Chapter 4

Seraphine's Point of View

It's so weird returning to my twelve-year old self with my twenty-nine years old mind. I could still remember how I was during my younger years— immature, sharp-tongue, and a fiery temper. It just lessened as I grew older, until I met Cassius and my temper got the best of me most of the time but it eventually matured when we fell in love with each other.

My heart twinged a bit at the reminder of my mate. I wouldn't meet him until later when I was sixteen. That's four years from now. The thought of seeing his younger self makes me nervous, yet I still yearn to see his face and feel his presence. For the one week that had passed since he died, I continued to see his lifeless blue eyes looking at me. Even in my dreams, it still haunted me.

So when I woke up every morning, my wolf had been itching to break free and run far away- away from the man who had killed our mate.

I suddenly bristled when I realized something.

My wolf... I can't feel her.

The realisation made my heart drop. I feel so anxious and restless because it feels like I lost half of myself.

Until I remembered something.

Our wolves just start manifesting inside us when we turn sixteen, the time during which it starts preparing us for when we finally meet our mates. When children turned fifteen, it was taught to them that their wolves had always been there inside our body, but it remained dormant until we reached sixteen where it would start to manifest.

It calmed me down a bit. Losing one's wolf is unusual, but not unlikely. I don't know how it can be lost, but I don't want to imagine it happening to anyone. Because it doesn't feel that great right now that I can't feel my wolf. The only consolation I have is that it's not lost but it still hasn't manifested.

Once I felt calm enough to face the younger versions of the people I grew up with in my first life, I set out to meet them at the playground.

And no amount of consolation could ever prepare me for the emotions that had hit me all at once when I caught sight of a small boy sitting on the bottom stairs of the broken slide. He was hugging his knees, the forlorn look on his small face while watching the other kids play around made me recoil a bit.

As much as I'm utterly mad and betrayed by Maximus, I couldn't help but remind myself this is not the same man who betrayed me. I mean, it's him, but he hasn't done anything to me right now. He did it more than a decade later, once all his plans had been successfully executed.

Right now... he's just the shy and lonely boy I've befriended because I don't want to see anyone looking so sad, especially someone so young.

I thought that once I returned back in time, my anger would be so bright and intense it might burn me along the way, until I failed this second chance given to me. I thought Maximus hurt me enough for me to want him dead.

But I'm wrong. I don't want him dead, no matter the damage he caused in my previous life.

No. I want to help him walk on a different path, not the destruction he went on last time. I want to help him be a better man who would never betray his friends and be the reason for so many deaths. I want to help him meet someone who would love him the way he deserves, not someone who is irrevocably in love with another man.

However, if I don't want to meet the same fate I had in my first life, I have to alter how things go through from now on. And if I'm guessing when he started to feel something for me, I'd say it's the moment I befriended him.

I've always known every kid here in our small village. It would be hard not to when we're just a close-knit community with no one ruling us at all. We never had newcomers; we only just kept on decreasing. Some left the place to travel or look for a pack that will accept them, and some just... died of poverty.

There are only a few kids around, so it's not that difficult to know everyone. We all went to the same school as well, which is a school from another village that's quite a distance from ours. But we can't protest at all since the education is free and no one in our village is knowledgeable enough to teach kids. So we just bear the distance and are grateful for the free education.

And Maximus, being an orphan who lost his parents at such a young age from an attack by rogue wolves, had been left to fend for himself since his parents had no relatives left to take care of him. Sometimes there were some elders in our village who would give him meals, sometimes he had to find himself his own meals. There are also times that some people ask him to earn for his pay. He's been independent since he was a child. He's too shy to socialise and too embarrassed to ask for help. Or maybe it's his pride, since most men seem to have placed too much value on those things that they'd let themselves starve than to ask for help.

Either way, once I had pondered over some things, it didn't come as a surprise to me when I thought it must be the reason he values me so much. I was his first friend, someone who approached him with the intention to stay by his side without asking for anything in return. I genuinely befriended him, sought him out either for plays or just for leisure.

I stayed with him when no one else did. I cared for him, helped him, trusted him, loved him with all my heart... something he never had when he was so young. For the longest time, I was his only family. Something he yearned for as a child, which is why he grew up to be dependent on me. I was his first person.

I was his person first before I became Cassius'. I had been theirs but in two different ways.

And that's what I have to change right now.

I shouldn't let Maximus be too dependent on me. I shouldn't cling on him the same way I did back then. I shouldn't close off myself to anyone else and stick only by his side. I need him to have someone else beside me.

Or... should I just not befriend him at all?

The idea of not having Maximus as a friend made my heart ache. No matter how much pain he caused me by his betrayal, he still has been my best friend for years. He's like the sibling I never had, even if he doesn't feel the same way.

We've shared a lot of moments together. Happy, sad, angry, and broken...

We also saw each other's different sides, and no matter how ugly it was, we stayed with each other. He's someone who understands me a lot.

So thinking if it's better that I shouldn't befriend him in this life... I can't do it.

I can help him change. I can change his future. I can change his life, for the better. That, I will do with all that I can. I wouldn't let us go that path again.

Decided, I strode towards his direction. And just like what I did the first time around, I crouched in front of him and smiled widely.

"Hi. Why aren't you playing?"

He stared at me, lips parted, gobsmacked. He looked behind him and then back to me.

"A-are you talking to me?"

I suppressed the smile that had wanted to form in my lips upon hearing his childish voice. He hasn't developed that deep baritone yet.

"Of course. Who else is here aside from us?"

He flushed, ducking his head in embarrassment. "Uh... yeah, you're right."

"So? Why aren't you playing with the other kids?" I asked again.

"Uh..." He started fidgeting with his fingers, avoiding my gaze. "I don't... really have f-friends. I don't know the o-other kids that much..."

His voice kept on going so low that I almost didn't manage to hear him.

"Is that so?" I muttered. "Then, do you want to be friends with me?"

The reaction was the same.

He raised his face too fast I was so afraid he would snap his neck, then his brown eyes met mine. The hope in it and the way his whole demeanor just lit up, which I didn't notice the first time around made my heart clenched.

"F-friends?"

"Yes, friends. I want to be your friend; do you want me to be your friend too?"

"O-of course!" He practically squealed. "I'd love to!"

I flashed him a wide, sincere smile. "My name's Seraphine Wildfrost. You can call me-"

I halted for a moment as I suddenly felt a rush of emotions when I remembered his nickname for me. But as soon as it came, I quickly shut it away.

"- Raph, or Sera. Whichever you prefer. I'm mostly called Sera though."

"Raph. I'll call you Raph," he said, blushing, but still smiling. "Hi, Raph. I'm Maximus Wilder."

"Maximus," I uttered his name softly, trying to push away the memories of his betrayal to me as I stared at his younger self. "Let's play?"

He immediately brightened up, nodding his head enthusiastically.

"Great! Come, I'll introduce you to the others as well!" I said and started pulling him towards where the other kids were playing. The innocent joy on his face just made my insides flipped wildly.

This is what I have to keep on reminding myself in this second chance I have; Maximus is still innocent. He hasn't done anything, and I will do my best to make sure he won't do anything in the future that will jeopardize our relationship and his life.