August 21, 2019

Dear Diary,

My first day at college did not go as expected to say the least. My roommate is a little odd, I mean she literally has barely said two words to me. Her name is Annabelle and I think she's like a pre-law major or some shit. Classes haven't even started and I haven't seen her take her eyes off the thick ass textbooks she already bought. I had tried multiple times to start a decent conversation but she seemed less than interested.

My RA had stopped by yesterday and at first I was glad to have someone else to talk to. Her name is Stacey, she's a Junior business major, and seems more uptight than my roommate. She had basically insinuated that she was "always watching" and that "nothing gets past her" in her hall. She was a bit over the top for my taste, I mean this is supposed to be college, not summer camp.

Now where my first day really got interesting was when I met my beauty of a New Student Orientation Leader for the Psych majors. Her name is Rory and let me just tell you, she's a fucking snack.

"Alright everybody circle up!" Rory yelled out waving her hands for us to join in

As I walked over to her I couldn't take my eyes off her, I mean she's literally one of the hottest girls I've ever seen. That may be due to my closed off and sheltered up bringing, but she's still hot by any standards. Her long brown hair blew slightly in the breeze and her hazel eyes were darting from the paper to each new student whose name she called and then back down again.

"Teagan Miller." She called out looking up and locking eyes with me instantly once I raised my hand

I was speechless as I held her gaze and she gave me a curious look before continuing onto the next person. Once she had finished she asked us all to sit in a circle and interestingly enough she had ended up sitting directly to my left. We started off going around the circle to properly introduce ourselves and it was a pretty dry start to the day honestly.

"Alright now that we're a little more acquainted with one another I'd like to go over some rules for the next couples days of orientation." She smiled before looking down at her clipboard and then back up "So as your mentor I am here to guide you through your first couple weeks at college. At the end of today I'll be handing out a folder with some papers that will include my e-mail and phone number. If you ever need me don't hesitate to contact me at anytime. During orientation the events are mandatory and if you don't show up you're going to force me to find you and drag you there. Trust me it's not my style but it's not up for discussion unfortunately."

"So you're like our daytime babysitter and the RA's are the nighttime babysitters." A guy with short blonde hair chuckled from across the circle

She glared back at him, raising an eyebrow at his challenge "If you're a pain in the ass then yes, but if you just get the orientation bullshit over with and don't get caught breaking the rules then no."

"When you say don't get caught, you mean like we should break the rules but not get caught?" The red haired girl on my right questioned

"Jesus." Rory breathed out just loud enough for me to catch before she plastered a fake smile on her face "As your mentor I am not encouraging you to break the rules, however, this is college and I'm not your mom."

There were a series of follow up questions and I could tell Rory was about ready to bash heads together by the time we stood to go to the first event. The welcoming was a bland combination of old people giving speeches and a power point on the basic rules of the college. Honestly it all seemed pretty reasonable to me and if I hadn't heard the ridiculous questions from my peers this morning I'd say it was a waste of time.

The second event of the day was field games up at the sports fields and the walk just about killed me. It was ninety out today and I forgot to bring a water bottle.

"You okay there Teagan?" Rory questioned smiling over at me

I nodded throwing my hands in the pockets of my shorts "It's just really hot out today."

"Sure is and I despise this fucking walk." She laughed catching me off guard

I had heard her swear a few times since I had met her earlier in the day but it still caught me off guard for some reason.

She gave me a pointed look and shook her head laughing once more "I'm still a college kid, don't act so surprised that I swear."

Can she read minds bro?

"Sorry I'll try to remember that." I smiled as she rolled her eyes

"I really should be more careful though, some of the kids in our group don't need any encouragement. That group introduction thing was rough."

"Yeah, I mean what kind of question is 'who does our laundry', we're literally supposed to be adults now."

Her eyes lightened slightly in amusement "Glad I'm not the only one who thought that was a dumb question."

Once we got up to the fields our group was directed to field one where they were playing ultimate frisbee. It was rather draining in the heat but when they brought up the water cooler I was overjoyed. I drank about three cups and halfway through the next game I was ready to pee myself. I went over to Rory and she tilted her head to the side slightly when she saw me approaching.

"Everything okay?" She questioned

"I really have to pee." I stated shifting my weight from side to side uncomfortably

"Alright I'll take you." She nodded before running over the other mentor

She came back and waved for me to follow her "I told them we'd need port-a-potties but they said that Simmons Hall was close enough not to."

"Well thank you for taking me, I downed three cups of water." I laughed

She smirked over at me "Heavy drinker are you?"

"I've literally never drank in my life." I scoffed

Her eyes went wide "Wait really?"

"Yeah." I nodded awkwardly

We made it to the doors and she swiped her card before holding it open for me. She led me down the hallway on the left before entering the bathroom. Once we were done we headed back towards the field.

"So where are you from?" She questioned looking over at me

"Elmira, I went to Notre Dame." I nodded putting my hands in my pockets

Her eyes seemed darker for only a second before she looked away "So are you catholic then?"

"I was raised catholic." I shrugged

She grinned over at me "Yeah but are you catholic?"

"I'm not really sure to be honest, it's hard to explain."

She nodded in response as we arrived back at the fields. The rest of our games were pretty fun and when they finally let us head back to our dorms everyone was overjoyed. When I got back I found Anna already studying away at her desk.

"Hey Anna! How was your first day?" I questioned before throwing my folder onto my bed

She turned around giving me a skeptical look "It was quite the waste of time to be quite honest."

I nodded in agreement "I can't argue there, did you enjoy the games at least?"

"No." She responded shortly before turning back to her work

What a lovely conversation that was, I mean truly one of the deepest conversations of my entire life. I had aimlessly laid down on my bed after a couple of minutes and noticed a text from the last person I expected on my phone.

Julia: Hey

Me: Hi

Julia: How's College?

Me: Good, how about you?

Julia: It's alright

Me: Is there a reason you texted me?

Julia: None in particular.

Me: So after not talking to me for like over a year you just randomly decided "hey I'm just gonna check in on Teagan, see how she's doing, ya know"?

Julia: Why are you being so rude?

Me: Why are you even talking to me?

Julia: I missed you, geez, didn't know that was a crime.

Me: Whatever Julia, I'm not playing this game with you, bye.

Julia: Fine then, bye to you too.

I sighed in irritation as I threw my phone beside me and closed my eyes for a quick nap. I was woken up by Anna who gently shook my shoulder until I glared up at her. She had left without me as I took a couple more minutes to get ready before heading over to the dining hall. I saw Rory waving me over I had grabbed a burger and fries so I went over to join my group in the back of the room.

"Have a good break?" She grinned over at me

"It was interesting." I grumbled sitting down across from her

She gave me a questioning look "What happened?"

"Nothing important." I shrugged before taking a bite of my burger

"Someone's on their period." Mark chuckled from beside me

I glared over at him, still chewing "Shut up asshole."

"Ew, can you please chew before you speak?" He grumbled glaring back at me

I scoffed at him "Can you please just not speak at all, it would save everyone a lot of headaches."

"Burn." Luke coughed from beside Mark

"Enough guys, can we please just eat and get along. Mark, Teagan's right, please stop being an asshole and Teagan please chew before your food before you talk. Are you children or adults, I mean seriously, fuck guys." Rory stated sternly before looking down at her tray

Needless to say, the rest of dinner was pretty quiet. Once we were done Rory led us to the "lawn party" between two of the buildings. I awkwardly walked around and avoided the boys in my group for the first half hour or so.

"Are you hiding or something?" Anna questioned as she approached me

I jumped slightly and felt the heat rising to my cheeks as she leaned against the brick wall beside me "Not really, just irritated with some boys in my group."

"Was that who was texting you earlier?" She questioned

"No," I shook my head giving her a curious look "how do you even know about that? I thought you were studying."

She shrugged twisting a piece of her black hair around her finger awkwardly "Doesn't mean I don't pay attention."

"Why have you been studying so much anyway? Classes haven't even started." I stated meeting her blue eyes

"Just trying to get ahead so I don't fall behind." She grumbled looking down

I sighed slightly knowing I had upset her "Hey I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be rude. I just was looking forward to getting to know my roommate once I got hear and this is the most we've talked."

"Well, I'll try to be more talkative from now on then." She laughed

We had snuck back to our room shortly after that and had managed not getting caught by the mentors somehow. We were both extremely tired and had headed into the shared bathroom to shower before the others returned. I finished up rather quickly but had realized I had forgotten my clothes back in the room. Nervously I peeked my head into the hallway and then ran to my room before closing the door behind me. I walked over to my dresser and grabbed some clothes, still clutching the towel. I was facing the window when I dropped my towel and just as I was about to grab my underwear I heard the door open.

I turned to see Anna looking me up and down, her eyes wide "I'm so sorry."

She closed the door and I stood there frozen for a moment before putting my clothes on like my life depended on it. I had opened the door once I finished and she returned a couple moments later, her face bright red.

"I'm s-so s-sorry, I didn't k-know you were n-naked."  She stuttered out, avoiding my gaze as she put her stuff away

I felt heat rising to my cheeks once more and shook my head "No it's okay, it was my fault. I forgot to bring clothes with me to the bathroom."

She didn't say much after that and I was honestly grateful she didn't. I think that pretty much catches you up on the interesting and anti-climatic events of my first day. I mean what did I expect? A pride parade to randomly commence? To scream to the heavens that I'm gay in front of everyone? No, that would be extremely cliche, dumb, and not my style. I guess this whole coming out thing is gonna take more time than I thought. I mean how does one even come out? How do I know when I've come out completely? How do I break the fucking door down?

I have no idea, and that's okay because I have plenty of time to figure it out.

Love,

Teagan The Closeted Lesbian