What was I thinking after Resti's long lecture?My sister was just talking about the sin of following Maureen's wishes in releasing our future child, blah blah blah ... until I got tired of hearing it myself. Isn't raising a child without preparation also a sin?What if the child later feels tortured to have parents like us who might not fulfill their expectations?Children? Maureen thinks it's better for us to provide for children without parents without adding to the human population.That was Maureen's opinion when we talked about what she thought the future would be like and what I thought after struggling in my room. Yes, some of it I can agree with, some of it I still need to figure out how to get on the same page about our relationship.It was only a matter of days before departure and I even agreed to Matthew's invitation - Maureen's twin brother - to unwind at one of the clubs where I first approached Maureen after the arena. The place where Maureen and I started our relation
"Are you okay?" shouted Aaron as he entered my unit, I had time to turn around to make sure it was Aaron who came before I went back to struggling with the sink until I ended up squatting while holding on to the edge."Not at all," I said before throwing up again. This was bad. "I think the milk I drank is spoiled. It smells sickening."Aaron was seen picking up the milk carton on the table, drinking the contents straight from the opening. He said, "It's still good, far from the expiration date." And there was no problem with him.I'm done. The nausea was still there, but there was nothing else to spit out. Even moving was losing steam.Aaron thrusts a tissue in front of me as we sit together on the edge of the bed, I really need to wipe off either tears, sweat, or the rest of the face wash water. It was so excruciating that I just wanted to lie down all day."Need me to buy you something?" asked Aaron who was already beside me, his heavy breathing sounding close.If only he hadn't ad
I was abandoned again this morning. There was no one in my room other than the marks on the wet sheets. The smell of cum was so strong even on my naked body, on my cheeks too.An illusion?I rolled to the edge of the bed, but the pain in my groin made me crawl slowly. Last night's perpetrator really took advantage of the opportunity.I remember Aaron coming in last night, then another guy took me. Aaron said he wasn't interested in women, was last night the same guy he called sexy?His message this morning on the screen of the cell phone I just picked up confirmed the truth. The sexy man still has Aaron's number activated.But does he need to know I'm pregnant?Oh, yes. Do I need to take another test this morning to make sure? I drank so much last night and had so much sex, it should be coming out already, right?Stupid Maureen! I cursed myself as I noticed the large amount of cum coming out of my vagina. There was no blood at all.Looks like the hot guy even played with my hand.I lo
"Please, Grandpa .... I have obeyed Grandpa to move here. I..."It was useless for me to plead, Grandpa sounded like he was imposing his will by turning off the phone call just now. Of course, I could only sigh, then accept the decision as usual.Ah, it's only fitting that Papa chose to run away from Grandpa's horrible family. Oh, don't forget the suicide of Papa's sister whose funeral I happened to attend. I don't really remember, maybe it was the first time I noticed Maureen who was still a baby.Remembering that made me realize the vast age gap between us. Maureen's father Uncle Abra could have reported me the first time we were caught in the act. Maureen did it, I was the victim, but the public wouldn't believe a grown man raping a teenage girl.I turned to one of Maureen's neighborhood guard contacts. Even that went nowhere, with no information. Grandpa really made me lose contact with that woman again.If I hadn't remembered that my three children were playing in front of me, I
"Don't you feel sorry for the kids, Bi?" This time Iqlima chided me even as her husband held her close, whispering God knows what at her side.Being found in a tired condition - dehydrated from masturbation is nothing to be proud of. Let alone being caught watching a porn video, even if it wasn't someone else's.I could hear the sound of Iqlima's repeated istighfar. She also mentioned the duration of the video I was watching. "How many hours did you fornicate, Bi?"I could only wipe my face with the palm of my hand repeatedly, wanting to cover up the shame.Iqlima could have hit me now, but her husband's defense caused her to throw various items she could reach at me. Iqlima went berserk."Just like you said so many times. Yes, I committed adultery. Fornicate. Only with the same woman. A year ago and even eight years ago." I admitted, without exception."Fuck you, Bi!" Iqlima's throw this time hit my temple. Hard.Not having time to confirm the object she used, drops of blood colored
Angga really came. I thought I'd end up frustrated for the past week. Where was he using a long nagging because of the tranquilizers I was taking."It's not good for fetal development, Reen ...."I don't know what other advice will come out of his mouth. From a to z, it's all about fetal health."Why talk about a fetus that we won't take care of later?" I reply every time our conversation ends in an argument.Like this morning, I threw a bowl of hot cream soup on the floor because he refused to eat. I hated the way he reprimanded me, but when he held me to sit at the table while he cleaned up the shards... it was sweet."If pregnant women get angry, the baby will get cranky," Angga said."I won't take care of the baby!" Of course, we had already decided this when Angga arrived.We weren't married, the pregnancy was temporary, and the baby would be handed over to social services.Then Angga would let out a long sigh and get busy doing whatever he could do at that moment. It was the sam
This is the first time I've come across Maureen's appearance in such a messed-up state. Usually she still exudes a seductive charm even when she's only dressed casually, but this ...."So puffy?" I responded after observing Maureen's face without letting go of her hug. My fiancée's eyelids were really thick.How long has she been crying? Every day? Without makeup and probably with the pregnancy hormones, Maureen looked pale.I left the large suitcase near the entrance to her room and carried Maureen up to the bed. A little heavier than the last time we met. Probably because of the bulge that appeared on Maureen's stomach when her oversized T-shirt was slightly uncovered.Wait. Maureen said she was about two months along when she called me?"How many weeks has it been?" I was curious because the presence of the fetus was too obvious and was suspicious. "Have you checked again?"Maybe it was the effect of Maureen's posture and her flat stomach before pregnancy. As much as possible, I d
"Hi, Maureen!"I accidentally bumped into Aaron at a shopping center. That version of Zac Effron's friend still looked as masculine as the last time we met before winter break started.Maybe it's the neighborhood effect, I used to think that same-sex lovers tend to wave. Aaron wasn't at all.If we were side by side as long as he pretended to accompany me to pick out my home furnishings, other people would think he was my partner. Aaron actually prefers men who are able to stab.Oh, I wouldn't want to introduce Angga to him. That's dangerous.Angga was the kind of guy who couldn't be bothered to shop for so long that I had to push the trolley by myself, well before I met Aaron. He was quite helpful until I was ready to exit the building full of shops."Are you sure you don't want to buy something?" I offered a treat as thanks, but Aaron apparently had an appointment at the food court on the ground floor. He didn't even question my pregnancy, which should be obvious even though I was on
An impromptu visit that I didn't expect, it turns out Angga told me our wedding date so Matthew and Ben came, of course with their spouses. Maybe they're on vacation?Then the arrival of Darren who followed alone with a line of food service workers was enough to confirm that they intended to hold a small party without the host's permission.I only saw him after changing into a looser floral overalls that allowed me to breathe. The dress was too tight although it still didn't cover my pregnancy at all."You weren't invited, but you came." The satire I said wasn't funny at all, but they still laughed when I returned to the center of the conversation with a bottle of champagne ready to open."Ow! How cruel, Sister." Matthew snatched the fun out of my hands and quipped back, "Alcohol is not for pregnant women.""Damn it!" I cursed in annoyance, only to be met with an instantly infectious laugh.Angga had just followed me to where I was standing. He handed me a glass of avocado juice and a
"Maureen!" I faintly heard Angga calling my name, then it was replaced by the echo of air bubbles in my ears.I thought I could die here or wake up somewhere else. In fact, when I gave up, a stream of water replaced the blast of air on my face.I was still very much conscious, just afraid to open my eyes and face reality. The chill of the early spring air washed over my already wet skin along with the pressure behind my shoulders and behind my knees. It was warm on the right side, but instinct demanded that I find a grip.Angga, who I first saw, was also wet. His slender neck becomes the target of my trembling grip. This time, I'm afraid of being dropped.From this vantage point, his parted lips along with the angular movement of his firm jaw create a charisma of their own. Could Angga possibly hide the cruelest side of a warrior like him?Fool. I should have remembered that everyone has a dark side, a poison from their own life experiences. They only need to choose; oppress or be opp
Maureen demanded an explanation, before we had even had a chance to change?She and I had just arrived in our room, barely stripped to the surface of the fabric that covered the entire bed. Dusty, full of sawdust and mustiness. We should have taken down all the protective covering before attempting to use the room.Yes, almost.Just being alone with her could heat up the temperature around us. It felt like breaking free from all the coverings and letting instinct take over.Then, Maureen's question threw everything off. "So..., did you make a deal with Grandpa?"I was still in front of her, on top of her body while supporting myself using the elbows perched on either side of Maureen, avoiding the pressure on her stomach. Our lower waists were already attached as our legs slipped over each other.Argh! She messed up the appetizer.The look of rejection forced me to roll over to Maureen's left side, following her to gaze at the room's ceiling covered with sheets of bright albasia wood. T
Deciding to get married was not on my life list at all, especially under the age of thirty. What's happening now?Just a few months ago I turned twenty-five and within minutes had signed the marriage certificate. Everything I've been through has been beyond expectations, pregnant and married?Still in my simple wedding dress-just a white lace-covered overalls that didn't hide the size of my belly at all, I noticed Angga's figure when dressed officially like now. A clean-cut face and freshly cut hair refresh Angga's look with a black suit overlaying the white suit inside.Even though it was only a few days ago that I saw his face full of bruises, the main reason I made the choice and said yes, so that he wouldn't have to do such menial work anymore.What was I thinking at the time?"Not like this again!" I shifted the conversation from Angga's request to the cause of the bruises on his face, again he said about marriage.Des he really want to tie me up in a commitment? So what, I can't
I was almost desperate as I repeatedly checked my phone screen, waiting to hear from Maureen's friends about her whereabouts in the last two days. Maureen was unreachable, her phone dead.I don't know how many cans of beer I've consumed since returning home from last night's brutal game. I could have killed someone out of disappointment with myself. I felt like a failure.The phone screen lit up, but it wasn't someone I wanted to call. Maureen's sugardaddy was listed there. I deliberately gave him a name like that, so he'd think twice when he needed help. I still couldn't make peace with the past between them.Just glancing at the message display outside, without opening the messaging app, it was clear that each word indicated the address. No pleasantries or greetings.That's funny. He asked me to come there?A few minutes after putting the empty cans into the trash bag, an incoming call echoing the voice of a prominent rapper distracted me. Darren seemed genuinely intent on asking me
"Aren't you in college or doing something?" Uncle Darren was already babbling this early. Even the sky outside the window when he drew the curtains wasn't fully lit yet even though the alarm clock on the nightstand read seven o'clock. "Really, Rin, I'm confused to see you just lying in your room these days."A few days? I've only had a mattress this soft for two days. The sheets were soft and didn't rub against my skin. This time I can somewhat agree with Angga's previous insinuation about our ... well, lifestyle.The only choice is for me to give in and try to lower my standards, or for him to raise his income. Fix, yeah, I don't want to get married yet.In the last month of living together, I can't keep giving in to the future that Angga offers even though everything can be distracted with sex or Netflix and ignore everything.But, how to talk about it? Our fights would only continue to end with unification. I hated that."Why did you wake me up, Uncle?" I squirmed and kicked off th
"Uncle ...." I moan, feeling the ludicrous touch that traverses the skin. It descends from the arrangement of bones that make up my shoulders, collarbone, and then cupping the wedge of the neck divider of the body-wrapping overalls.From where he stood, Uncle Darren must have clearly seen the puffs that were getting denser as a result of his actions. I reflexively tilted my head to the right side, letting his warm breath caress the recesses of my neck without being covered by hair."You're always delicious, Rin." Uncle Darren's whisper sounds lulling behind my earlobe. The mint-scented exhale and woody-herb traces were replaced by the wetness of a taste bud that was beginning to venture out.Some seconds were fun to savor, but the next, what I was doing was more like an escape to get recognized. It felt like being a traitor.The corners of my lips twitched, realizing Uncle Darren wasn't doing anything more than that. Even though I liked the way he treated me, I still couldn't deny tha
"Move on, Is." Angga was seen patting the woman's cheek. What is her name? Isma? I could hear Angga talking casually through the barrier like that. "Anyway, stop following me."I was close enough to hear their conversation. It was just a stack of boxes at the turn of the foyer facing the exit of the supermarket.At first I thought Angga was still asleep because all my voice messages and calls had gone unanswered. Well, I should have sent a short message about going shopping before going home and asked Angga to ignore my request.Turns out he was in this place and met a 'flower snake' like that Isma. She really used to be a campus slut, right?Angga just told me about his habit of fighting in the arena just to buy time with Isma in the past. No wonder Angga didn't complain about getting a woman like her to support him.Well, I guess any man in Indonesia would always think of ways to get a virgin, but he chose the hardest way by capitalizing on feelings. Including me.Are there still peo
"Raka!" Isma waved from where she was pushing the shopping trolley towards me.Even though this monthly shopping business is usually the part of Maureen who understands best, but this morning when I woke up, there was already a note stuck to the refrigerator door. Correction, noon. I even got home early in the morning after last night's battle."Please, you do the shopping," accompanied by a heartfelt emot, a very long shopping list with special notes, and her black card. Including an incoming message on my phone explaining why Maureen was in such a hurry. Company research."Shopping too?" asked Isma after aligning the trolley she was pushing with mine. She even took the note I was holding and nodded, as if she understood.Why did we have to meet here, anyway? I'm even more uncomfortable with Isma around."Feeling better?" She still asked after returning the shopping list along with a few things taken from the shelves in the left row to my cart."When was the fight?" I arranged each i