Fate is what takes you down that road you ever so often avoid taking. Take, for instance, just sitting on a rock and minding your own business before a complete stranger appears out of nowhere. At the time, I had no idea that it was where I was supposed to be with whom I am meant to be, doing what I should be doing...falling in love.
I wish I could have blamed gravity, but the truth was I fell in love. I fell deeper and deeper until I reached the deepest point. In the middle of all my chaos, there she was. You can call it destiny, or you can call it fate; the point is you will fall in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time.
Now that unexpected love has brought us to this point where both our lives, our love, and our future depend on what will happen in the next minute.
But I am frightened.
"Boo, is this what you really want? I thought that you wanted it to be a surprise?"
She looks at me from underneath her thick eye
Frustration is a feeling that one as a Marine experiences on a daily basis, yet you get frustrated because whatever you have planned has not gone the way it is intended. I know that sometimes I can be a bit hard on Isabella with discipline, I would like to say that I am an easy-going, free man, yet I would be lying.Now, much to that very frustration, Isabella has taken that little white envelope, and she has gone to take a nap. Now, can you only imagine the trickles of frustration that are boiling from my ears in utmost torture? I am starting to learn that the woman is doing it on purpose.So, I am being the patient man; well, I am trying to practice patience while she has her nap, and I have taken this time to add one to my collection of many that I have written to our unborn baby so far. I think if Isabella finds the box, she will have a good old laugh.At least I am not calling her a big green truck, but I might have referred to her as 'Old Betty.'Th
They say that happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know that you left open.Should this be said about fear?I wish I knew. All that I know is that changes are often very scary, especially if you do not know where you are heading.What else is scary is my wife-to-be, that is standing at the doorway, and she is not looking happy at all. Now I have learned, since these times that I have been home, that an angry pregnant woman is the worst that you can find. And I have just seemed to anger mine. So I am remaining quiet until she speaks first, but god, it is not speaking; it is the building of a great thunderstorm.With the rumble of her chest, there is a launch of words that come directly headed my way, "Clayton, did you open that envelope?""Boo…"Ya, I cannot get in a word as she lashes out again, "I am asking you a question? Did you open that envelope?""Boo…"Once again, I cannot get a word out as h
…Isabella POV…I have never felt such extreme anger towards a single soul in my life before. To say that my heart is not raging with hatred towards Clayton would be a lie.Did I love this man before?If you ask me now, then I would say no. I feel betrayed, and god knows I feel hurt. The pain that he has inflicted on me is one that you can never forgive. How can he dare open the envelope without me? How can he do this to me? Can I even dare to say do this to us?"What us?There is no such thing.I hate the man.Yet this man thinks that he can underestimate me; it only takes me but a snap of my control and I pull him back, "Oh no, you are not going anywhere. Explain yourself?"Isabella, I am not in the mood for this, you have clearly lost your mind and now I am on your attacking end."Oh no, he just did not call me that, "I have not lost my fucking mouth…""Oh, ya that you have lost as well."
Sometimes you say things in the heat of an argument, yet they say that it is when you actually mean something. I have repeatedly told Isabella that I hated her. Hate is such a strong word; I cannot even at this present moment of still being angry tell you if I meant it.Though she has, in turn, said some nasty things that were rather hurtful. Did she mean them? Or is it just those heated words that come from an argument?Whichever way, I don't know how our relationship will be now. Yes, she is standing with that envelop that I so wish to tear up. She has just realized that she lost her temper over complete nothing. Yet, she has not apologized.What have we become?So I only push past her and head to the room, but she calls me back, "I am sorry, Clayton.""Isabella, it is maybe a little bit too late for that."She only but drops her head, and I can hear the tiny sobs coming from underneath strained breaths. Now, do I hold her or just continue
…Isabella POV…Things have not gone back to normal like I hoped they would after our fight over a damn white envelope. Clayton has been sleeping in the guest room, and we are hardly in the same room together for five minutes. He has been spending a lot of time in the nursery, and then on an odd day, he will be out with Galland or checking up on Matty.He tries his very best to avoid me and any questions regarding the outfall. I know he said that we would talk about it, but he has not attempted to try. I guess I will just have to give him the space that he needs. Clayton can be a stubborn man, so I am looking at this being a fight that will still be out in the air for some time.Clayton is taking me to the Doctor today. We are going for my check-up. The time is creeping around the corner now; I only have fifteen weeks to go.Clayton has stopped rubbing my belly; I used to love it so much. To think a stupid envelope has not broken us up as a c
I watched Isabella's back for the final time as she walked out that door.That was three days ago.She walked out on me before I could tell her what the only think that is best for us to do with our relationship. She did not give me a chance, not a second…she just walked out that door.Today, I am still a fucking mess, and god knows I think that I will still be one for a while. The fact is that I cannot keep living in the vicious circle of absolutely torture. There is nothing…between us only spaces of emptiness and nothing. There was love…once, yet there was none; as for feeling, what parts existed? What parts of us existed?The thing with moving on is you will be stuck there for a while. You will be moving, yet you will still be stuck in the memory, in the moments. So are you truly moving on?I say it is bullshit.But I cannot be that man that is going to climb into a deep abyss and sit in my own misery wondering what w
I am lying in bed early morning; the sun has just started to trickle over the horizon. The fresh breeze from the open window is lying cool against my skin. Yet, the bed remains warm, only on the side where I sleep. The rest of the spaces are empty as it has been for the past three days.I have not heard of less even seen Isabella. Yes, I am somewhat nervous and worried about where she finds herself, but I know that she would have gotten someone to phone if she was in trouble.I do not even have an idea where she is.Does this bug me?Well, of course, it does, yet it is not going to change a thing that I am still furious with her. I rather only but shake my head to get the images and words out of my mind. I do not wish for it to linger. The less I see her at present, the better.But see is not the problem, for next, I see a call coming through as my phone lights up.It is Isabella.So not knowing if I should feel excited or annoyed, I
Some people just do not seem to know how to knock; now they can be glad they are who they are, for I would have laid my shit down on them in a second. My mood is at an all-time high in complete irritation, mainly with myself for being the wreck I am today. I have not been able to control a single one of my feelings since I woke up this morning.Well, the biggest reason is that Isabella and I have not spoken for nearly a week, so she has gone completely silent, yet I know where she is at least. I can say that I am satisfied to hear that she is staying with the wife of Lewis while they are going through their own little spat. I can only imagine the conversations they are having about the men in their life.Though I did speak to Anna yesterday, and she assured me that Isabella and the baby are okay. It is killing that we are spending so much time together with the closer it starts to get to the birth. I thought for some reason we could live as friends together, but it see
"Dear Clayton…I know that if you are reading this, it must have taken you days to get to that decision. I really do not blame you for hating me as much as you are hating me right now. And if it has taken you the time that I think it must have, then I know that you are somewhere near Baghdad and that you will be heading off into the unknown.Now I know that no part of you are going to believe this, but I really wish you good luck and for your safe return. Braydon needs you more than ever, for god knows he does not need his mother, not after the stunt that she has pulled.But if you give me just five minutes, then I want to tell you what and however stupid it might be, but I need for you to understand why I had to walk away and perhaps that you will understand. But before I lay my misery upon you, I want to say that I really did not intend for any of this to happen. I did not want to leave you or Braydon, but I had to; I had to give you two boys a better f
"I told you to stop phoning me, Clayton."With nothing but a huff, I clench the phone tighter, and without trying to sound too annoyed, I speak once again, "But, I just wanted…""No buts, Clayton. You have phoned six times already, and it is only 10:00 am. Do you not have something better to do?""Not at this very pressing moment. So please can I…?""No, I said no. You are not waking him up again just to say hello.""But mom, come on…""I said no!"With the vibration of her voice still ringing in my ear, my mom drops what would be the fifth call I have made unnecessary down in my ear. The phone finds its way very firmly to the other side of the ops tent, only but barely missing the head of Galland."Hey! What the fuck, man? Do you want to kill me?"I only but grunt at him as I catch the returning phone, "My mom does not want me to speak to Braydon.""Well, perhaps because you have phoned her l
07:30I have just watched two Humvees from our group swerve off the road and crash as they attempted to avoid the incoming fire from the enemy. Galland is desperately trying to make contact to confirm if all is alive.Right now, everything looks bleak as we are surrounded by more enemy than what we can handle.But as I look past Clark to the other side of the road, I can see a truck that has been crushed by one of the enemy's tanks. There I can sadly say, if they were not fast enough to get out and avoid enemy fire as well, then they are all gone.There seems by the radio that does come in and from what we can see between the chaos around us, only three remaining vehicles.We are sitting ducks.And this pond is far too big for us to navigate around in.Is this how it is going to end for this small group of Marines?Were we, in fact, too arrogant and too at ease when we set on this mission?This is not how I w
As I slowly flutter open my eyes, I can hear the distinct sound of chatter of excited Marines outside of my tent. Today is the day; for the past few days, we have been building up to this moment. These are the days that all Marines train and most definitely live for.It is the 23rd of March.04:45I have chosen to sleep in just for fifteen minutes. Just the fifteen minutes that I need to get my head into the game. Harrison has begged me not to go out with the squad this morning, but he knows that it is futile to even argue.This will be my last deployment for a while, and god knows I want to make it count. That means sitting on the sidelines and listening to the action coming through on radio is definitely not an option. I want, when I tell my son why I was not there in the early stages of his life, I want to tell him that I was out there making a difference. I need to do this not only for me but for him.Though, definitely not for his
Days seem to be moving faster than we have anticipated, with the imminent mission lying around the corner. We will be moving out tomorrow just before the crack of dawn as we will make our way up to Baghdad. Now to say that I am shit scared for what might happen is clearly evident in the pacing I have done in the past half hour. Much to Harrison's annoyance, he has sent me out of the ops tent to find something else to keep my mind occupied.I am fucking scared that I am not going to make this one home this time. I have come so close to death these past two missions that I am now asking myself what the fuck am I doing here. My son needs me, and I am here in the middle of goddamn no man's desert going off my head.My mom has even told me to stop phoning her more than four times a day, for I am driving her right there insane with my constant checking on Braydon. I never knew that there would come a day that I would rather be anywhere else than the place I used to love bein
It is early morning on a rather miserable Thursday that we are heading towards camp south of Nasiriya on this 20th March. To say that we are anxious and rather unsettled would be a blatant lie. We are nearing the end of what will be the major of our attempt to take over the forces in the City.I have been looking forward to this mission for a great number of days, but since the departure of Isabella, there is no other place that I would rather be than home at this present moment.We have been told this should be a quick in and out and should not last beyond two weeks, but we are preparing ourselves for a month as things never seem to go as planned when it comes to the forces in this Country.But I am set to get this mission over as fast as I possibly can with as few casualties as we had in Fallujah. My only true mission is that little bundle of smiles that is waiting for me when I get back home. This will, but I am not going to say that rather adaman
I remember the day when I was about to leave the Hospital when my dad just woke up from that horrible nightmare that he was facing. That day when we all knew that our love and faith had been tested. A time that we will never forget that should have taught us all a valuable lesson.Now, if I can recall almost exactly, I told myself that the next years would be difficult for me. I would stumble. I would fall. There would be heartbreak and failure. I would pick myself back up and start again. That there would be more heartbreak to follow.Well, if I now remember back to that day, I wish I could have kicked my own ass for predicting my future in such a bleak way.Yes.That night, that was the last time that I saw Isabella walk away, for the next morning when I went to go wake her after she had a very much-needed rest, I only but found the bed cold and empty, nearly like she had never been in it at all.So it has been a week.A week since Isabell
If my mind thought it was deceiving it, my eyes are telling me that I surely am not.Isabella has just arrived on our doorstep again. Why she has not entered the room, that I do not know. There is a slight hesitation about her which I am sure anyone would feel after what we have been through these past few days. I will not question her, for right now, I do not know what her intention is, and I damn well do not want another argument either.So it is with a tiny jolt of energy back into my bones that I can barely stop myself from smiling. As my eyes leave hers, I find the only thing that really matters in this world. Yes, I know that I need to say that Isabella is along there somewhere. But right now, I am reluctant to open myself to that possibility again.Yet, I do have to admit, "You have no idea I am happy to see you and Braydon." I pause for a brief moment as I rush over and place a tiny peck on the little man's forehead, then I continue again, "Isabella&hell
…Isabella POV…To say that I have not hit a new depth of stupidity in these past few days would be a total understatement. From bursting into Harrison's home and attacking Galland's girlfriend to taking Clayton's child away from him and sacking up in some small hotel room. That can easily be described as the most insane thing that any woman can set her mind to, regardless of which world it is that she finds herself in.Now, should I want to try and find the most logical answer for doing any of them, I cannot come to one single one.Why do I hate Clayton so much?Even more important…why is my Bipolar back with such a great force?Why do I want to hurt Clayton so bad?Well, I guess there is only the truth that needs to be told.And as I try to bear the pain that is consuming my body, try to make sense of this fucking crazy that is brewing inside of me.I've run out of reasons to run away from Clayton. I've tr