“All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day.” Never in my life did I believe there would be a day when a quote from a comic would relate so closely to me. But recently, I started feeling that the bad days in my life are far more than the good. I was so tired of fighting to keep my sanity. To fight to stay afloat of the sea of misery that was pulling me to its depths with every passing day. I didn’t think I had more strength to swim. I gave up.
I looked at the woman kidnapped and wanted to torture me for some unknown reason. Earlier I tied her wrist and ankles with the same rope she tied me before breaking free. My eyes found hers, and I noticed the slight trembling of her body. Her nostrils flared because of her heavy breathing, probably caused by her fear. Yes. It wasn’t funny to be let at the mercy of other people. But I was curious. Did I also look that pathetic
For the first time in a long while, I felt some semblance of satisfaction. Was it because Leonardo, the man I used to love so much without being reciprocated, was standing in front of me? No, definitely, not. It was because of the fear in the eyes of the woman who ordered my death and almost succeeded in taking my life. Her skin was as white as a sheet of paper, and her dark eyes were round with dread. Did I look like that when Xavier took a picture of me and sent it to her? Did she feel the same thing as me now? If the answer was yes, I could truthfully say that I understood her. I sincerely understood why she enjoyed watching the person she hated suffering. My gaze full of malice was promising endless pain if I got the chance to get near her. Noticing the promise in my eyes, she quickly hid behind Xavier. As always. God, I just wanted to see her alone without the protection of her dog. I clenched my jaw, sensing my boiling anger but then forced myself to calm down. I wante
Trigger warning, panic attack, suicide, ptsd 1 month later, Valetta, Malta I raised my hands wrapped in boxing gloves and tried to relax my shoulders. They shouldn’t be stiff or too high. That would make my belly vulnerable. I put my right leg forward and crouched a little just enough to easy to avoid an attack coming to my face. I looked at the man standing opposite me and once his eyes met mine, I tried to hit him with my right fist. He blocked it as always, but it didn’t’ mean it will stop me from trying to punch him again and again. When I tried to hit him for the fourth time, he raised his fist so quickly I couldn’t even see it before I felt pain on the left side of my head. I staggered backward and shook my head like a wet dog. ‘’ I told you to be careful when you attack because you leave your guard open.’’ Leo’s voice was even and unbothered. On the other hand, I was already breathing with difficulties. ‘’Don’t focus only on attacking. You need to prot
The morning air was crisp and fresh. The sun was shining brightly, and its warmth gently caressed my skin. I was lying on the concrete next to the pool in the yard of Leonardo’s two-story house. My eyes were closed, and I was exuding an air of tranquillity. Or at least I hoped my pretense was believable enough for the security guard whose eyes were glaring at me with murderous intent. I wish I could sigh, but that would give me away. Honestly, at this point, the constant threats to my life felt like an annoying chore I had to constantly deal with. A normal person would be scared, constantly on edge, looking behind their back to make sure there isn’t a crazy personal hitman or a mentally unstable woman trying to end them, but maybe because I died once, I became a bit indifferent. Or maybe my indifference was a result of me going cuckoo. Whichever one it was, I was too lazy to give a sh*t.The security guard looked around for the fifth time during the last ten minutes. No, not because h
It was cold. My limbs were numb. All my surroundings were somewhat hazy. With every minute passing, the pain in my heart became less and less hurtful. Surely, I was dying. Pierced with a bullet in an abandoned warehouse like some mafia thug who dared to steal money or sell the poor quality drug to his business partner. Oh my, wasn't I pitiful? Well, I wish that was the case. Honestly, in my last moments, I preferred to die for whatever reason, including incurable disease, being a bad person who did unimaginable deeds and now suffered retribution or just a f*ckin incident where the plane crashed. But no. I was dying mostly because of my stupidity. Maybe, at some point, I started to realise that my feelings would lead me to suffer like hell. But little did I know that I would have been killed because I dared to fall in love. I was shot because I was seen as an obstacle to the happy ending of two people. How pathetic. Too bad that I realised that late. If I didn't feel too weak, I would
The people's chatters drummed in my head, desperately trying to destroy every left working neuron in my brain. I opened my eyes only to be blinded by the lights of the enormous chandelier above my head. I blinked, confusion evident on my face. What happened? Was this some hallucination due to the shock my body experienced? I heard before that oxygen deprivation could cause a person to become disoriented and confused, but I never knew that I would start to imagine things. ''Luo, darling, are you fine?'' Next second there was a hand on my shoulder. I looked unbelievingly at my mother, whose face was painted with worry. ''Why don't you answer me?'' ''I suppose I am. '' I whispered back. '' I need some fresh air.'' The sound of my heels could be heard on the cold marble floor as I was trying to find a quiet place to put my thoughts in order. My mother asked me to wait, but I ignored her. My head was a mess. Everything looked so real. The noises, the scents, the view and the taste of cham
Bianca D'Arcangelo was Leonardo's cousin. On the surface, she was charming, bright and naïve. Her personality's purity evoked the kindness and the strong desire of people around her to protect such a rare gem. But, her inner self was nothing like that. Unfortunately, I found out too late. Like all these people, I thought Bianca is an example of some of the best qualities a woman can have. I used to like her and tried to form a friendship. She perfectly pretended to be close and loyal, helping me when I was in need. I thought because she had such a close relationship with Leonardo, that she would lend me a hand in making him fall in love with me. Funny thing, he started to hate me due to her ''help''. I had no idea what things she spoke behind my back; however, he became disgusted at even looking at me thanks to her. ''Little one, your friend doesn't look healthy. Stay with her and if she doesn't get better, find the butler.'' I didn't stop my sneering on time and had to cover my mout
I woke up in a hospital ward. There was an IV in my hand. I looked with empty eyes at the ceiling, remembering what happened. Firstly, I was tortured day and night. Secondly, a woman looking almost like me told me some fairytale about reliving my life. Of course, I totally didn't believe her words and gave my consent because I thought I was in delirium. However, before I realised what was going on, I was back in the past a year before my life was ruined—the d*mned banquet night when my attraction to Leonardo started. During it, I tried my best to preserve my image on the surface, but my emotions were in a mess.Thankfully, being in the hospital allowed me to reflect on everything until now calmly. If this really were my second chance, I would use it to the fullest. For instance, if I was correct, this time in my past life was crucial. Back then, I chose to stay in Scotland with my dad because his collaboration with Leonardo would take months. I thought it was a great ch
City D*, Fújiàn Province, China The sun was warm and bright high in the sky. My skin absorbed its rays. The ocean water glistered like a million diamonds. I watched absent-minded the foam formed near the shore. My body was sluggish. A few more minutes, and I would fall into a deep slumber. Anticipating this, I closed my eyes, ready for a dreamless rest. This was the only way I could sleep. A week ago, when I came to China, I realised I could not sleep at night. I had constant nightmares where I screamed and begged while my bones were breaking. There was a demon with Xavier's face with hellish eyes and scalpel in hand. I woke up in cold sweat and with a shaking body. After this happened for three days in a row, I was afraid of falling asleep. Intentionally, I stayed awake for two whole days before I felt my eyes were unable to stay open anymore. Exhausted, I slept for fourteen hours. My mom was worried about me. She constantly asked how I felt and even offered a psychologist's help. S
The morning air was crisp and fresh. The sun was shining brightly, and its warmth gently caressed my skin. I was lying on the concrete next to the pool in the yard of Leonardo’s two-story house. My eyes were closed, and I was exuding an air of tranquillity. Or at least I hoped my pretense was believable enough for the security guard whose eyes were glaring at me with murderous intent. I wish I could sigh, but that would give me away. Honestly, at this point, the constant threats to my life felt like an annoying chore I had to constantly deal with. A normal person would be scared, constantly on edge, looking behind their back to make sure there isn’t a crazy personal hitman or a mentally unstable woman trying to end them, but maybe because I died once, I became a bit indifferent. Or maybe my indifference was a result of me going cuckoo. Whichever one it was, I was too lazy to give a sh*t.The security guard looked around for the fifth time during the last ten minutes. No, not because h
Trigger warning, panic attack, suicide, ptsd 1 month later, Valetta, Malta I raised my hands wrapped in boxing gloves and tried to relax my shoulders. They shouldn’t be stiff or too high. That would make my belly vulnerable. I put my right leg forward and crouched a little just enough to easy to avoid an attack coming to my face. I looked at the man standing opposite me and once his eyes met mine, I tried to hit him with my right fist. He blocked it as always, but it didn’t’ mean it will stop me from trying to punch him again and again. When I tried to hit him for the fourth time, he raised his fist so quickly I couldn’t even see it before I felt pain on the left side of my head. I staggered backward and shook my head like a wet dog. ‘’ I told you to be careful when you attack because you leave your guard open.’’ Leo’s voice was even and unbothered. On the other hand, I was already breathing with difficulties. ‘’Don’t focus only on attacking. You need to prot
For the first time in a long while, I felt some semblance of satisfaction. Was it because Leonardo, the man I used to love so much without being reciprocated, was standing in front of me? No, definitely, not. It was because of the fear in the eyes of the woman who ordered my death and almost succeeded in taking my life. Her skin was as white as a sheet of paper, and her dark eyes were round with dread. Did I look like that when Xavier took a picture of me and sent it to her? Did she feel the same thing as me now? If the answer was yes, I could truthfully say that I understood her. I sincerely understood why she enjoyed watching the person she hated suffering. My gaze full of malice was promising endless pain if I got the chance to get near her. Noticing the promise in my eyes, she quickly hid behind Xavier. As always. God, I just wanted to see her alone without the protection of her dog. I clenched my jaw, sensing my boiling anger but then forced myself to calm down. I wante
“All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day.” Never in my life did I believe there would be a day when a quote from a comic would relate so closely to me. But recently, I started feeling that the bad days in my life are far more than the good. I was so tired of fighting to keep my sanity. To fight to stay afloat of the sea of misery that was pulling me to its depths with every passing day. I didn’t think I had more strength to swim. I gave up.I looked at the woman kidnapped and wanted to torture me for some unknown reason. Earlier I tied her wrist and ankles with the same rope she tied me before breaking free. My eyes found hers, and I noticed the slight trembling of her body. Her nostrils flared because of her heavy breathing, probably caused by her fear. Yes. It wasn’t funny to be let at the mercy of other people. But I was curious. Did I also look that pathetic
When I was left alone, I used the time to go to the bathroom and pull the lid of the toilet bowl. There I sat in for a while, not thinking about anything. I watched the white door blinking and not letting any thought or emotion in my head. For the first time in a while, I felt some semblance of peace. Why was my life like that? In the beginning, I blamed Leonardo and Bianca. But now? After this hallucination, I didn’t know what to think. Was what I saw something created by my stressed subconsciousness? It was possible, but it couldn’t explain the familiarity I felt. I had that feeling of being aware of it at some point but forgetting about it.However, I couldn’t accept the other option. I wasn’t strong enough mentally to do it at this point. So, for now, I would just bury my head in the sand and believe it was a bad dream caused by the constant stress I lived in. I went to wash my hands, and while doing so, the door opened, and another woman came in.
The door opened to a spacious hall bearing an ancient ambience. I blinked confusedly, wondering what was happening. Many people were inside wearing traditional Chinese clothes, their gazes pointing expectantly at the place where I was standing. Just a moment ago, the make–up artist was preparing me for the interview, and now suddenly, I was on some set for an ancient drama tv-series together with many other unknown people. I must be dreaming. But, normally, people didn’t realise they were dreaming while I was keenly aware that what I see wasn’t real. Then my body started moving on its own accord, making everything even more surreal. My back was as straight as an arrow, my head held high and my breathing steady. But deep inside, I was feeling anxious. Why was I moving without wanting it? I felt like a marionette. I tried to move my head around and better look at the environment, but it was impossible. The only thing I could see was the red hem of my clothes and t
On the next day was the interview which Kang Xianliang and I had to give in front of the press to dispel the rumours of my ‘’affair’’. I woke up tired with no will to live as always, but this time there was an additional reason for my lack of good rest, which didn’t include my nightmares. I was mostly tossing all night, feeling that something unpleasant is about to happen. However, I tried to be positive and just ignore it. While I had my breakfast at Xianliang’s kitchen, I was reading the file he sent me yesterday about the woman who hated me enough to try to tarnish my reputation.To be honest, there wasn’t anything interesting about her. She was an actress who tried for years to become popular and successful, but unfortunately, her acting skills were lacking, and all the movies she starred in were criticised for her performance. Maybe, because she could not achieve her dream, she became a cruel and wicked person who wanted to vent
A hand crept on my back, slowly caressing it, making my hairs stood on ends. My heart started palpitating, and I wanted to step away from that burning tip which I felt was getting closer and closer. However, the moment I tried to move away, the grip on my waist got stronger, and he pulled me even closer, making our bodies touch without even a gap. I put my hands on his shoulders, keeping my face away from him. ‘’What are you doing?’’ I asked, irritated, trying to hide my nervousness caused by our closeness. ‘’You are going to burn me.’’ ‘’It won’t be that bad. It will hurt at the beginning but eventually, you will get better.’’ I blinked a few times, astonished at what he had just said. During the time we spent together, I realised that this man had some really black and twisted sense of humour. So, I knew right now he wasn't serious. But, there was one problem. One moment he was joking, and the other, he was serious, doing exactly what he had been joking about. Seei
The name of the woman who supposedly was behind this whole ordeal didn’t invoke any memories in me. For the sake of my life, I couldn’t remember if I had ever met her, nor could I think of a situation where my actions could directly or indirectly implicate her. We didn’t have common friends or acquaintances. So, why the bloody hell did she do this? But maybe, it wasn’t because of me. Maybe it was because she had a history with somebody close to me and was using me as a revenge tool. However, I could hardly think of a person here in China who cared so much about me they could get upset if I was hurt. While I was thinking about this, I arrived at Kang Xianliang’s mansion. When the butler let me in, I hurried to his office wanting to ask if he knew that woman by some chance. However, I only made one step when the butler’s hand stopped me on my way to the stairs. ‘’Young Master isn’t in a very good mood today. Be careful not to worsen it.’’ My eyebrows furrowed a