Lies

Today is meant to be an exciting day for me every girl dreams of the day they become of age and can find their mate, but not me.

I don’t want to find my mate and I don’t want to be used just for reproducing, Here in the Crimson Hounds the women are trained from a young age to obey and not ask questions otherwise the punishment isn’t pleasant. \

My father is the head of our pack and as an Alphas daughter I am expected to be on my best behaviour, but I’m far from a good girl. I sneak out whenever I get the chance and go clubbing, there is this massive shifter-only club and only the elite or exclusive can get into there. Lucky for me with a name like mine I can get in just about anywhere, but today I have to play pretend and act like the little obedient good girl like seriously this is a fucking joke.

Coming of age and your first shift should be amazing and exciting but for me, it’s just a way my family get to parade me around to the wolf they have chosen for me, I don’t get to find my mate according to them it all has to do with pack business and keeping alliances which if you ask me it’s total bullshit.

Once I’m marked well it won’t matter if I ever found my mate because the bond wouldn’t be there, my mother The ever-perfect prim and proper Luna always so put together storms into my room and clicks her tongue at me because I’m not ready and I haven’t moved from the position I was in earlier.

I just roll my eyes at her and get up to start getting ready, I have to look my best today and that means getting primed and proper to look just like her.

I walk into my bathroom and slam the door behind me, I have made it known that I’m not happy about this but they don’t care no one does. I stare at myself in the mirror and wonder why I couldn’t be someone else’s daughter, not an Alphas daughter, my bright blue eyes look so hollow and lifeless staring back at me that I hardly recognise myself.

My sun-kissed skin is blemish-free my jet-back hair stands out the most though because both my parents have light brown hair. I have seen the looks the pack gives me when I’m walking past them and the whispers They all snicker behind my back but no one has the guts to ever say it out loud as they fear the wrath of my father their Alpha.

I sigh and start to get undressed to get into the shower which I know my mother will be banging the door down if I don’t hurry up. I jump into the shower with the water almost scalding and let my thoughts run wild, I wonder how my first shift will be and how it will feel.

I have always wondered why we have to wait for a certain age and then have our mate or well in my case, my arranged mate commands us to shift.

I have no one else to ask as everything on our pack lands is for our pack only. Pack schools, shops training everything is all about the pack. Some things just don’t make sense to me and whenever I have asked questions about it I get slapped or told to show some respect and that I should know the rules, Women don’t ask questions they are to obey. If you ask me it’s fucked up and I feel deep down it’s wrong. I snap out of my thoughts when I hear banging on my door and I take a deep inhale and repeat the mantra of “I can get through this” in my head. I shut the water off not having really washed myself or anything and get out.

“Hurry up Carina you are going to make us look like fools if you don’t get your ass moving” This is another thing I don’t get, she speaks to me and all the other females like shit but around the males she acts like the little submissive obedient wolf that just says yes sir no sir. It’s all an act I know damn well she isn’t submissive she has my father wrapped around her finger and gets away with anything and everything.

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I reenter my bedroom with my mother standing with her back to me admiring the dress I am meant to wear, It is see-through practically and is meant to show my soon-to-be mate what he is agreeing to.

If he likes what he sees then that’s great and the plans will go ahead as expected, but if he for some reason doesn’t like my body then I will have basically brought shame to my pack and could be exiled.

At this point, I wouldn’t mind going rouge or being shunned it beats being tied down to someone who isn’t destined for me. I make my way over to my underwear drawer and as I pull it open I hear my mother tsk behind me, I peer over my shoulder and give her a questioning look the smirk she has on her face makes me want to slap it right off.

“oh you won’t be wearing any panties or bra underneath this, Alpha Malik’s son wants you on full display” You will obey she says with a look that says this conversation is over, there is a blinding rage I can feel bubbling up inside me and I let out a growl that has my room shaking.

I stop instantly and realise what just happened.

I shouldn’t be able to do that and the look of shock on my mother’s face tells me she thinks the same.

I grab the dress she has been admiring and go to race back into the bathroom, but just as I make it past her she grabs me and slams me into the wall, “You will show absolute obedience and that little act of defiance won’t happen again will it Carina” I nod my head quickly as she is starting to cut off my oxygen.

Sometimes I think my mother hates me with the manic look she gets in her eyes, Shouldn’t a mother have unconditional love for her child? I’m their only child and when I was younger it was great they were loving and caring. But the minute I hit my teenage years they turned on me practically and started treating me with less and less love and affection, I always wondered if I did something wrong and, if it was my fault they stopped caring for me.

She lets go of my throat and moves away like nothing happened.

“Get dressed” she sneers at me as she makes her way to the door, she peers over her shoulder and says make sure to cover the handprint around your neck and then slams the door shut.

I walk towards my vanity and just sit in the chair and stare at myself. The handprint around my neck is already starting to fade which again shouldn’t be happening, enhanced wolf healing should come after we have had our first shift or so I have been told but thinking back on it I have always had very fast healing abilities.

So with that, I don’t bother covering the already fading marks, I apply a small amount of foundation and mascara and the brush through my hair. Even with make-up on my eyes still look hollow and lifeless I don’t even know who I am anymore, have asked myself this so many times “Who is Carina Nightshade?” I huff out a sigh and look at the thin see-through piece of material my mother called a dress, I drop my towel slip the dress over my shoulders and pull my hair free.

I give myself a once over noticing how my whole body is exposed Not that nudity is a big deal but walking around like this is not something one would do casually. With a deep intake of breath, I do a twirl in the full-length mirror and head towards my door, Time to face my future mate I think to myself.