Part 1
I'm from a lost place. A place that seems to be nothing more than a small mountain town, nestled in the forest and kept from the world. People don't come around here, and that's how we like it. We are free to be ourselves that way.
I grew up in the trees. We have our houses and stores and parks and other things that humans have grown accustomed to, but we spend most of our time outside, in the breeze and under the stars. That's one thing I'll regret leaving behind—the magic of the mountain night sky. My mother says that in the cities you can't see a thing, only darkness.
But sometimes even the mountain night sky doesn't show enough. I want to see everything. Every star and planet and galaxy—everything that may or may not be—but I had to give up on that dream as I grew up. So I'll settle for the world. I'll hike every mountain range and walk along every beach; I'll get lost in towering cities and lay in flowering fields on rolling hills. I want the freedoms that a human girl my age would have.
My world, well, it has many ways of tying one down.
My mother ignores me when I talk about traveling and adventuring. She says true happiness is in the family—the pack.
She says a lot of things regarding the way I should live my life. My father doesn't say so much. He knows of my ambitions but is far too busy with his position to waste precious family time arguing. As our Alpha's Beta, he's gone early in the morning and doesn't get back till late at night. I thought that maybe it bothered my mother as much as it bothers me, but she's proud to be mated to a Beta.
She only hopes that I get so lucky.
"But if my mate is a Beta, I'll have to leave for—for forever," I counter.
My mother sits down at the table after preparing our dinner. She looks over her plate and picks up her fork. "You're right. I had to leave my pack for months, traveling around just to find my mate with the other girls of age, just as you'll have to now that we know your mate isn't here. Now, maybe if your father wasn't so important we could move to your mate's pack, but, well, things are how they are."
I poke around at my food and say, "You know I'm not doing that."
"Don't, Brigette. Don't start."
I swipe the long, black strands of hair from my face and sit back. My mother tries to ignore me, but she steals glances at my defiance. "I just think it's a waste. Going from pack to pack, possibly across the world just to see if some random guy is my mate. All of these beautiful places, but those girls don't see any of it. I don't even want—"
The sound of her fork hitting her plate cuts me off. She takes a breath. I close my lips, knowing that pushing her buttons won't get me anywhere.
"Where's Dad?" I ask. It's best to change the subject before she goes on a tangent about mates and how much they matter to us.
"You know where he is. I'm sure he'll come home as soon as he can."
It isn't until we've both finished eating that I hear the front door open. I glance to my mother from the table. She's cleaning up in the kitchen, but she stops and calls, "Dale?"
Dad appears from around the corner, his chest sinking as air pours out of him. He's tired—long day—but he always manages to come over and kiss the top of my head.
"I'll heat up your plate," Mom says.
He pulls out the chair beside me and sits down. "What took so long?" I ask.
"We have an Alpha visiting from another pack in a few days," he tells us. "We were finishing up some plans. Actually, the Alpha invited all of us for dinner when the visitors get here."
"Oh," my mother breathes, "how lovely. Please, send the Alpha our thanks."
My Dad glances to me as he says, "Yes, yes, I will." He frowns a little at my face. The last thing I want to do is attend some fancy dinner party for a bunch of high-standing men. "It's just one dinner," he tells me. "All you have to do is say hello, eat, and say thank you."
"How many hours?"
He shrugs. "No more than three."
My lips part. "Three?"
"Brigette, stop it," my mother says as she places my Dad's plate down in front of him. "You can see the Alpha's daughter again. You know how much she likes you."
Our Alpha's daughter is fourteen. All she likes talking about is her first shift nearing and then being able to find her mate. I can't understand why she's waiting for such things already. Her first shift is two years away and her mate at least another four. However, she loves to talk to me about mates because I'm able to find mine. Every time I see her, she asks if I've found him.
I give my Dad another look and he squeezes my shoulder reassuringly.
"I don't know, some Alpha is coming. I guess they get here tomorrow."
"Really? Sounds exciting."
I shake my head. "I have to go to a welcome dinner with my family. The only person I have to talk to is Amabell."
Lindsey and I walk through the forest toward the lake where we often hang out as the sun sets. There is a lovely view there of the sun falling behind the mountains. I had to get out of the house. My mother wouldn't stop rummaging through my closet for something for me to wear tomorrow night.
"Amabell isn't so bad," Lindsey says, trying to make me feel better. "Besides, how many people can say they've been in a room full of Alphas and Betas and Lunas? I don't know about you, but important people are so interesting. It's just exciting to be around them."
"It's less exciting when your Dad is one of them," I say.
"Well, I wish I could go to something like that. If anything, you know there's going to be good food."
We come up to the lake. A gentle fog has settled over the water in the distance, and it draws near as the last bits of color drain from the sky. There are a few fallen trees that we have made into seats by the water's edge. I lay on my back as Lindsey sits next to my head. We relax in the soft noise of the wakening forest around us, but it isn't long until Lindsey shifts beside me and asks, "What are you going to do? You know, out there alone?"
I peer up at her dropped face. "I've told you. I'm going to see the world. I going to swim in the Mediterranean Sea and climb through the A****n jungle. I'm going to do everything."
"And how are you going to get to all those places? What about money and safety and your family?"
I slowly lift up as I say, "I'll figure it out. I have some money saved up, and safety isn't an issue when you're like us. I'll hitchhike, be a stowaway, sneak—"
"And your family?"
"What about them? They'll be here. My Dad will continue as our Beta and my mom will continue to enjoy it."
Lindsey peers to the side. "But you're their only child."
"Maybe I'll come back for a visit or two," I shrug. "They know that this is what I want. I'm sure it won't be a surprise."
"And your mate?"
"I don't have one."
"Not yet," she reminds me. "But you will."
I watch her sweet face. "I'll be gone before that happens. And trust me, I won't be nearing any pack territories while I'm off."
Lindsey sighs and grabs a pebble from the ground. She fiddles with it before tossing the thing into the water, making a plunking sound as it disappears. I too face the water. Only a faint glow from the sun is left above the mountains.
"We've been friends for a long time," she says.
"I know. You're the only person who gets me here. You're the only person that can see past the pack and mates and all of that."
Lindsey turns to me, swinging one of her legs over the tree trunk to the other side. "So what am I supposed to do when you just run away?"
I swallow. "Well, you have Timothy."
"Yeah, I know, but you're my best friend."
My shoulders drop. I think for a moment then say, "What about that time you said you'd come with me?"
"That was before I found Timothy, Brigette."
"Mates," I murmur. "Now do you see why I don't want one?"
"Hey, I love Timothy. I-I wouldn't give him back for anything."
"I know. We just want different things. You like having a mate. You like being a part of a pack, and I don't, so I have to do what's best for me."
Lindsey falls silent for a moment. "So when are you leaving then?"
"I don't know. Soon, I think. It's about time."
"Will—will you at least say goodbye before you do?"
I glance over, hating the sad look on her face. "Of course. You'll be the last person I see before I go, okay? And if—when I come back, you're the first person I'll look for."
Lindsey takes a breath. Her lips part but before she can speak, a presence from behind us steals her attention. She turns to the shadowed trees and softens. A grey wolf steadily emerges from the darkness. Timothy.
"Looks like your mate's come to bring you home," I say lightly, standing up.
She looks back at me. "He doesn't like when I'm out here too late."
"It's fine," I say. "Go on. I'm going to stay here for a little while longer."
"Are you sure? We can walk you back."
"I'm sure."
Lindsey smiles and makes her way to her mate's side. Her hand strokes the wolf's face in adoration. "Okay, I'll see you later then. And don't stay out too late."
"I won't," I assure her and watch as the two vanish between the trees, heading in the direction of the town's center.
My chest rises and falls as I look back to the lake, out at the water that's growing blacker by the minute. I could leave now if I wanted. I would be keeping my promise to Lindsey; she would have been the last person I've spoken to before escaping. If I left now I would also miss the dinner party that's looming over me like an exam or a doctor's appointment. However, I don't know how to get in and out of the house with both my parents home. I'd have to grab a few things.
The moon appears above me as grey clouds push out of the way. Moonlight shimmers against the water, giving me a peek into the beauty that's out there for me to see. Imagine the moonlight in Paris, over the Eiffel Tower, or the sunrise from a glacier in Greenland.
My eyes close as I picture all these magical places in my head.
I-I should probably go back—just for now. But I'll leave soon.
I promise myself that I'll leave soon.
"Brigette! We have to go!" I stumble around my bedroom, grabbing my shoes and throwing on a sweater, shrugging it over my exposed shoulders. Thesimple, yet elegantdress my mother picked out for me squeezes my waist as I bend over to secure each shoe on my bare feet. I hate it—every second in these clothes. "Brigette!" "I'm coming!" I call back and hurry down the hall. My hands hold the tough fabric in place as I rush down the steps. My mother is standing at the bottom, and she turns to me with careful eyes. She scans over every inch of my being to assure I haven't stepped into the wrong shoes or grabbed the grey cardigan instead of the black one. But once she's sure I've followed her instructions, she says, "A
The Alpha steps toward me, and without a thought, I step back. A breath leaves his lips, his chest sinking with impatience. I stand as stiff as a board. "I thought maybe it was the audience making you, well, uncomfortable," he says. "You'll have to tell me what it is because I'm out of guesses." I watch him as a nervous look overcomes my face. My lips part only slightly for the slightest words, but not even those come out. The Alpha takes a few steps closer, and I feel the desk hit my backside. He pauses. "Don't—don't do that," I breathe, scolding his body for doing what it is wired to do. "Come near you?" He questions, not taking me seriously. "Yes."
One of the Alpha's men knocks on the door of one of the few guest houses as I stand behind him with my bag of things my mother threw together. I stare at the ground between my feet, thinking over the conversation I had with my parents after dinner. All I had to say was "the Alpha is my mate," for my mother to nearly enter cardiac arrest. And as usual, my father didn't say much. I sat on my bed as my mother packed some things to stay the night. I'm sure I would have been arguing with her, but my mind was consumed by everything-it still is. There were a couple things I could focus on as she rummaged through my drawers and bathroom: the Alpha is my mate, he's going to make me leave, and I have to escape-somehow. The door of the guest house opens. I look up and sigh. The Alpha dismisses my handler and brings me inside. I've never
I set the table as my mother finishes up dinner. She chats on and on about the things I've packed—clothes, necessities, and other small belongings—as I set out plates and cutlery. Dad is sitting at the end of the table reading some papers, for once home on time for dinner. Of course, it has to be my last dinner. "Oh, set out five plates, Brigie," my mother calls. "I invited Lindsey. I thought you would want to spend some time with her before you leave tomorrow. You have plenty to catch her up on." "Like how I'm leaving the pack? She'll love that," I say to myself. My dad peers up from his papers and sighs. "I know this is a big change, but it will be good for you," he says. "A new scenery and new people might be nice." "It will be very nice," mom adds.
A knock strikes my door before the sun has risen. I turn in bed and squeeze my pillow against my chest. The darkness outside of my windows tells me it's far too early to function. I hardly got enough sleep considering the emotional toll that's been dragging me through the mud for longer than I would like. I'm supposed to be long gone by now. Another knock comes. This time he asks, "Are you awake?" If I refuse to answer, will he think I'm dead? I turn back over and hike the covers up to my shoulders. After a minute of silence, the door slowly opens behind me. I bite my lip and close my eyes as I feel his gaze settle on me. "Brigette," he says, "we have to go." I hold my breath. "
After Helena-a nurturing, petite woman-makes me dinner, I return to the bedroom I woke up in to sort through my things. Jeremy took me around the pack for a good few hours and drained all my energy. However, I did get a good feel for the community, and he was right, this pack is very different from my home. I knew the second that he mentioned the training grounds that an escape here would be nearly impossible. David's bloodline must take their defenses seriously; when we visited those training, my stomach dropped. Some of those wolves are killing machines. They pounced and snapped with such fury that I almost believed they were truly fighting and not merely practicing. I watched them spar and thought for a moment about David doing such things. If the guards are this deadly, I can't imagine what their Alpha must be like. Because anothe
I stand stiff as each second feels like an hour. David waits for me to argue back, but I don't know what to say. I have nothing to do but stand here and hope that all the world falls away to finally find peace in nothingness. Then I don't have to be anyone. I'd have no promises to keep, no feelings to ignore, or dreams to conquer. "I know," I breathe. He stares at me as if begging the tears building in my eyes to stay there. "You don't have to, Brigette." "I do. I have to." David shakes his head and moves closer, and on instinct, I quickly move back. "Why do you have to?" "I-I just do. It's late. I have to go back to my, um, the room."
"Look who's here," Helena announces when she hears David enter the house. I lift my head from the counter and drop the cloth from my forehead. She takes the cooled thing from me then peers into the hallway. "We are in here," she calls to him. I bite my lip and dread the second he appears in the archway. I don't know what he's thinking after last night, and if Helena weren't here cooking me dinner, I would be safe in my bedroom. I'm sure the last thing he wants is to come home after a long day just to hear aboutmyheadache. How could my head hurt? All I've done is wake up and listen to Jeremy talk. Helena comes back in with David just behind her. She points to me and says, "Brigette isn't feeling well, aren't you? It's her head."
"Do you have the agreement?" "I got it," David says. I look from my reflection in the mirror over the dresser to see the folder clamped in his hand, hanging at his side. It seems like just the other day that I attended my first Union meeting here, but I don't mind the travel. Besides, the heavy snow outside reminds me of the winters at my old pack, minus the mountains, of course. David scans my body as if something will suddenly be out of place. I turn to him with my hands holding the underside of my rounded belly. "I know," I tell him, "I'm getting big." He approaches with gentle eyes and spreads his palm to feel my belly with a cautious touch. "Twenty-two weeks today—over halfway there." "Do you think you can make it?"
The sweet smell of cooking blackberries wafts in my face as I stir the fruit over the stove to make jam. Helena places the proofed dough loaf in the oven, and we function seamlessly, chatting through our work. "Do you think they will like jam? I hope they aren't picky." "Children are picky, but they will grow out of it. You know, my daughter was a very picky eater at first, so I would eat the food she feared and act as if it was the most wondrous tasting thing. She would see my reaction and immediately want to taste it. Most of the time, she would act the same way—smiling and sayingyum-my. She was a precious little thing." "I can't wait," I say. Helena comes to my side. "Here, dear. Let me take over. Sit down for a bit, won't you?"
Lyde and I sit together in the back seat of the SUV that picked us up from the airport. The sun is setting, and I am entirely exhausted, but my excitement to see David keeps me awake. Bonny flew home to Argentina from Germany, so without Jeremy, it is only the two of us returning. The decision to leave without Jeremy was out of my hands, but my guilt lingers and sours in my stomach. He left us, yet I feel the opposite. David is still unaware of everything—especially regarding Maybe Baby—but any moment now I'll be free to tell him each and every detail. We're nearing our territory, only ten or so minutes away. "Lyde," I say, looking from the window, "I just want to thank you for coming with me." Her eyes open and shift to me before closing again. She adjusts in her seat. "Of course,
The very moment my eyes open, I remain completely still. My fingers twitch, my throat swallows, and I soon realize that nothing happened last night. For some reason, it feels too good to be true. In just over four hours, I'll be giving my speech, and no one has tried to sabotage me. No one broke into my room and knocked me over the head and dropped me in the middle of the woods. No one drugged me and tied me up in the basement of the hotel. And thank the goddess above that I'm not dead. "Maybe Baby?" I call softly then glance under the sheets in search of blood, but there's none of that either. My unease sits on my shoulder as I work through my morning routine, kicking its feet into my chest and grabbing at my hair. I stand in front of the mirror and brush my teeth, but my eyes drif
Sunlight is diffused into a soft glow by the sheer curtain pulled over the large window in my room. I have been awake for a while already, yet I haven't left the bed. I lay on my back with my head propped against two pillows, and I rub my flat tummy as if casting a spell. The incantation is a murmur on my lips. "If you're in there, just hang on. We're only here for one more night, and then we'll get back home to your Daddy. I just need you to work with me, okay?" It's almost eight o'clock. Jeremy will knock on my door any moment now to make sure I'm getting myself ready for the day. There are meetings in the late morning all through the afternoon, then tonight we have a formal dinner which I packed a very sophisticated dress for—clean edges, all business. Without David, this is no more than a business trip, but maybe next time we can come together and explore Germany for an extra few da
"They're drawing my circle." I stand at the back doors in the kitchen. It's pitch black outside. We've either launched ourselves into the night sky or have stumbled into a place we are not supposed to be. "It's time," David says as he comes up behind me. His hands reach under my arms and caress my bump. Something moves inside of me, and my eyes shoot down to my round, ripened stomach. I gasp and swiftly turn to my love. David kneels before me and looks at my very pregnant belly. Fear strikes my core. "I-I don't remember—" "It's coming," he tells me. "It's time." I jolt and wake in my seat, submerged in the strange atmosphere of the airplane. Bonny is in the seat beside me, and i
"I think it's done." I lift my eyes from my computer screen to look at both Bonny and Jeremy as they sit at the dining table with me. Jeremy says, "Let's hear it." "Okay," I mutter and straighten up in my seat. Bonny watches with encouraging eyes, and I loosen up my shoulders. "Here it is." We've been working for the past two days since Bonny arrived. We leave for Germany the day after tomorrow, and the final piece of our preparations is my speech for the main discussion. And I think I've done it. "Hello, good afternoon, I am Luna Amin of the Amin Pack in North America, but please, call me Brigette. It isn't a secret that I am new to the Union, to leadership—I haven't been a Lun
Part 3 "Good morning, dear. How was your sleep?" "It's was fine," I tell Helena as I enter the kitchen, clad in a robe and shrugging off the mental residue of lovemaking. "Did David get something to eat before he left?" "He did," she assures me. "And I've got some stuff for you as well; the things we talked about yesterday." Yesterday I told Helena that I may be pregnant soon. I couldn't help myself, with all that's been happening, it wouldn't be a complete surprise. I sit at the counter island as she displays some pregnancy-related goods in front of me. "I've got the teas, the salve, and I even found the necklace I told you about." She holds up a dainty metal ch
"What did you do with the body," I ask, my back to my mate, the spray of the shower falling down on us like rain. "Aurora asked us to dispose of it," David says, rubbing up and down my shoulders. "How?" He sighs. "We burned it." "I'm starting to understand you were gone for so long." He leaves a kiss on my nape, and I turn to face him. "I have to speak with her after this. Tarlo is bringing her to the house, and you're welcome to sit in on our discussion. Maybe she'd appreciate your presence. You're her friend, after all." "How much did she see of it?" "Nothing. She stayed i