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CHAPTER 85

(AHVI'S POINT OF VIEW)

I never thought I’d leave Chicago—especially not like this, slipping away in the middle of the night with barely enough time to breathe. Everything feels fazey. And here I am, in a quiet country, thousands of miles away. Ireland is a nice place to start over again.

I place a hand on my stomach, feeling something faint beneath my skin. Five months along, and I still can’t grasp it. This life growing inside me, so innocent and unknowing, yet tied to me—to everything I’d been through, every mistake, every regret. How could I possibly bring a child into this world, knowing the kind of darkness that seemed to cling to me nowadays?

It feels cruel, almost selfish, to bring them here, knowing they might end up carrying the same curse I did. My past isnt just mine anymore; it could touch them too.

People talked about how motherhood was supposed to change you, to make you whole, to bring you joy. But the only thing I feel is fear—a dull ache that gnaws at me, reminding m
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