187: Invigorating

It's been three days.

I'll be discharged today. I'm so glad that I'll be out of this room. I couldn't stand it. These past days have been torturous; firstly, I've been having recurrent nightmares of Ferdinand. Every time I close my eyes, he's all I see. I think I underestimated how much living with him affected me mentally. I only knew him for a handful of weeks. It's crazy.

I'm afraid. I'm constantly in fear. I couldn't relax because I'd keep imagining him walking through those doors. Every time the door opened, my heart would sink, but it always ended up being just a nurse or the doctor. I kept convincing myself that he wouldn't be able to find me, but the irrational part of me spoke much louder.

I didn't realize until now that I'm absolutely terrified of him.

I was just trying to get away from him and keep my mother safe, I didn't know at the time what it would cost me. Out of everything that happened to me these past couple of weeks, finding out that he's alive affected me the mos