Chapter 5- Thea

**Thea**

I winced as I gently pulled my dress back over my head. I had been cleaning the wounds as best I could with fresh water from the well for the past two days. But I was worried about infection. Especially since I couldn’t see where I was washing.

I replayed the scene in my mind. Gurtar bursting through the kitchen door. The man still screaming and calling me every name under the sun. She had taken me by my hair and dragged me outside. After being thrown on the ground, she grabbed a horse bridle and began whipping my back. The pain had been indescribable. My screams had attracted some of the villagers to come and watch. None of them had intervened. I had been shocked when Tess, who had never once come to my defence, had interrupted Gurtar’s violence. Of course, she said it was on the pretence of not wanting Gurtar to cause injury to her arm from the repeated swings. There was something in her voice though. I could tell the real reason was because she thought Gurtar would beat me until I was dead.

Gurtar had hit me before, but this was the worst by far. She was angry that the reputation of the inn had been damaged, but more so because I couldn’t tell her what had happened.

She had questioned me hours later when Tess had plied her with whisky. She thought I was hiding something, but the truth was, I really didn’t know what had happened. All I knew is that I had felt a surge of disgust and anger as the man tried to touch me, and the next thing, his hand was burnt so badly it had blistered. I realised a small part of me was happy, after all he had deserved it.

I had never really been wanted here, but I had never been in too much danger either. The occasional beating was normal, but this felt different. What if Tess hadn’t stopped her? As terrifying as the outside world was, I didn’t feel safe here anymore. And anyway, what was I gaining from being here? If I was truthful with my myself, the only reason why I was here was because I was afraid of the unknown. If I could just find something out about my real family. Maybe I could discover some of the answers to my questions. Why was I abandoned? Why did I seem different to other people? How could I burn someone’s hand without trying?

The sound of the back-door closing made me look up. It was Elena. She walked towards me carrying a mug and pulled out some bread from her pocket and held them both out for me to take. “Thank you, I appreciate it” I said, taking the food and drink. I was happy that it was milk and not just water, Gurtar hadn’t allowed me to eat for two days. I ate half the bread immediately, deciding to save the other half for tomorrow morning in case I wasn’t allowed any breakfast again. I downed all the milk. Elena watched me closely.

“Yes well, just don’t let anyone in there know” she said, motioning towards the inn. I knew the only reason she’d come out is because Gurtar would be eating her lunch and counting up the takings from this morning. It was one of the only times she was completely occupied.

Elena mostly worked behind the bar. Gurtar liked her there because she was attractive enough to encourage men to buy more drinks than they’d planned on, but not so attractive they’d propose marriage and whisk her away. Of course, this didn’t stop Elena from sleeping with half of them. Gurtar turned a blind eye though because Elena didn’t charge.  She was more tolerant of women who slept around as long as they didn’t take money for it. I felt a little sad for Elena sometimes, she was so desperate for love, she would give herself to anyone. She was also the only person to treat me with an ounce of kindness. Of course, she didn’t show this in front of Tess or Gurtar. She knew that they wouldn’t like it, and would treat her badly in turn. Elena also lived at the inn, but she had a room inside. Granted it wasn’t much bigger than a broom cupboard, but it was certainly better than the stable. She had been here ever since I could remember, although she was only around 10 years older than me. When she had been younger, she told me she dreamed of a rugged stranger coming to the inn and taking her away to get married. She would tell me what her wedding dress would look like and what she would name her first child. She didn’t speak of any such thing anymore, but I could tell she secretly hoped there was still a chance of it happening.

“What the hell happened?’ she asked, keeping an eye on the inn to make sure no one was watching. I sighed. “I honestly don’t know Elena, he tried to grab me and the next minute he was burnt”. She looked at me for a moment, as if trying to read the information she thought I was hiding through my eyes. Appearing to realise I had no more information to give her she sighed “Honestly Thea, I don’t even know why your protecting your precious virginity, women like us don’t tend to be chosen by decent men. You might as well have some fun”. “I’m not interested in that kind of fun, especially not with greasy disgusting men like him” I visibly shuddered. Elena laughed “You mean if some muscley handsome stranger strolls in to the bar you’ll finally open your legs?!” I felt my face go red “Don’t be ridiculous, that’s not what I meant”. Every man I had ever met had been harsh or only interested in sex. Even the local young men who had known me most of my life didn’t show any pure intentions towards me. Everyone knew I had been abandoned. People round here didn’t like that, they felt it must have been my fault or that I came from a bad family. No one wanted to marry that.

Elena had finally stopped laughing and caught her breath.

“Well, whatever happened, you need to watch it. I’ve not seen Gurtar this angry since that lousy dead husband of hers spent their last coins on whores”. She hesitated, and fiddled with a loose thread on her grubby apron. “I know you were a child when it happened, but the way he died was a bit…off”. I was puzzled. “I thought he had a heart attack or something”. Elena scoffed. “Yeah well, to my knowledge heart attacks don’t cause you to bleed on your bed sheets, I was the one that scrubbed them”. I suddenly felt much more afraid than I had before. “Are you saying...” my eyes darted towards the inn, and Gurtar’s chamber window. “Look, all I’m saying is that woman is capable of things that you won’t want to find out about.” She looked at me in the eyes “If you tell anyone I’ve spoken to you about it, I’ll be cleaning your bloody sheets soon”. With that, she walked back to the inn, and shut the door.

Despite my increasing feelings of fear, I had to laugh. I barely had any sheets to scrub. I slept on straw in the stable and used an old blanket and fur cape a patron had left behind for warmth. In the deep winter I would sleep next to the horses.

Well that was it. If there was a real chance of me being murdered, I needed to get out of here, and soon. I would need to try and steal some food from the kitchen over the next few days. If I could get to the scraps left on plates that may be the safest way. I would need to steal a horse…. despite sharing a space with them for most of my life, I realised I didn’t actually know how to ride. I’d have to learn quickly. I at least understood how to saddle one after watching the inn’s visitors do it time and time again. Where the hell would I go though? I’d left never the village since I was abandoned here. I decided that details like this would have to be worked out if and when I actually managed to leave without being seen.

I rearranged the straw as if that was going to make any difference to the comfort of the stable floor. I laid down on my front as I couldn’t stand the pain of lying on my back with the lash wounds. I had been tempted to ask Elena to look at them, but knew she wouldn’t want to be caught tending to me in case she ended up with some of her own. I placed my hand under my chin and looked at the brown mare who was in here today. To distract myself from the pain I imagined riding on her back, far away from here, to a better place