Chapter 2 - Zelena part 2

Zelena.

“Are you okay?” It was that same smooth and velvety voice that I have been daydreaming about all day. It was deep and demanding and left me with a warmness spreading through my chest.

I peered out from behind my locker door. Oh my God, it was him. I took a deep breath and that smell hit me. Hot air on a summer day, delicious. A lump grew in my throat and I thought I might faint. I quickly dropped my head, I didn't want him to see my horrendous face. I nodded softly. He lifted his hand and placed it over the top of my own, that was gripping the locker door. Feeling terrified, I quickly dropped my hand, sliding it out from under his, slicing my palm open on the corner of the door as I did. I hissed and scrunched my nose at the small pinching pain.

“Sorry, sorry I didn't mean to scare you” he quickly spluttered as he took a small step back.

I grabbed my hand and lifted it to my face to investigate the damage.

“Oh shit, your hand” he said as he stepped forward grabbing both my hands in his, forcing me to drop my jumper.

I looked at him with terror at the thought of what he might to do. He must think I'm such an idiot for cutting myself, surely it made him mad too. My eyes wide with anticipation, waiting for my punishment. I froze, my body stiffened, waiting expectedly. He looked at my face and must have seen the terror in my expression. He gently and slowly let go of my hands, a move that surprised me.

“Sorry” he said as he slowly raised his hands in surrender.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you”.

Hurt me? He didn’t mean to hurt me. I did that to myself, it was all my fault, why would he be sorry. I looked at him curiously as I held my hurt hand to my chest.

“Will you let me help you?” he asked me softly, still holding his hands out.

I didn’t understand. I am a monster compared to this beautiful being. Why would he care, why would he want to help me? I nodded again slowly. He held out his hand toward me gesturing for me to take it. I pulled away turning my body away from him. He dropped his hand and looked at me with sadness and confusion. My own confusion was ebbing its way into my brain, why the heck would this boy care anyway?

“That’s okay” he said softly, bending over to pick up my spare jumper.

“Follow me” he turned around and started walking slowly down the hall. He paused and looked back at me to see if I was following. He smiled. A big toothy grin that covered the bottom half of his face. Oh my goodness, that smile. Everything inside me melted. My fear and panic just slipped away. I felt warm and fuzzy inside. I felt safe. I nodded again and closed my locker. I trailed off behind him as he led me to his locker in the next hall. He looked at me again and smiled. I dropped my head letting my hair fall over my face. He opened his locker and pulled out a greyish blue bandanna, holding it up for me to see.

“May I?” he asked, gesturing to my hand that I was still holding up to my chest. I looked down at my hand and looked at the bandanna. I glanced up at his face, he was still smiling. So, I nodded and held out my hand. He slowly placed my jumper over my shoulder and I resisted the urge to flinch at his movements, then he carefully began to wrap his bandanna around the cut on my hand.

If only he knew how insignificant this tiny cut is. If only he knew the thrashings and lashings that I get at home. This small little cut is nothing. I have scars and slashes all over my back and stomach from beatings way worse than this tiny little scratch. If only he knew. But I have never had someone offer to help me before, I've never had someone even be remotely nice to me before. Why do I feel so comfortable with his hands on mine? I've never liked being touched, though I've never had someone touch me so soft and gently, not like this.

He tied the ends of the bandanna together to keep it from coming off. I let my hand rest in the palm of his hand. It looked so tiny sitting there like that. I looked so tiny standing next to him. I've always been small framed but that could just come down to being malnourished. I like to think that I'm a little like my mother, but I don’t remember what she looks like, so I wouldn’t know for sure.

I could feel his eyes on me as I stared at our hands together. He gently rubbed this thumb on the back of my hand. It all felt so intimate. My body relaxed and that same warmth I felt before, spread through my arms and legs, I still didn’t completely understand it. Why would anyone that looks like him, care about someone like me.

The surprise of the bell ringing made me jump. I pulled my hand from his and crossed my arms in front of my body. The hallway got louder as people started making their way to their next class.

“Gunner, we gotta go” I heard Cole say behind the big, beautiful man. I glanced around his massive frame and saw both Cole and Smith were standing there. I hadn’t even noticed them there before. Were they there the whole time, did they see my stupid clumsy accident? Oh how embarrassing. The beautiful boy crouched down slightly to be closer to my face and whispered loud enough for me to hear over the noise of the hallway,

“My name’s Gunner” he said. I leant back a little, scared of his sudden closeness to me. He stood up straight again and tilted his head to the side slightly.

“Can I see you after school?”

No. This is just a dream, surely it is. Maybe that beating last night was worse than I thought. Maybe I'm unconscious on the basement floor and this is all just happening in my head. There is no way on earth that this person wants to spend time with me. Not me. No way. I shook my head a little, not looking at his face.

“Hmph” he groaned unmoving,

“I’ll see you later” he said confidently and then he turned and walked away.

I leant back on the locker behind me and tried to catch a breath. As he disappeared from view, I could feel the same lonely darkness creep back into my chest. I quickly changed out my jumpers, put my head down, and shuffled off to my next class.

The rest of the day dragged on and on. After what felt like days, the final bell rang at last. As usual, I very slowly gathered my things, waiting for majority of the kids to clear out before I make my way to my locker. The longer I wait the less people I have to see. And I like it that way.

I walked out the doors and there he was. Gunner. Leaning against the fence, arms crossed in front of him, and one knee bent up with his foot resting on the fence. Ugh, he is perfection. He was laughing and talking with Cole and Smith. Jeez they were inseparable. What were they still doing here anyway? Everyone else had gone already, what were they waiting for.

Gunner turned his head and saw me at the door. He quickly stood up off the fence and turned to face me with a half-smile across his face. Cole and Smith were looking at me as well. Smith again doing his wiggle finger wave. I bowed my head and headed for the gate.

“Hey Zelena” Smith called out in a sing-song voice. I glanced up and saw Cole elbow him in the ribs, Smith looked at him and mouthed ‘what’.

I put my head back down and continued for the gate.

“Hey there” smirked Gunner,

“I thought we might walk you home” he said nodding to his friends behind him.

Why would they want to walk me home? Are they just trying to get me alone so they can attack me? I started to feel a little scared and confused. Why were they showing me so much attention? The three boys stood by the gate looking at me intently, waiting for me to respond.

“W-why?” I questioned quietly.

“Well, because it would be a good chance for us to talk” Gunner responded without hesitation. What would we have to talk about, we are nothing alike and I doubt we have anything in common.

“Why would you want to talk to me?” I asked assertively.

Gunner tilted his head to the side, a confused look spread across his face.

“You’re beautiful Zelena, why wouldn’t I want to talk to a beautiful girl?”.

I scoffed quietly at his remark. What on earth is he talking about. I'm not beautiful, I'm broken. He is either playing some kind of game or he is blind.

“I'm not beautiful, I’m an ugly swamp monster” I whispered with a hint of disdain in my tone. I dropped my head, letting my hair cover my face and I crossed my arms with a slouch to my shoulders.

Smith let out a giggle and Gunner snapped his head around and growled a deep ferocious growl, the kind an animal would make. I’ve never heard a human growl like that before, it was strange to say the least.

“What?” Smith squeaked throwing his hands in the air,

“She’s funny” he chuckled. Cole hit him over the back of the head and Gunner huffed at him, turning his gaze back to me.

“Don’t ever say that about yourself again” Gunner said as he leaned forward, crouching down so that his face was in line with mine.

“You, Zelena, are breathtaking”.

My insides melted, my knees felt weak under my tiny frame. I stumbled back a bit as I was caught off guard by his intensity and warmth. He quickly stood up straight and stepped back away from me. I looked up at him, his brilliant blue eyes still set on mine. I must be out of my damn mind.

“Okay” I said as I zigzagged through the giant boys and out the gate. The three boys followed closely behind me.

We were walking through the forest taking my usual route home. Gunner was walking next to me, Cole and Smith were just behind us.

“So, tell me about yourself” Gunner said with a smile. I shook my head a little, not looking up at him.

“Not a big talker are you?” he asked, I shook my head again.

“This is going great so far” I heard Smith whisper to Cole,

“Shut up” Cole whispered back. I don’t think they knew I could hear them. Gunner growled out of the corner of his mouth at them. I looked up at him and he quickly smiled back at me. I glanced behind me, and Cole and Smith were behind us, close but definitely not close enough to hear them whisper. Weird.

“You lived here long?” Gunner asked,

“As long as I can remember”

“Wow ay, you’ve never lived anywhere else then?”

“No” I shrugged

“So why are you so quiet at school?” he looked down at me waiting for me to answer.

“I, I um, I-I just don’t fit in there” I mumbled. He was quiet for a minute as we kept walking slowly.

“That Demi sure is a piece of work”.

I huffed at him, of course he thinks she’s gorgeous, why wouldn't he. So that’s why he is talking to me, he thinks that messing with me is going to somehow impress Demi.

“Yeah, a right piece of shit” Cole yelled out from behind us. He and Smith laughed and nudged each other. I looked up at Gunner, he was laughing too. Wait, so he doesn’t like Demi then? He looked down at me and our eyes met for a second. I felt butterflies in my stomach and a burning in my chest. I’ve never had a crush before, is this what a crush feels like. He smiled at me and his blue eyes sparkled. I felt a tingle run through my body. From my toes to my fingers, up and down my arms and legs. It was like hot needles were poking into my spine and a pang of fiery pain hit me in the chest, knocking the wind out of me. I stopped walking and grabbed at my chest leaning forward. What was happening to me?

“Whoa, Zee, are you okay?” Gunner had knelt down in front of me, his hands were on my shoulders. Did he call me Zee, did he just give me a nick name? Holy shit the pain!

“Zelena, what’s wrong?” he asked again, his voice was shaking, like he was scared or something. He couldn’t possibly be worried about me, he doesn’t even know me.

“What’s going on” I heard Cole next to me, I felt his hands grab around my waist and I winced from the contact. Gunner lifted his head and growled at him, what’s with this guy and growling? It worked though as Cole let me go.

“Is she alright?” he asked Gunner,

“I don’t know, she just kind of stopped” Gunner responded,

“What do you mean she just stopped?” demanded Smith,

“I don’t know” growled Gunner,

“I felt her pain and then she shuddered and just stopped”.

Did Gunner just say that he felt my pain? How could he feel my pain, what does that even mean? He put his hand under my chin and lifted my head to look at him. With his other hand he gently pulled the hood off my head. I open my eyes and his face was right there in front of me. I could feel his warm breath over my cheeks. His hand on my chin was sending electric sparks down my neck. His eyes staring into my soul. He placed his other hand on my cheek and took a deep breath. Oh God, what was he going to do? Was he trying to kiss me? Of course he wasn’t going to kiss me, don’t be ridiculous. I was scared, I didn’t know what was happening to me. I closed my eyes tight and listened to my body. The lashes on my back were still stinging but it was my bones that were aching. My ribs felt like they were being pulled and pushed every which way. My spine felt like it was twisting and turning.

“Zelena, open your eyes” Gunner’s voice was soft and calming.

“Zelena, I want you to open your eyes and look at me”.

I obeyed, I opened my eyes and looked at him. His face still directly in front of mine. I could feel his breath on my face, I could smell his skin. His hand on my cheek felt warm and safe. I looked deep into his eyes. His beautiful blue eyes. But that wasn’t all I could see. There was something else in his eyes, it was like a feeling, like a wave of calm washing over me.

“Take a breath Zee. Take a long breath and try to relax” he whispered calmly, so I did. Keeping my eyes on his, I breathed in deep and very slowly breathed out. As I released the air from my lungs, with it went the aching in my arms and legs, the twisting pain in my back and chest. The heat I could feel running through my body, all of it went out of me with that one deep breath.

“Duuuude” Smith exclaimed. I heard Cole smack him over the head again.

“That’s better” Gunner sighed.

I slowly stood up straight as Gunner got up from the dirt. His hand was still firmly placed on my left cheek, his gaze still locked with mine.

“I’m s-sorry” I mumbled,

“I don’t know what just happened”. I lowered my head and pulled away from his hand.

“It’s all good Zee, but we gotta go” he said, stepping back from me and standing in line with Cole and Smith. I’ve ruined everything now, they think I’m an absolute nutcase. My stupid little freak out moment has them running for the hills.

“Will you be okay to get home from here?” Gunner asked with a tilt of his head. I pulled my hood back over my head and nodded. He grabbed my hand and gave it a little squeeze.

“See you tomorrow” he sung. And with that, they were gone.

What did I just do, what was that back there? I was hating myself the rest of the walk home. I'm such a freak. What kind of eighteen-year-old has a semi heart attack in the middle of a forest.

I got to my front door and paused, I just needed one more minute before I went inside. I know that I’m late and he isn’t going to be happy. I just hope that he hasn’t had too much to drink already. I opened the door and walked through. Straight away a bottle came flying at my head. I fell to the ground to avoid it, slamming the door closed as I fell. The bottle smashed on the door frame and I was showered in glass. A shard cut my cheek and a bit of blood trickled down my face.

“Where the fuck have you been, you worthless cunt?” he screamed as he stomped over to me. I curled myself up against the closed door.

“I’M SORRY” I shouted.

“Don’t you fucking shout at me you gutter slut” he yelled as he grabbed hold of my hair, pulling me to my feet. He was drunk, I could smell it on him. He was sweaty and dirty, the stench of him made me feel nauseous.

“You were supposed to be here half an hour ago to cook dinner and clean the fucking kitchen” he screamed in my face, his saliva spitting on my cheeks as he screamed. I had my eyes closed tight but there were tears running down my face.

“I know, I’m sorry” I sobbed as I held onto the base of my hair. The pain coursing through my head was profound. He threw me against the wall, my back slamming into the plaster. I felt some of my half-healed wounds open up again and start to bleed. I fell to the floor on my hands and knees with my head down. I wanted to get up and run, I wanted to fight back, but I couldn’t. I was frozen in fear. I am always frozen in fear in the face of this man.

“Go and fucking cook something before I lose my temper” he spat. I hurried up off the floor and half ran, half stumbled, into the kitchen. Once away from the stench of my father, I grabbed a tea towel and wiped at the blood dripping down my cheek. I can feel the blood pooling under my shirt on my back. I reached behind me and very gently ran my fingers over my ripped skin. As I lifted my hand to my face, I could see the fresh blood over my fingertips. There’s not much I can do about that right now. It will have to wait until later. The kitchen is a mess, he’s been in here again today, pulling everything out of the cupboards in his terrible attempt to feed himself. I tossed the tea towel on the bench and stood in front of the fridge. I rested my forehead against the fridge door and wiped away the tears that threatened to fall.

Why? Why is this my life?