"Uncle, here ...." Maureen's voice was still echoing in my head, even the scene from last night was briefly repeated in the short dream just now."Shit ...." I cursed the front of my pants, which turned out to be damp and sticky. It was only a fleeting dream on the way, but it was enough to make me take another shower.The distance between Boston and NYC should have taken less than three hours, but I needed time to clean up after half the trip. It could have been longer if I'd taken public transportation. Luckily I still had my cell phone to contact the driver, as well as the cell phone of the young man Maureen was dating.Stupidly, I even replayed the video that recorded the vulgar scene between us. When Maureen inserted mine into her very erotically, I woke up too."Is this really like being a widower?" I lamented my reflection in the mirror of the dressing table that was the facility of the motel room at the highway stop.Moving to the dressing table and resting the cell phone ther
I was surprised when Angga-my fiancé-arrived when my date had just left. Our 17-hour-plus-flight relationship did not limit our interactions with the opposite sex, including sex.The agreement from the start of our relationship was openness. There was no way I could prevent Angga from fulfilling his needs when we started out as a one-night stand. Sex. It's a match. I got engaged because there were no other candidates, while my scandal with Uncle Darren needed to be diverted so that Grandpa's company wouldn't collapse due to the drop in stock prices."You didn't tell me when you were leaving!" I protested after our recent struggle. "I was worried, you know?"Even if he sends me thousands of fake roses, I won't easily give in to his apology for surprising me without any news. Yes, fake roses because real flowers make me sneeze.The previous two days I was like a crazy person who kept drinking alcohol because I had no outlet. Usually Angga would invite me to have phone sex in the midnigh
"It's okay to leave you alone, right?" More like a notification than a request for permission, Maureen was always like that, on her own.I don't know what kind of relationship we had, just physical interaction every time we met, other than that... she and I seemed to be in different worlds. I've come all the way across the continent to see her, through hot nights that I feel like I need a long rest, and she's so noisy unpacking the pile of papers on the desk with the excuse, "I have class this morning."Well, what could I respond to in my half-awake, half-cocked state. The habit on a cold morning, already exhausted and drained from the night, of still being able to stand upright.Maureen is my fiancée, on purpose. There were things I couldn't explain to Maureen about our relationship that changed too quickly. From being just sleeping buddies, without dating, to having a status. Maybe marriage was included? It was also the design of someone who was quite close to Maureen."What time d
My first year here, the fall season that just started, was very busy. Maybe it's the culture shock effect too. Talking to native speakers made me slower to digest other people's conversations. Unfortunately, Zac Efron was in the same room as me, the substitute lecturer.While the man whose real name was Aaron Cohen was busy explaining averaging down as one of the tricks of massive stock purchases, I was imagining what might have happened on the night of our date. He said I was fierce enough to kick his manhood, and then... the fragments of memories of touching a man without remembering a face were troubling me."You sure nothing happened that night?" I asked after our introductory pleasantries when class was over.Aaron gave a long mumble, placing his index book on his chin suspiciously. He clarified, "I didn't do anything with you, but another guy did. He was pretty hot while wrestling with you."Wow! Am I that wild to let someone else see my bed activities? Just imagining it makes m
Still having to understand Maureen's busy schedule, I got into another habit. Chatting with a date on an app. It wasn't just about sex, although that was the initial trigger of the introduction.White Fox--she doesn't want others to know her identity when it comes to sex. She never actually met any of her acquaintances, other than me. She said, anyway. What can be trusted from online acquaintances?This time we promised to meet, to make sure the photos we received from each other were real. Without knowing faces, of course.The fox mentioned a club, not the upstairs part of the club where drinking and dancing usually took place, but gambling through martial arts action in the hidden basement of the city's high-rise buildings. She would see me first with a sign, a victory in the new fighter challenge session."Just because I mentioned martial arts, she actually challenged me." My mind underestimated the battle scene amidst the cheering humans.Unlik
"You doing it again, Bi?" Iqlima's response - my ex-wife when we met in the living room of the suite I had deliberately booked under the residence after I finished showering and changing clothes. I didn't want to answer yet by being busy greeting my three children who immediately welcomed me on the balcony with their new father, I could see the new man who I guessed was much younger than Iqlima holding the fourth youngest. It was enough to delay the impromptu interview until it left the two of us in the room even though it was corner to corner because Iqlima's new husband took my four children swimming. Yes, Iqlima repeated her question again. "That woman... or--" "I met her by accident." I answered as I was, she must have known who I was referring to. Facing her suspicious gaze, I felt as one-sidedly judged as I had last year, when a new storm came to tear apart the relationship we had built over seven years. "Come on, Iqlima, you know me." I preemptively avoided Iqlima's sharp,
"Hi, handsome! Looks like you really like Maureen, seeing as my cell phone is still intact," said the young man whose name I didn't remember. Only his face was still familiar despite his long hair. He became Maureen's backrest while sitting on the stool opposite the bartender's table."You can keep my new number. Just type in Aaron."I didn't care about the way he introduced himself. I had only come to pick Maureen up and hoped she was still living where we had last made out.First impression when I opened her room, it was messy. I wasn't used to seeing things scattered all over the place other than our clothes as we stripped each other. The Maureen I knew had miraculous cleaning habits although not as perfect as her twin brother."What's the matter with this, Rin?" My question went unanswered, Maureen was completely stoned as she lay on her bed. I took my place beside her, observing the changes in the contours of her face which looked fuller than the last time we met. The strands of
Taking a step back, both arms close in front of the face. It was enough to withstand the opponent's punch. As soon as the attack loosened, I was able to clench a fist covered in a thick glove from underneath my opponent's jaw.Hit!He started to back away, one step, two steps. My fists intensified attacking the same defense I had before.I stepped back for a moment to pause.As soon as my opponent's arm was lowered, my right leg rose up, my waist swiveled, and ...."Nexdrag!" called the referee who raised my hand after he was sure my opponent was unconscious.Yes, that was the name I used in the fight. It started with a wish written in someone's diary, "Next, Doctor Raka Angga Gumilang."A name that actually holds pain, deeper than the bruises or pain I get from every fight."Nice fight, Bro!" One of the fighters threw a light fist on my shoulder when we passed each other in the corridor leading to the dressing room, a form of familiarity I usually found between men.I nodded and smil
An impromptu visit that I didn't expect, it turns out Angga told me our wedding date so Matthew and Ben came, of course with their spouses. Maybe they're on vacation?Then the arrival of Darren who followed alone with a line of food service workers was enough to confirm that they intended to hold a small party without the host's permission.I only saw him after changing into a looser floral overalls that allowed me to breathe. The dress was too tight although it still didn't cover my pregnancy at all."You weren't invited, but you came." The satire I said wasn't funny at all, but they still laughed when I returned to the center of the conversation with a bottle of champagne ready to open."Ow! How cruel, Sister." Matthew snatched the fun out of my hands and quipped back, "Alcohol is not for pregnant women.""Damn it!" I cursed in annoyance, only to be met with an instantly infectious laugh.Angga had just followed me to where I was standing. He handed me a glass of avocado juice and a
"Maureen!" I faintly heard Angga calling my name, then it was replaced by the echo of air bubbles in my ears.I thought I could die here or wake up somewhere else. In fact, when I gave up, a stream of water replaced the blast of air on my face.I was still very much conscious, just afraid to open my eyes and face reality. The chill of the early spring air washed over my already wet skin along with the pressure behind my shoulders and behind my knees. It was warm on the right side, but instinct demanded that I find a grip.Angga, who I first saw, was also wet. His slender neck becomes the target of my trembling grip. This time, I'm afraid of being dropped.From this vantage point, his parted lips along with the angular movement of his firm jaw create a charisma of their own. Could Angga possibly hide the cruelest side of a warrior like him?Fool. I should have remembered that everyone has a dark side, a poison from their own life experiences. They only need to choose; oppress or be opp
Maureen demanded an explanation, before we had even had a chance to change?She and I had just arrived in our room, barely stripped to the surface of the fabric that covered the entire bed. Dusty, full of sawdust and mustiness. We should have taken down all the protective covering before attempting to use the room.Yes, almost.Just being alone with her could heat up the temperature around us. It felt like breaking free from all the coverings and letting instinct take over.Then, Maureen's question threw everything off. "So..., did you make a deal with Grandpa?"I was still in front of her, on top of her body while supporting myself using the elbows perched on either side of Maureen, avoiding the pressure on her stomach. Our lower waists were already attached as our legs slipped over each other.Argh! She messed up the appetizer.The look of rejection forced me to roll over to Maureen's left side, following her to gaze at the room's ceiling covered with sheets of bright albasia wood. T
Deciding to get married was not on my life list at all, especially under the age of thirty. What's happening now?Just a few months ago I turned twenty-five and within minutes had signed the marriage certificate. Everything I've been through has been beyond expectations, pregnant and married?Still in my simple wedding dress-just a white lace-covered overalls that didn't hide the size of my belly at all, I noticed Angga's figure when dressed officially like now. A clean-cut face and freshly cut hair refresh Angga's look with a black suit overlaying the white suit inside.Even though it was only a few days ago that I saw his face full of bruises, the main reason I made the choice and said yes, so that he wouldn't have to do such menial work anymore.What was I thinking at the time?"Not like this again!" I shifted the conversation from Angga's request to the cause of the bruises on his face, again he said about marriage.Des he really want to tie me up in a commitment? So what, I can't
I was almost desperate as I repeatedly checked my phone screen, waiting to hear from Maureen's friends about her whereabouts in the last two days. Maureen was unreachable, her phone dead.I don't know how many cans of beer I've consumed since returning home from last night's brutal game. I could have killed someone out of disappointment with myself. I felt like a failure.The phone screen lit up, but it wasn't someone I wanted to call. Maureen's sugardaddy was listed there. I deliberately gave him a name like that, so he'd think twice when he needed help. I still couldn't make peace with the past between them.Just glancing at the message display outside, without opening the messaging app, it was clear that each word indicated the address. No pleasantries or greetings.That's funny. He asked me to come there?A few minutes after putting the empty cans into the trash bag, an incoming call echoing the voice of a prominent rapper distracted me. Darren seemed genuinely intent on asking me
"Aren't you in college or doing something?" Uncle Darren was already babbling this early. Even the sky outside the window when he drew the curtains wasn't fully lit yet even though the alarm clock on the nightstand read seven o'clock. "Really, Rin, I'm confused to see you just lying in your room these days."A few days? I've only had a mattress this soft for two days. The sheets were soft and didn't rub against my skin. This time I can somewhat agree with Angga's previous insinuation about our ... well, lifestyle.The only choice is for me to give in and try to lower my standards, or for him to raise his income. Fix, yeah, I don't want to get married yet.In the last month of living together, I can't keep giving in to the future that Angga offers even though everything can be distracted with sex or Netflix and ignore everything.But, how to talk about it? Our fights would only continue to end with unification. I hated that."Why did you wake me up, Uncle?" I squirmed and kicked off th
"Uncle ...." I moan, feeling the ludicrous touch that traverses the skin. It descends from the arrangement of bones that make up my shoulders, collarbone, and then cupping the wedge of the neck divider of the body-wrapping overalls.From where he stood, Uncle Darren must have clearly seen the puffs that were getting denser as a result of his actions. I reflexively tilted my head to the right side, letting his warm breath caress the recesses of my neck without being covered by hair."You're always delicious, Rin." Uncle Darren's whisper sounds lulling behind my earlobe. The mint-scented exhale and woody-herb traces were replaced by the wetness of a taste bud that was beginning to venture out.Some seconds were fun to savor, but the next, what I was doing was more like an escape to get recognized. It felt like being a traitor.The corners of my lips twitched, realizing Uncle Darren wasn't doing anything more than that. Even though I liked the way he treated me, I still couldn't deny tha
"Move on, Is." Angga was seen patting the woman's cheek. What is her name? Isma? I could hear Angga talking casually through the barrier like that. "Anyway, stop following me."I was close enough to hear their conversation. It was just a stack of boxes at the turn of the foyer facing the exit of the supermarket.At first I thought Angga was still asleep because all my voice messages and calls had gone unanswered. Well, I should have sent a short message about going shopping before going home and asked Angga to ignore my request.Turns out he was in this place and met a 'flower snake' like that Isma. She really used to be a campus slut, right?Angga just told me about his habit of fighting in the arena just to buy time with Isma in the past. No wonder Angga didn't complain about getting a woman like her to support him.Well, I guess any man in Indonesia would always think of ways to get a virgin, but he chose the hardest way by capitalizing on feelings. Including me.Are there still peo
"Raka!" Isma waved from where she was pushing the shopping trolley towards me.Even though this monthly shopping business is usually the part of Maureen who understands best, but this morning when I woke up, there was already a note stuck to the refrigerator door. Correction, noon. I even got home early in the morning after last night's battle."Please, you do the shopping," accompanied by a heartfelt emot, a very long shopping list with special notes, and her black card. Including an incoming message on my phone explaining why Maureen was in such a hurry. Company research."Shopping too?" asked Isma after aligning the trolley she was pushing with mine. She even took the note I was holding and nodded, as if she understood.Why did we have to meet here, anyway? I'm even more uncomfortable with Isma around."Feeling better?" She still asked after returning the shopping list along with a few things taken from the shelves in the left row to my cart."When was the fight?" I arranged each i