Chapter 4: Regrettable Choices

Chapter 4: Regrettable Choices

Kit:

Kit woke up with a start as the sound of a gunshot broke through his nightmares.

The bright early morning sunlight coming in through the curtains illuminated the entire room, making it easier for him to see everything that he had missed last night.

Swallowing nervously, he looked back at the face of the man who was spooning him from behind, his body a welcoming warmth as it wrapped around his own under the blankets.

Kit’s heart thrashed against his ribcage at the sight of him. With his tousled midnight locks falling over his forehead, he looked much younger than he had last night…probably around the same age as his elder sister. His skin was golden honey that coaxed him to run his fingers down his chest, but Kit clenched his jaw against the temptation.

However…he suddenly got this feeling like he knew the Phi from somewhere…as if he had met him before.

But how could that be possible? With a face like this…there was no way Kit could forget him easily even if they had crossed paths for a brief instant.

But the more he stared at him…the more he remembered the events from last night and the more he felt regret set in.

Who was P’Kimhan? Other than the fact that he had saved his life and that he was a Mafia lord…Kit knew absolutely nothing about the man.

Did he have a family? Did he have a lover? Was someone waiting for him? Was he…going to be the cause of distress when P’Kimhan woke up…or was he going to tell him to forget about last night and pretend like it never happened?

Suddenly, he felt sick to the stomach.

What had he done? He didn’t even know the man and yet…he had slept with him…multiple times.

He vaguely remembered them inside the bathroom last night, when P’Kimhan had taken him to the shower. They had done it inside the bathroom too…with him against the marble wall as the warm water cascaded down their bodies…

Blinking, he looked around the room to find his clothes. He needed to escape. And he needed to escape this instant. Otherwise the guilt would eat at him until there was none of his sanity left. He had to escape before he regretted his choices. He had to escape before P’Kimhan woke up and told him he regretted last night.

Unwinding himself carefully from the man behind him, Kit got up from the bed, wincing as he felt the soreness from last night, and stilled immediately as he saw P’Kimhan groan and turn the slightest. He breathed a sigh of relief when Phi went right back to sleep, his breathing soft and the sunlight casting shadows of his lashes onto his cheeks.

Tentatively, Kit pulled on his underwear from the floor, followed by the rest of his clothing that were now dry from lying on the floor all night. He didn’t remember where he was or where Phi had brought him last night because not only had it been raining heavily, but the drugs had fogged his mind of any other thought.

Now, he moved past the bed, making sure to pull the curtains shut on his way so that the sun didn’t disturb P’Kimhan’s sleep as Kit made a dash for the door, not bothering to look behind. It was better this way, he thought to himself as he closed the door behind him as quietly as he could and ran for the elevator.

However, if he had dared to look behind one last time…he would’ve seen the deep brown eyes of the man following him as he left. He would’ve seen his smile as he understood the reason why the boy hadn't even bothered to thank him or wake him up as he left his room.

Kit wanted it to be just a one night stand…something he hoped he would forget soon enough and move on in his life like nothing had happened…even though his entire body felt branded by his touch.

He wanted to forget though. Not Kimhan…not the man whose touch still lingered on his skin…but the incidents from last night that involved Khun Thong.

But as he exited the elevator, looking around the streets that were filled with puddles from the heavy rain, a sinking feeling began to sit in his stomach. How was he going to tell his Phi about all this? How could he possibly explain last night to his older sister without worrying her to death?

And even if he did tell her…she would become even more paranoid, forbidding him from having a part time job ever again. All of his activities would be restricted and his sister would take even more responsibilities onto her shoulders, making her even more miserable. As of now, she was already working three jobs in a day to make ends meet…if she were to learn the truth…

Mai! (No)

Kit decided then and there that he wasn’t going to tell her anything, no matter how guilty he felt about it.

Normally, he either took a bus or any other cheaper mode of transport to save money, but this morning, he couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty about anything else as he hired a cab with the money he had in his pocket. Because the place where P’Kimhan had brought him was even further away from his home…and he didn’t want his sister to worry any more than she already was since he hadn't shown up home last night.

*

“Kit!” His sister was already waiting for him outside their apartment when he arrived. “Nong? What happened? Why didn’t you come back home last night?”

Kit knew he didn’t have the strength to tell his sister the truth, especially after he saw the worried expression on her face. But neither did he have the strength to lie. Guilt was eating him from the inside out and he didn’t know how to face her, so he stood still with his head hung as P’Kanya rushed over to pull him into her comforting embrace.

“Did something happen?” She raised her head, trying to meet his eyes. “You know you can tell me anything, na? Did your employer give you a hard time?”

 The way he flinched at the mention of the word ‘employer’ must have given his sister enough of an idea because she gasped in horror, clutching at his hands. But when she spoke next…he felt a mix of guilt and relief for the fact that his sister had misunderstood the situation. And somehow…he preferred it this way.

“Did you get fired?” Kaya’s voice was worried as she searched her brother’s face, but from the way his expression darkened, she knew he wasn’t ready to tell her yet. “It’s okay…there’s no pressure. It’s totally fine this way, Kit. Now you should be focusing on what is more important, your scholarship.”

“How can I do that na, Phi?” Kit asked her desperately. “The debtors…”

“I’ve found a way to help with that.” Kaya reassured him. “I’ll tell you everything shortly, but first, go take a shower. I’ve made breakfast for us. Let’s eat together na? We rarely get to spent time together.”

Kit paused. P’Kanya was a very hardworking person, and since they had lost their mother, she had hardly had any time to waste so she would always buy porridge for breakfast at the nearest stall to save time before she went off to work for the day. She never cooked on her own and neither did she insist on them sharing a meal together, especially because she left way too early every morning for him to even greet her and came back later into the night, well past dinner time.

And most importantly…his sister rarely used that pleading voice with him.

Kit knew instantly that whatever it was that his sister wanted to tell him, it was very important…and that he wasn’t going to like it one bit.

So he pushed his own problems to the back for his mind for the time being and decided to follow his sister’s orders. Because he was now utterly curious about what his sister had in mind that was going to help them pay up their never ending debt.