“…Jayden.”
“We can start with the small stuff,” he encouraged.
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
I shook my head, wanting desperately to dispel the thoughts that crept in from the corners in the wake of this change in topic. “I can’t,” I repeated, as much a reminder for myself as it was a response to his request. Jayden said all the right things and knew the right expressions to melt my heart, but it was too much of a risk. I didn’t know—didn’t remember what lay dormant beneath the mask and couldn’t risk such a reveal. “You won’t like what you see…”
“Her father taught her well. The trick is getting to them before their fathers have a chance to give them the talk about the horror of boys and their raging hormones.” “Oh. How old are we talking? Seven?” Jayden sputtered, realising only after my brother’s response that perhaps he needed to be more careful with the reckless advice he’d been slinging since he first got there. “NO! Absolutely not—you trying to get arrested? They lock ‘em up as young as you, you know.” Matt paused, giving it a moment’s thought before shrugging mildly. “You’re right. I’ll go back to older girls—lots of ‘em don’t have fathers, so I’ve still got wiggle room.” “We…are gonna need another talk,” Jayden said, appalled at how his message had been so far distorted. I watched the two engage in causal conversation, waiting for the other shoe to drop and for Matt to start making his demands. It wouldn’t be a happy ending. My brother had struck gold when he walked in
Day after day, I was forced to watch Matt walk around with my iPod. When asked where he’d gotten it, the boy was ready with the excuse a friend had recently gotten a new one and had allowed him to have it. There weren’t any questions after that, there never were for Matt. Mom didn’t care where he got it, not truly; she’d simply been curious about the newest addition to his collection.Like everything else he owned, he treated it poorly. Sometimes it was left sunken into the couch where someone could sit on it. There were times it lay on the ground, forgotten and primed to be stepped on. He would break it before long, then neither of us would have it.I wanted to take it back, to yank the earphones from his ears and lay him flat for how careless he continued to be. It was wishful thinking and little more. Nothing would justify such an act in my mother’s eyes, not even learning it first belonged to me. She would pop it into the dishwasher or
“Why don’t you invite him over for dinner tomorrow?”Mom scrolled the length of the document on her screen, paying no particular attention to me or my brother. She nibbled on the cap of her pen, her eyes glazing over from their tedious work. “Isn’t your school dance coming up? Remind me I still need to get you a dress for that.”I gaped at her words, considering for the first time that I may have fallen asleep back up in my room and that this nearly pleasant conversation was little more than a figment of my most starved imaginations.She wanted to have Jayden over for dinner and wouldn’t be subjecting me to my scraps of clothing for the dance. I wanted to ride the wave of her sobriety and the neutral mood that came with it, but I knew there was a cost. There was always a cost. Soon enough, the work would end, and I would be made to pay for her passing acts of kindness.“Cool, Jayden’s coming over!&rdqu
I was still working through the math on Jayden’s earlier statement when I realised they’d both turned expectant gazes to me. Somehow, I’d ended up in the middle of a standoff I’d rather watch from a distance and it brought the most unpleasant churning to my stomach. If I said no, it would unnecessarily offend the boy who’d approached me in good faith. If I said yes, I’d offend the boy who still hadn’t learned I wasn’t his property.My stomach hurt too much for this mess.“Um…thank you. It was very sweet of you.” I smiled, trying to soften the blow of the rejection Jayden had offered on my behalf. I relaxed only after he mirrored my smile with one of his own. Josh wasn’t angry—at least, he didn’t seem to be. He’d been disappointed by the outcome, but his reaction was not the world-ending catastrophe I’d convinced myself it would be.The boy waved his goodbye then head
“Mom wants you to come by for dinner tonight if you can,” I said, breaking the silence as we approached the door to room 31.“Tonight’s a bit short notice for me. Got a date with Alyssa…or was it Erica? Seira?” He rubbed at his chin contemplatively, lost in his own musings.The deadpan expression he’d managed to elicit with his words only served to amuse him. A wide, boyish grin took shape before my eyes, attempting to coax movement from my lips. I remained resolved in my disapproval; my lack of amusement was hard to miss.“I’m kidding. I’ll be there at six.”I rolled my eyes, nudging him aside to walk by him into the classroom. There was only so much of Jayden Pryce’s humour that I could tolerate before my eyes went permanently inverted.I spent the day on autopilot, my mind preoccupied with thoughts of the sanctioned dinner to take place in the evening. Conversations f
I felt the unpleasant sensation of blood draining from my face at the sight of the knife he’d had all along. The danger had been worse than I understood and was growing worse still. If Matt got hurt, it would be my fault. My mother would be furious that ‘a guest’ of mine had hurt her son, and I would be in for worse.“Adam, ple—”“No, you get lost,” Matt said. “You can’t just come to my house, order me around, and hurt my sister. Don’t make me have to say it again or I’ll get my mom’s pistol and put a bullet through your fucking skull.”Adam scoffed, raising the knife higher in show he meant business.I watched in abject horror as my little brother pulled my mother’s pistol from his back pocket. Before I could begin to wonder what on earth he’d been doing with it, he raised it toward the stubborn boy. The metal glistened in the light of the setting sun, giving
This had little, if anything, to do with the section of the chicken he happened to get. There was a knowing embedded in his carefree eyes and an assurance that he was prepared to take the punishment meant for me. He knew what he was asking for but wouldn’t back down despite my or my mother’s urging.Before my mother could head for the kitchen, the student body president reached across the table to swipe my meal. He nudged his to me in return then dug in before either of us could stop him.“Mmm, this is good chicken! Wish my mom was half the chef you are.”Mom flushed, sinking slowly into her chair. “Thank you. How…very kind of you to say.”I watched, horrified with each bite he took. Had I known this was her plan, I’d had made an excuse on his behalf without ever inviting him to begin with. Jayden was too selfless for his own good, and I didn’t want to see him suffer for it. Things had been going well
Warily, I moved forward to take the bottle. From the corner of my eyes, I caught Matt staring in at us but the moment our gazes met, he turned his back to the television. He appeared restless, a contrast to his typical indifference whenever our mother fell into a mood. “If that boy turns up with the police, you won’t be able to recognise yourself after. Drink it.” My lips parted to ask the incendiary word ‘what’ but self-preservation kept my lips firmly pressed shut. Instead, I looked over at her with plaintive eyes despite the futility of such an act. Begging only ever encouraged her. “Drink it!” I raised the bottle to my lips, my hand shaking so terribly that I worried I would spill more than I consumed. In her current state of mind, she would no doubt take it as wilful defiance then the real trouble would start. Looking at my mother, I could see there would be no mercy. She waited for me to down the contents of the bottle, her pati