Chapter Four

The sky was a deep shade of blue littered with thousands of glowing stars and the evening breeze was cool against my skin as I sat in the bay window of the Alpha House. The day Alpha Allison was discharged from the infirmary, she insisted that Ben and I move into the Alpha house, citing that she needed help with Dominic and I was powerless to disagree.

There was a low rumble that emanated from the living room downstairs, which was followed by the smell of popcorn. Everything around me was peaceful and at some point in my life the smell of popcorn would have me racing down the stairs, but the peace inside me didn’t match the world around me and that alone froze my muscles in place. 

“Sophia?” A soft knock on my bedroom door startled me, I didn’t even hear someone coming up the stairs. 

“Alpha Allison, I’m sorry I didn’t hear you coming.” I hurriedly pulled the door open, worried that she might scold me for locking it, but she only chuckled. 

“Not to worry dear, all the rooms in the house are soundproof.” She assured which made me sigh in relief, I didn’t even know those worked on werewolves. “May I come in?” She asked, looking into the room behind me with curiosity.

“Of course, it’s your house after all.” I stepped aside, my eyes falling to the ground as I felt my heart rate increase. 

“Indeed it is, but this-” She gestured around the room, “is your space and you have the right to allow or deny anyone entrance to your space, understand?” She asked somewhat sternly which made me flinch but nod anyway. 

“Sorry…” I mumbled. She was a very nice lady, but I still didn’t understand how she could help me or why she thought she could. She may have had a similar experience to mine, but she was the shadow wolf, the strongest wolf in the world. 

“We’ll have to work on those apologies of yours. Would you mind if we had a little chat, I brought popcorn?” It was then that I noticed the barrel in her hands which she held up hopefully and I found myself unable to deny her. “Great, is the bay window okay?” She asked, already walking towards the cushioned seat I had recently vacated. 

“Thank you.” I hesitantly reached for the popcorn she offered me and held my breath as I put a piece in my mouth. As the buttery flavour touched my tongue, I felt the snack melt in my mouth, the taste was both familiar and foreign and it brought all the memories rushing back, memories I was sure I’d buried deep in my subconscious. 

“Oh, Sophia, honey don’t cry.” I hadn’t even realized there were tears running down my face until she spoke and I quickly wiped them away. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” I sniffed, trying to get rid of the feelings bubbling up inside me knowing that she was watching me intently.

“It’s a difficult thing, isn’t it? The memories sneak up on you when you least expect them and sometimes you think it’s easier not to feel at all, that if you pretend nothing’s wrong, the pain will go away.” Her eyes were unfocused as she leaned against the wall and stared at the night sky. 

“Yeah.” I didn’t know if she expected an answer, but the look on her face compelled me to speak.

“The truth is, Sophia; It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter whether choose to accept the pain or reject it, it’s still there.” Her eyes found mine and the truth in them made me flinch. “Everyone says it gets better with time, but time isn’t responsible for healing, it’s responsible for change, and because of that, I can tell you it won’t always be like this.” Her words were meant to be comforting, but they made my heart ache more and she must have noticed that because she smiled. 

“I’ve always connected with people’s pain by relating it to my own and it’s when you do that, that you realize that everyone feels it and that it’s not comparable, because neither of us has walked a day in anyone else’s shoes. So I won’t pretend to know what you’re going through or what you’ve been through, but I can tell you with absolute certainty that tomorrow won’t be the same as today.” 

I wanted to believe her, I wanted so badly to trust the words she spoke because that’s the effect she had on people, but every day since the day my mother took her last breath felt like a repetition of that one. 

“I know you don’t know me or what my intentions are and my words may mean nothing to you, but I’ll say it anyway; I want to help you and I want to be there for you if you’ll let me.” She reached over to squeeze my arm and I bit back the need to pull away. “If you ever need something or want to talk about something, I am here, any time of the day or night.” Her eyes were alight with truth and I nodded, like I said, something about her made me want to trust her. 

Alpha Allison shut the door behind her, leaving behind the barrel of buttery popcorn on the seat, the smell was far stronger than it had been when I caught it wafting through the window earlier, and seeing it in front of me made me want to reach out and eat some and throw the barrel through the open window at the same time. 

Thoughts of my mother’s smiling face haunted me. I could still hear the way she giggled when my dad spun her around in his arms. Their love was one to be desired, and their devotion to each other and their family was something I’d always wished for, until now. My dad loved my mother more than anything in the world, so much that it killed him when she left. 

My mind flew to a memory I’d long buried in my mind and for the first time since she died, I understood a little better.

~~~

“Do you ever think about your wolf?” Jasper asked suddenly, never taking his eyes off the paper aeroplane he was folding out of my most recent sketch. 

“What do you mean?” I looked up at him curiously. 

“I mean what’s it like? Is it like another person constantly talking in your head, do wolves even talk at all? I wonder about these things.” He stuck his tongue out in concentration as he struggled to make a neat fold with the paper on his lap. 

I slid my sketchbook beneath the paper plane, “I’ve never really thought about it, but when you get your wolf, you can tell me all about it.” I grinned. 

Jasper made the last fold and held up the plane to launch it into the forest, “Have you ever thought about your mate?” He wondered, his eyes never leaving his creation as it glided through the air and for that I was grateful, cause it meant he didn't see the furious blush on my cheeks. 

“I don’t know, my mum says we all have one,” I responded shyly. 

Jasper hopped off the rock when the plane finally landed on the forest floor a few metres away, “Yeah, but not everyone finds their mate. Like Maria, she doesn’t have a mate.” He pointed out and knelt to pick up the plane, dusting it off as he did. 

I just shrugged in response, I didn't really want to talk about the potential of having a mate that wasn’t Jasper. He was everything my mother had warned me against as a young girl and yet I couldn’t bring myself to stop the uneven beating of my heart when he was nearby. 

“Let’s make a pact. If you turn twenty-five and neither of us has found our mates, we’ll marry each other.” He looked at me like he’d just come up with the world’s best plan. 

“And what if only one of us had found our mate by then?” I challenged and for a moment Jasper had his thinking face on. 

“We’ll run away and get married anyway.” He grinned wickedly while my face morphed into one of horror. 

“Jasper!” I gasped. 

“Oh relax, Fia, I’m only messing with you. I have a deal with the Moon Goddess already, she knows you have to be my mate.” He winked and my cheeks flamed. 

“You’re annoying.” I huffed, dragging my sketchbook back onto my lap to block out the swooning of my heart. 

“Don’t be embarrassed, Fia. You’re my very best friend, there’s no one in the world I’ll ever love as much as I love you.” He pinched my cheeks and laughed heartily at the redness of my face. 

“I hate you,” I mumbled moodily.

“You could never hate me.” He boasted and took his seat beside me once again to launch the paper aeroplane deeper into the forest. 

I hated to admit it, but he was right. No matter what there was no way I’d ever hate him.