SIENNAIt was hard to focus. It was nearly impossible and I tried to think about the fact the possibilities were endless about Sylvester and I not being able to work. At least now I knew that he genuinely didn't love Tamara and I knew the story behind his engagement to her. But somehow, I couldn't help but feel that she had still won. Yes, his heart was with me but she was the one who was going to get to spend the rest of her life with him. She was the one who was going to have the luxury of waking up beside him every morning and eventually, she was the one who was going to give him a child. I was beyond tired and the more I thought that my life couldn't get worse, the more it did. I couldn't understand what life could possibly want from me at this point. I sighed, feeling my nerves get the better of me. At this point, I was not sure I knew what I was supposed to do. My life had taken such a drastic, chaotic turn and I was at a loss on how to salvage what was left of it. I thought
SIENNAMy forehead was beaded with sweat as I took swing after swing at Benjamin which he dodged easily. He refused to retaliate my punches and he was very careful not to hurt me. I couldn’t begin to describe the nostalgia that made my insides flutter. Somehow having Benjamin pin me against the wall effortlessly with my behind pressed into his back made butterflies erupt within the confines of my belly. I told him I didn’t feel the same way for him and then my body was reacting to him in ways that I couldn’t simply understand. I closed my eyes and sighed as I tried to navigate through my feelings. They were so chaotic these days. It was really hard to tell what I was feeling and how I felt it. I could never understand why the hell my body thought that it was a good idea to respond to him in this way. I couldn’t help the rush of heat that burst through him as I felt his hard body against my back. And even if I didn’t want to admit it, he made me feel a certain kind of way that I coul
SIENNA“So what was your reason for avoiding me then?” I asked.I hated that I sounded breathless and I was giving away my anxiety. But with Benjamin it was complicated. I didn't always know what to do. I was always at a loss for the right things to say. “It was all you. I didn't want you to make you feel uncomfortable or make you obligated in any way to put up with me. I also didn't feel want you to feel as if I was pressuring you to do anything you didn't want to do,” he said.All I had done was hurt him and yet here he was being intentional about my feelings and trying not to hurt me. I didn't deserve him. I was aware of it and at the same time, I didn't want him to leave. I wanted him to stay. That was selfish but it was the way that I felt. I didn't want him to leave me. “And yet It felt like it. You steered clear of me for days,” I said. “That doesn't mean that it's because I wanted to. Something happened,” he replied. My brows furrowed almost immediately. Then I watched the
SIENNAThe warm water felt very refreshing against my skin as I showered. I knew the exercise would be enough to occupy my mind to some extent. What I didn't expect was for me to bump into Benjamin. I was anxious, and the burst of heat that I felt against my skin when he touched me made me even more anxious. I told him one thing and then when he touched me, all I wanted to do at that moment was jump his bones. How does that even work? How can it possibly even work? I wondered to myself as I closed my eyes and scoffed in frustration.I knew that a ridiculous amount of time had passed because I ridiculously spent so much in the bathroom. But hiding myself in the bathroom wasn’t going to take away any problems, neither was it going to make me feel better about myself. Somehow, I knew that I would have to leave the safe confines of the bathroom and I would return to my problems eventually, so what was the use of delaying it?My mind returned back to what Benjamin had told me this morning
SIENNAI was barely able to enter the office when he slammed the door closed. I was suddenly reminded of how the feel of his hands against my skin felt like. The feel of his lips against the long expanse of my neck was something I was certain that I would love to remember each day. I closed my eyes and released a long sigh. I hadn't imagined the fact that back in the dining room, he had really wanted to devour me on the spot.Throwing caution to the wind, I leaned forward and captured his lips between mine, my fingers becoming lost in his hair as our lips entwined. My heart raced frantically within the confines of my chest, almost threatening to leap out, possibly even explode. I closed my eyes and sighed. I didn't know whether to call it a sigh of contentment, only that I knew I wouldn't have it any other way if I were to make a choice. I wanted to spend whatever time I had kissing and touching him to my heart's content. He finally pulled away so that I could catch my breath. Even
SIENNAAs much as I wanted to stay with Sylvester and I wanted the moments between us to be at a standstill, I knew that it wasn't possible. When it came to living my life, I had to face reality, no matter how tempting it was to be delusional. I was feeling unwell again and I didn't want anyone to know, so I had to retire to bed early and skip dinner. Not that dinner was something that I wanted to partake in, anyway. My appetite was almost non-existent and I was trying to drift my mind away from the nausea that was suffocating me. I tried to close my eyes to get some sleep but the sleep wasn't coming no matter how much I willed it too. I tossed and turned around on my bed because I was beyond tired and exhausted. And yet as the clock ticked by, it was impossible to drift back into sleep. I adjusted into a sitting position, and I was almost tempted to angrily toss the pillows to the floor. I knew that it would be nothing but a childish behavior and no matter how much I wanted to act
SIENNAMy mind was a chaotic place, full of all the things that I was thinking about. I couldn't help but think about how I badly wanted to act on my desires. Benjamin was still looking at me with a concerned look on his face. His brows furrowed deeply as he scanned my face, trying to look for what it was that I might be hiding from him. My breath caught in my throat when he leaned forward and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. My heart raced frantically within my chest and my breathing was becoming extremely hard that it was beginning to be considered as an exercise. I closed my eyes and sighed. I was currently feeling beyond overwhelmed. “What's bothering you?” he questioned. He moved forward and even in my dimly lit room, it was impossible to miss the worry in his eyes. “Nothing,” I replied, yet it didn't sound as convincing as I would have liked it to be. Like I would have wanted it to be. “You know it's not nothing, and I know it's not nothing. So since we both know you'r
SIENNAMy eyes fluttered open and somehow I wasn't ready to get up from my bed. I was not prepared to get up from my bed at all. I was beyond tired and the warm hand around my waist held me tightly to the bed so it was almost impossible for me to stand up. I couldn’t believe that I had let Benjamin spend the night here. But I knew that I had no one but myself to blame. I had wanted him to stay. I had enjoyed the feel of his hands against my skin, the feel of his lips as he ravished mine as he ravished them, and somehow I couldn’t say that I was ready to let go of the moment. I kept reliving it over and over again. I knew that no matter how hard I might try to forget it, the memory was forever imprinted in my brain, and it would be impossible to forget no matter how I might try to. I released a deep sigh just before I turned to face Benjamin who was still asleep. The feel of his bare body against mine was so warm that it was almost impossible not to run my hands up his skin just to