THIRTY ONE ELLEN No one seemed completely innocent anymore. Everyone was a suspect, including Devan. Although, recently he had devoted most of his time to chasing after me, or hovering around me unnecessarily. I didn't know what he thought this was. It was a fact that the cords of our friendship had tightened over the course of working together. A situation we could both do nothing about. However, nothing had changed in the way that I felt towards him, and I had to make that clear to him. Boundaries had to be reset, and lines had to be redrawn. Walking down the hallway that morning, I held my head high, watching and listening. I had to know what was going on behind the facade of these seemingly perfect lives. No one seemed as near perfect as Cullen had been. Cullen had been the embodiment of nature's best qualities. He had possessed a flair that others clearly didn't. Yet, he had been the first to show who he really was. Blah! "It's really cold out
ELLEN There were only two ways this whole game was going to end; and the both of them included me being held behind cuffs. Devan was dying, and the doctors could barely help, and Zach had become a pain in the ass. "Coffee?" Zach quizzed, walking into the room. I hit my head against my palm in disappointment. "Why are you still here, Zach? You should leave." "That's harsh." He mumbled placing a cup of coffee in my hands. "You should drink it, at least it'd help to keep you sane." "I am sane." I retorted, dropping the coffee on the table beside Devan's bed. "Oh, are you? Baby, we both know this whole case is driving you crazy. It's clearly impossible to be sane at this point." I clenched my fists briefly, and hit the walls in anger. "Why don't you just leave, Zach. You're driving me crazy. You're of no help at all." I screamed, hoping he'd agree. "At least I keep you company, no one else does that, you know?" He stated, biting the ends of his lips.
ELLEN A bath in a hot tub was all I craved, and I had taken leave of the hospital to return to my room to satisfy my cravings. However, things hadn't gone as planned. I had barely been able to sit in the tub, when Ms. Dottie had come knocking on the door. I was angered because I couldn't enjoy my own space anymore. What a waste of time my journey back had become. I wasn't going to enjoy any bit of today's rest, as long as she was still here. I watched her walk into the room gleaming radiantly. I was visibly annoyed, but I knew more than trying to pour out my anger on Ms. Dottie. It wasn't going to turn out well for either of us. "Hey Ms. Dottie." I greeted, with a beaming smile. I had to look friendly at least. "Sweet Ellen, how are you?" "I've seen worse than I could possibly tell." I confessed, as she chuckled. "I heard what happened, so immediately I heard of your return, I decided to come see you." She lied, barely looking into my eyes. I d
ELLEN Waking up to banging doors wasn't part of the rest I so desired. Messy hair, swollen eyes, and a grumpy face weren't the perfect combination to welcome a guest with, and so I ignored the call for a while. I laid on my bed for a minute, letting my brain reboot, and decide on what it wanted to do. The knock continued, as whoever was behind on those doors was insistent on seeing whoever was within. I stretched out on the bed, groaning in relief, as my joints make cracking sounds. I was finally awake now. I hurried over to the mirror, and began wiping my face, and arranging my hair. First impression actually did matter, and I had to give it my all. I exhaled briefly, as my eyes lingered on my reflection on the mirror. It seemed perfect. I moved towards the door in quick short steps, and turned the door knob open. There was nobody there. Whoever had been knocking a few moments ago seemed to have left already. "Hello," I called out confused. There was
DEVAN I didn't know how long I had been out. Maybe a day, or two? Probably even a week. It didn't matter anyways, all that did matter was that I was awake, and surprisingly I didn't know how. The bed; a hospital; and a bunch of cards, and wilted flowers, that seemed to belong in the thrash. What was all these? How had I gotten here? And then, realisation did hit me in the face. The fall! Yeah, that was how I had ended up in a white room, strapped to a bed. I had fallen off that wall onto the awaiting ground. How had that even happened? I couldn't remember any of it, except for the fact that I had wanted to open my eyes for so long, but I just couldn't. Here I was now anyways, behind a closed door, and still strapped to a bed. Phew! I had been alone on that day. Why had I been walking at the edge of a wall in the first place? It all seemed so strange to me, and I couldn't understand any bit of it. I clung to the rails of the bed, and forced mys
DEVAN Broken legs weren't just it. Cold, limp, and useless; that was what my legs were. I wondered what Mum would say when she saw me without my legs now. She had indeed warned me about embarking on the school trip, but I had remained adamant. Why though? I couldn't just place a finger on it. I sat hopelessly on the bed with my legs touching the cold floor. I had been making attempts to walk for almost an hour, and it hadn't yielded any results, as each time I tried, I landed forcefully on my buttocks. The doctor had said he wasn't so sure I was going to be able to walk after that fall, but I was determined to prove them all wrong. If for anything, I wanted to put Robb's taunts to an end. He had not been the kindest with his words when he had seen me sprawled out on the bed, not being able to move my legs. He had raised them up, and inspected them, before shrugging his shoulders and heading outside mocking scornfully. I had to try. I had to learn how to walk
DEVAN It was snowing again. I was seated by the window side watching the world play out before me. The snow was knee deep now, and it didn't seem like it was ending soon. Robb had passed out on the armchair, with a stick of cigarette stuck at the end of his mouth. I knew he wanted to leave, he had already began to show signs of wanting to return back home, but he couldn't. Not yet at least. Mum had given him firm instructions to make sure I was alright, before returning home with me. And thank goodness, I was recuperating quickly already. I had a few days left to spend here before returning home to dad and mum, and I couldn't wait. Why had I even come on this trip in the first place? I had never liked traveling, so why had I? I couldn't understand. I brought my face closer to the open window, and inhaled deeply, as I heard footsteps walk into the room. I barely glanced up, as I continued savouring every moment I could get. "You should close the window, you c
ELLEN The elevator door dinged softly as we arrived on Devan's floor. We were here to see Devan at Principal Walter's request. I had been the only one invited over, but Zach wasn't letting any of that happen. He placed a firm grip on my wrist as we stepped out of the elevator. I couldn't tell what was going to happen now. Principal Walter had also informed us of Cullen's visit the previous night, and Robb's fall. Things did happen with this kid. I swallowed deeply as we strolled down the hallway. I feared if Zach had been saying the truth. I feared if Devan truly didn't remember me. I was supposed to be happy at least, because that was what I had wanted all along. I had wanted to make him forget everything that had to do with me, and now he had, however that joy I had thought I was going to feel when he did, it just wasn't there. "Are you alright, Ellen? We're here." Zach announced, as he drew me closer to his side. We walked into the room, and I hoped he w
ELLEN The ceiling fan whirred softly, barely producing enough air to reduce the heat that enveloped the room. I turned around, trying to find a better position that suited me. BJ's snores took a higher tempo, and I could tell that he was fast asleep now. I turned to my side on the bed, again, grunting and grumbling, as the heat refused to subside. Exhaustion took the better part of me, and I forced myself to a sitting position. What had I expected from a motel as this one. This was the cheapest one I had been able to find. In fact, this was the only place I had been able to afford. Suzy wasn't back to the room yet. She had stepped out to take a call about an hour ago, and hadn't returned since then. I wondered what was taking her time. I stretched out on the bed, and stood to my feet, yawning tiredly. I couldn't sleep, and no matter what I tried, the sleep refused to come. "Ellen?" Suzy called, pushing the door opened, as she stepped in. I stood fac
DEVAN Regrets, and making bad choices went hand in hand. The house hadn't been the same since Mum had realised what she had done. She had suddenly withdrawn into her shell, barely speaking out anymore. I could barely imagine the amount of disappointment she felt at that point, but I wasn't ready to ease her agony so quickly. School was were I buried myself in now, mostly to keep myself busy, and keep the crazy thoughts away. It wasn't going to be the same anymore. Mum sat by the window side, staring blankly through the window, with a steaming hot cup of coffee in her hand. Each time I looked at her, I knew I had to help her, but it was going to be difficult. She always had a hand in everything that went wrong at home. What was a little pain compared to the series of insults that I had been forced to go through in her hands. I held unto the sides of the wheelchair I was seated in, and slowly forced an exhale out. "I see you, Devan." She said, breaking t
ELLEN A loud, startling knock on the door, flung me off the bed in trepidation. I glanced quickly at my feet, and hissed lightly. My shoes were still on, I hadn't taken them off after getting into the room. I sat at the edge of the bed, and began to pull at them, when the knock came again. I took my shoes hastily, and stared blankly at the wall clock. The time read two A.M. However, the time hadn't served as enough deterrent to whoever was banging on my door. Maybe I shouldn't have rented a room at this motel, I should probably have gone for another one. A safer one, perhaps. A thousand and one thoughts ran through my head, as I held my shoe up in my left hand, just in case there was a need for it, and began to move towards the door. Was there a possibility that Devan and Robb had managed to find me so quickly? I couldn't tell, until I opened the damned door. "Who's at the door?" I quizzed, with shaky hands, and a shoe in it. The silence was enough
DEVAN I could almost swear that she had noticed that our gazes were fixed on her, yet, she busied herself about the room, as if she didn't care. My heart ached to ask her all the crazy questions that burned at my heart. Why was she doing this? I heard Dad say something loudly, but we were all too preoccupied to even care at the moment. Mum began humming a song, as she went about her duties. I didn't know what to feel at that moment, anger, or resentment that she had only noticed me, after Matt's death. "Ms Barker, could I please get something to eat? It was a long walk from school." Sam pleaded, as Mum beamed a wide smile at him. "Of course, Sammy Boy. You're always welcome here. What would like me to get you?" She quizzed, scratching at her elbows agitatedly. Sam's fingers flew to his head, for a brief moment, as if trying to come up with something, and then thy dropped to his side again weakly. "Anything is fine, ma'am. I wouldn't want to be so much o
ELLEN My eyes opened as Robb brought the car to a halt. I exhaled deeply, excited all over again. I was finally home, and although I didn't know where my home was yet though,but I was excited. "You look happy." Robb commented, as the engine died down. I nodded, and beamed a smile at him. "Well, I should be. I was away for too long." He chuckled lightly, and stared at me with a confusing gaze. "You think so? Things aren't the same as you left them." "Oh, come on, Robb. Everything's just fine." "No, it isn't!" He snapped, slamming his hands against the steering wheel. I was taken aback by his reaction. I lifted my hand gently, and rested it on his arm, as he sighed. "What's going on, Robb? Tell me." "Ellen..." He began swallowing deeply. "There's something I should have told you before, but I couldn't bring myself to do it." "What are you talking about, Robb? Spill it already." "It's not good, I promise ." I faked a smile, and patted his a
DEVAN Time they say, had a way of doing things to you, changing you, breaking you, or making you. In all of these processes, you were considered as a chief factor, and I was in this one, somehow. Mornings were usually the busiest, school work, and having to endure the taunting and long stares from everyone at school. Not like I cared much though, but driving through the school halls always had a way of reminding me of a life I had once lived, in fear and in the shadows. That life was due for a change. Maybe, it was time I did something really meaningful with my life. I didn't know what it was then, but I was getting there. It was only going to take a short while now. I tapped my hands gently against the wheelchair, as I drove through the halls receiving the usual whispers, and hushed talks from the bunch of students around the hallway. Exhaustion got the better of me, as I shook my head slightly in pity. "You don't look so good, Devan." A voice said behind m
ELLEN Cups of coffee sat on the table between us, and the rising sun behind us. I was clearly exhausted, and how much I ached to free myself from Cullen's piercing eyes. He was quiet, and a little distant than I had known him to be. With eyes fixed on me, watching every move, and every gesture that I made. I didn't know what to do, or think. I mean, after all the time I had spent rehearsing, and coming up with words to say to him, when I finally got the chance to, yet here I was, as mute and silent as a lamb. "What's in your mind?" He quizzed, staring intently into my face. I shook my head slightly, regaining myself. "Nothing," I said hurriedly. "I mean, you're the one who's been withdrawn. You weren't like this the last time I saw you. What's happened to you?" He chuckled softly, and sipped at his coffee. "I'm the same person, Ellen. You just didn't know this part of me." I nodded in pretense. And of course, I didn't understand a word he had uttered.
DEVAN Somehow, all of this still seemed pretty new to me. I had my memory back, and honestly, I had never felt as alive, as I did right now. I rode my wheelchair around the house in impatience, I was alone at home. Robb hadn't returned since he left, and now Mum also was taking too much time at the hospital. It had been a long while since I had been at the house, it seemed different from the last time. Probably because I had my legs then? Sad. A car honk blared loudly, and I drove to the window hurriedly. And just as I expected, it was Mum helping Dad out of the car. Matt's death had tightened the cords that held us as a family. Maybe that was what we had ended? A little it of something macabre? I shook my head hastily to clear it of the thoughts that filled it. Mum was at the door now with Dad. I didn't know what to do, I just sat there waiting for the door to be pushed open. In a moment, Mum stepped into the house, and Dad began turning his head around hu
ELLEN I clearly didn't look forward to the break of day. I knew what Suzy was going to do, but still, I wasn't ready to succumb to her demand. It had been a long night, and as far as I could remember, I had barely blinked an eye. Suzy had barely slept also, as I had felt her toss from side to side on the bed next to me. She wanted to get her life back, and I wanted mine also. And there was no possible way I was going to sacrifice living the very life I had fantasized about living, just because she needed my help. That wasn't fair to me. That morning, I had gone about my regular business just like the previous night, and from what I could tell, Suzy wasn't interested in me, just as I wasn't also. I mean, we were both so different, but yet, there was this kind of connection that I felt like we both shared unknowingly. I was bent over a bag, as I arranged a few stuff I had left into it. Big Joe hadn't even been kind enough to let me come back to the house to