The memory of our first kiss is sobering, especially after the events of the last couple of weeks. But it's one I've desperately needed to recall. I haven't forgotten those vows I made to myself, and I intend to keep them for the rest of my life.I'll go crazy if I don't.Almost a week after the move, I find myself lying in bed, watching the night sky outside my window. My mom called me twice tonight - once to ask my opinion about what color dress she should wear to Sara's wedding, and once to chastise me for not telling her and my dad that Luca and I were moving in together. After my argument with Luca last weekend, I completely forgot to call her. I ended up telling her that I was worried what Dad's very Catholic parents would think about me living with a guy out of wedlock, but I'm not sure she bought it.Just tell her, I thought more than once during our conversation. Just tell her the truth. But I couldn't get the words to leave my tongue. I ended up just apologizing profusely
I freeze. I've never seen Luca like this before - looking so utterly dejected. I've seen him show mild concern, mild anger, mild worry...you get the idea. But even at those times, his smile was usually only a few seconds away. His mask always seemed to return the moment he realized he'd let it slip.But this...Clearly he doesn't know I'm here. Even around me - maybe especially around me - he rarely shows his true self, as far as I can tell. He's certainly never expressed anything close to what I'm seeing now. And he's definitely never mentioned any potential problems in his life that could lead to such a dark emotion.Maybe he's practicing a scene, I think. But I know better than that - I've memorized our script, after all.No - something in my gut tells me this is real. He's not wearing a shirt, and I can see the tension in every line of his well-muscled back. I set down the corkscrew and start to walk toward the door, ready to offer what advice and support I can.But I stop aft
Luca is staring at me, waiting for me to tell him why he, of all people, shouldn't be noticing my body."Isn't it obvious?" I say, flustered. "Considering - shit! The bath!" I dart past him down the hall, back toward my room. I'm nearly to the door before I remember the whole reason I left in the first place. I spin back around. "Towels. I need towels.""There should be some in the closet just down - "I nearly run into him again as I dart past. I throw open the door he indicated and grab as many towels as I can hold."Get as many as you can," I tell him.He still looks confused, but he comes over to the closet. I run back down the hall and into my bedroom.The water has soaked further into the carpet. I throw down a couple of towels and stomp on them, trying to absorb as much liquid as possible. The rest of the towels I throw down on the bathroom floor."Whoa. What happened here?"Luca is standing in the doorway, his arms full of towels and his eyebrows practically up to his g
I don't sleep much. When I wake, there's still a heavy lump in my throat, though I don't know whether it's from guilt or nerves or some other emotion. Some days I'm not sure I can even identify real emotions anymore.When I check my phone, there are text messages from my mom and Sara. I rub my eyes as I skim through them. Most of them are about the wedding. Something tells me I'm not going to be able to put off their questions about whether or not Luca will be attending much longer.Javy hasn't contacted me yet, but I try not to read too much into that.For now, I need to get dressed and get some breakfast. And about three cups of coffee. I roll out of bed and make my way down the hall to my old bedroom.The workers are gone, but some of their equipment is still here. Judging by the state of the floor, it looks like they decided to tear up some of the tiles. Guilt surges through me. Shit. The damage must have been worse than I realized.I'm still a little confused about what happe
Don't do it, I warn myself. You'll only get yourself more worked up. But I can't help myself. I need to know, once and for all.I grab the camera and turn it on. I pull up the video on the digital screen on the back, take a deep breath, and play it.My heart thuds in my throat as the recording begins. But the light in the room was fairly dim at the time, and the screen on the camera is too small for me to see much besides Luca and me rolling around on the ground.I need a bigger screen. Right now.Tucking the camera under my arm, I return to the rec room and the large television. Frantically, I search for a cable or some other way to connect the camera, but all I see are a few carefully hidden wires going back into the wall behind the screen.I run back around the corner into the movie vault. Sure enough, I find a cubby in the wall housing the Blu-Ray player, cable box, and other assorted television attachments - including a cable that hooks right into the camera. I connect it, sw
I'm pretty sure I scream as I jump up off the couch. Somehow Luca walked into the room without me noticing.And I'm sitting here watching...oh, God.I probably break a world record sprinting to the movie closet. Behind me, I can hear the heavy breathing and moaning of the two of us up on the television, but I don't dare pause to watch for my orgasm. I have to get this video off. Now.I yank the cable out of the camera. In the other room, I hear the screen go dead, separated from its racy video feed. I stand there with the cable clenched in my fist, panting as the panic rises in my chest.How could I be such an idiot? Why didn't I go somewhere private to watch the damn video? It's been hours since Luca left - I should have known he'd come home at any time.I squeeze my eyes shut and try to calm myself. But my dad's mindfulness exercises aren't doing me much good right now.In the other room, I hear Luca laugh."Emilia?" he calls. "Is everything okay in there?"Like hell it is. H
I still have no idea how Luca does this to me, how he brings out an angry side that I didn't know I had.My mood bounces all over the place as I get ready for the party. A cold shower helps, but only a little. One moment I feel ashamed and embarrassed, the next I'm back to being pissed - pissed at myself and at Luca. Everything is a joke to him. Sometimes I wonder if he has real feelings, or if he's gotten so good at the fake ones that he's forgotten what the genuine ones are like.An image of him hunched over next to the pool floats to the front of my mind. He seemed to be feeling something genuine enough then. But if he's not going to show any real emotions around other people - around me - how am I supposed to respond?I do some of Dad's breathing exercises as I pull on my dress. I need to calm myself down before the party. There are going to be a lot of important industry people there tonight, and Luca and I need to present a united front, even if I'm still reeling on the inside
It's moments like this that remind me of just how screwed up this arrangement with Luca is. Luca and I might stand here with our hands all over each other, but in reality we're almost strangers - we know so little about each other."I might go grab myself a drink," I tell Luca. "Would you like anything?""I'll grab us drinks, love," he says. "I wouldn't be a gentleman if - ""Nonsense. You and your brother are talking. I'll be right back." I stand up on my toes and kiss him on the cheek. Then I turn to Dante and Ashlyn. "Would either of you like anything?"They both decline, and then I finally have the chance to slip away through the crowd.There are waiters walking through the room with trays of champagne, but there's also a bar in the far corner. I head there. I order a dirty martini for Luca - his usual drink when we're out together - and a seltzer water with lime for myself. Part of me longs to have something alcoholic, just to get me through this party, but I've already had m
A short while later, Luca and I are sitting on the edge of the back porch, sipping coffee and listening to the sounds of the world waking up around us. It's still only about seven in the morning, but it feels like we've been awake forever. Still, it's nice to have a moment of quiet, just to ourselves."So," I say casually, "that's my family."He laughs, and for a second I'm lost in the sound. Lost in him."They're a little crazy, I know." I smile down at my coffee cup. "But we're there for each other.""I know a thing or two about that," he says, grinning at me. "Also a thing or two about delinquent younger brothers. We can't let Javy anywhere near Rafe - I bet those two would get into all sorts of trouble together.""What about me?" I ask. "Am I allowed near Rafe now? Since we've properly established that I don't have any interest in him?"He gives me a teasing look. "I'll consider it. But just to be clear, it's not you I don't trust - it's him.""Fair enough.""Actually, spea
My little brother freezes on the steps. He drops his hand from his eyes, shock flashing across his face. It's followed quickly by panic.And I, meanwhile, suddenly find myself fighting down anger. I've spent the last couple of weeks worried sick about him, trying to help him but getting only vague explanations and unanswered calls in return."Would you like to tell everyone why I'm here, Javy?" I say.My parents both turn toward him, their faces wrinkled in confusion. My mother places her hand on my arm. "What are you talking about, honey?"Part of me wonders if I should try to respect my brother's wishes and address this in private, but I suspect that's out of the question now. There's no way my mom will let us get away with that."Javy's been calling me these past few weeks, claiming he's in trouble," I say. "But he won't tell me why.""Trouble?" My dad's frown deepens. "What's going on?""Look," Javy says, throwing up his hands. "This is all getting blown out of proportion."
It's sticky in Atlanta, even for six o'clock in the morning.I'm not tired, even though Luca and I were up the entire plane ride exploring each other in new and intoxicating ways. That seven-hour nap I took in Luca's trailer yesterday probably helped, but I suspect it's mostly adrenaline carrying me along."Your brother still lives with your parents?" Luca asks me during the cab ride to their house. He laces his fingers through mine, and I'm grateful for the comforting touch."He just graduated from college this year," I say. "He's at home for now, but I suspect he's getting antsy to leave the nest. In all honesty, though, I don't think my parents are ready for him to go. With Sara in New York and me in L.A., I think they like having him around." I squeeze his hand. "I still can't figure out what sort of trouble he's managed to get himself into. My parents don't seem to have any idea..."Luca leans closer to me. "Whatever it is, just remember that you're not alone. We'll figure it
"Look at me," Luca says.He reaches out with his free hand and cups my chin, raising my eyes to his again. "Look me in the eyes and tell me what you see."I almost don't want to, it scares me so much. In his eyes I see a wild storm - and a promise that makes my toes curl. I try to look away again, but he won't let me."What's wrong?" he asks. "Tell me, Emilia.""It's nothing," I say, then decide to start over. "It's hard to explain. Sometimes I feel like you and I are complete strangers, like we hardly know each other at all, and other times..." I swallow. "Other times I feel like you know me in ways that no one else can. That no one else ever will.""And that scares you?"My assessment must be right - obviously he knows me well if he can read me so easily. I nod."Frankly, it scares me, too," he says. "Terrifies me, actually." He laughs then, and the bright sound is almost jarring. "Emilia, I've spent most of my life avoiding these kinds of emotions. Lust, I can handle. Obsessi
I make it all the way outside the airport without anyone stopping me.And, unfortunately, without realizing I've probably just ruined whatever chance I had of getting to Atlanta tonight.There's no way I'm going back to that gate. I can't. I can try to get another flight on another airline, but judging by my luck the first time around, the chances of that happening are pretty slim.What the fuck is wrong with me? Luca just declared his love for me in front of a ton of people and cell phone cameras and I ran.I slump down onto a bench, burying my face in my hands. He didn't just pour out his feelings - he told everyone the truth about our relationship. He undid two years' worth of lies in a single moment, and I feel as if I've been laid bare in front of the whole world. My perfectly crafted public persona is gone, just like that.The back of my neck prickles. He's found me, I can feel it.He sits down on the bench next to me, but not close enough to touch. And he doesn't say a wor
"Emilia," Luca says, "I've been calling you all night."I glance around. My fellow passengers - who'd all seemed happy enough to ignore the girl on the floor with the giant cheeseburger - are starting to notice that the one and only Luca Fontaine is standing in front of them. A couple of them pull out their cell phones as I scramble to my feet."I have to go to Atlanta," I tell him. "I have to figure out what's going on with Javy."He's still frowning. "You should have told me you were going.""You should have told me you were going when you left me alone in your trailer." It's such a stupid, petty thing to bring up now, but my only defense is deflection.Luca's gaze burns into me. He's not about to let me turn this back around on him."Why didn't you tell me?" he demands.I want to run, but his eyes pin me in place. "I thought you might try to stop me. And anyway, this doesn't concern you. He's my brother, which means it's on me to fix this.""What do you mean this doesn't con
LAX is a madhouse, as usual.I go from ticket counter to ticket counter, asking for the first open flight to Atlanta. Normally I have people who do this sort of thing for me, but I don't want to have to explain why I'm ditching my job to go fly across the country. Most of the flights are full until late tomorrow, but I finally manage to score a standby ticket for one leaving three hours from now. It's not ideal, but it's the best I can do on such short notice - even being a celebrity doesn't give me much power against the stupid airlines.A little voice in my head warns me that I'm being rash, that I should think about the consequences this sudden disappearing act might have on my career, but I force those thoughts back down. Nothing will stop me from going home.You should have at least left a note for Luca, I think. I tell myself I'll shoot him a text or something when I get to my gate, even though I know I won't.I keep my head down as I make my way through security. If I'd stop
I feel like someone has gutted me. I love Luca. The realization makes me want to throw up. It's one thing to be attracted to his perfect body, but it's another to actually fall for him. I don't even know him, not really. I can't be in love with him. I can't.I can't.I can't.I can't.I can already see how this ends - with me getting my heart broken. But there's no rationalizing this away - I've already tried that and it didn't work. No, I'm just fucked. He's going to hurt me, and then I'll be alone and devastated and there will be no one to pick up the pieces.I try to fight back the tears. By the time I get back to the house, my entire head throbs with the effort. Relief rushes through me when I see that Luca isn't home yet. I don't think I can face him right now. I throw his keys down on the kitchen counter and run upstairs, locking myself in my room.I plug my phone in to charge and then stumble into the bathroom to shower. I need to get the smell of him off me. I need to w
I wake alone.It takes a moment for me to remember where I am. I can tell I'm in a strange bed and that I'm missing the warm body of someone next to me, but it takes my sleepy brain a few tries to connect all the dots. Suddenly, it all comes rushing back.I slept with Luca.I roll over, my arm sliding across his half of the bed, but it's cold. He's been gone for a while. My heart sinks.Don't act so surprised, Em. You knew this would happen.Clutching the sheets to my chest, I sit up and look around. It's completely dark. There's no light coming in through the blinds. I slide to the edge of the bed and feel around on the floor for my clothes. I wish I had something besides the torn, "apocalypse dust"-ed bits of my costume, but they'll have to do for now. I pull them on and then reach around in the dark until I find the light switch.I didn't have a chance to look around Luca's trailer before we tumbled into bed together, and I have to admit I'm quite impressed by what I see - it'