Chapter 5

“I was young and scared.”

“Of what?”

“At first, I was worried we’d have nowhere to live. Both our fathers were against the match. How would we live if they both kicked us out?”

“You didn’t trust me to provide for you.”

“I was young, Paddy. The first time you asked Ellie had only been gone a short while. I’m not sure I even have ten summers! You certainly hadn’t more than five and ten since you had very little hair on your face. I was not aware of any existence outside of Lady and maid. I did not want to live the life of a maid, your father did not want me here, and you had no other castle to take me to. It was a few years after that before I could have legally wed anyway.”

“What about after my father’s funeral? You had a woman’s body then and I had the keep for us to live in. You were even willing to couple with me, you just would not stay here with me.”

“I wanted to be with you, but I wanted to be there for my mother while she was so ill. Besides, that was only part of it. I only came to you after she died because when she first became unable to rise she told me I should leave the keep and go to you as soon as possible. She meant before she died, but I was too afraid. I am still.”

Paddy sat very still, his eyes searching hers. Had the few coupling games they had played at in the two years between his father’s death and her mother’s made her so worried as that? He had always been worried that they would. He'd been very certain that was why she wouldn't stay after his father's funeral. She had not been eager to follow his command, especially if it involved being uncovered or having him kiss anything other than her lips. He had hoped she was simply a shy, young maiden, but even though she had never protested overly much and he’d been sure she found her pleasure each time, he had worried that she stayed away because of the things he enjoyed doing to her. “Are you afraid of me, Lia? Of what I expect of you as my wife?”

She curled her lips between her teeth and bit down a moment before she answered quietly, “not exactly.”

“Then what?”

“I worry that having three children at a time might be too much for me, as it was for your mother.” He felt himself relax. That had worried him too until Dair had fathered his first child. And every birth after that had made him even more confident that it wasn’t likely to be a problem.

“There is no reason to believe we will have more than one baby at a time, Lia. It happened often to my father's wives, but Dair has already fathered four children, and there was only ever one at a time.”

“Dair was married? He has children? How do I not know this?”

“Nay, he was not wed.”

“But...”

“You ken how babies are made, Lia. He did not have to wed or even handfast with the women. They were all willing and took that risk.”

“Did they not take a brew to prevent it?”

“He was only three and ten when the first was conceived, so likely they were both a bit surprised by it. One of the women has two of his sons, and they were both created on purpose. They would have wed if the woman hadn’t already had a husband.”

“Oh my!”

“No child of his is uncared for. My point was that you do not need to fear having multiple children at once, it isn't likely.”

“I am still going to take the brew.”

“I am fine with that for the moment, wife. We have been waiting so long to be together that I will be glad of time alone with you.” He felt himself stirring against her and let his hand begin caressing her as he talked. “There are many things I want to do to you that I would not dare try once you are with child. At some point, I will want an heir though. You can’t take the brew forever.”

“Two years,” Lia said firmly. Paddy pulled back and scowled at her. “That is what my mother wanted, Paddy. She didn’t want her daughters to have children until we reached our majority. She said she was sure many girls died in childbirth simply because their bodies were too young and really not ready to carry a baby. She thought that just coming into our womanhood was not enough. Our bodies still needed time to grow and prepare on the inside. She felt having our courses was just the first step, not the ending place. Just as we barely have breast to feed them when the courses start, our insides are not ready to hold the child until it is large enough to survive.”

Paddy got a sinking feeling in his stomach. His mother and all his stepmothers had been young girls when they died. His mother six and ten, the others had been even younger, barely women. What if Lia’s mother was right? “You will take the herbs for one full year and then we will discuss it.”

“Two.”

“One, and then we will talk about it. If we wait one year before trying to conceive you would still most likely reach your majority before the baby could arrive, if not those few months would not be likely to make a big difference. In the meantime, I will talk to some healers and wise women to see if they believe the same as your mother. If any feel as your mother did, that many of those who die in childbirth are simply too young and it is best to wait until after twenty, then we will wait until your majority before you stop taking the brew. If not, then we will decide in one year based on whether or not we feel we want a baby, not on unfounded fear. We’ll have no argument on it now.” Paddy pushed up and wrapped a fur around his wife.

“I will have a fire set and a hot bath brought to warm you. Then I’ll see if there is some hot soup or stew for your noon meal and warm drinks brought regularly. I'll see that some marrow pastries are prepared as soon as possible and I’ll have your things brought up so you can start to settle in. The maid will show you which room will be your solar. Put on your best dress in time for the evening meal. I’ll be back up to get you then.”

“I hoped we might spend our wedding day together. Where are you going?”

“We deserve a wedding feast, Lia! We’ve certainly waited long enough that this day should be a celebration. I may not be able to share this moment with my brothers, and your sister is not here either, but we can celebrate this new beginning with our clan. We will not argue, we will not worry about what is going to happen next year or even next week, we will simply enjoy that today we can finally hold each other and know that nobody can tear us apart.”

Eliana smiled and closed her eyes as he kissed her before he left, but when the door closed behind him she bit her lip and wondered, would the emissary learn the truth and force the men to switch wives?