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2024-10-29 19:42:56I sit in the ladies’ restroom on a soft plush chaise lounge in the washing area. It’s the only place I could get to quickly that was private enough to bring myself back to inner calm. My head is all over the place. This is about more than just Jake. It’s everything. I’ve been holding it all in since the morning after my mother left. Her, my lack of ability to stay in control, the aching loneliness of Jake’s absence, and now seeing him. It’s all too much.
Maybe it’s time I faced reality and looked for another job. I was stupid to think I could work here, only floors away from him. Acting like we don’t know each other anymore. I just can’t do it.
I can’t handle the thought that any time I leave this floor I might see him. There’s a chance we could run into one another anywhere in this building, and I’ve just proven I can’t deal with it.
Looking around at the contemporary furnish
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The Carrero Effect 95
I walk up the hall toward my desk glancing at the clock. I’ve been gone almost two hours, but something tells me Wilma won’t mind. I’ve worked like crazy since coming here and she seems to trust my skills. I’ve returned a lot calmer and happier. I’ll happily put in the hours at the end of the day to make sure she knows I’m not abusing my second chance at being here. She’ll be happy with that. Plus, now I have some sort of plan about what I’m going to do, I feel better. I’ve always liked plans and control, knowing where I’m going and what I’m doing. Despite it not being exactly what I want in life, it’s a step forward with a new focus. Determined to move on I have a notebook full of jobs to look at later tonight, resolving to apply for at least one of them.I beam at her as I pass her glass walled office and she grins back, phone to her ear and animated hand gestures. I’ll miss her, even though my ti
The Carrero Effect 96
I swallow hard, a wave of fear creeps up from my toes and envelopes my body.“You and I need to talk … Now!” He slams the door, latching it so no one else can enter. I’m sure the entire floor heard the bang. My body stiffens, this is the last thing I need. Being in here and feeling the way I do; I have no defensive play for him this way.How can he just sweep in like a tornado and ruin me? All the control I mustered, all that inner calm, gone, with just his voice and a look.I turn away, sure he’ll see the emotion filling my eyes as I pull the file from the copier, throwing it among the piles I’ve laid out. It’s a good excuse to keep my head turned away, using the task to stop tears from spilling over while I scramble to hold on to any control I have left.The only thing I manage to say is, &ldquo
The Carrero Effect 97
“What do you want to ask me, Emma?” He leans against the wall of the elevator and casually sprawls back, crossing a foot at the ankle over his other and perching his butt against the handrail. His hands are in his pockets and he’s looking at the floor. This is the Prince Carrero pose I’ve seen so many times before, relaxed, in his domain. I eye him up warily and sigh down my rejections to his manhandling.“Ray Vanquis,” I utter quietly. He looks up, but I’m unable to meet his eyes. When I don’t say anything else, he stands upright and steps toward me.“Has he contacted you?” his anger evident with each word. “What has he done? Has he hurt you?” His hand grabs my wrist, pulling me to him, harshly. There is a fire in his eyes, an instant rage almost boiling over. His body is hunched into me, as a sort of protective shield and his face is terrifying. Sharp angles and simmering fury.“No,
The Carrero Effect 98
It’s dark out by the time I look up. I stretch out my back and get out of my seat. I’ve placed more than twenty calls, emailed back and forth with several PAs dealing with invites for various important people, and I’ve liaised with the event planner. I’m sure there’s nothing else I can do tonight since it’s nearly 7.00 p.m.The weather’s moving toward winter so the sun’s setting earlier. I didn’t expect it to be this dark. I regret staying so late, since the walk from the station in Queens will be dark and slightly frightening.I clear up my desk and power down my laptop then pick up my coat and bag, walking to the elevator with a stifling yawn. It pings, the doors open, and I enter, not surprised to find it empty. The elevator slows down and pings again, I look up to notice it’s stopped at the fourteenth floor. Odd, since very few staff stay beyond five thirty. I don’t think Jake and I ever left before
The Carrero Effect 99
“Now, Emma!” He growls my way and I realize this is futile, he won’t let me leave until I do. I take a deep breath and stare at him, telling him in detail, as much as I can remember. He sits the whole time in silence, jaw clenched and brows down in an angry glare, watching me intensely. I hate him looking at me that way. I’m doubting myself, wondering if he’s thinking I’m being a drama queen. If he even believes me or is wondering why I would assume Dan had done anything wrong.When I’m done, he pulls out his cell and barks orders at some poor soul, issuing marching orders on grounds of sexual harassment. He stills while they explain something to him on the other end of the line.“Then set it up … Him, you and whatever legal team representatives are available, first thing … Offer him severance. I don’t give a shit! … I want him gone! No one lays a hand on any woman in this company without conseq
The Carrero Effect 100
“Do you like working with Wilma?” he finally asks, keeping his eyes steady, nothing in his voice betraying what he might be thinking and I sigh, somehow disappointed in his question but I don’t know why..“I guess … It’s not as challenging as working for you though … Feels more like a holiday.” I giggle as he tries to grab my leg impulsively, once again the atmosphere reverting to old, squeezing it in punishment. I bat his hand away realizing painfully we’re forgetting ourselves again so easily. He straightens back up and shakes his head at me with a mock glare, his features relaxing as he sighs and smiles instead. That genuine non showy real one.I miss that smile.“I missed that sound.” His revelation silences me, the ache inside grows bigger, and I try not to look directly at him.“I missed your grumpy bad moods and overbearing demands.” I reply wittily, trying to
The Carrero Effect 101
I don’t know what to say. I’m completely dumbstruck into silence. I want to rewind to seconds ago when his mouth was on me and his fingers sliding inside of me when I didn’t want him to stop. I’m reeling with confusion, stung by his instant rage and close to tears. My heartache returning with a passion as he walks off from the car into darkness for a few minutes. I can barely make out his powerful figure as he paces back and forth. He seems to be really pissed off, trying to regain some control, arguing with himself. If it weren’t so traumatic it would be kind of funny to watch.I try to pull in my thoughts, hauling my skirt around me a little, trying to conceal as much nakedness as I can before he returns. He spins toward the car, and stalks back with a glare of sheer fury as he slams into his seat with a closed off expression on his face. He doesn’t look at me, just throws us into reverse at speed, causing me to shoot forward. His hand da
The Carrero Effect 102
“Maybe you should call him then … He owes you an explanation, Emma … You can’t just keep second guessing him all the time.” She picks up my phone and lays it on my chest, but I don’t move. The last thing I want to do is call him. He’ll be driving back to Manhattan anyway, back to his apartment, miles away from me. He wouldn’t pick up.“Can we drop this?” I sit up so the phone slides down my body and lands on the bed. She sighs and flops back beside me, flat so her head is nestled in my cushions. Thinking for a moment, she sits up and takes my hand.“You know what the biggest problem with you two is?” Sarah blinks at me but I just glare at her and offer no response.“You don’t communicate with one another when it comes to feelings. You’re as bad as each other. Neither of you seem capable of just coming out with it and putting your heart on the line. I don’t think he&
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The Carrero Effect 271
The Carrero Influence ~ The Dance ~ Jake shifted in his seat for the millionth time and tried once more to get his brain to focus on the laptop on the highly polished walnut surface. He just couldn’t keep himself on track lately. The sound of a female clearing her throat startled him to look up and the impatient stance of Margo waving a piece of paper with a raised eyebrow suggested she had been talking to him while he was zoned out. “Sorry. What?” He frowned and sighed heavily, pushing himself back into his molded leather chair and rolled up his shirt sleeves in agitation. “For God’s sake, Jacob. I’ve been here for three minutes talking at you. You need to just bloody well call her.” Margo’s stern tone did nothing to help his current mood, and he just shifted forward again to try to ignore that intent, chastising glare. He went to his laptop, ducking his head in an attempt to dodge her blue eyes and typed something aimlessly. “Don’t k
The Carrero Effect 270
The Carrero Influence~ The Elevator Scene ~Jake walked out of the boardroom meeting without any clue as to what he had just sat and endured for the last hour. Margo had been glaring his way and nudging him with her foot under the table every few minutes and making him all the more aware of how ‘out of it’ he was. He had been this way ever since his father’s email had come in, informing him that Emma was back in his building; Back within reach and he had no idea how to handle it. He didn’t know if he should be happy or panicked that he could just see her around his building again, he wasn’t sure how the hell to feel about it but couldn’t deny the slight feeling of hope in his chest that he could bump into her.If he was being honest, he hadn’t had his head in the game for weeks, not since he had sent her away and today was just another prime example of how ‘not well’ he was doing without her in his life.
The Carrero Effect 269
The Carrero Effect~ The Holiday: Part 2 ~Jake was searching under the water, too dark to see anything and scrambling with his hands at anything that felt like it could be Daniel. Panic gripping his stomach as he frantically surfaced for air and dove again. He had hit the water without a thought the second he knew Danny was in here. No cares that he was maybe too drunk for this and just endlessly searching despite his muscles aching and being so heavy he could barely move anymore. It felt like it had been hours instead of minutes and he still hadn’t found him. He wouldn’t give up on him, he wouldn’t lose his best friend this way.Surfacing for air quicker this time he took a moment to drag more into his burning lungs and wipe the water from his eyes. He could hear yelling from the deck, crying from Leila and other voices but he was fully zoned-in on the surface of the water looking for any signs of him.“He’s here, Mr. Carre
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The Carrero Effect~ The Holiday: Part 1 ~Jake strolled into his apartment and threw his bag down on the couch. It had been a long trip and an even longer week, but he suddenly felt restless at being back. Normally, getting home brought him all kinds of joy, but this time it felt slightly empty, and he actually wished they’d stayed at that damn dance just so he could still be with her right now. Pacing to the window and looking out across the New York skyline he ran his hand through his hair and cracked his neck in a bid to release some of the tension building up his spine. Flexing his arms over his head and straining the jacket holding him tight. He needed to get out of this monkey suit they called a tux and get comfy, maybe he just needed to feel less business-like and properly relax. Maybe he needed a drink.He needed to stop fixating on Emma; it wasn’t healthy, and the constant stream of thoughts he had about her was getting harder to control. S
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The Carrero Effect~ The First Meeting ~Jacob Carrero stood in his room in front of the large mirror over the vanity and warmed hair wax between his fingers, smirking at the familiar black and gold branded product on the wooden surface. His father was still lording over the decision to start a male grooming line with Jake’s face all over the advertising campaign; not that he cared. He was used to being publicly owned, always on show, and every woman’s idea of a fantasy male.Which guy wouldn’t? Women falling at your feet every day. Hell yeah.He rubbed it through his hair expertly and spiked it up toward the center and forward in its trademark style. He was never really one for much fussing over his hair, this kept it sorted and then he never had to care for the rest of the day or mess with it unless he ran his hands through and mussed it up. If he had his way, he would shave it all off, but he had done that in his teens and he
The Carrero Effect 266
I catch sight of some of my favorite women on the right-hand side of the aisle. Margo is wiping a tear from her eye and nudging Wilma in her side as both woman wave to me. They’re blowing their noses and crying as Donna throws tissues their way. My crazy trio of motherly hens. Donna’s mascara is pouring down her normally flawless face and I spot Rosalie wave from behind a very handsome man, grinning wildly and looping arms with him, a look of radiant happiness on her pretty face. I beam back at them with a tiny wave before moving on in time to the music, slow steps, with Giovanni leading the way.I catch sight of the Huntsbergers, my new extended family sitting close by and smile warmly at them. The row of adopted children and Huntsberger father looking so proud of his family. Ben and his baby son are near the end of the row. He’s is cuddling him proudly and looking every bit the doting dad. He is now the soul parent o
The Carrero Effect 265
“My son was in pain and hiding from what he wanted most,” he says so factually, looking down at me, “I put you back in his path, so he would stop being a coward.” Giovanni grins and all words leave my brain in an open-mouthed silent gawp; realization dawning on me so suddenly that I am literally rendered speechless.He sent me back to Carrero House? Making me believe that he was going to fire me if I didn’t … an ultimatum that led us to where we are now.Giovanni is admitting to maneuvering me back into Jake’s building, so we would end up back in each other’s arms, crafty jerk that he is. He giggles like a schoolboy at my obviously shocked expression and pats my hand tenderly over his inner elbow. That self-confident effortless look on a man who always sees all and knows everything.“No need to thank me, Emma.” He
The Carrero Effect 264
I smooth my hands down my ivory wedding dress. It’s classy elegance and understated top is lined with a simple sleeveless fitted bodice and tiny pearl detailing. It has a full wispy floating skirt, and layers and layers of chiffon puffing out to a full-length cloud of loveliness. It’s a fairy-tale princess dress and matches beautifully with the elegant engagement ring twinkling on my hand, sparkling in all its shining glory.I admire my flawless natural make-up in the mirror, touching up my nude lipstick. My tawny hair is wild and curled in its loose romantic style, tiny tendrils hang around my face and I appraise my reflection with pride.I look beautiful! I feel beautiful and serene. There is no fear whatsoever.I look like a woman hopelessly in love, about to marry the man of her dreams.I am that woman.I slide on my satin ivory stilettos that almost mirror the shoes I used to adore so much. It feels weird to be ba
The Carrero Effect 263
I am getting so frustrated at myself, my inner anger rears up. I’m surrounded by the song that gave me two of the happiest moments of my life, when he gave me his all, and yet here I am lying here, my sub-conscious holding me back from what I deserve. It’s like the beginning of our relationship all over again. I’m back to the defiant, closed-off Emma who never let him in, always holding back when he needed me most.No! I am not doing this to you, Jake. Not anymore, I won’t!The song is a reminder that he doesn’t always need to be my strength, but a prompt to show me that sometimes I need to be his too. I need to build my own force to find my way back. I need to hold him up and face whatever reality comes when my body wakes up. Maybe that’s why my mind doesn’t want me to wake up. It’s afraid that what Ray did to me will make me hide in the shadows again, that I won’t be able to love Jake and le
