Chapter 2

Damon's pov

Sunday 4th July 2021

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I don't enjoy going to see Orion but it's a necessary evil. If I stop going Marcus will kick me out of the club and then I'll have nothing that I enjoy.

I enjoy hurting people. That's really the only thing that makes me happy. I'm diagnosed with a severe form of Antisocial Personality Disorder. Which means I'm a psychopath. I lack empathy and remorse which means I have no issue in manipulating people for my own gain. All Orion's words of course, I don't see how that's a bad thing, I think more people in the world should be selfish to get on top.

I used to also be very angry and could never control my anger but Orion gave me antidepressants that can apparently control it, although the lack of empathy can't be fixed.

A few years ago I wouldn't have cared about my impulsive anger but when I found Orion I quickly realised the path I was on would just lead me to prison for the rest of my life. I'd already been behind bars for petty assaults but if I did something worse I'd be gone for a long time. He showed me that I enjoy my freedom, so if I follow societies rules I'll keep it.

The way I found Orion isn't great, although he's forgiven me. I met him at a gay bar and tried to flirt but I don't know how to do that so he rejected me. That's when I dropped a drug in his drink and waited until he was out of it before I took him outside. My plan was to take him to my car and have my way but I stopped because I remembered how close I got to prison when I got caught trying this last time. So I waited until the drugs wore off Orion and apologised as he sat in the back of my car. Instead of leaving as fast as he could he started talking to me. He asked why I stopped and why I did it then gave me advice and asked if I wanted to talk to him again as he's a therapist. I took his number and tried to ignore it for a few weeks until I gave in and went to see him.

So now every week I go to see this man who digs into my thoughts and usually insults me but I keep going because he introduced me to bdsm.

I did two months of training with the man who owns the club, Marcus Carlisle. He wasn't very easy on me, he made me try all sorts of things that I want to do to submissives. I let him deepthroat me, I let him whip me, I even let him put a sound into my dick. I drew the line at fucking me, I used a safeword when he tried to do that. He gave me a lot of rules and a lot of warnings and if I don't follow those I get kicked out. Which seems fair enough for me.

Last night was my first night after training. Marcus found me a submissive that I could play with but said I'm not allowed to take a sub under contract because I'm supposed to make a sub thrive but I can't do that, I'd only make them worse apparently. I don't care though, I just want the rough sex not a relationship.

The boy I had sex with last night was good, he could take a lot of pain and let me fuck him as rough as I want. Although, the aftercare was boring and I was scared I'd do it wrong so I didn't enjoy that. He told me liked the night and wanted me again so I can go to him again if I want more rough sex.

He was also transgender, which I didn't know existed until then. Marcus tried to explain it to me but I didn't get it so Orion is going to talk to me about it. I understand so far he's a man with a vagina and had surgery to get his body but I don't know anything else.

"Hello Damon," Orion says as I walk into his office.

"Goodmorning," I answer as I sit down on the couch.

"Marcus told me you started at the club yesterday, how was it?" He asks as he sits opposite me.

"It was fine, I had sex with a boy called Mason," I say and Orion nods.

"Marcus told me. Do you still need me to explain what transgender is?"

"Yes," I say and Orion raises an eyebrow. "Please."

"Good. So to start, a transgender man like Mason was born a female. But he feels like he's in the wrong body, that's called body dysphoria. So he started taking testosterone to make his body more masculine and got surgery to remove his former breasts. I've spoken to Mason and he's said he doesn't want bottom surgery to get a penis because it's not worth it to him with all the costs and recovery. So he's got a vagina still, but as you know he prefers it to be called his front hole."

"Does it feel good for him if I use his front hole?" I ask.

"Yes, he has a g-spot just like we have a prostate," Orion explains.

"Does it feel good if I use his ass?" I ask with a frown.

"It does, but not in the same was it does to other men."

"Oh. What about his little dick? What's that?"

"That's his clitoris but the testosterone makes it grow to resemble a penis," Orion says.

"That's cool I guess. It's really sensitive to him so I like that," I say and Orion blushes as he looks down to his paper.

"Do you like that it makes him feel good?" Orion asks with a small smile.

"I don't know. I like that I have that power over him," I say and Orion nods.

"Are you going to keep sleeping with him? Maybe you could sign a contract?"

"I'll keep having sex with him, but I can't sign a contract. Marcus won't let me," I say and Orion nods.

"I see what Marcus means. You aren't really the type to help a submissive grow. Although I think you'd be fine in a strictly Dom/sub relationship," Orion says.

"Maybe. I want to see if he can take all the pain I want to give him before I think about that."

"That's a good idea. Have you been taking your medication? Because you know Marcus won't let you stay if you have any kind of angry outburst," Orion warns.

"I know, I've been taking them," I sigh.

"How have your violent thoughts been?" Orion asks bluntly.

"The same. I saw a cute boy at one of my pubs and I thought about a lot of things I'd do to him. But I didn't go near him," I say and Orion nods.

"What kind of things?"

"The usual."

"Elaborate."

"I wanted to tie him up and hear his screams as I fucked him or whipped him. I wanted him to beg me to stop."

"Maybe you should try rape play with Mason, get it out of your system. Then it'll be consensual and you'll see that you can do that with consent."

"I'll think about it. Marcus might not agree," I grumble.

"He's being quite lenient with you," Orion says.

"No he's not. I'm the only Dom who has a microphone in my playroom, I can't have contracted subs, I can only play with masochists, and he's constantly on my back," I complain.

"Well you'll have to earn his trust," Orion says with a small smile. "He'll come around and give you more freedom, but you've got to give him a reason to."

"Well with Mason I followed all the rules. I even did the aftercare."

"That's good. What aftercare did you do?"

"I massaged his shoulders and arms because they were tied above him."

"Did you enjoy it? It's supposed to be soothing for doms too."

"Not really. I didn't know if I was doing it wrong and I knew Marcus would be watching," I say.

"Why don't you let him cuddle you next time? That's the best aftercare for most subs and you don't have to do anything," Orion suggests.

"I don't like to be cuddled. You know that," I say and he nods.

"Sorry, I forgot. Keep doing what you are and you'll get used to it," Orion says. "Talk to the sub while to do it and ask them how you're doing."

"I'll try next time."

"You've made a lot of progress since seeing me.  I really hope bdsm helps you control your violent thoughts," Orion says as he looks at the clock. "You've got another half hour. What else do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know."

"Why don't we try and talk about your dad again?" Orion tries.

Here we go again.