Prologue: Wishful Thinking

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**Prologue: Wishful Thinking**

 

I was born in the wrong world. I've always thought about that since I started to learn the stupidest thing that ever existed: love. This alternate world was divided into four kingdoms, ruled by different lords—a wizard, a vampire, and a werewolf. An existing law dominates generation by generation, stating that abomination is not allowed to happen and werewolves are not allowed to love vampires. And perhaps that was the problem in this world. It cared too much about whom you fell in love with but never about why—probably unaware that the "why" always matters.

 

But why couldn't I stop wanting something I shouldn't have?

 

They say the mind is attracted to things not within our reach. There is a fascinating seduction in whispers that we do not find in shouted words. You may have everything that others crave, but your heart longs for the one thing that you cannot have.

 

I'm not sure, but there's a tactile thrill to seeking the impossible, to doing what's forbidden. It is said that what's forbidden is delicious. That feeling when the more you are told to stop, the more persistent and pushy you become.

 

Perhaps it is because, more than the forbidden experience, it is this freedom that I enjoy, and it is this feeling that tempts me to push over the boundaries of everyday experience and taste the surge of adrenaline.

 

I stared at the blood seeping from my hand. I can't feel anything about it. No pain, no itchiness. I was utterly numb while I waited for it to heal on its own. I am not capable of feeling pain; I am numb. I am not afflicted with any kind of severe pain. I worked hard to ensure that I would never be vulnerable. I am strong—I am Lilianna Arioch Silverie. And being me means being powerful. That was the only thing that stuck with me while I was growing up.

 

"Lilianna," my bored eyes looked in the direction of that voice.

 

"Lilianna, come here!" Damn that nosy dog. I groaned as I stood up. I was currently sitting on the bridge of the pond behind my house. I fixed my clothes as I walked inside. I had just finished training. I got hurt during my last attack on the training standee I made because I had used a real blade, but it was nothing to me.

 

I found him calling me in the kitchen. He was preparing something, and when he saw me, he smiled at me. He's been visiting me every week. Sometimes he even takes me to his place in the neighboring town, and I go along because I want to be with him and also because it's boring here.

 

"Hey little girl, how are you? Did you train again?" he asked, and his smile irritates me. Little girl.

 

"Stop calling me little girl; I am already a woman!" He may be older than me, but I am already a woman. I've been living for a thousand years.

 

"You will always be that little girl to me, Lilianna. Now come here, let's eat this cake I bought." My brow furrowed as I looked at the chocolate cake he bought. He placed one slice on my plate; I quietly leaned over and sat in front of the cake he set for me.

 

"Why are you always here, Azriel? You're supposed to go back to where you came from; stop bothering me if you can't even stop treating me like your daughter." I'm harsh; I know that. It is not my personality to sugarcoat my words. It's not that I don't like him; I'm just annoyed that he comes here and treats me like a child, as if I were his daughter when I'm not. He wasn't even there when I was a kid. I was already a young woman when I met him. And I'm frustrated because I like him, but that's not how he sees me. He knows that, but here he is, treating me as if he has no idea how I feel.

 

"You're alone here; I just want to look after you, of course. Your father is busy; he entrusted you to me. And you're a daughter to me, Lilianna. Even though I'm not your father, I am more than willing to treat you like my own daugh—" I cut him off with a glare. So, it was just a favor my father asked. Nothing more. And a daughter? He’s willing to treat me like his own daughter? Damn it.

 

"Is he still not done waiting? What if he was just fooled; maybe my mother will never come back. And stop treating me like I am your daughter! How many times do I have to tell you that I don't want it?!" Why can't they accept that my mother is gone? I don’t even know what she looks like. I have never felt her presence. She died when I was still a baby. A newborn baby.

 

I saw a strange emotion flicker in Grimoire Azriel's eyes, even in the tightening grip he had on his fork. I swallowed hard and focused my attention on my cake. Of course, why not? Aside from my father, he is one of those waiting for the enchantress’s words to come true. He is also waiting for my mother. Why? Because he loves her. Very dearly. And I’m appalled by it. I’m enraged. I wish I was born in their generation. I wish I wasn't my mother's child. I hope I can just keep up with them; maybe I’ll find a way to capture Azriel’s heart and own him. Not like this, as if even holding him and hugging him is forbidden. Not only because it's prohibited in this world for us to have a relationship, but because he loves someone else, and even for my father, my mother belongs to my father, and I feel like she owns him, and I cannot have someone else's possession.

 

I wish I was born earlier. Fuck.

 

"Your mom will come back, Lilianna. We just have to wait for her." I violently slammed the spoon I was holding down and glared at him.

 

"She won't come back! We've been waiting for her for thousands of years! Why are you so sure she will, huh?! And why do you want her to come back so badly?! Even if she returns, she will never belong to you! My mom belongs to my father, and it will never be you! So stop with your hopeless dream of marrying her! Stop loving her!" I screamed in anger. Here I am. If my mother didn't fight for you in your time, I could fight for you no matter the cost, just for you. I wanted to add that, but I lost my courage. I saw how it angered him as well. For the first time, I saw his raging eyes fixed on me. His jaw clenched, and as I saw how his grip tightened on the metal fork he was holding, I saw how it broke.

 

"I've been so patient with you, Lilianna Arioch, because your father asked me to take care of you. Because I want to take care of you. But you're trying to push me away. You've always been like this. What is your problem, huh? What's happening with you? Agatha is your mother; you're supposed to wait for her, to wish she'll come back. Don't you want her to meet you?" I firmly stood up in front of him, breathing heavily.

 

"I don't! I hate her! I hate her so much! And I hate you! You and my father! Everyone! I hate you all!" I screamed in anger and quickly left in front of him. I couldn't control my anger. I couldn't stop my heavy breathing, but no tears fell from my eyes.

 

Here’s the English translation of the text you provided:

 

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I didn't cry even once. Not a single tear has ever fallen from my eyes. I grew up alone, never experiencing the act of crying. Even during the times I asked why I had to live without anyone taking care of me—no mother, rarely visited by my father, no one to talk to or play with, no one to teach me things—I didn't cry. Not even a single drop of tear came from my eyes.

 

I lived alone in this house. I studied alone, learned alone, became strong alone. I relied only on myself. I didn’t know it was possible, but I managed it. Even when Azriel comes by, it doesn’t change the fact that I raised myself alone. My father is too busy. He has neglected me. I trained myself alone, I strengthened myself; I trained myself too well and too hard to the point that I've been cruel to myself. I also honed myself to be devoid of emotion and not easily affected by anything because I don’t want to be like my mother. She lost a war. She depended on my father. She’s weak, and I don’t want to be like her. I know that, like her, there is no one who can save myself but me. There will come a day when what happened to her will inevitably happen to me—and I am ready for it.

 

Because of that, I have mastered the art of not showing any weakness. I can control the pain until it numbs. I can't feel them anymore. Because of that, I no longer know if I am hurting emotionally or physically. I only realize I have wounds when I see blood flowing from any part of my body.

 

"Lilianna..." It’s been minutes. I was calm while staring into space. I was in my room, and Azriel followed me.

 

"Leave me alone, Azriel." If you can't care for me and love me as much or more than you love my mother, just go and leave me. I don’t need you.

 

"Why are you so mad at me?" His voice was gentle, but I could sense sadness in it. I felt him standing behind me, so I slowly turned to face him and looked up.

 

"Because you always care for my mother. You’re seeing me because of her. You’re here because you were asked. And I hate it! I can manage on my own. If you really care for me, then stop loving my mother. Just love me!" His brow furrowed, and he sighed.

 

"I can't do that, Lilianna. I love her so much that I am willing to do this for the sake of everything, for our past. I hope you understand that." Have you ever felt like you’ve been peeled alive? I don’t know what to call that, but I feel it now. Understand? No, I will never understand that!

 

"Then don’t ever come back here. Don’t pretend that you care; don’t fake anything! Don’t bring me food; I can cook and buy for myself. I don’t need someone to take care of me. I know how to handle myself better than anyone could."

 

"Lilianna Arioch..."

 

"I love you, Azriel. You know that! You always knew. And if you can't give me that love you're giving to my mother, just forget about me and leave." My cold remarks made him stiff. I can feel it. But that’s the only option I can give him.

 

Because the moment he comes back here, I swear I won’t push him away again. I will do everything for him to love and choose me. I will do anything to make him mine. In any way possible. So, I am giving him a chance to choose right now—to decide. The moment he returns here tomorrow, it is game over for him.

 

I will claim him, no matter how wrong it may be. I am ready to fight against everything, just to have him. Because I believe that, even if not now—someday... he will love me more than he loves her. I will do what my mother failed to do. I will fight for him until the end. Because we can be a perfect couple. Two powerful individuals from renowned families. Even if he’s like a forbidden fruit—I cannot touch him, I shouldn’t love him, and I cannot own him—just like everyone who is crazy in love with someone they can’t have. I cannot help but keep wanting the love he never gave.

 

 

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