We returned to my room, ate, bathe and got ready for bed. It was when we were about to start a new round of lovemaking that I remembered telling Arthur I'd tuck him in bed.
"Oh, my! Arthur!" Julien stopped kissing my neck to look at my face.
"Did you just call me Arthur?"
"No. I promised Arthur I'll tuck him. He must be waiting for me." I hurried off the bed and straightened my night garment.
"Eliza must have done that. It's very late now, there's no way he would still be awake, waiting."
"I know my son, Julien. And even if he's already asleep, I have to make sure and give him a kiss. I won't take long, I promise." I left the room and found my way to the nursery. I was right, Arthur was wide awake, counting his fingers with no trace of sleep on his face, while Eliza sat next to his bed, waiting.
"Arthur." I whispered, so I wouldn't wake up the other children. They both looked up and beamed. I put a finger to my lips to stop him from shouting
The week that followed after that was bliss. I was reintroduced to my brother-in-law who looked a lot like Julien but was a little more childish, yet he was a father of three children? I liked him immediately I met him. Of course, Martha and I made up and I spent more time in the ladies' company. Hailey, Martha, Erica and I went into the town to look around and order dresses and jewelry; we attended tea parties with Martha and I was introduced as Julien's wife which wasn't necessary as most of the ladies were present on the night we got married.After three days, Robert left with his family and Hailey left soon after as the letters from her beloved Lord Roland were almost flooding her out of the mansion.I finally met my mother-in-law for the first time and liked her instantly; she was a quiet woman who preferred being locked up in her room, lost in the world of books. She was funny and kind whenever she could take her eyes off her books and she gave me her full blessi
I stayed in bed for the rest of the night. When the doctor came to examine me, she only spoke to Julien, so I couldn't tell why I felt more nauseous than feverish; and Julien wouldn't tell me anything.The fever was gone by morning, though I was still throwing up, but Julien didn't let me out of bed. When I asked him if I had a disease? He just shrugged and said: "something of the sort", and that was all I got. No one even bothered to check up on me.I was fed up and was ready to bust out of the room when Hailey suddenly opened the door, looking worried."Hailey? What is wrong? Did something happen?" I was right in front of her, searching her face for a clue. Why was she back? Did something bad happen with her lover? Or did Penny send her away?"I'm sorry Gwen, but Arthur is gone." Gone?!"What do you mean? G-Gone where?""No one knows, we've been searching for him all night!" My heart sank."That can't be possible, he was asleep the
"What are you doing here?" Martha was the first one to speak up. Everyone else, including myself was just staring at her. I wondered why she was back, but more importantly, I wondered if Julien still loved her. Trying to distract myself, I looked past Lola to the fray old woman in a habit, standing behind her. Who was she? "Don't flatter yourself, Martha, I'm not here for you." Lola said in a calm voice, looking directly at Julien. "If you're thinking you can salvage whatever remained of your relationship with Julien, it's too late now; he's married to a far better woman than you will ever be." At that, Lola's eyes rested on me and she frowned for a moment, but then her eyes darted back to Julien. "I think I understand your kind of love now, it was so easy for you to replace me and with a younger woman." "Replace you?!" Martha was getting angry and everyone knew that, but she bit her tongue and turned to Eden. "Honey, please take the other children to
Being pregnant was an excuse for everyone to dote on me; Julien, Frederick, Martha and even Arthur were all around me, making sure I was sitting comfortably and even breathing fresh air. It was a little tiring because they didn't let me lift a pin and it wasn't like I was due any time soon, I was just in my seventh month.But I did enjoy the attention...Hailey left the day after my birthday celebration but soon after, she sent me a letter, telling me that Penny was with child again. Of course I wanted to visit her and congratulate her in person but Julien wouldn't hear of it. Bandits weren't even his reason for refusing, he just thinks the carriage ride would be bad for the baby; which mother-in-law and Martha have tried to no avail to convince him otherwise.I had to beg Martha to come with me if it'll make Julien agree and to my delight, he accepted.It would have just been me and Martha but Arthur was crying nonstop about wanting to come along; Of cou
I woke up in an unfamiliar room, the walls and the furniture were nothing like the ones in Arana, so I knew for certain I wasn't home.The first thing I did was to feel my stomach, scared to find it flat and my baby gone; it was still big, yet I was scared the accident may have affected the baby.If I wasn't at Arana or at Penny's house? Where was I? And where's Martha and Arthur? Did the bandits harm them?I tried sitting up but I felt so weak! Why wasn't anyone around? Was I kidnapped?"Gwen!" I looked towards the door immediately, expecting to see Martha but I was staring at a beautiful redhead. How did she know my name? And she looked so worried for me."Don't worry, you're alright." She came over to sit next to me on the bed, rubbing the back of my palm affectionately. I kept staring at her, she looked so familiar but I couldn't remember how I knew her."Are you in pain? Do you need anything?""My baby?" I choked out. "Is m
After a whole month and still no sign of Julien, I knew Albert wasn't lying, I was stuck with him. I decided to take my mind off escaping and rather focus on my health and baby. After a few days, my baby kicked, making me sure that he was okay and my initial fears subsided.Albert made me sit with him at the dinner table each day like we were a couple and he'd often ask me how my baby was doing. I was bitter because I didn't want to be like that with him, I longed to hear Julien's voice again, I wanted him to ask me those questions. And Arthur... He must be so sad. I wanted to get back to my family, but I had no way of doing so.I spent nearly every minute of everyday in Albert's library, reading different books as they helped me escape from my reality. When I wasn't reading and I wasn't sleeping, I was talking to Alexa; she was really sweet and kind and she treated me like a sister.One of such evenings when we talked, she told me she would do anything fo
I looked down at the box, it might have all the answers I need, I just had to read all the letters and check for clues; anything at all that could prove that Albert was William's son.I spent the rest of the night reading each letter carefully; you could tell how much William loved his Jane from the words he used. And if Janette kept the letters and always went to them when she was alive, then she must have loved him too. Why didn't they end up together? Was it because of the pregnancy? Somehow, I doubted that such a thing could destroy their love, it felt too strong.By the wee hours of the morning, I had just one letter left and so far none of the other letters mentioned a baby. All I could find out was that Jane never wanted a simple life, rather she wanted a comfortable and respectable life with status and wealth; that was enough reason to blackmail a Duke, but I couldn't jump to conclusions yet. I also found out that William was a gardener and he always sent her d
I had more to say but I held my tongue as we approached a small shack, just next to the house. As we got closer, Albert's smile became bigger.Before we got reach the door, it opened to reveal an older man with rich black hair and a kind smile; his eyes were grey and soft."Who do we have here?" He asked, all smiles as all his attention was on Albert. You could see the love he had for Albert clearly in his eyes; father or not, William saw Albert as his son.Albert went forward to share a hearty hug with the older man, before he gestured for me to come closer, making William's eyes fall on me for the first time."Will, meet Gwendolyn...""You have a wife? And she is so heavily pregnant." William cut in, taking my hand and kissing the back of my palm. "Welcome, milady. Come in and I'll make tea for you." I smiled my thanks as I followed him into the shack. The interior wasn't at all as I imagined, it was warm and cozy, reminding me mama. I didn't kno
I was tormented by thoughts.It would have been easier if Julien left like that, but he just had to say those words to me, making me restless with tormenting thoughts. I had to wonder if I was doing the right thing by denying my love and refusing to be with Julien, I couldn't decide.I thought by the time Julien returned from his trip, I would be ready to get on with my life without worrying about my feelings; but now, I wondered if I should forget my worry and accept to be with him.Yes, he was Gwen's husband but now she's dead, I am in charge of the children as she wanted and now I'm really in love with Julien, also as she wanted.Did she somehow see the future? Did she know I would eventually fall in love with Julien and she gave me her permission beforehand? That sounded like something Gwen was capable of, she was always after my happiness. Why then was I still denying it and refusing to be with Julien? Maybe I needed some kind of reassurance that I was doing the right thing, or m
He looked surprised at me, unable to say a word."But I can't be because you are Gwen's husband.""Alexa...""I can't blame you or myself because it was bound to happen, Martha thought so too. The only way we can help the situation is to avoid each other and my feelings will naturally die.""Why is that the only way? Why can't we nurture it and let it bloom?" I stared at him, what was he saying? "I am no longer Gwen's husband, we all lost her but that doesn't mean we can't move on with our lives. It would be wrong if Gwen was still here, but she's not and to be honest, she did give us her blessing. So, why should we shy away from our emotions?" Was he talking about Gwen asking him to marry me? Has he really been thinking about that all these time? When he says 'ours', does he mean he feels the same way too? No, probably not."I can't... it's not right.""Alexa..." But I didn't listen, I left him there and went to my room.I spent the rest of the day thinking about Julien's words, Mart
Arthur avoided me for the rest of the day, he always looked away when I was close to him and he walked away before I could say a word.He barely even touched his dinner and insisted that Julien tuck them in for the night. It really made me sad and uneasy.I had to wait in Julien's study for him to tuck the children in. We still had to talk about Cecilia and I had to thank him for finding her.I sat on the soft couch in his study and waited, lost in my thoughts, wondering how I could get Arthur to talk to me again. I couldn't let them call me mother, I just couldn't. No matter how much I...The door opened and I straightened. Julien looked a little surprised to see me there."I thought you went to bed." He said as he came in, shutting the door behind him."I wanted to talk to you first." He nodded and came over to sit next to me on the couch."What about?""About Cecilia... Thank you for finding her, I didn't know you were searching for her at all...""I have, ever since you told me sh
"Did you see that?!" I nodded to Arthur's question, he was pointing at a spot where a hawk had swooped down to grab a prey which appeared to be a lizard."It was so fast!" He said, running to the spot and looking up as if he could still see the bird. I only smiled.Arthur seemed happier now, he could smile and play with his brothers again; he didn't cry in his sleep anymore. In fact, it's been two months since I've heard him mention his mother or cry for her.It's been seven months since Gwen's demise and I missed her so much, I was getting used to my everyday life with the children and Julien; our pretend family. I call it pretend because no matter how many functions I attended with them, being their stand-in mother, I was still Alexa and not Gwen. I could never fully be their mother, no matter how natural I was with them.Sometimes I would be lost in thought and wished Gwen could see her boys grow and it would bring tears to my eyes, but I would remind myself that no amount of cryin
It was morning and we had just said goodbye to Papa Benjamin and Papa Ramsey, now it was time to say goodbye to the dowager duchess, Frederick, Martha and their children.Arthur was upset, so he refused to say goodbye and stayed in bed. We couldn't force him, the child was hurt.Julien was carrying Eliott and the sleeping Eric was in my arms as we watched them get on the carriage, but then Martha suddenly came down and came to me."Can I speak to you briefly?""Of course." I followed her as she led me all the way to the library. "What is wrong?" I asked her when she finally stopped."I didn't want to say anything but I couldn't bring myself to leave without saying it.""Saying what?" She stared at me for a moment and I waited."Gwen loved you a lot, so much that I believe she loved you more than she loved the children.""That is not possible.""But it is. She always spoke so highly of you and when she got sick, she was always saying strange things that I couldn't understand.""Strange
"What will you do now?" I was sitting at the garden alone when Pa Benjamin joined me, sitting next to me. Gwen and the baby were buried two days ago, but it did nothing to soothe the ache in my heart; it still didn't feel real to me. I keep expecting her to jump out behind me and tell me it was all a joke.The funeral was a big ceremony and even Robert and his wife had to come with their children, as well as Gwen's acquaintances and the entire population of Arana... after all, their Duchess just died.Papa Benjamin and Papa Ramsey came immediately we sent a letter to them. Of course, Papa Benjamin was furious that we hid the truth from him and he missed Gwen's last moments, but he managed to calm down after a while.Julien didn't know how to go about explaining the situation to Arthur, so I went with him. As expected, he child was devastated and he reminded me so much of Cecilia. I wasn't going to let him feel alone, not ever. I assured him that he still had Julien and I would be wit
I sat there, crying my heart out, not even minding the stares and whispers of the people around me.I couldn't move.The little pieces of my heart that was still in place just got shattered by Cecilia. How could she leave me? And worse, how could she join the bandits? Those murderous band of thieves? The thought of that little girl, going around, hurting and stealing from people made my heart ache. She was just so young, not even nine years yet."Alexa!" I heard Papa Benjamin call but I didn't move, I didn't even look up."Alexa, what are you doing on the ground? Did you find Cecilia?""She left." Was all I said. He reached for me and pulled me up."First get up. We can still find her, she mustn't have gotten far.""Pa, she didn't just leave. She joined the bandits.""She what?" I looked at him then. His eyes were wide in shock and he looked tired. But of course he was, Christopher left abruptly, Cecilia couldn't stop crying and now she has disappeared with strangers. "Joined the ban
Cecilia couldn't stop crying.As soon as Christopher got on his horse and rode away, Papa Benjamin must have seen him leave and sensed something was wrong because he came running out of his house to find Cecilia in my arms, crying.Of course he had a few words to say about Christopher after I explained what had happened, but the truth was that there was nothing any of us could do. Cecilia wasn't his real daughter, I was barely even his wife; he had no real bond in Durnca and now he has left for his real home.Fate had a way of giving me the worst all the time. I was barely above a toddler when my mother left me, my father just had to abandon me too and just when I was finally opening up my heart to love someone... he leaves me too.But I had to be strong, for the little girl that needed me.Yet, she wouldn't stop crying. Not even papa could distract her; she just hugged herself and cried even more.I sat by her bed, begging her to stop crying and eat something at least, but she wouldn
"That would be me." I turned sharply to Christopher."You? You are Gideon?" He came closer and took the letter from me."Yes.""I... I don't understand. You're Chris...""My real name is Gideon." I suddenly began laughing."You're jesting. You can't be Gideon and be Christopher at the same time." He didn't smile, his eyes were sad."I am Gideon Griffiths, from...""No..." I said, shaking my head."Alexa, you have to listen...""No...""I'm not really a Hallewell, Mr Hallewell only took me in and called me his son. I know where I'm from and I've always known I will go back one day, that is why I never wanted to get close to anyone.""No, it's not true." My heart ached and my throat felt on fire. This was much worse than an ex-lover coming back, he was part of a whole different world."Alexa, it's all thanks to you. If I hadn't met you, I probably wouldn't have finished my last test. Meeting you, changing the way I look, marrying you, that's what helped me pass and now I can go home.""