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I slowly opened my eyes. My vision was immediately blinded by the light above my head that I had to close them back because it hurts. When I had already adjusted, I roamed my around the place. It was an unfamiliar place. The walls were all painted in white and there was no windows. I could also hear the sounds of my heartbeat from the monitor next to my bed.That's when I realized I was in the hospital.But what am I doing here?My brows furrowed. I raised my right hand up and saw it was attached with an IV. Wait, am I admitted in the hospital? But why?Questions began bubbling in my head, trying to process what the hell was going on. I was about to sit up when the door suddenly opened and a doctor in white scrub went in."Good morning, Ms. Ferrero," he greeted me with a warm smile."W-Where am I?" I asked, my voice was hoarse as my throat was dry. I looked around, trying to find some familiar faces, but I found none."You're in the hospital," he said as he went to check my vitals.
I don't know what to feel...Am I sad? Certainly. But why am I acting like I should? Why am I only staring at blankness? Why can't I react the way that I should be reacting? It was as if I had lost all my emotions within me. Or perhaps, it lost its meaning to do so.I lost my child... How am I able to live now?"My baby..." I uttered weakly. I was wrong when I thought that the most painful thing was to be compared with your sister all the damn time. I was wrong when I thought that nothing could compare to the pain I went through in my childhood. But... nothing's more painful than losing your own child.I feel like dying.I felt resentment towards my family. I feel sad, disheartened. Anger was always in my heart back then. I don't know how to express my feelings so it turned into anger. I was angry about everything that was happening to me. It was anger.I hate to feel that way. I think it was toxic and inappropriate to someone like me to feel anger towards her own family. I never li
I was speechless to say the least. My body froze in shock as I processed her words. To hear her say those words stole all the energy left on me. I stared, wide-eyed, as she continued to cry. My lips trembled. "You're lying... right?" I whispered in the thin air, not knowing how to respond to her. I cannot believe her words. It sounds skeptical to me. As much as I want to hear the truth, what she said was just so absurd.What? Mom falling into paralysis? How could that even happen? My mother is one of the strongest people I've seen in my whole pathetic life. She couldn't be that weak. And it was because of me? Huh. I refuse to believe such things. My mother would not possibly risk her life for a mere daughter like me, right? I am not that worthy of risk.And for dad... He wouldn't be that ruthless to kill an innocent person, right? Khein is out of this mess. I drag him with me. I practically cling myself on him, so there is no way dad would vent out his anger towards him. My father wo
After the incident, we decided to move in to a different condo unit. The one that I frequently uses. Rosette needs a home, one that is not filled with traumatic memories.I carefully led her towards the living room. She hasn't recovered her enegery just yet. She was frail and still pale. I wanted he to stay in the hospital for a couple more days, but she refused and wanted to go home instead. But since I couldn't bring her back to the penthouse, I brought her back to the condo instead, twice smaller than the previous, but enough to accommodate us."Do you need anything?" I asked.She flashed a smile. "Just water," she said softly.I nodded my head and went to the kitchen to grab her a glass of water. I had the whole condo renovated to her liking, and I could see that she was liking it. I'm glad."Here, baby," I said and sat down next to her. After drinking the water, she leaned her head on my shoulders as she sighed.I could feel the tension as well as the emptiness in the air as we b
I got lost in my thoughts once again. I honestly couldn't count how many times it happened to me. I would just randomly stare at nothingness and forget the damn thing I was doing. It has been a total disaster, because I almost lit the house in fire, cut my fingers, and a lot of things I cannot imagine. It was worse than not being able to do anything at all.Everything I touch, gets ruin. I feel so useless right now.I sat there in my room, contemplating about my life's decision. I have been here for the last 5 hours, just sitting and staring at the wall. I wasn't tired nor energized. It was just... normal. As a matter of fact, I felt nothing even. I just had a lot of things to think about, and staring has been my new hobby lately, or say the least.I forgot how many days had already past or what time it was. I lost track of time, and if it wasn't for the phone I might not be able to tell what day is which.Again, I didn't notice that someone was already home until I felt a hand on min
"Baby," I said as I watched her standing at the balcony of our condo. We were at the 31th floor, and the view right here is quite amazing. It's already evening and wind was chilling. I wrapped a scarf around her as I pressed my chest against her. She was facing the view, holding onto the steer. On her other hand, she was holding a wine."The moon is beautiful, isn't it?" she asked, and I shook off the thought about the damn japanese quote.I raised my eyes and stared at the full, bright moon. Indeed it was beautiful. "Yes...""There are millions of stars, too," she said as a sigh escaped her lips. It was visible in her voice that she was loving the sight above us. I smiled. "Do you think our baby is one of those stars in the sky?"I really don't believe in such stuff. Even after losing my parents, I never think of such way as them being in the sky and watching over me. But as the way Rosette said it, it sounds really possible... and hopeful."Our baby is probably the brightest star, t
"Are you sure about it?" she asked for the ninth time, making sure I wouldn't regret what I was about to commit. I nodded my head as a sad smile appeared on my face. "Yeah...""But you'll hurt him," she said as a matter of fact. "You are only going to hurt yourselves, Rosette. Please think about it again. I have already given you the option. You can stay or you leave for good. If you stay, then I will not bother you anymore. I will also help you convince dad to leave you alone. But if your decision is to leave, then it better be for good. Because there is no turning back on this, sweetheart."I know I should listen to her and rethink my decision. But I've already made up my mind, not because I no longer love him, but because I love him so much to the point that I want no means of harm to go upon him. I love him so much that I am willing to distance myself so he could have a better life.I will not be selfish this time around. He deserves a life. A life that is free from stress, free
Time flies so fast when you're broken.I sat down on the stool bar and poured myself a glass of whiskey. My head has been throbbing and the only solution I could think of was to have a drink. At least, it will help me relieve stress even for a short period of time.To say I was exhausted is an understatement. I am more beyond that. I never felt this tired before, yet here I am, relying on the alcohol to keep me awake. The only time I act this way is when I feel like everything is out of control. Indeed, it is. I can't even think of a way to solve my problems. Such a weak man."You're drinking again, man?" I heard a familiar voice from behind. I didn't need to turn my head to know who it was. It was Chad, my best friend whom I didn't have contact with for the last 7 months. He just went back from the country after his so-called vacation."Fuck off," I said as I chugged down the content of the bottle. I need this as much as I hate to admit it. After this, I'll be able to get away from m