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Chapter 1 (iii)
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2024-10-29 19:42:56"What . . .?" I challenged, hoping I’d only misheard him. "And you are?" The voice I’d intended to be strong had failed me, coming out with frail hesitation.
"The guy with the power to get you in trouble.” He continued in a whisper as he leaned in. I could feel his breath against my ear and it sent a violent shiver down my spine.
No.
I was going to be in the band—I was going to play the drums and tell odd stories about Iggy my iguana. This…this wasn’t the start to my new school life that I was looking for and the more I thought about it was the less I could feel my lips. They remained stubbornly shut, trapped in their own uncertainty. I stared up at him, immobilised by the same fear that I had grown accustomed to at my old school. There were too many variables, the most pressing of them being my concern he was the type to ‘assert’ whatever power had been bestowed upon him by the school administration.
I’d run into enough of those to last me another ten lifetimes.
"Jayden, are you messing with new students again?"
I watched another student enter the hall, coming to a stop by this…Jayden. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I wondered if this was the Jayden that girl had been complaining about but I could scarcely spare the brainpower for what amounted to useless information when my mind was still racing ten thousand miles a minute. Besides, a busy guy like that, how would he find time to go messing with transfers?
This new boy was blonde and stood a good two inches taller than Jayden…maybe. He carried himself differently, an air of propriety clinging to him. It was there in his defiantly erect posture, the hard line his lips had created and the stiff way he’d spoken. It was a stark contrast to the lanky boy who remained effortlessly unbothered. The new boy’s veneer broke only as his gaze caught Jayden’s.
The look they shared all but confirmed they were messing around but that didn't make me lower my guard. Not yet. It was always just messing around; only a little fun they didn't expect me to take so seriously. Couldn’t I take a joke? Why was I so uptight? I could recite it all by heart.
"No, of course not," he answered, a boyish grin fixing itself on his face as he moved to create some distance between us. "I was just laying down some guidelines; sharing some warnings, y’know."
"Well, you'll have to finish your lesson some other time." The boy turned to me. "We were about to start the tour and realised you hadn’t come back from the bathroom. Let’s go.”
I hurried after him, glad to be free from dark memories that threatened to creep up in the wake of our brief conversation. A walk around the place would do me some good and I’d finally be able to find the music room. By lunch, I may have even been able to completely forget the run in and lose myself in the friend making process.
"Hey,” Jayden called after us.
I reluctantly slowed my pace, turning just enough to show he’d gotten my attention but inside my stomach had begun to bubble again. Had the escape been too easy? He must’ve been mad he’d been interrupted; it was the only thing that made sense. I braced for the real warning he’d alluded to earlier, praying it wasn’t what I was now expecting it to be.
When our gazes locked again, it wasn’t anger that jumped at me; it wasn’t even humiliation. His features had softened, provoking something that more closely resembled…remorse. “Just making sure you know I was only messing around," he said, his face still hanging onto that hint of boyish charm.
Of course. Only messing around. Wasn’t that always like that?
When I didn’t return the smile, I watched his brows furrow in consternation. He stopped smiling then. "You do know I was only joking, right?”
I remained silent, eager for the exchange to be put behind us.
“There’s no way you took me seriously—I’m not some weirdo."
I continued staring at him, my expression impassive despite the sparks that flew off inside my head. I wanted to respond—as I often did back at my old school, to assuage the guy and make sure we remained on good terms—but my body remembered what would happen after each attempt at placating my company and it was no longer willing to play along. Hard as I tried, I couldn’t get my lips to part. My words hit a snag at the top of my throat where they refused to be dislodged.
When the silence grew uncomfortable, he gave up and walked away muttering under his breath. It was the first blow to any plans I had at being the charismatic drummer who fit in with everyone. The moment word got out about this little exchange, they would think I was either uptight or problematically shy.
Shy was okay…shy…was salvageable. I got to thinking that maybe it wasn’t a lost cause after all.
"I guess you've met Jayden," the boy said, coming to a stop just a corridor from where we’d parted ways with the questionable jokester. He stopped just before and extended a hand. It was so unnecessarily formal that I thought he must’ve been playing his own joke but his hand remained there until I gave in and gave it one placid shake. He wasn’t impressed but quickly composed himself with a clear of his throat. "My name's Seth, Seth Robinson and uh . . . don't worry about him. He really was only messing around—a little humour to start the term, that’s all"
I nodded for the sake of smoothing things along but didn’t add anything else to avoid prolonging the conversation. Both seemed a little too keen to make sure I knew it was only a joke. They were a bit too invested for my liking and I made a mental note to keep an eye on them.
Just in case.
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Uncomfortable and uncertain, the nurse returned to her desk. Seeing her whisper about me with her colleagues brought the laughter to the next level. My insides hurt from how hard I laughed, and I could feel a pressure building inside my head, but even then…I couldn’t stop laughing.Those around me grew unsettled by the persistent nature of my unprovoked laughter. One by one, they rose from the chairs closest to me and made their way to stand at the wall at the opposite end of the waiting room or by the nurse’s desk.Their evasion tickled my insides until they screamed. Those people had nothing to fear; I wasn’t the murderer.By the time I was allowed to see Jayden, the laughter had died. It was replaced by a subdued silence that stood in stark contrast to the boisterous half-cackle half-wail I’d carried on with earlier.I didn’t have the energy for it…didn’t have the energy for anything. I’d been dra
