Three: Impossible Truth

~Lucinda’s p.o.v.~

Fear. Ice cold fear, running through my veins and freezing my limbs. Turning my blood to frost. My breaths to fog. Fear is all I can feel, and pain. Lots of agonizing pain, spreading through every inch of my skin. I can hear my screams echoing off inside the walls of my mind, yet the sound does not escape from my lungs. The world does not quake at my feet from my screams, nor does it shatter through anyone’s eardrums. I am a silent statue, suffering in my own quiet agony. Not a soul can feel what I am feeling or know what I am experiencing. 

Everyone is staring at me, watching me with confused gazes and some with worried frowns. I can’t understand what is going on except for the pain and the fear. It is all I know. It is all that I am, in this moment. For some horrifying reason, I can’t even remember my own name. Who even am I? Where am I? What is happening to me? Am I awake or asleep? If this is a dream, I want to wake up. Am I dying? If this is death, I want no part of it.

“Death is an unwelcome escape, yet it will come for us in the end.” These are the first words I hear in what feels like a lifetime of screams. 

My feet begin to move again, carrying me toward the stage. Orpheus has his hand outstretched in my direction, waiting for me to place my hand in it. To pull me up onto the stage with him and complete my Hunter’s Blood Oath Ceremony. The voice speaks no other words, leaving me in the silence of my screams once again. Yet, I oddly feel no pain with its absence. Where did the uncomfortableness of my bones breaking, shattering, and trying to mend back together go?

“Lucinda, are you alright?” Orpheus, our leader, calls out to me. I watch as he closes his fingers into a fist and then opens them back up. Motioning me to come forward onto the stage, but my feet are once again frozen in place. What is happening to me? What is wrong with me?!

An unfamiliar feminine voice echoes through my mind, delivering words of wisdom. Wise words from the unknown, yet the sentences bring me a sense of comfort and peace. “Fear is only an illusion. One that we created inside our own mind. Face it. Overcome it. Or we shall drown in it. Never to rise from the products of our own doubts.”

I feel my feet begin to move again, leading me toward the stage. A forced smile spreads across Orpheus’ mouth. It gives him an eerie appearance. His envious green eyes narrowing into slits reveals his true nature. That forced smile is fake. A lie. Not even the most ignorant of fools could be foolish enough to believe that crooked forced smile on Orpheus’ face. He’s a monster. Draven knows the truth more than anyone. And I was his number one witness. Every single time. Every single beating. I was the one to piece him back together. I am the one to always piece him back together.

I make contact with the palm of his hand. The tips of my fingers touch the flat part of the inside of his hand. He waits until I’ve flattened my palm against his, before closing his hand around mine and hoisting me up onto the stage. Everyone rises to their feet. Their eyes glued to me and to our leader. Smiles are all that I can see. Proud ones, false ones, ones with hidden meanings. Applause reaches my ears and I take notice of my parents standing beside Drae. All three of them clap their hands together in sync, smiling wider than everyone else put together.

My parents have always been supportive of me. Draven as well. The three of them together make for the perfect team. My own personal team of cheerleaders. I don’t know what I would do without all of them. Without the comfort of their never ending love for me, I would be lost in this world. My mom is my comfort. My dad is my strength. And Drae. He’s always been my breath of fresh air. The one person I can run to when I need an escape from reality. I would be a broken lost soul in this sea of darkness. This empty, lacking world with no light, no hope, no chance of freedom. Always amounting to whatever we must be for the betterment of society. Instead of what we want to be for ourselves. The world doesn’t care about our dreams. The people don’t care about our beliefs. It doesn’t matter that our leader’s son is my best friend. If his father claims that I am unworthy to be at his side, then that would be it. No more escape. Just another obedient soldier with no hopes, dreams, or sense of peace. A girl with no fate. Just a lost soul.

My muscles begin to cramp yet again. The nerves in every cell of my body are vibrating, tingling like firecrackers being set ablaze inside of my skin. I can feel my stomach twisting itself into knots, my heart palpitating in a fast crescendo, and my blood heating up to a raging boil. My bones begin to shift once again, and this time I cannot prevent the screams from ripping through my lungs, escaping out my mouth. The sound of it pierces every eardrum within 100 miles. Everyone gasps in a unison of shock. All eyebrows raising, their hands covering their ears. Multiple hearts pounding in my eardrums? Different beats from different directions… It sounds like a very confused band of drummers. Not a single one of them are on the same beat.

My sweat clad hands slips out of Orpheus’ grasp, causing me to fall to my knees beside him. There is nothing but air for me to grab onto and so I fall. A pained cry leaves my lips as my knees collide with the hard stage. Something inside of my head breaks. It snaps in half like that of a broken pencil. More pain. More fear. More confused thoughts swarm my brain. I don’t understand what’s going on. I can hardly breathe. My vision has gone blurry, with nothing but hazy silhouettes and wet moisture staring back at me.

“What have you done to her?!” I hear my mother shout at Orpheus.

I can see him shaking his head, his hands raising up in front of his face. Almost as if he is trying to prove he’s done nothing wrong. Has he done something to me? Or did I do something to myself? Did I take the correct medicine for my nausea? I am not so sure of myself anymore… I am not sure of anything anymore. F.uck what is wrong with me?!

A pair of cool hands grasp both sides of my face. I can see my mothers warm eyes staring back at me through the blurriness of my vision. Her touch soothes the agonizing pain in my body, almost like it is curing it. Making it all go away. “What’s wrong with me?” I sob uncomfortably, my hands trembling at my sides.

Mom takes hold of my hands, pulling me into her warm embrace. Her arms wrap around my waist, hugging me tighter to her body. I can feel one of her hands slide into my hair, stroking the back of my head as her other hand rubs circles on my back. “Shh. Shh. Moonbeam, everything is going to be alright. I promise you.” She whispers beside my ear.

I shake my head as a voice inside my head tells me, “Nothing will be the same again. This is your fate. This is the end of your beginning, and the beginning of your end. You can either let it break you, or let it mend your soul. Heal what has been broken. Find what has been lost. Rise up to the challenge and be who I made you to be.” and then I collapse into the arms of my mother as loud cracks ricochet off the forest trees. Every bone in my body breaks apart at once before rearranging and then mending back together to form a different shape. To take a different form until one impossible truth is brought to light.

One word slips past my mother’s lips. A word that is familiar to all of us because of our history. A history that no longer exists. Or shouldn’t exist. Yet, as her eyes stare back at me, tears flooding and streaming down her face, that word leaving her lips… I know the word she speaks is the truth.

“Lycanthrope.” She says, as a whisper. 

Nevertheless, everyone can hear her. They all hear what she said, but nobody moves. Except for their eyes as they look to Orpheus for direction. All eyes looking toward our leader for what to do with the beast in front of them. A beast that should no longer exist yet, unfortunately, here I am. In front of them all. Orpheus is shell shocked, frozen in place. His eyes are as wide as saucers. Fear. Disbelief. Anger. Those three emotions can be read in his gaze. He looks conflicted, which is an emotion I’ve not ever seen on his face before. However, this is something new to us all. Wolves. Werewolves, to be exact, have been extinct for over a century now. Hunters wiped them out after a mass murder deemed them too dangerous to exist in our world. A world where many mortals reside that are unable to protect themselves from savage predators. They were eradicated, or so we all thought.

There is only silence surrounding all of us. Silence and heartbeats echoing in my ears. That is until one oddly familiar voice shouts, “LUCINDA, RUN!” and disturbs the silence. My eyes find the owner of the voice in an instant and, suddenly, I’ve never felt more confused in my entire life. Emeric is the only person standing, the only person with his eyes glued to me instead of our leader. He opens his mouth, shouting again. “NOW, LUCINDA! THEY’ll KILL YOU. GET OUT OF HERE! GO!”

Knowing he’s right. Knowing I have no other choice, I pull myself up to a standing position. For the first time, I notice that I am lower to the ground than what I’m normally used to. By at least a foot. Four legs below me instead of the normal two. Paws instead of feet and hands. Four of them in total. And a long tail. Black fur covers every inch of my body, with the same bluish tint of my human hair. I feel stronger. Faster. But more afraid than I have ever been in my life. My eyes meet Emeric’s one last time, a soft whine leaving my mouth. Tears fill my eyes as I watch him run toward me.

At least I thought he was running to me until he collided right into Draven’s body, tackling him to the ground. Something clatters to the ground and a growl slips past my lips at the sight of it. A sharp dagger. The same one I would have used to slit my palm open for my ceremony. A dagger made of pure silver. A werewolves weakness. A lethal weapon that would have killed me if given the chance. Draven was going to kill me…. But why? I thought he was my best friend… I thought he loved me… I thought a lot of things, but I’m starting to realize none of them are true.

I hear the clanking of chains coming from the left, and turn my head to find my father climbing onto the stage with silver chains in his grasp. His eyes are bloodshot and filled with tears, yet he looks angry at me. Disappointed in me for something obviously out of my control. I back away from him, raising my tail in the air as a low growl rumbles in the back of my throat. Dad shakes his head, sniffling as more tears stream down his face.

“We don’t want to hurt you, Lucy. Just… Stay calm. Everything is gonna be okay. We will figure something out. We’ll fix you.” He tries to say, but I know the truth. They’ll all kill me if given the chance. Just like they did to all the other wolves.

I shake my head at him, releasing a loud bark to warn him to stay back. I don’t want to hurt him or anybody for that matter. But I’ll do whatever I need to do. I will do whatever it takes to survive. Snapping my jaws at him, he flinches and steps back. I shake my head and look to my right. Orpheus has picked up the dagger, mom is crying in the background with two of her friends holding her, comforting her. Draven is passed out on the floor and Emeric… Where did he go?! Where is he?! I don’t see him anymore! What happened to him?!

“Lucinda, my name is Irie. I am your wolf. I need you to trust me….” and with those words, my actions became her’s. I start to feel like a prisoner, trapped in the shadows of my mind as another living thing takes control of my body. She runs in the direction that was once behind us, passing between Orpheus and my father. Irie sprints over to the river, leaping over it gracefully before landing on her paws. Then she gallops her way through the forest, weaving effortlessly through the trees, shrubs, bushes, and hanging branches. Jumping over fallen logs, and holes that had been dug up from other creatures. Irie’s fur is flowing back from the wind as she races through the woods, fleeing from a fate that would have been worse than death.

“We can never return, huh?” I ask her, feeling moisture form in the corners of my eyes.

She shakes her head, a soft whine escapes her throat, and her tail droops low from our shared sadness. Our shared grief of everything and everyone we just lost. Not to death but from the cold hard truth of reality. A reality that none of us would have ever even imagined. Where will we even go from here? Who will we become? What is going to happen to my parents, now that everyone knows the truth. A truth that not even I knew of. That I had to have been adopted and not born from my mother’s womb. I was raised to believe that she gave birth to me, and that I was just different from the other hunters. Gifted in different ways than the normal ones. My parents used to say that I was a rare bird. Draven called me unique. And Emeric… he would tell me that I was different. That I was special.

Emeric Knight saved my life today. He…saved me? The most unlikely of circumstances happened. My best friend, the man who vowed to always protect me, was going to kill me. The boy who bullied me in school, tormenting me and picking fun at me all my life… saved me? It didn’t make sense. Nothing made sense. Emeric Knight is supposed to be selfish and horrible. Draven is supposed to be my protector and my knight in shining armor. Not the other way around. The universe must be confused. Either that or I’ve officially lost my mind. Werewolves are extinct. Complete genocide of their species. That’s what we were taught in school. All throughout school they told us that the lycanthropes were too dangerous to be allowed to live. They all had to die. It was unsafe. We had to make the world safe.

It doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense anymore. Are there more out there like me? Are my real parents still alive? Who even am I? Is Lucinda my birth given name or did my adoptive parents give me that name? Draven… he was going to kill me. He wanted to be the one to kill me but Emeric saved my life. Emeric saved…me? Emeric freaking Knight saved me! I must be going insane…

“LUCINDA! I can’t concentrate with all your thinking and conflicting emotions!” Irie huffs at me. She’s upset with me for reasons out of my control. I didn’t ask for any of this. This wasn’t a life I chose for myself. I was supposed to be a hunter. I was raised to be a hunter. Not one of the things we were trained to hunt down despite believing they no longer exist.

“I’m sorry… I don’t know what’s wrong with me..  what’s wrong with me?” I sob, curling myself up into a ball inside this empty space. There’s nothing here except for me.

Irie sighs. Her movements slow into a steady jog and I feel her ears perk up, listening to the sounds around us. Listening for anything out of the ordinary. For any sign of a threat. “Nothing is wrong with you, Lucinda.” She tells me, sighing again. A deep breath in and then she whispers, “The world you were raised in…. The things you were taught to believe… Those are the things that are wrong, but they are not your fault.”

Nodding, I feel tears stream down my already wet face. “Yes. You’re right.” I sniffle, wiping my face with the back of my hand. “If none of that is true… What really happened? What happened to the other wolves?”

A small whimper releases from the back of her throat. She slows to a steady walk, hanging her head in sadness. I can feel immense pain gripping at her chest, clawing at her heart. The feeling of it makes me gasp and more tears fall freely down my face. Irie closes her eyes, taking a deep breath in. She slowly releases the breath as her eyes peel back open. Then she starts to sprint through the trees again, ignoring my question. Her actions are familiar to me. After years of tending to Draven’s wounds, asking questions about painful memories… This was her way of telling me to leave it be. That she wasn’t ready to open these deep wounds inside of her soul. One day maybe, but right now wasn’t the time.

Closing my eyes, I let the exhaustion creep into my mind. My eyelids start to feel heavier, my limbs turning to mush. Sleep is what I need right now. With Irie in control, I know that I will be safe. At least for a couple hours. I can sleep for a couple of hours. Then, when I wake up, it’ll be time to face reality. I will have to go somewhere far away. Where nobody will recognize me. Take a new name, maybe a  makeover and a new hairstyle… I will have to put Lucinda in a box for a while. Until I can figure out what to do. Until I can figure out how to be safe. However, for now… Now I will sleep.