chapter 5

DAISY

After my morning from hell, I decided to stay in. Me and hope spent the day in the garden, and I ordered a slide to be delivered tomorrow so she could enjoy herself out here.

I needed to order a sand pit too, but that would have to wait. Money wasn't something I could throw around. I was a teacher, and therefore didn't earn much money working in a private nursery.

Once bills were paid, the food shop was done, and making sure Hope had everything she needed, there wasn't much left over. However, before I met Robert I was used to budgeting; I never came from an upper class family like Robert.

Robert never had to worry about money, even before his business was booming, his parents were also billionaires. They owned several different companies, and what made it so hard for me to leave initially.

People with money have an advantage that people like me don't. They can use it to manipulate, and receive what they want, where as I couldn't do that. Yes I was the wife of a rich man, but I signed a prenup when we married - something proposed by his parents. So a divorce wouldn't of helped me gain the same privileges - not that I'd want them. I was happy living my life with the money I had.

I attempted to forget those thoughts, and was lost in more stress when I had a text message come through.

Amanda: liv will babysit, please come out with me tonight?

Amanda was my cousin on my dads side. Her mom was my dads sister, but because I didn't see my parents Robert had no clue about her. Hence the reason I moved so close to her.

She knew about Robert, and has helped me ever since I moved here.

When I married Robert he had met most my family, but not Amanda. She lived in America until a year ago, so we used to speak over social media a lot. Robert had no clue about her, or our interactions would of been cut off; she helped me start a new, and has become my best friend these past few months.

I had other friends, ones I worked with, but no one compares to Amanda. Trust wise, I struggled to get close with other people.

Me: you know how I feel about leaving Hope.

Liv was her younger sister, she was only seventeen so couldn't come out with us. She had babysat before, but the whole time I was on edge. Amanda had to bring me home early because the thought of her being without me terrified me. Nevertheless, I could do with a drink after my encounter with the hot stranger in the coffee shop; and I knew Amanda wouldn't let it go.

Amanda: please, Daisy, I need to get out so do you! She'll be find with Liv

My stomach was churning at the thought, I looked over at her and realised I had to start trusting leaving her with Liv for a few hours. She was brilliant with her, and would never let anybody in the house, or near her, while babysitting.

Maybe one drink won't hurt, right?

Me: Fine. One drink. What time?

Amanda: say an hour?

Me: be at yours in an hour then.

I really hope I didn't regret this.

I forced my feet up the creaking stairs, and sat down at my dressing table. I was lucky to have blemish-free skin, so my face was soft and clear; this meant makeup would smooth over my face, and make it look flawless. I clipped my hair up, and buffed some foundation over my face.

Once I'd finished my makeup, I tried to think of a style for my hair. I usually kept it up in a messy bun, but maybe I could straighten it today? Yep that's what I'll do. My hair always reached my chest, and was usually wavy - basically a tousled mess once I'd been outside. So I wanted it to look pretty for once.

As soon as it was done, I opened the small wardrobe and scanned the rows of clothing for something appropriate.

I had three options: a red dress, a black dress, or jeans and a top.

I know Amanda will tell me to dress to the nines because she always does, but I didn't even know where we were going.

I insisted on the jeans. They were dark blue, tight fitted, and moulded to my curves. Hopefully I didn't look too big in them; I hated how I'd put more weight on after being pregnant, and Robert didn't allow me access to a gym. His own insecurities allowed me to gain my own.

I opted for a white, broiderie patterned shirt; it had frills on the sleeves, and looked elegant. I styled it with some mint green, square toe, sandal heels. They looked cute, and pretty with my outfit.

How I'd got ready in an hour I had no idea.

Hope had sat toying with my makeup, and shoes. She had smeared red lipstick all over her lips while trying to walk in my black flip flops.

I hope she doesn't have this style when she grows up. I laughed at that thought.

Nevertheless, she looked adorable. I probably shouldn't let her play with them, but she was in her element. Every little girl loves to dress up, and mine decided that my wardrobe was more fancy than her princess collection.

"You look beautiful, but we need to get you cleaned up. You're going to see Liv sweetie"

Her eyes lit up, and she gasped with excitement.

"Yay mommy."

I gave her a wipe, and encouraged her to wipe her own face while I placed some clothes and nappies in a bag. She was toilet training, so I still had to make sure she had some nappies, but mostly she wouldn't wear them.

--

When I arrived at Amanda's, my nerves settled in again. I hated leaving my baby. What if she got hurt? What if something happened to her? What if she needed me? My thoughts were running wild and it was then I decided that maybe I did need to learn to leave her with people, she went to nursery all day without me. So this is just like that, only less time.

As I took some deep breaths, and tried to calm myself, Amanda opened the door. Big smiles, and excitement dripping from her. If only I could feel the same.

"You ready?! You look hot."

"Thanks you do too, but I'm anxious to leave her."

She sighed, place her hands on my shoulders, looked me straight in the eye and said, "Daisy. She is fine. I get it you have every right to be scared, but what about your happiness? Your entitled to that"

She was right, only I couldn't help feeling guilty that I was dropping my child off so I could go have a little fun.

"She'll be fine, let's go."

She pulled my hand just as I let Hope out of my embrace. I really needed to move on from my past, and the worries it's spiralled into. Tonight I would have fun and not worry. Or at least I wanted to...