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2021-08-19 00:58:06I must have fallen asleep quickly as I wake to noise, only half aware of Camilla telling me she is going out and then fall back into oblivion after the door slams shut in the outer living area. I think I drift off again into oblivion because everything becomes confusing and time seems to drift away.
I jump up with the pounding noise coming from what seems to be all around me, disorientated, and immediately terrified; it takes a moment to realize the ‘thud, thud, thud’ is coming from the outer living room, and I’m in semi-darkness.
I get up warily, realizing I must have been out for a while as it’s later in the evening, even though the clock tells me it’s still well before midnight. I venture into the open plan area slowly and fearfully; aware someone is pounding on the apartment door and I sigh with relief and trudge towards it casually.
“I’m coming, keep your hair on!” I yell out as I try to cool the hammeri
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I’m quick to haul on skinny jeans and then carefully take the sneakers he holds out to me so that we don’t graze fingers. I pull them on over bare feet before standing back up with a deflated sigh. Arrick slings my bag on his shoulder and slides my phone into the front pocket of his hoody, making it clear he’s giving me no chance of escape.“Don’t make me go back home, Arry.” I try one more time, appealing to his softer side with doe eyes and a wobbling voice, but he only catches hold of my upper arm as he passes me and yanks me with him.“Don’t. I am in no fucking mood to have Bambi eyes and begging from you. It won’t work on me this time, Sophie. I am so beyond livid with you; I really would consider fucking spanking you.” He hauls me at speed to the front door, stopping as we get to it and turning back on me. “Keys?” He commands at me expectantly.I lean out to the mantle near the door an
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 59
“All I know is that without you in my life, Sophs, I fall apart, and everything just sucks. I can’t seem to pull myself together, and that raises some major fucking questions as to what Natasha is to me.” His face crumbles, fusing brow over lost boy eyes and the heaviest sigh ever.My heart almost stops beating, my voice caught in my throat at this confession of sorts, and I no longer know what to do, or what to say. Tears start free falling down my face as Arrick gently wipes them away with soft fingertips. Watching me, agony mirrored in his expression.“What do you want from me?” I blurt out, unsure what to even think or feel anymore, heart constricting with the return of my pain and suffering.This is what I wanted, wasn’t it?Then why does it still feel like he’s pushing me away?“I don’t even know. I don’t know how to feel or what to do. That’s the honest truth
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 60
Driving the few blocks to Arrick’s apartment, we are equally silent, both lost in our own heads. His occasional glances my way don’t go unnoticed, but I have no clue how to feel, and I’m dreading the moment we walk into his home and come face to face with the girl who has shared his bed for almost two years. Everything is a mess; I should have stayed miles away from him like I planned, but somehow that tiny flicker of hope inside of me is destroying all my willpower.Natasha comes out of the nearby bedroom as we enter Arrick’s penthouse apartment, her little brown curled head and slight frame just make her look like a little lost puppy dog, and it’s clear by her makeup-free face that she’s been crying at some point. Natasha is never without her makeup, and seeing her now, I see she is a lot plainer looking than I ever realized. She has that girl next door quality and looks a lot better when made up. It feels odd to see her like this, like I
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 61
I’m more relaxed after my bath, warm and lazy from the hot soak and wrapped in a fluffy robe, carrying my clothes. I leave his room and head back towards my own for tonight. Head full of things I want to say to him and lost in how I’m going to convince him that going home is not what’s best for me anymore. I’ve managed to push all the other stuff aside, boxed it in the ‘we will evaluate later’ area of my overly crowded brain. I need to prioritize not going home first.I jump when his voice comes from right behind me.“It’s late; maybe we should go to bed and talk over breakfast.”I spin on him as he dumps his car keys on the table and hauls off his hoody to reveal a t-shirt molded to that hunky frame. Tattoos peeking at the neckline an
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 62
Arrick sits forward, discarding his mug this time, and rests his elbows on his knees as he thinks this through. The frown on his face showing he is weighing things up and trying to figure out the best way to help me. To figure out what’s best for me. I know he’s internally juggling my family’s wishes to have me home, with my own need to start taking my life into my own hands.“We see Jake tomorrow and we talk more about this then, Sophs. As your godfather, he’ll want to have major input! If you want to do this, then you have to make some promises to your family. Promises to me. There has to be ground rules if they’re going to relax and trust me to look after you in this way.” He is in no-nonsense, business mode; a determined look on his face that he’s really considering this for me. I can’t help the small smile that starts spreading across my face, knowing he might actually help make this a reality if I can prove it’
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 63
Jake regards me over the top of his walnut desk, both feet planked on the surface as Arrick leans against the row of tall wide windows and the New York skyline. We’re in Jake’s office at Carrero Corp and Arry has just finished explaining what it is I want to do with my life, and all the ground rules Arrick has placed on the agreement.Like a father figure, Jake is weighing it up, having been sent as spokesperson by my family to ‘deal’ with me in any way he sees fit. I squirm in the leather seat facing him, my untouched drink, brought by one of his assistants, fizzing in front of me on a leather coaster and annoying me that she felt soda pop was what I would want. I can’t blame her though; Margo, his PA, has known me as long as Jake has, and I guess everyone seems to be incapable of seeing me grow up.Jake is
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 64
I keep my thoughts to myself, beam at Jake with a smile as he stands to walk us out, and try not to react in any way to the hand holding, even when Arrick’s grip tightens and he moves so close to me that his arm rests against mine.“We’ll drive rather than fly. I think she needs the time to think things through before we face Leila.” Arrick pulls me with him as we turn to leave the office, lifting my black cardigan from the chair for me and guiding me to the door.“I’ve never understood your aversion to the jet; it cuts travel time by three hours. Why do you hate flying so much?” Jake grins at his brother and is met with a shrug.“I guess I’m
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 65
Arrick has boyish, cute sort of gorgeousness; always clean shaven. He’s still manly and would still be called handsome, but there is a softness to his face that I always preferred. Square-jawed with man brows and a steely glare when he wants it, but something sweet, almost a gentleness when he’s relaxed. Eternally young.“Food fit for a queen.” He laughs jokingly, dishing out my fries and burger and hands me my banana shake. Everything I always order.McDonald’s used to be a place we hung out on a Saturday morning for our junk food fix and for something to do. My mom would have had a fit if she knew how many times Arrick drove me to burger joints and ‘unhealthy’ eating places to pig out, but that was the nature of being kids. We didn’t care if it was bad for us; we just liked it and we had no
Last Updated : 2021-08-19
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The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 222
I deserve it, I know I do, probably worse, it’s not even that painful but as I stare at her again, I can’t hide how much it actually wounded my heart. Sophie has lashed out at me before, sure, in crazy ways, frenzy fueled attacks when lost in her pain or triggered with her PTSD, but she’s never slapped me in the face for anything. This was a direct ‘how fucking dare you’ kind of assault that speaks volumes to the depths of the carnage I’ve caused on her soul.“You lost me. You don’t get to do that anymore.” She wails at me, pulling my hands and arms from her body and shoves me back with as much force as she can muster. Prickly, seething, hating me with utter crushing heartbreak. She’s breathing as heavily as I am although her pain and hysteria seem to be calming mine and I know I need to stay patient and cool if I’m going to bring her down from fierce.I know how to deal with her at her worst, I can hand
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 221
Arrick’s POV~ Leila’s party ~Leila’s party is losing its sparkle for me. Too drunk, too miserable at having to see Sophs swanning around with golden boy Christian all night and I am done with being here. I’ve said my goodbyes to my brother and I’m leaving before I do something stupid I’m going to totally regret concerning ‘boyfriend’ and drag Sophs into a dark corner to kiss the shit out of her if I stay here. Seeing her looking this beautiful, this happy with someone else is killing me.I spy Sophs, Leila, and Daniel huddled together at the front door as I head that way, a little too late due to not watching where I was going and swerve at the last second before she spots me. My heart lurching at running into her again when I’m already a complete emotional wreck. Hating that even still, my initial reaction to seeing her is a swift kick in the gut. Almost keeling sideways because I am way too
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 220
Arrick’s POV~ Seeing Sophie again. (Restaurant) ~I push the money in the driver’s hand as I follow Charlie and Tom out of the cab onto the sidewalk. I’m still tired from my three hours in the training ring and starving, it’s my turn to pay for lunch and I got to pick the venue. This place is new and no chance of Natasha hitting it with her colleagues on her lunch break either. I’ve been trying to put distance between us since the breakup, trying to stay out of her way and I hate that she has a knack for showing up wherever I am. It feels like she just won’t let go, and although I understand her pain at our breakup, it’s also stifling, and I just want her to move on. She won’t do that if she keeps trying to cling to me.“Hurry up, man.” Tom, my sparring partner today is impatient as hell and throwing me a look that is supposed to hurry me up. I straighten on the street and glare him down.
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 219
It kills me that I can love her this much and was stupid enough to give that up, to give her up. It’s so black and white in the clear light of my brain defogging and how fucking dumb I am. It was never about what my heart wanted; it was always about what was best for everyone else’s.I don’t want Natasha; I don’t think I ever really did. I want Sophie. If I’m being honest then I’ve always wanted her, needed her. It’s why I could never ignore the two a.m. cries for help. It’s part of my soul to be there for her to fall on, to depend on, to call, and lean on. I grew up for her and became her rock, gave her that safe space to grow and heal and kept the world at bay so it didn’t touch her. I created our bubble together so Sophie could thrive and feel secure, enjoy life without fear and I always told myself it was because I never had a kid sister and she just screamed out for protection. So precious, so angelic and I wanted to
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 218
Arrick’s POV~ Breaking up with Natasha ~Sitting on my couch, leaning forward with elbows propped on my knees, I stare at my cell for the millionth time and scroll to Sophie’s name on the list. Last call was twenty-eight days ago... twenty-eight long days of hell, silence, loneliness, and lack of Sophie. Twenty-eight days; the last time I felt anything but the constant absence of her and heavy pit in my stomach, from her disappearing in every single way, and leaving a gaping silent sunless space in my life.I’m missing her like crazy, keeping her last texts messages because it’s all I have left of her to hold on to. I scroll to the very last one, again. It’s a nothing text; I don’t even remember what it was in response too, as it’s not connected to the conversation before it. Just one single text, one that sums her up in so very few words and I stare at it as my chest heaves with that same ingrained weight
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 217
Natasha’sPOV~ Life after Sophie ~I watch Arrick push his food around his plate distractedly, eyes on what he’s doing, yet he seems completely detached from the here and now. We’re in a busy restaurant, the food is good, the company not so much; he has barely said two words the whole time we have been here, and he has had about four beers with dinner so far.Arrick never drinks excessively, normally, but I guess this sums up our life of the past three weeks. I’m irritated, upset but I am trying to keep the pleasantries going. I am trying so hard to not let it get to me, to keep a smile on my face, a positive outlook that we can get through this bump in the road of our relationship, but he makes it so hard.I try not to watch him too much as I eat my own food and give up on small talk. His nods and ‘hmm’ responses make me want to throw my wine glass at him, and I am trying to avoid all forms of naggi
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 216
Arrick’s POV~ Letting Sophie go ~I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling of my room. I haven’t moved from this spot all night, still fully dressed and unable to even get up and function. The weight in my chest is almost holding me in place, crushing me with the pain, and I can’t stop running last night through my mind endlessly. I’m restless, torn, scrunching my fingers in my hair like I can rip this out of my head. The worst sort of agony that surpasses all.I want to go to her room and see her, but I can’t. I can’t get her out of my head, even though she is only feet away and it’s torturing me.I kissed Sophie... I did more than kiss her, and it felt good, it felt right. It made me feel a thousand things about her that I can’t even begin to analyze, comprehend how to, and all it did was make everything fall apart even more than it was, especially when Natasha showed up and slapped me back to
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 215
Arrick’s POV~ After the nightclub ~I sink back on the couch and stare into the semi darkness, cradling my second coffee since we got back here, and try like hell to sober myself up. Head swimming and sinking slowly into the softness of my couch, while trying to get a grip on reality. All I have done since we got home is sit here and try to pull all the shit in my head back together. Try to make sense of the entire night that pretty much went to crap from the moment I downed the first vodka.Drink and I are not friends right now, and if I have any chance of salvaging anything, then I need to sober up fast. Sophie is in the shower, she headed there as soon as we got back, and I sat here waiting for her. I need to talk to her, to figure some of this out and I have no clue what to do. Tonight, taught me a couple of things.One. That drunk, I feel about Sophie the way she feels about me and I want her in every way; physically, menta
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 214
Sophie grabs my wrist and tries to yank me to the side, but I cannot tear my eyes from her. I want to tell her I made a mistake, that she is who I want, that she is all I can even think about. I want to wipe away the memory of that asshole on her body, and replace it with memories of kissing her softly, cherishing her always. No one should ever touch her, except me.“Natasha.” She snaps at me and slaps my hands down from her face harshly, bringing my focus back to reality again. I tear my eyes from her and glance up as I see Tasha heading our way, looking completely non-plussed and again the accompanying guilt is like a constant shadow with her, and wracks me to the bone and almost smashes me in the skull. Nothing hits home and drills to my shame brain, like Natasha’s appearance.It makes me feel shit for even thinking what I just did. That same doubt and uncertainty hitting me with equal force, and I sigh hard. So much for fucking choosing.&l
