"I think something bit my ass," Annie grumbles as we walk the streets of Italy. "Maybe you found the one patch of poison ivy," I joke as we duck into a small shop. The boys wait outside with our bags while we look around. She glares at me from across a clothing rack, "don't even say that. How would I even begin to explain that to the ships doctor?" I laugh, "at least you didn't break a headstone." She gasps, "you didn't!" I nod and laughs, "so much for you not wanting to fuck at a church." "Sshh!" I hiss at her while glancing around. "And technically it wasn't at the church it was at the graveyard." "Still sacrilegious," she tells me as she shuffles around the clothing rack. "So are you two alright again?" "Yeah I think so," I tell her slowly. "We didn't really do much talking but I think we will be alright. Wedding is still on so," I trail off with a shrug. "Oh my god!" She exclaimes. "You guys should totally get married at the little church that George and I used. You'd love
A week and a few thousand miles later, James and I find ourselves in the guest room of George and Annie’s house. It hadn’t taken much to convince us to come stay with them, especially considering that we had no idea where to go next. The entire way there Annie had told me all about the house, but I was still unprepared when we pulled up to it. From what she had described, I was picturing a small cottage with maybe a garden. But the house we pulled up to was more like a mansion complete with a large gate that they had to use a code to get open. The long driveway was shadowed by trees on either side and when we got to the front doors, there was even a fountain nestled in the grassy loop of the driveway. Annie and George started to pull bags from the trunk while James and I just stared. Eventually Annie noticed and asked, “what’s wrong?” I gesture to the house, “this is not what I was expecting.” “Oh,” Annie laughs. “Trust me this is not our style at all. My great aunt Gertrude left
"I think Annie's aunt was a whore," I tell James when I finally see the bathroom. The entire space was probably bigger than my childhood bedroom, the walls were made with white marble with gold accents, the floor was a dark hardwood, a giant clawfoot tub sits off to one side putting the shower directly in the middle of the room. Floor to ceiling glass in the shape of a tube sits directly in the middle of the room, a bench runs around half of the inside with two showerheads at opposite sides and a little shower table sits next to the bench with bottles and soaps on it. "Well Annie did say that her aunt made her money in a scandalous way," James reminds me. "Maybe on of those ways was a little shower show." He nudges me as he grins, "we could make our own little videos." "Oh you'd like that wouldn't you?" I tease. "Another one of those male fantasies." "I wouldn't complain about it," he says. I glance at the shower, an idea forming. "Fine," I tell him as I walk towards it. "Fine
“Why do I always let you talk me into things like this?” I groan as I dangle by a thin rope on the side of a large indoor rock wall. I’m not sure how james had convinced me to do this, but somehow he had and now I was fifty feet in the air clinging to a small metal handhold. James looks down at me from his spot a few feet above me. “You love it,” he teases. “Do I?” I retort back.“Well,” he amends. “You love me.” “You’ve got this Ali!” Annie yells up at me. I glance down at her, praying that she’s strong enough to stop me from falling, and give her a weak smile. She’d thought it was a great idea when james had suggested it, saying that there was a large waterfall a few hours away that we could climb and this would be great practice. “You can do it baby,” James encourages. “Just a few more feet and then we can drop down.” “What do you mean drop down?” I ask in a panic. “Dropping is the last thing I want to do!” “Ali breath,” James tells me calmly. “It’s ok.” Closing my eyes, I
“Why are there so many colors?” I ask Annie as we wander the isles of the toy shop. “Sizes, styles, I can understand. But colors?” She laughs as she holds up a double ended jelly dildo and wiggles it at me, “because Ali, sometimes you just want to get railed by a purple dragon.” She puts the dildo back on the shelf and I have to resist the urge to poke it, “not all of us fantasize about having sex with Barney.” “Well, what do you fantasize about?” She asks. “We can go from there. Build you a sexy bag.” “Oh.. umm,” I stutter as I try to think of something. “I don’t really.. do that.”She gives me an incredulous look, “you don’t have any fantasies?” I shake my head slightly and she asks, “at all? Like, not even the most basic saved by a mafia boss one?” “I’ve never really thought about it.”“Ali,” she sighs. “Have you even read a good spicy book?” “You mean porn?” I ask her over a row of glittery vibrators. “Yes I mean porn!” She exclaims. “Good old fashioned porn! With some mons
“The fact that we can buy blue body paint on DoorDash and nobody bats an eye is sort of amazing,” James says as he walks back into the bedroom with a small paper bag. “Yeah,” I agree. “But did you also get the horns?” He gives me a look, “no because it’s not Halloween.” I shrug, “then it spoils the illusion.” He stares as me for a second before leaving the room and coming back several minutes later with an army helmet that has a pair of long horns sticking from it. “How about this?” I cock my head as I watch him put it on, “I guess that will work. You’ll just have to buckle it tightly.” He grins, “just don’t tell George I borrowed this.” “Yeah, why does he even have that?” I ask. Not that I was surprised. That helmet was the least weird thing in this house. James laughs, “he said it was part of his renaissance outfit. He called it Battle Minotaur.”I shake my head at the image of George in fuzzy pants and horns with army paint all over him. “Now that I think about it, Annie pr
“So how was it?” Annie asks as we browse the isles of a sporting goods store. “How was what?” I ask as innocently as I can. She scoffs, “come on Ali, you know what I mean. How was the giant ice man dildo?” She asks, her voice getting louder with each word. “Annie!” I hiss at her as a few people look our way. “What?” She asks with a grin. “It was fine,” I grit out. She raises an eyebrow, “just fine? Girl, you gotta give me something more than that.” “It was.. weird?” I tell her. “I didn’t like the material and it was uncomfortably big.” Uncomfortable was being generous, the thing had almost hurt and the entire experience had been horrible. “Hmm,” Annie hums. “Maybe we should have started you with something smaller. That’s my bad, I just got so excited when I saw it I forgot that you’ve never had one before.” “Never had what?” George asks as the boys come up the isle. “This freeze dried ice cream bar,” I answer quickly. Pulling the package from the shelf I
The next day Annie and I were sent out into the wilds of Sydney to find the tent that the boys said we must have. After hitting up three sporting goods stores yesterday, none of which had the elusive tent, the boys had finally given up and decided to head home. Now the living room looked like a sporting store and we’d left the boys to divide everything up and to make a list of what we still needed. Annie had made a girls list and had begrudgingly added the tent to the bottom. Our first stop was to a pharmacy, much to my surprise. She lead the way towards the counter and towards the very old man behind it. He smiles warmly when we get to him and asks, “good morning ladies. How may we help you today?” Annie looks behind him at the shelves and asks, “how many emergency contraceptives do you have?” The man’s warm smile slowly fades into a puzzled smile, “we have many different brands.” “My girlfriend and I are going on a two week camping trip with our boyfriends and you kno
By the time we made it home and unloaded all our things, several hours had passed since the incident with Samantha. And even though nobody had called us and we hadn’t seen anyone else we knew, I couldn’t shake the feeling that everyone in town already knew about James and I. Rationally I knew that everyone would find out about us eventually. It wasn’t like James and I were keeping our relationship a secret anymore, but I did hope we would have more time before the entire town found out about us. And maybe I could have handled it better if I wasn’t pregnant, but I was, and somehow that made the thought of facing the town much harder. The ride from our home to our parents house is a silent few blocks as I stare out the window, my mind running wild with all the things that people are probably saying about us. James holds my hand the entire way, his thumb running over my knuckles soothingly and I’m so lost in my mind that I don’t notice we’ve arrived until James lets go of my hand.
The next morning James and I are at the mall as soon as they open. More specifically, at the home goods store that takes up two levels of the mall. Equipped with two different lists and carts, James is in charge of getting the large appliances and I’m off to find kitchen and bedroom essentials. Since it was so early in the morning, I wasn’t expecting anyone to recognize me. But as I was comparing bedsheets, a voice behind me asks, “Alison?” Turning, I force a smile, “Samantha.” Her eyes flick down to my stomach and back to my face, “look at you girlfriend! How long has it been?” “Since graduation,” I tell her while praying she’d go away. Samantha was the type of girl who’d be friendly to your face and then gossip about you behind your back. “I see that congratulations are in order,” she gushes. “I have to say, the girls and I were surprised when we heard that you dropped out of college to travel the world. Honestly, we didn’t think you’d ever leave this town. But, look at
Two weeks later James and I are sitting on the plush carpet of our new living room, sunlight streaming in through the large windows. The keys to the house sit between us as we both sit there, still in shock that we’d actually gotten the house below market value and so quickly. Finally, James just asks, “how?” Shaking my head I answer, “I have no idea.” And I truly didn’t. One second we were in Iceland and the next we were in the realtors office in our hometown being handed the keys to our own home. Everything in between was a blur, and normally I’d find that concerning, but right now I think I was still in shock. Shock that was quickly giving away to the reality of the situation. “Oh my god,” I groan as I turn to James. “We bought a house!” He gives me a puzzled look, “yeah. Isn’t that what you wanted?” “Yeah!” I exclaim. “But now we have to be adults and pay bills. We have to get the utilities turned on, but furniture, decorate, paint, put together a nursery, get a car,
The next morning we are once more in the doctors office. We’d been here so much over the last month that I could tell you how many ceiling tiles were in this room without looking. The answer is fifty-four. And since we’d been here so much, we knew all the nurses by name and they didn’t even bother to show us to our room. Yes, our room. We were always brought to the same exam room so it’s gotten to the point when they’d call our name, they’d just tell us to go to our room. So here we were, both sitting on the weird chair that was covered in white paper, waiting for Nurse Franklin. We’d opted to have her give us the results instead of the doctor since we’ve been seeing her more often than him. When she walks in the room, she takes one look at us and says, “I was going to start with the pleasantries but judging by the looks on your faces, we should just get to it.” “Yes please,” James says as he takes my hand. Nurse Franklin sits down and smiles, “I’m pleased to tell yo
“Babe, you’re missing it!” James teases excitedly as a woman on the tv screams. “It’s like the Aliens but it’s a baby!” Peaking through my fingers, I was just in time to see a bloody baby rip it’s way from its mother. How he had convinced me to watch the Species series I’d never know. I’d made it through the first one just fine, but the second was starting to get to me. “Why did you think this was a good movie for me to watch?” I ask as I try not to gag. Even though I know it’s fake blood, the sight of it still makes me nauseous. James glanced over at me and frowns slightly, “honestly I forgot that this one was mainly killer babies.” He grabs the remote and turns the movie off before kissing my head, “I’m sorry, princess. I didn’t mean to make you sick.” “I’m not sick,” I start to argue, but the churning in my stomach only got worse and in a flash I’m off the couch and running to the bathroom. I barely make it before I’m heaving my guts up. I don’t notice when James enters the b
“Carter?” The nurse calls out. “That’s us!” James answers as he jumps up from his seat and offers me a hand. I take it with a grin, “I can stand up by myself,” I tell him as he pulls me to my feet. “I’m just practicing,” he laughs as we follow the nurse. "I'm Nurse Franklin," she says kindly as she ushers us into the back. "You'll be in exam room one right here," she tells us as she opens a door. I walk into the room and sit nervously on the table, the paper crinkling under me. She shuts the door and turns to us, “so what brings you in today?" “We’re pregnant!” James tells her excitedly and proudly. “We?” I tease. “I didn’t know that you’d be shooting a baby out of your nether regions.” “I would,” he says quickly. He looks at Nurse Franklin, “I totally would.” She chuckles, “I take it you’re the father then.” James nods, “the one and only.” "Alright,” she says as she writes on her clipboard. “I do need to ask a few questions," she tells us. "Do you know ho
“We need to find a house,” James tells me as he rubs my stomach. We’ve been lounging on the bed for the past few hours, James laying between my legs, his head propped up by his arm. “And soon so we have time to set everything up for this little guy.” “We have time,” I remind him. “And who says it’s a boy? Maybe it’s a girl.”James looks up at me, “nah it’s a boy,” he tells me with full certainty. “But it could be a girl,” I argue slightly, suddenly worried that maybe James was going to be a ‘boys only’ type of dad. “You know I can’t control the gender, right?”He nods, “genetically speaking I’m the one that controls that. But,” he amends. “It could be a girl. I’d be happy with either.” “Would you?”“Of course,” he tells me with a smile. “I can’t wait for a little mini you running around. She’d have me wrapped around her finger so fast. I’d never be able to tell her no.” “Speaking from experience, that’s a good power to have over you,” I joke. “But you’re right, we do need to make
Six months later and I’m sitting on the floor in a hotel bathroom, a pregnancy test in my hand. “James!” I yell from the bathroom. “James!” His feet slap the floor as he runs towards me, the door opening quickly as he rushes in, “what’s wrong?” His voice gets a note of panic when he sees me sitting on the floor, “what happened?” I hold up the pregnancy test for him to see, “I’m pregnant.” He sits down next to me, “are you sure?” I nod, “yeah. It.. feels the same as last time.” He swallows loudly, “are we.. happy?” “Yeah,” I whisper. “Yeah we are.” And unlike last time, I was. Over the past six months we’d traveled the world for my job, visiting every place imaginable and I’d made more money selling my pictures then I’d ever thought possible, to the point where we’d never have to work again if we didn’t want to. I never thought that I’d be the breadwinner in this relationship but I was enjoying being a sugar mama. James and I still hadn’t found a house to call our o
A month later and we find ourselves in Alaska watching the northern lights in a glass igloo hotel. While I wasn’t to thrilled about going from one cold climate to the next, I had to admit that the light show was worth every freezing minute. Especially since I got to cuddle some sled dogs our first night there. We’d decided to do the sled dog tour that ended up on a mountain peak with a clear view of the lights. The company had set up large canopy tents with an assortment of chairs, blankets, food and drinks. Several cozy campfires are spread throughout the small area and if it wasn’t for the fifth other people there, it would be one of the most romantic places we’d ever been. As we waiting for the show to start, I walked around the camp and took pictures of all the dogs and the camp, along with anyone who wanted their pictures taken. And when the lights started, we all moved from the tents and away from the fires, towards the edge of the mountain with our chairs and blanke