“You didn’t tell me another one of your little friends was stopping by,” Mom said, oblivious to the devil she’d allowed into our home. Perhaps she knew, perhaps that sort was attracted by others of a similar nature, and she knew by some sixth sense that Erin was there to ruin my evening.
“I won’t be long, Mrs. Deneiro. Kai, can we talk for a sec?”
No.
“…sure.”
I led her back to my room, the walk filled with frantic efforts to uncover what the girl had planned. Even more pressing was how she managed to get my address. Jonie was a resourceful girl who’d helped Jayden in the endeavour, but I doubted she shared any particular affinity for the girl that would provoke the same degree of helpfulness.
“Good luck tonight,” I said, closing the door behind us. As was always the case, someone would need to be civil, and it would never be her.
Erin wrinkled her nose as she too
I remained quiet, too consumed by my own feelings of inadequacy to begin to process the fact she’d referred to me with a term of endearment absent external provocation. “Jayden will be here any minute; why’re you just sitting around?”“I can’t go to the dance…” I sniffed once, willing the tears back into their glands with minimal success. To have her see me crying was unlikely to improve my evening and, while I doubted she could make it worse, she had the ability to come dangerously close.“Are you out of your mind?” she asked, crossing the room to join me by my bed. “I’ve already got the camera out—that dress was $85.”I turned to her, my eyes clouding over so that it became difficult to see the rising agitation in her eyes. “Look at me, Mom.” I wiped at my nose. Against my better judgment and the survival instincts I’d gained throughout the years, I broke dow
The commotion didn’t go unnoticed. The volume of the music did little to mask my protests, and soon I’d gained the attention of everyone present.It was enough to shut me up.My legs were set the run the moment they put me down. If I was fast enough, I could make it to the parking lot before they caught me. It would require a great deal of force from me, but I didn’t suppose it would be impossible with the level of adrenaline that now coursed through me.I took a careful step back, wanting to distance myself from the eyes that never looked away. Waves of anxiety crashed into me, reducing my frame as my shoulders began to fold inward. I took another step back but felt three hands gently pushing me forward. I turned to find the three with encouraging smiles plastered across their faces, further insistence that I go on.“Take a deep breath if you have to, but you’re not leaving,” Jonie said. Her tone was matter of fact in
I leaned onto the counter, trying to steady myself. It was the first mistake. The movement caught my eye in the mirror’s reflection, forcing them up to take in the sight that was me.They’d done a crude job of cutting my hair, tufts both long and short sticking out at odd ends in asymmetrical patterns. Some places went down to the scalp while others retained a few inches. The look complemented the bruises now once again on display in a manner most macabre. They weren’t alone; new bruises had risen in the places the hands of those girls once were.I stared on in a daze, allowing myself to be transfixed by the girl who stood before me now. This was the second mistake. She was a stark contrast to the girl who’d managed to woo me with her beauty moments earlier.A rage I hadn’t felt since I was seven filled me. Self-loathing and disgust swelled inside me; they fuelled the ferality that forced its way in. She was staring at me; pathetic,
"Seth, what the hell do you think you're doing?!"Sydney and Jonie hurried into the room, Sydney leading the charge. It shouldn’t have surprised me that she’d come looking for me. I couldn’t say how long I’d been gone, but it was long enough to give anyone the impression I wouldn’t be going back.“Get away from her,” Jonie said.Seth pried his eyes away from me to look at the pair of girls who’d already begun to think the worst. He shook his head. “Calm down. I know this looks bad—I’ll even admit that my intentions weren’t exactly innocent when I came looking for her, bu
"Come on Kai." Jayden took me by my good hand and led me past the boy who’d only been trying to ensure I was okay. He didn’t care about the affront he’d levied, nor did he see the need to portray himself in a more charismatic light as president. Jayden was of a more singular mind. In that moment, I was the one and only concern that plagued him and his every instinct insisted he make me safe.Jayden brought me to the board room, closing the door behind us. He hoisted me onto the meeting table, setting himself before me. His expression was resolute and there was purpose in his eyes. “Who did this to you?”“It doesn’t matter.”
“As for my mother,” I said, giving a half-hearted one-shouldered shrug, “I guess…if I were a better kid, she wouldn’t have to do the things she did.” There was a formula to gaining her love and approval, but I’d searched my entire life for it with little success.I needed to be better; I just…didn’t know how.“Stop it.”“Stop what?”“I don’t ever want to hear you rationalise other people’s abuse again. No one deserves to have the shit kicked out of them for
The monotonous humming of the blow dryer replaced the silence for a time as Jonie got me and my dress dry.None of us spoke, understanding that the girl had fallen into a zone of focus that transcended time and space. She was off in her own world working her magic with the makeup as deftly as she’d worked through my hair.Satisfied, she took a step back to look at me. “Get up; the nurse is over in the gym.”I was anxious to get back.The night had taken so many twists and turns since I’d first arrived at the school. It was strange
I went home a winner.Mom didn’t care that I’d gone home with my hand wrapped in bandages. She didn’t care enough to know what happened to my hair beyond a polite question for the sake of keeping up appearances with the friends who’d followed me home. It was the crown on my head that captured her attention and she jumped at the opportunity to take more photos with me and my friends before they had to head home.Anything to make it all more convincing.Before the night was over, she would plaster my photos all over the family chat they had. In the morning, she would head to the mall to have a few printed for my grandmo
“There’s…there’s something I need to tell you.” I only needed the courage to find the words.Jayden’s brows creased as he took me in. “What is it…?”“You’ll be angry.”“I won’t.”“You can’t promise that; you don’t even know what it is…”“And you can’t be sure I will be until you’ve told me and given me a chance to react.”We sat at a silent stalemate as several minutes trickled by. I knew he was patiently waiting for whatever bad news I would spring, and I knew it would hurt him. The fear I harboured had nothing to do with ending the new fairytale I’d taken on and everything to do with the hesitation I felt following everything he’d done for me and now my brother.He didn’t deserve what I’d done, and it had been all for naught. I never got pregnant and didn’t h
Three weeks later, my brother and I dutifully attended our mother’s funeral. There were only a handful of people in attendance and even then, they were mostly family. The genuine friends my mother had made were no more than a handful and only one of them shed any tears.Aunt Rebecca was the only immediate family member to cry with even Nana maintaining a wall of stoicism while the pastor carried on with his final sermon. I didn’t hear most of his words. My eyes locked on the casket waiting to be lowered with a detached sense of disbelief. At any moment, it would open, and my mother would come out barking her laughter at all the fools who’d thought a single bullet would be enough to keep her from her children. She would hug Matt and promise she would never leave him then offer me a plastic smile as she assured me we would talk about it all when we got home.I’d spent the better part of the earlier service with my eyes fixed on the woman while the
It was another seven minutes before the paramedics arrived and when they did, there was a race against time to get me stable. I’d already lost too much blood and kept slipping in and out of consciousness. I learned later that the police had also been called but in the haze I’d fallen into, I couldn’t say when they arrived on our usually quiet street.I was loaded into the ambulance with my brother and an officer accompanying us. It was Detective Charles, the man who’d promised my mother he would find out the truth about her ex-husband’s sudden, tragic death. He didn’t know what to make of the scene he’d come onto but knew there was a deep well that buried secrets so dark that two children had no business holding onto them.Conversations carried on around me, but they were too muffled by my fading consciousness for me to hear. The next time I awoke, I was on a hospital bed with my brother asleep on the chair that sat in the corn
“No!” I answered quickly. I hurried to hold the note I’d written up for her to see but she gave it only the shortest of cursory glances before pulling back then throwing her entire weight into the smack she landed on my cheek. The force sent me toppling to the ground faster than I could right myself and by then, she’d begun kicking.“I bet you think you’ve found something, huh? HUH? Think you’ve got the upper hand now; that you can blackmail me because of what you’ve seen? Do you know who I am, little girl? Don’t you know that I will kill you?”I shook my head frantically as I curled into a protective ball. “I didn’t—I didn’t see anything, I swear!”“Don’t fucking lie to me!” Her next kick landed in my face, causing blood to gush from my nose.“I won’t say anything; I won’t, I promise!”“I shoul
I set to decline Adam's offer but, in a flash, he was on his feet pulling on his own pants. “The bus might be a while. I don’t want you standing out by the bus stop waiting for however long.” He pulled for his shirt and slipped it on. “You hungry? We can hit up a drive-thru on the way.”The rumbling of my stomach betrayed any answer I could’ve given. Adam nodded his understanding then led the way from the house. He got me my usual off the menu then dropped me off in front of my house.Adam had tried to fill the ride with small talk, in what appeared on the surface to be a sincere interest in catching up, but I’d already begun to shut down. I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want to feel, to see, to be.“Hey,” he said as I set to walk away from his car. “Remember what I said, alright? I’m here for you.”I nodded, seeing no need to argue and not wanting to prolong the conversat
I swallowed my pride, understanding the role I would have to play. It wasn’t an unfamiliar one and would require no great effort for me to slip into. I dropped the pitch of my voice, forcing it into a sultry invitation I knew he wouldn’t refuse.“Your pay’s built into this favour.” I hated myself.Adam pulled away to look at me, his eyes glistening hungrily. “I’m listening.”I took a deep breath to steady myself. “Emily’s…dead.”“Who?”A surge of hot anger rose in me at his ignorance, but I was forced to swallow it. Adam’s lack of knowledge was in large part my fault. I’d never allowed him to meet her, nor had I ever told him anything about her. She may as well had been a stranger to him—as she truly was—and in that moment, I realised the small stake he had in the decision I’d made…how…insignificant my plight was been for
“Hey, Kai.” Madelyn stopped me on my way down the hall. “Wait up.”Reluctantly, I brought my feet to a halt then offered her a forced smile. “Hey.”She began rummaging through her bag as she drew closer before pulling out a pastel pink toddler shirt with a crown printed on the front. Madelyn extended it to me with a sheepish smile. “I saw this when my mom took me shopping and I thought…you know…it’d look really cute on your daughter. It’s probably a little big; we didn’t know her size, but she’ll grow into it, right?”I didn’t think I had any heart left until I felt another piece of it break off. She wasn’t wrong, Emily would have looked amazing in it, but she would never have a chance to grow into it, nor would she ever wear it.The strained smile I’d been forcing dissolved. A lump lodged itself into the back of my throat requiring me to take several m
I considered writing him a note asking that he take care of them, but much like everything else, it didn’t matter. What would I care if he ripped through my room like the Tasmanian Devil after I was gone?The air inside my mother’s room was still. It was the first I’d been in there—the first I’d been in any of her rooms since my father left. Matt was welcome to cuddle and watch movies from time to time, but never me. There was an air of reverence that came with the subtle warning I shouldn’t have been there. I was walking on holy ground as a tainted sinner. Such a transgression would normally fill me with fear but that particular feeling couldn’t have been further away.I took the time to sweep my eyes across my mother’s room. How foreign it seemed, as if I’d been transported to another world. Nothing was out of place and the bed had been well-made. The blinds were half open, allowing light into the room while blott
Uncomfortable and uncertain, the nurse returned to her desk. Seeing her whisper about me with her colleagues brought the laughter to the next level. My insides hurt from how hard I laughed, and I could feel a pressure building inside my head, but even then…I couldn’t stop laughing.Those around me grew unsettled by the persistent nature of my unprovoked laughter. One by one, they rose from the chairs closest to me and made their way to stand at the wall at the opposite end of the waiting room or by the nurse’s desk.Their evasion tickled my insides until they screamed. Those people had nothing to fear; I wasn’t the murderer.By the time I was allowed to see Jayden, the laughter had died. It was replaced by a subdued silence that stood in stark contrast to the boisterous half-cackle half-wail I’d carried on with earlier.I didn’t have the energy for it…didn’t have the energy for anything. I’d been dra