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2021-08-19 01:07:35I’ve been down here for the best part of an hour, not as drunk as I want to be despite downing a few, but I cannot shake this awful soul-destroying agony in my chest. I don’t let the tears fall, knowing the mess it will make of my face and make me look pathetic. Instead, I do what I do best; I lift that chin, push the pain down behind the block of ice that is now lodged in my heart, and swear I will never say his name again.
I don’t need him.
I find some of his friends down here and dance like my feet are burning, paste on my party face and revert to Sophie of the city. The one who spent two years coping with her heartbreak alone. Able to function while a black hole overtakes my soul, smiling and acting like nothing fazes me. I chat to people I recognize and run into a few faces I know. A good little act at being okay while the wall of mirrored glass above my head conceals the man who’s taken another huge dump on my heart.
Pushin
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I’m blocked by Camilla, thrusting a champagne glass in my face almost immediately; it’s like she knows my intention and is telling me to back off without saying a word. The glass she gives me is of something clear, and I notice the weird oily swirl running down the center as though something alien has been freshly poured in.I glance from the drink and back to Camilla, catching sight over her shoulder of the girl I’d been about to rescue, being fucked in a corner, pounded against in the most vulgar way, while her face is that same gaping emptiness, and I recoil, nausea rising up. From here, all you see are his back and shoulders, no hint that he’s exposed at the front, his hand pushed hard at the wall, concealing her mostly, while the other keeps her leg up at his hip so he can screw her standing up. Subtle thrusting motions are all that give the game away.
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Hands come around to grab my breasts and I lash out furiously, trying to yank free with little effect, wriggling to move but it’s almost futile. I’m held taut, and I can only imagine they think the super drug is going to render me docile at any minute. I start to panic. So many flashing images running through my head to send me over the edge if I let that pervert back in to render me useless. I claw away the visuals and try to focus on staying here, in the now.“What the fuck, Cam?” I snap at her, but the male behind me yanks me back against him harder, clutching my breasts painfully from behind, diving into my naked neck and shoulder and biting my skin with little care to leaving marks. I react psychotically, turning in his arms with new found strength from a sudden adrenaline boost, yanking my wrists free and throwing my hands at his chest with slaps and shoves that are quickly restrained with fast reflexes and what feels like a million hands.
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 91
Throwing all my faith into how much I mean to him, I let him go, run around the side of the two of them and push in between as soon as he reels back to take another punch. I close my eyes tight and brace myself for the impact of at least one hit, because of how quickly I have managed to get between the two bodies. Freezing when I do so, inhaling sharply as I prepare for a smack, but nothing happens.I open one eye, and then the other slowly, relieved to see him staring at me, fist poised in mid-air and breathing so hard that he’s panting. His eyes are on mine, a look of confusion and rage mingled together, and I literally cross myself and make a little ‘thank you’ sign to the gods above, even though I’m not religious. That could have been goddamn nasty.I reach out, grabbing his wrist and pull it down to me, cradling
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Natasha reaches out and takes his arm, bringing him back to reality. He frowns at her and then me and follows obediently for a second, releasing his hold on me.“Wait. Where are you going?” He turns back to me when he realizes I’m not following him. Eyes suddenly clear and confusion ruling instead, a snap of instant despair in those beautiful depths.I guess he really was not listening after all. I blanch at his sudden mental presence, thinking he could have snapped back to the present a bit quicker than this, but now is not the time.“Home. Bring my jacket later when you come back, I’ll get a cab. I have my bag here and money.” I point at the little tiny clutch that’s been nestled on me all night. A thin chained strap over my body that makes it almost invisible. I have everything I need to get home to his safe apartment.“No, Sophs … I’m taking you home, I’m coming with you. I take care o
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I tie the robe around me when I’m dry, the shower having made me feel a hundred times better, and I throw everything I was wearing in the bathroom trash can. Underwear, shoes, and all. I never want to lay eyes on any of it again, and if I didn’t think it would set off all Arry’s fire detectors and cause a huge scene, then I would burn it all. The thought of that creep all over it makes me want to gag.I venture out into the lounge slowly, on Bambi legs. I need a glass of water and then I’m going to bed to forget this night ever happened, and I’ll deal with the emotional fallout tomorrow. I stop short when I spot Arrick still sitting on the couch, nursing a coffee, still dressed, seemingly a lot more normal and sober, but in complete torment. I figured he would have gone to bed by now and not to still be sat out here in the low lights. He looks wrecked, more with it, and just emotional for once.“You feel any better?” His eyes m
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It’s almost dawn and I’m lying on my bed. I’ve barely slept, waiting for him to come back, with a million thoughts running through my brain, tormenting me into oblivion. His phone is here, not smashed thankfully, despite it hitting a marble floor. At some point I regained enough sense to wander over and pick his things up, like a mute zombie trying to find something to do besides stare at a closed elevator. I left them on the kitchen counter. I paced like crazy, cried myself sick with heartbreak, disappointed in myself then ended up in here hoping to try and sleep.I’m wretched and anxious and all I keep seeing is that ragged torn look on her face, as though I had just slayed her entire family with a dirty spoon, right before her eyes. All I keep thinking about is the way he ran after her, like it was all that mattered and left me here to be alone. The excruciating pai
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“Here.” I pass Jenny the sketches we have been working on across the table and the pretty brunette leans in to pour over them with interested soft brown eyes. Tall and slender and a little shy in her mannerisms, Jenny is my classmate and fast becoming one of my closest friends, next to Christian; both of whom I met on day one of orientation and something just clicked with the three of us, straight off. I have something real with these two and despite myself, they have both wormed their way under my self-defense system over the last few weeks until I simply need them around me to function.Christian is standing five feet away and draping some wild bohemian fabric on a tailor’s dummy to no avail. All tall and immaculately groomed in his “preppy boy” outfit today. Blonde floppy hair and gray-eyed, his grin aimed at his two best girls. We are tucked in a corner of the busy sewing room while the hustle and bustle of the other students around us
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 96
“No Christian.” I haul out the sexy dress from my case for the third time and throw it back on the bed. He borrowed it from a senior, after a runway show they put on days ago, and I am not impressed with his choice of dress for me at my sister’s party.“He will literally have his eyes pop out of his head if you wear this.” He smirks, holding up a scrap of cloth and sashaying around my bedroom like a movie star, molding it against him.“I think most of me will be popping out in this. He’s seen me in various forms of skimpy clothing, and trust me, it does nothing for him. I know him, Chris, this will just make him think I’ve gone back to slumming it with sleazy men and backstreet nightclubs. Not that I even care about making an impression on him, so really, it’s not needed.” I swipe the dress from him and throw it away, over the bed this time. Glaring sternly, trying to make him stop interfering.Ever sin
Last Updated : 2021-08-19
Latest chapter
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 222
I deserve it, I know I do, probably worse, it’s not even that painful but as I stare at her again, I can’t hide how much it actually wounded my heart. Sophie has lashed out at me before, sure, in crazy ways, frenzy fueled attacks when lost in her pain or triggered with her PTSD, but she’s never slapped me in the face for anything. This was a direct ‘how fucking dare you’ kind of assault that speaks volumes to the depths of the carnage I’ve caused on her soul.“You lost me. You don’t get to do that anymore.” She wails at me, pulling my hands and arms from her body and shoves me back with as much force as she can muster. Prickly, seething, hating me with utter crushing heartbreak. She’s breathing as heavily as I am although her pain and hysteria seem to be calming mine and I know I need to stay patient and cool if I’m going to bring her down from fierce.I know how to deal with her at her worst, I can hand
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 221
Arrick’s POV~ Leila’s party ~Leila’s party is losing its sparkle for me. Too drunk, too miserable at having to see Sophs swanning around with golden boy Christian all night and I am done with being here. I’ve said my goodbyes to my brother and I’m leaving before I do something stupid I’m going to totally regret concerning ‘boyfriend’ and drag Sophs into a dark corner to kiss the shit out of her if I stay here. Seeing her looking this beautiful, this happy with someone else is killing me.I spy Sophs, Leila, and Daniel huddled together at the front door as I head that way, a little too late due to not watching where I was going and swerve at the last second before she spots me. My heart lurching at running into her again when I’m already a complete emotional wreck. Hating that even still, my initial reaction to seeing her is a swift kick in the gut. Almost keeling sideways because I am way too
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 220
Arrick’s POV~ Seeing Sophie again. (Restaurant) ~I push the money in the driver’s hand as I follow Charlie and Tom out of the cab onto the sidewalk. I’m still tired from my three hours in the training ring and starving, it’s my turn to pay for lunch and I got to pick the venue. This place is new and no chance of Natasha hitting it with her colleagues on her lunch break either. I’ve been trying to put distance between us since the breakup, trying to stay out of her way and I hate that she has a knack for showing up wherever I am. It feels like she just won’t let go, and although I understand her pain at our breakup, it’s also stifling, and I just want her to move on. She won’t do that if she keeps trying to cling to me.“Hurry up, man.” Tom, my sparring partner today is impatient as hell and throwing me a look that is supposed to hurry me up. I straighten on the street and glare him down.
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 219
It kills me that I can love her this much and was stupid enough to give that up, to give her up. It’s so black and white in the clear light of my brain defogging and how fucking dumb I am. It was never about what my heart wanted; it was always about what was best for everyone else’s.I don’t want Natasha; I don’t think I ever really did. I want Sophie. If I’m being honest then I’ve always wanted her, needed her. It’s why I could never ignore the two a.m. cries for help. It’s part of my soul to be there for her to fall on, to depend on, to call, and lean on. I grew up for her and became her rock, gave her that safe space to grow and heal and kept the world at bay so it didn’t touch her. I created our bubble together so Sophie could thrive and feel secure, enjoy life without fear and I always told myself it was because I never had a kid sister and she just screamed out for protection. So precious, so angelic and I wanted to
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 218
Arrick’s POV~ Breaking up with Natasha ~Sitting on my couch, leaning forward with elbows propped on my knees, I stare at my cell for the millionth time and scroll to Sophie’s name on the list. Last call was twenty-eight days ago... twenty-eight long days of hell, silence, loneliness, and lack of Sophie. Twenty-eight days; the last time I felt anything but the constant absence of her and heavy pit in my stomach, from her disappearing in every single way, and leaving a gaping silent sunless space in my life.I’m missing her like crazy, keeping her last texts messages because it’s all I have left of her to hold on to. I scroll to the very last one, again. It’s a nothing text; I don’t even remember what it was in response too, as it’s not connected to the conversation before it. Just one single text, one that sums her up in so very few words and I stare at it as my chest heaves with that same ingrained weight
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 217
Natasha’sPOV~ Life after Sophie ~I watch Arrick push his food around his plate distractedly, eyes on what he’s doing, yet he seems completely detached from the here and now. We’re in a busy restaurant, the food is good, the company not so much; he has barely said two words the whole time we have been here, and he has had about four beers with dinner so far.Arrick never drinks excessively, normally, but I guess this sums up our life of the past three weeks. I’m irritated, upset but I am trying to keep the pleasantries going. I am trying so hard to not let it get to me, to keep a smile on my face, a positive outlook that we can get through this bump in the road of our relationship, but he makes it so hard.I try not to watch him too much as I eat my own food and give up on small talk. His nods and ‘hmm’ responses make me want to throw my wine glass at him, and I am trying to avoid all forms of naggi
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 216
Arrick’s POV~ Letting Sophie go ~I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling of my room. I haven’t moved from this spot all night, still fully dressed and unable to even get up and function. The weight in my chest is almost holding me in place, crushing me with the pain, and I can’t stop running last night through my mind endlessly. I’m restless, torn, scrunching my fingers in my hair like I can rip this out of my head. The worst sort of agony that surpasses all.I want to go to her room and see her, but I can’t. I can’t get her out of my head, even though she is only feet away and it’s torturing me.I kissed Sophie... I did more than kiss her, and it felt good, it felt right. It made me feel a thousand things about her that I can’t even begin to analyze, comprehend how to, and all it did was make everything fall apart even more than it was, especially when Natasha showed up and slapped me back to
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 215
Arrick’s POV~ After the nightclub ~I sink back on the couch and stare into the semi darkness, cradling my second coffee since we got back here, and try like hell to sober myself up. Head swimming and sinking slowly into the softness of my couch, while trying to get a grip on reality. All I have done since we got home is sit here and try to pull all the shit in my head back together. Try to make sense of the entire night that pretty much went to crap from the moment I downed the first vodka.Drink and I are not friends right now, and if I have any chance of salvaging anything, then I need to sober up fast. Sophie is in the shower, she headed there as soon as we got back, and I sat here waiting for her. I need to talk to her, to figure some of this out and I have no clue what to do. Tonight, taught me a couple of things.One. That drunk, I feel about Sophie the way she feels about me and I want her in every way; physically, menta
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 214
Sophie grabs my wrist and tries to yank me to the side, but I cannot tear my eyes from her. I want to tell her I made a mistake, that she is who I want, that she is all I can even think about. I want to wipe away the memory of that asshole on her body, and replace it with memories of kissing her softly, cherishing her always. No one should ever touch her, except me.“Natasha.” She snaps at me and slaps my hands down from her face harshly, bringing my focus back to reality again. I tear my eyes from her and glance up as I see Tasha heading our way, looking completely non-plussed and again the accompanying guilt is like a constant shadow with her, and wracks me to the bone and almost smashes me in the skull. Nothing hits home and drills to my shame brain, like Natasha’s appearance.It makes me feel shit for even thinking what I just did. That same doubt and uncertainty hitting me with equal force, and I sigh hard. So much for fucking choosing.&l
