Chapter 4: LIAR’S LETTERS

I kicked my leg hard, and I saw the rat flying across the room and ran outside of my open door. Perry screamed harder, and I was left in shock. My heart was beating like crazy, and I felt like the world was spinning as I lay back slowly on my bed.

"What the heck happened to you, Shyne?" Perry asked worriedly but softly. "I think the entire flat could hear you. They might think I'm trying to commit murder here. Did you dream of him again?" She was rubbing my arm to soothe me while I continued to stare at the ceiling.

"Perry, I cannot believe that this is happening to me. I made a mistake in the past, but I never expected to be tortured this much". My tears were now falling, and my throat felt like it was burning as I tried my best to tell Perry every detail of the dream that I had. I saw how her expression turned from anger to sadness and then complete shock and fear.

"When I left Rian, I believed that he would never bother me again. I understood that my conscience would always affect me. Still, I never would have imagined that it would torture me this much" Perry sat beside me as I began to wipe my tears and hugged her lightly. "I don't understand why I'm having these dreams more frequently. Plus, the hallucinations are getting out of hand now. I can't live like this anymore."

"I think that all of this is happening because there are still secrets that you are hiding and denying. You can't escape your past Shyne, but you can learn to let go when you fully release those secrets that you've been hiding. You leave your old cage for a bigger one, but no matter how wide the space is, you're still in a cage. You need to be free from your own mind Shyne. Wait here. I'll get you a glass of water."

Perry went out of my room. I sat on my bed, contemplating what she said. After a few moments, Perry came back with the glass of water, and I decided that it was time for me to let go of a few heavy weights in my chest that I have been hiding for years.

“I’m used to being the one giving you advice, and now I’m not used to having one from you. But you’re right that I should just be honest and tell the truth.” I decided to dial my sister’s phone number so she could listen to what I was about to tell Perry.

“You’re dialing Izzy’s number? Does this mean she also knows about what’s happening to you now?” Izzy De Leon is the third and youngest child in our family. I wasn’t very close with my sister growing up, but she knew about everything that happened to me about Rian. “I thought you said you’d never tell anyone in the clan about Rian?”

“I couldn’t escape the city and start a new life if I didn’t tell Izzy. As young as she is, she’s still as influential in the clan as I am. Plus, I would rather ask her than my brother Alister. That guy is as strict as my parents, and he would never let me get away with everything that I’ve done. At least Izzy had my back even if she detested my situation.” Izzy answered the phone, and I explained my dream to her.

“Perry is right sis. You need to get all those secrets out of you or else you’ll explode with worries. You’re already hallucinating, and it won’t stop if you won’t face your past and move on”.

“I know that, but I just feel like if I let the secrets out, I'll go back to square one. I've done everything I can to forget about the mistakes I made in the past, and opening it up again just because of my stupid dreams doesn't feel like it would change anything”. I sobbed quietly as Perry and Izzy looked at me with worried eyes. "I just want to forget the disappointment that I gave myself and our family".

"I know you do, sis, but covering it up would just make it more unbearable for you, and you'll just live a life of regret. You made a mistake, now it's time to stop avoiding it, and right that mistake". I suddenly stood up and ran to my closet to grab a brown box, and ran back to my position on the bed.

"What's that dusty old thing doing here? I thought you said you left every memory box you had back home?" Perry moved the phone so Izzy could see me and what I had.

"I did, but I couldn't leave this one. My diary when Rian was with me is still here, and I couldn't risk leaving it at home where my nosy mother could find it," the diary I had also had the letters and drawings that Rian gave me in the past. "I never threw this away 'cause I felt like I had to keep it for some reason".

A letter from Rian fell when I opened the notebook, and I saw that the letter had those weird latin words that he loved to write at the beginning and end of the letters. I never understood them, and I've always believed they were nice words about his love for me. The hair on my arms stood up, and I prayed to God that I was wrong. 

"Shyne, are those latin words on that love letter?" Perry took one from the box, and her eyes zeroed in on the unfamiliar letters. "Why would a letter from Rian have these written on them?" She showed the letters to Izzy.

"That guy is too weird. I still can't believe you chose a freak like that sis. I'm sorry but if men are flavors, I think you just bagged the worst kind", I continued to take photos of the letters and decided to research them. My mind was racing, and I had an idea that was both stupid and desperate. I returned everything in the box, and placed it back in the closet while Perry and Izzy just patiently waited for me to speak. They probably noticed my tense aura.

“Rian once told me that he gave me these letters as a sign of his love for me. I never minded them because I never loved the guy. I don’t even know why I kept them even after we broke up. I guess it’s just for remembrance on my part” I said unsurely.

“Well Shyne, these letters are too freaky for me. Why don’t we just burn them after Izzy finds the meaning? I think you need to get rid of everything that has something to do with Rian for you to move on”, Perry continued to stare at me with an encouraging look when she saw the hesitation in my face. “I won’t force you, and I know neither will Izzy. But Shyne, you need to let go for good. Now, tell us the truth. I know you were about to tell us something before these letters were brought up.”

“Hold that thought guys”, Izzy interrupted when I was about to speak. “I just finished checking the Latin words for one of those creepy letters he gave you”, I felt my heart skip a beat when I saw Izzy’s face pale on the phone’s screen. “One of them says ‘DEATH CAN’T SEPARATE THE SOULS OF THE MATES’, and then another one says ‘TOGETHER ABOVE, TOGETHER BELOW’. This is so messed up sis! I mean, what’s with this guy?” I was shaking while listening to the words that Izzy translated.

“Those are the words that he kept telling me every time we fought and I threatened him with a breakup. He said that too the day I left him”, I shook hard, and I could also see Perry’s breathing a bit ragged due to worry. “The night I left, he said that I could never escape his love for me because his love for me is greater than anything money can buy. He swore that he owns all of me whether I like it or not. I thought it was all words and my parents’ money could get me away from his empty threats”, I suddenly remembered a chilling memory and Perry and Izzy were silent when they saw me turn even paler. “Rian said he was once part of a cult before he met me.”

“That means, those letters and the Latin words sneakily written there were not made for him to express his love”, Perry’s voice cracked a bit as she spoke. “It was meant for him to secretly cast a form of unbreakable bond with you. It's so he can bind your soul to him for eternity.”

"That's it sis, I am going there tomorrow, and no one can stop me. For now, just go to sleep and stop worrying. Don't let that freak bother you", Perry nodded in agreement and I could see both of them in deep thought after a few seconds. "Tomorrow when I arrive, you better spill every detail about you and Rian. Well, every detail except the cheesy ones that can make me throw up like your make outs." I laughed at her words and we said our goodbyes.

"Well then, now that your little sister is sleeping here, you need to sleep in my room tonight. I don't want another rat climbing on your ankle. That thing was more disgusting than your taste in men." I slapped her arm hard and for a moment, I forgot about what I've just learned. I need to prepare myself for tomorrow's confession. I was ready to tell the truth to Perry and Izzy, even if it meant showing them the filthiest side of me.