RowanAfter the last week of work, it's nice to not wake up to an alarm. When I finally get my eyes open, I realize how nice it actually is this morning. After Cutter left, I laid in bed, thinking about him probably much more than I should have. In fact, I know it was more than I should have. Rolling over, I pick up my phone, gasping loudly when I see it's past two in the afternoon. I obviously needed the rest, but it's been a very long time since I slept that late. My stomach growls, reminding me of how long it's been since I ate. An idea pops into my head, and I fire off a text.R: Hey bro, you had lunch yet?I'm surprised when he answers right back.S: Not yet, you wanna meet me? I haven't seen much of you lately.My eyes roll. Since everything that happened, he's beyond protective. Almost suffocating at times, but I know I'm lucky. If I didn't have him, I don't know if I would still be alive, and that's as honest as I can be about how far I've come.Sulllivan and
CutterMy phone vibrates in my pocket, and I grin seeing my mom's smiling face.L: Auburn fan huh? C: Jesus. Christ. That quick?L: Whitney already came into The Café. Stella told her about this girl with the Auburn shirt on. Whit said well at least we still got Ransom. You've been withdrawn as a member of the family.C: That's okayL: Cutter, seriously?C: This girl, Mom, I think she's worth it.L: I love you, Cutter. Be safe.C: I will, love you too.As soon as I'm done, my phone vibrates again.R: Hope your ass knows I'm in the doghouse because of you. Rambo and I are sleeping on the fucking couch tonight.C: Why?R: Duh, does Little Ms. Auburn ring a bell.C: Shut the fuck up.R: You know my wife is serious about football.C: Let me go cry you a river.R: Dammit Cutter, I gotta go, but you'll pay for this."Why are you so popular tonight?" Tucker looks over at me."Stella's big mouth told everybody I'm dating an Auburn fan. It's all-out war no
RowanWild.Uninhibited.Selfish.These are words I would never have used to describe myself before this moment, but right here with Cutter? I feel them all. Wild because I'm on a public beach, even if it is after the sun has gone down. Uninhibited because I'm moaning loudly, letting him know I love what he's doing to my body. Selfish because I want this so much.The old Rowan wouldn't even be here right now, much less letting a man do these things to her. "Don't stop," I beg, tilting my head back. Moisture hits me on the forehead, once, twice. It takes me a few seconds to realize it's raining. Cutter pulls back, his green eyes roving my face. He's panting, the skin of his chest pressing against mine. "Do you want to go back to your apartment?"I know myself well enough to realize how rare this moment truly is. As soon as we get up from here and we go back to my apartment, this will be over. I'm not ready for it to be over. We're just getting started."No." I grip h
Cutter"Why are you so happy today?" Tucker's voice is full of annoyance when he hears me whistling. We're taking a drive through Paradise Lost, looking to see if there are any more places that need to be cleared. If all goes well, the LSERT will be packing up and moving out this weekend. I'm not sure how I feel about leaving Rowan, but I can't deny I'm happy today.More relaxed than I've been in what feels like years. "Just happy. What's it to you? Don't come raining on my happiness parade.""Sorry," he sighs. "I miss the hell out of Karsyn. By this time they should have relieved us, but since we're coming home this weekend, we're staying longer than normal. It's not something I really planned on."I kind of want to tell him no one plans on a hurricane, but I figure my opinion isn't what he wants right now. "It's funny." I reach over, scratching Major. "When we came down here, I came because I didn't have anything else going on. I didn't have anything besides family to keep
Rowan"Did something happen to you?" Isaac asks, looking me up and down. "Get your hair cut or change your glasses?" He looks completely puzzled. "No, why?" I laugh. "You look different today.""Different good, or different bad?"He tilts his head to the side. "Different good. You look more alive than I've probably seen you look in years."Part of me wants to tell him it's because of Cutter. All because of what we experienced together last night. Another part of me wants to keep it a secret. Like if I don't tell anyone, it can never go away. I have a real fear it'll go away. Nothing good in my life has stayed the same since I lost her. "You haven't let yourself be happy in a long time, Ro. I think it's okay to allow yourself whatever it is you're doing."Isaac knows. The way he quirks the side of his mouth is a giveaway. Not that I wouldn't eventually tell him. To be partners, you have to trust the person you ride with implicitly. And I trust him more than I've trust
CutterMy eyes watch Tucker as he's putting his things together. We don't leave until tomorrow afternoon, but here he is. Already getting his stuff packed. After the day we've had, I can't believe he's not experiencing the same kind of adrenaline crash I am."You're excited, huh?"He smiles that stupid smile of dudes in love everywhere. "Yeah, I can't wait to see Syn, feel her wrapped in my arms, lay in bed with her. I miss every single thing about her. Even the shit I didn't think I would miss."I wonder if this is how it's going to be for me, but obviously I'll be the complete opposite. I'm not going home to the woman I love. I'm leaving the one I'm growing to know, thinking I can see a future with. It's hard not to be excited for him, but it's hitting me that tonight might be the last night Rowan and I ever see each other. We haven't discussed what's going to happen when the LSERT leaves. I guess we both thought we had more time. Tonight it's the one thing not on our side
RowanGlancing over at Cutter, I memorize his features. Unsure if we'll be able to make the long-distance thing work. I'm willing to give it a shot. What I'm not willing to do is let him leave here tonight without having him. If it's my only shot, I want to take it. Have to take it. It'll be something I regret for the rest of my life if I don't.I already have enough regrets and what if's. I can't let this be another one. I'm standing against the railing of the balcony, smirking. He wants me, I can see it in his eyes, can tell by the way his body's tightened, the tent at the crotch of his shorts.Everything says he wants me, and I want him just as badly. He slowly walks over to me, a swagger I've rarely seen in real life. Never thought I'd see walking toward me on a warm moonlit night in September on the Alabama coast, that's for damn sure. I grip the railing, using it to keep me from reaching out to him, and standing up. "You're fuckin' beautiful."The smell of Bud Light on
Cutter"I have to go," I remind her, whispering softly. The breath I exhale disturbs the hair at her temple. The sun has risen into the sky, shining brightly through her window. We saw every hour last night, including the moon."I wish you didn't." She holds onto my waist tightly.Her small voice kills me. It would hurt less if you filleted my chest open, exposing my heart. "I don't want to, but I need to get back to Laurel Springs."Although I'm not sure what my life is going to be like there now. Thinking about the place I've loved since I was a kid doesn't make me excited anymore. When I close my eyes it's hard to imagine the streets in vivid colors and the people I love, like I've always been able to do. That color is now slightly muted, the voices of my family not as loud as they once were."I know." She pulls herself from me, sitting cross-legged in the bed, not bothering to cover her form. The long hair I've wanted to see down flows over her chest, only separating w