you.” Alice said. “I’ll drive.”

  I locked my bedroom door and collapsed onto the sofa. The sofa was a good idea. A good place to dramatically fall down. It sat opposite a TV that I had hooked up to my PlayStation. My little gaming corner, Russell called it. 

  Speaking of which, it didn’t take him long to start hammering on the door. “Joey! JoJo!” 

  “What?” I opened the door to a very ragged looking Russell.

  “Alice said Lottie has brain damage?”

  “No, she had a stroke because her brain is bleeding. We don’t know if it’s done any damage.”

  “Her brain is bleeding! How could that not do damage?”

  “I don’t know, I don’t understand medical shit. There’s a reason Emily never goes to the hospital.” I collapsed onto my bed. “There’s only so much you can learn from binge watching Grey’s Anatomy.”

  “I learned never to have sex with a coworker.” Russell lay next to me, top to tail, like when we were little. “Their lives would be easier if they weren’t playing musical beds.”

  “You’re one to talk. Sarah’s my coworker.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with sleeping with your sister’s coworker. And she’s not a coworker, you hired her once to help write a court case. And you brought it on yourself by inviting her to my show.”

  “I didn’t realise that’s what she was into. Is everyone else in bed?”

  “Yeah. Shame you missed the show.”

  “How’d it go?”

  “People seemed happy. I got a lot of laughs from the vegan cheese bit.”

  “Good.” I sighed. “Get out, I have to shower. There’s hospital germs in my hair.”

  “And I’m the one they say has health anxiety. Night, JoJo.” 

  “Night.”

  I kicked off my boots and wandered into my bathroom. I didn’t bother to strip off before stepping into the shower. I just wanted to wash off that awful night.

  I was in that house again. With the long winding corridors full of doors. Not one of them led to the room I wanted. But I didn’t know what room I wanted. So I kept walking, looking in each room until I found it.

  Then I found it. A bathroom, with a bathtub in the corner, filled with water and blood while my mother floated in it.

  I was woken up by Hugo licking my face.

  Fucking PTSD nightmares.