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FINLEY POV

  The gentle neighs from the horses around me filter through my sensitive ears as my brain continues to drift through thought.

  Food, water and reproduction, those are the only things wild animals care about. The horses we tend to and the cattle we raise have no drama in their lives. They live every day as if it were their last. They learn from their pasts, but they do not dwell on their futures. They do not plan. Their lives are lived day by day. If only I could shut that part of my brain off too. If only I couldn't dream or wish about the things I want for tomorrow. If only I were a wolf all the time. 

"Fin? You in here man," Lewis calls and my head snaps in the direction of the tack room door.

I don't know how long I have been standing in front of the manure shovels and wheelbarrels, but it must have been a while for Lewis to come looking for me.

"Yeah, just putting up," I say in an easy going tone to bypass any suspension about why it's taking me so long to come inside.

  Lewis pops his head in the door and quickly runs his eyes around the storage room.

"Alright. Well I got the bags packed. Killian is still fucking moping, but I think we have decided to leave at five. Daniel said to do the usual. Straight run through to drop off all the supply bags at each stop then we do the cameras. Killian is a new wolf so the rangers will be wondering where he came from. They will be interested which means we will have to do another run sooner than expected. Get this man, his coat is brown. He is going to stand out like a sore thumb," Lewis says as he leans his lanky body against the door frame.

Pure loathing stirs in my gut as I hear the bastard's name again.

Killian. Killian. Killian. I fucking hate him.

He is with my mate. Touching my mate! Having sex with my mate! They came into the kitchen last week smelling like sex and I almost ripped his head from his shoulders. I don't care if he is more buffed out than I am. I am an Alpha. Alpha blood still runs through my veins. I may be the fourth in my father's bloodline, but I am still a Gray. We have been Alphas for generations. I could demolish him if I wanted to, but that wouldn't solve anything. That wouldn't make Darcy want me instead of him. 

"I wish Daniel would keep him here. They need the muscle at home. The trail cameras are one of our easiest jobs," I say trying to concealing my growing fury.

Lewis only nods. I get the feeling he is seeing passed my fake calm facade, but I don't have the energy to care. Too much of my brain power is being used on not losing myself completely. 

"Alpha can't stand him, man. Killian acts like a lonewolf. He has zero respect for authority. Pack life isn't for him. Maybe Dan hopes Killian will find a mate while we are out there," Lewis says as he kicks off the doorframe and goes to walk away.

  As Lewis turns away from me I allow my face to contort from it's mask. I am no longer seething with hate. Excitement is coursing through me instead.

Killian will be away from the pack. We will be running through a couple hundred miles of land. There is a chance we could happen upon another shifter. A female shifter. A shifter that would solve my problems.

  "Here's to hoping," I mumble as I glance toward the ceiling.

******

  "This is bull," Killian grumbles as he shoves his backpack on his back.

   We carry packs that stay on us in wolf form and avoid cameras until we can dump them. Then we loop through the areas covered with trial cameras to give the rangers data. Anytime the cameras are moved we know about it since we are the volunteers and workers who move them. We make sure to give the rangers plenty of data every year so they don't begin to worry or investigate.

Normally Lewis and Benji do the camera run, but Benji's mate is pregnant for the second time and he shouldn't be leaving her side. So Daniel placed Lewis and the new asshole on camera run duty. I volunteered to join them after a devastating conversation with my so called mate. I would rather be on a two week trip with her husband than stay here at home being tortured by her.

"Suck it up," I growl and he meets my glare with one of us own.

  The air between us instantly heats up and Lewis shuffles his feet uncomfortably. Being a lower ranking male doesn't normally bother Lewis, but the pheromones being exchanged between Killian and I are getting to him.

  "Let's just go," Killian mumbles before shifting and I catch a wave of Darcy's scent as it comes off his pack.

She must have packed it for him... Great.

We shift and follow him out. Lewis takes the lead since he is the most familiar with the run and my brain drifts back to my previous thoughts.

I have always noticed other people's emotions and calculated what they might do in regards to those emotions according to their personality types, but I have never been stumped like this before. Every day I try to calculate what Darcy will do the next day, but her behavior always catches me off guard.

One day she is aloft and barely speaks to any of us. The next day she stares at me in a longing way that arouses my hopes. But then she will have days she is super clingy and lovey dovey with her husband.

It's clear she loves him. It's clear she has chosen him over me. But with the changes in her behaviors I get thrown off. I begin to plan out what I can do to win her over, but my plans never work.

If I were smart like the horses I would learn from my past instead of hoping the next day yields different results. I mean who's to say if Killian found his mate Darcy would even want me? 

  Lewis takes a sharp turn after about 10 miles and we copy him. The first supply cave the pack uses comes into view after another twenty minutes and our pace slows. We begin to sniff the air to check for any dangers and jog toward the opening. Once inside we all shift. We keep our eyes off of one another and work silently while pulling out the zip lock bags holding varies supplies. Lewis pulls open the heavily camouflaged hatch and adds the perishables in with all the other supplies kept safely stored.

  "How's the charge," I ask as I spot the satellite phone being placed in the hatch.

"They all have new batteries and I charged them before we left," Lewis answers without looking up and I take a deep breath.

  Even though Darcy has consumed most of my thoughts concern for our family is still on my mind. We have faced one hardship after another and being away from them is hard on me. Death has been around every corner it seems like and I am not ready to lose anyone else. Our sanity is hanging by a thread. If the pack is attacked while we are doing this run the phones at each cave will be the only way they can contact us.

  "Good," I finally whisper and Lewis nods.

 He probably feels the same emotions about leaving the pack as I do. I might be related to the pups in our pack by blood, but Lewis spends so much time with our future that I wouldn't be surprised if he loves them more than I do. 

"We should be able to hear the ring if we are within ten miles. I set it on high volume... They will be okay," Lewis says and confirming my thoughts as I realize he is reassuring himself and me.

"They will be. Dan, Benji, and the twins are tough," I reply and Lewis nods as he stands back up.

  "Darcy too," Killian says and my head snaps in his direction.

  "She is a soldier. She has an impressive kill record. Your pack mates are safe with my wife," Killian says actually sounding as if he is being considerate.

I freeze in response. The words "my wife" are echoing through my mind on a loop. I should agree with him, but I can't get my mouth to work. 

"That's true. But you should say "our" pack mates, man. You are part of the Southern Gray Pack now. Even if it's been a rough start," Lewis says trying to form some kind of comradorie with the prick.

My stomach just turns even more. I want to vomit. Hearing him talk about her is the worst form of torture. Maybe I shouldn't have come. I could have stayed home and tried to wear her down. Maybe I could have won her over... but then she could have had an affair with me and gone back to him when he returned. 

Shut up, Fin. Stop with the what ifs and could have beens. She made her choice. 

"Come on. We have to do three more drops before we make camp," I say quickly and they both look at me as I shift.

My fur and long muzzle hide away my human emotions. In this form I can wallow.