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2021-06-03 18:38:24I help Sarah clean the apartment in companionable silence for the rest of the afternoon, we talked ourselves out and there’s nothing more to say. I have so much to process on my own.
She keeps catching my eye and shaking her head at me in awe. I don’t think she can really accept that this is how I am now, as though she keeps waiting on the old Emma to jump out and throw herself into commandeering, emotionless mode, again. Pull out some tight tailoring and my iPad checklist. Her attention unnerves me, but I don’t want to freeze her back out again, she deserves more. I deserve more.I keep checking my cell obsessively, but he doesn’t call or text; every time I see the blank screen, I die a little more inside. I long for one of his song emails, a message, anything! I understand his silence, she’ll be with him, he has a lot to think about, talk about; he’s mad at me, he’s overwhelmed. It doesn’t make this any less painful and itRelated chapters
The Carrero Effect 86
I’m tense as I sit in the office waiting for Jake, he hasn’t called or text me all weekend and I’ve been too afraid to contact him. Apart from after our time on his boat, we’ve never gone this long with no contact and it has me overly touchy and emotional. My nerves eating away at me. Already I’ve snapped at two receptionists when coming through the floor to the office, for the smallest things.I check my watch repeatedly.When Rosalie takes up residence in her own area of the office outside of mine, I realize it’s after nine and Jake still hasn’t shown up; he’s rarely late. I’m tense and on edge, and I’ve no idea what we’ll even say to each other. All I’ve thought about all weekend is what we have done. How it felt to have him kiss and touch me that way, what it felt like to let Jake have sex with me, and it brought me to tears over and over.Despite everything I thought when it first happened, I
Last Updated : 2021-06-03The Carrero Effect 87
“We can talk about this, Jake.” I finally manage, my voice broken and childlike. I want to get up and walk to him, throw myself back in his arms and beg.Tell him, Emma … Tell him you love him.“No … There’s nothing to say.” The iciness in his tone kills my voice completely, shutting down the words I long to let out. A scolding so harsh it silences them. “It’s done, Emma, it’s arranged … Clear out your things today, take the rest of the day off, then report to the HQ offices first thing tomorrow. You’ll work for my father from now on.” His tone cruel … Jake’s gone and only the version who left me on the boat remains, ripping my heart to shreds. I shake my head, a new wave of tears building up inside of me, the panic and hysteria, and chest-crushing pain returning tenfold.“Jake …” I can barely talk through the crippling suffocation.When will this ever
Last Updated : 2021-06-03The Carrero Effect 88
No—I don’t think I had been. I learned to trust him, saw more than just the Casanova playboy. I saw the real Jake. The caring, funny, and sometimes vulnerable, Jake. He told me everything about his life. Our bond was real … Our friendship. He’d been affectionate and attentive while no one else cared for me and looked after me the way he did. I refuse to believe that none of it was real.I pick up my iPad and scroll the monumental list of songs we sent one another over the past few months, the jokes, the apologies, the hidden meanings, trying to see the truth behind it all … I stop on a song, pausing my inner anguish with that of confusion as my gaze falls on the unfamiliar.Skylar Grey—“I Know You”.I wonder when he sent this?It’s not one I remember ever being gifted to me, no memory of it as I flit back through our time together and I can’t recall him ever sending me this song. Sometimes he just adde
Last Updated : 2021-06-03The Carrero Effect 89 - Book 2
The subway to work is crowded as usual, even at this early hour the smell and noiseareoverwhelming. I’m overly fragile, nausea plaguing me all the time these days; the stress of moving offices and away from Jake making me physically ill.I check my watch for the fiftieth time this morning.I’m late again … What the hell is wrong with me lately?I groan inwardly. I can’t seem to get my head together or get back on track with anything. Giovanni Carrero has yelled at me so many times these last three weeks, I feel like resigning. He’s demoted me to coffee bearer for now and I’m slowly losing everything I’ve worked for. My reputation as an efficient PA is shot and I’ve heard the rumors circulating the building.Jake Carrero dismissed me for my incompetence and moved me to his father’s building, because he felt sorry for me.That stung. The lies upset me, but I push the
Last Updated : 2021-06-27The Carrero Effect 90
“Emma? Mr. Carrero wants to see you.” A small childish voice comes up behind me, causing me to flinch and drop my duster. My heart hits a sudden stop as I inhale heavily pushing back my hair which is stuck to my face from the exertion of my enthusiastic cleaning, my eyes widening in disbelief.What? Jake? He’s here?My brain reels a moment with a lurch of possibility before sense smacks me in the chest sharply, kickstarting rapid heartbeats.No. Giovanni! Of course!I feel like an idiot.I throw a tight smile her way before turning smoothly to acknowledge the girl, pushing down signs of my overreaction and trying to calm my crazy thudding pulse rate.It’sone of the small receptionists, all blonde hair, and big boobs—like most ofSenior’sstaff. He’s sickeningly singular about the women in his employ, finding those whose looks are less like the wom
Last Updated : 2021-06-27The Carrero Effect 91
Wilma Munro is a shock to the system. She’s Scottish and her accent is thick, but not completely alien, with hints of a long New York residency. I can understand her for the most part and she’s a resolute force to be reckoned with.Wilma is small with dark coppery curly hair and huge brown eyes set in a love heart face, standing at only four and a half feet tall. She catches me immediately in her whirlwind of enthusiastic energy. Loud, but not in a commanding way, she is direct, yet friendly and slightly terrifying. She whisks me into my new domain, assigns me a desk near her office, and outlines my responsibilities as part of her team, thrusting a box of files at me. She believes throwing someone in at the deep end brings out their inner worth.“I’ve heard enough about you, Miss. Anderson, to know you were being wasted at Carrero Tower. I’ve great expectations of you.” She smiles warmly, soft eyes twinkling merrily as she fawns over
Last Updated : 2021-06-27The Carrero Effect 92
They both sit and begin to eat; the silence is awkward and tense, but no one attempts to initiate conversation. The nurse looks around timidly before deciding staring at her plate is the best option and lowers her head. Finally, feeling my irritation rise beyond control, I break the glass-like atmosphere with a sledgehammer.“Why are you here?” I blurt out, with not so subtle venom.“I … We needed to talk about things, Emma.” She lowers her lashes, attempting to be coy, maybe even feebleness, but it only angers me. Putting her fork down and crossing her hands on the table she leans toward me.“About what exactly? The fact that you’re screwing the man who loves to beat both of us up and tried to rape your only child?” I spit, harshly, taking delight in the nurse’s gasp of shock and the color rising up her cheeks.I guess she didn’t know after all.“Yes … Emma, he&rsqu
Last Updated : 2021-06-27The Carrero Effect 93
I get into the elevator, smoothing down my skirt, and glance at the narrow mirror by the door, sighing and take my place at the side of a couple of staff in here. I look better, feel better, and more in control. I’ve only been back at Executive House for a few days, but somehow the familiarity of this building, and the people who knew me as Jake’s assistant so treat me with more respect than I received at Carrero Tower, have helped me get back on track.I’ve barely slept the last few nights. My mother’s appearance has left my mind in a constant cyclone of thoughts and insecurities. I’ve replayed my mother’s words a million times in my head, none of it makes sense to me, the obvious aside, I can’t wrap my brain around her admission.Ray isn’t the kind of person to up and run off because another guy gave him a taste of his own medicine. He only left years ago because I threatened to involve the police. I’m sure someth
Last Updated : 2021-06-27
Latest chapter
The Carrero Effect 271
The Carrero Influence ~ The Dance ~ Jake shifted in his seat for the millionth time and tried once more to get his brain to focus on the laptop on the highly polished walnut surface. He just couldn’t keep himself on track lately. The sound of a female clearing her throat startled him to look up and the impatient stance of Margo waving a piece of paper with a raised eyebrow suggested she had been talking to him while he was zoned out. “Sorry. What?” He frowned and sighed heavily, pushing himself back into his molded leather chair and rolled up his shirt sleeves in agitation. “For God’s sake, Jacob. I’ve been here for three minutes talking at you. You need to just bloody well call her.” Margo’s stern tone did nothing to help his current mood, and he just shifted forward again to try to ignore that intent, chastising glare. He went to his laptop, ducking his head in an attempt to dodge her blue eyes and typed something aimlessly. “Don’t k
The Carrero Effect 270
The Carrero Influence~ The Elevator Scene ~Jake walked out of the boardroom meeting without any clue as to what he had just sat and endured for the last hour. Margo had been glaring his way and nudging him with her foot under the table every few minutes and making him all the more aware of how ‘out of it’ he was. He had been this way ever since his father’s email had come in, informing him that Emma was back in his building; Back within reach and he had no idea how to handle it. He didn’t know if he should be happy or panicked that he could just see her around his building again, he wasn’t sure how the hell to feel about it but couldn’t deny the slight feeling of hope in his chest that he could bump into her.If he was being honest, he hadn’t had his head in the game for weeks, not since he had sent her away and today was just another prime example of how ‘not well’ he was doing without her in his life.
The Carrero Effect 269
The Carrero Effect~ The Holiday: Part 2 ~Jake was searching under the water, too dark to see anything and scrambling with his hands at anything that felt like it could be Daniel. Panic gripping his stomach as he frantically surfaced for air and dove again. He had hit the water without a thought the second he knew Danny was in here. No cares that he was maybe too drunk for this and just endlessly searching despite his muscles aching and being so heavy he could barely move anymore. It felt like it had been hours instead of minutes and he still hadn’t found him. He wouldn’t give up on him, he wouldn’t lose his best friend this way.Surfacing for air quicker this time he took a moment to drag more into his burning lungs and wipe the water from his eyes. He could hear yelling from the deck, crying from Leila and other voices but he was fully zoned-in on the surface of the water looking for any signs of him.“He’s here, Mr. Carre
The Carrero Effect 268
The Carrero Effect~ The Holiday: Part 1 ~Jake strolled into his apartment and threw his bag down on the couch. It had been a long trip and an even longer week, but he suddenly felt restless at being back. Normally, getting home brought him all kinds of joy, but this time it felt slightly empty, and he actually wished they’d stayed at that damn dance just so he could still be with her right now. Pacing to the window and looking out across the New York skyline he ran his hand through his hair and cracked his neck in a bid to release some of the tension building up his spine. Flexing his arms over his head and straining the jacket holding him tight. He needed to get out of this monkey suit they called a tux and get comfy, maybe he just needed to feel less business-like and properly relax. Maybe he needed a drink.He needed to stop fixating on Emma; it wasn’t healthy, and the constant stream of thoughts he had about her was getting harder to control. S
The Carrero Effect 267 - Bonus Chapters
The Carrero Effect~ The First Meeting ~Jacob Carrero stood in his room in front of the large mirror over the vanity and warmed hair wax between his fingers, smirking at the familiar black and gold branded product on the wooden surface. His father was still lording over the decision to start a male grooming line with Jake’s face all over the advertising campaign; not that he cared. He was used to being publicly owned, always on show, and every woman’s idea of a fantasy male.Which guy wouldn’t? Women falling at your feet every day. Hell yeah.He rubbed it through his hair expertly and spiked it up toward the center and forward in its trademark style. He was never really one for much fussing over his hair, this kept it sorted and then he never had to care for the rest of the day or mess with it unless he ran his hands through and mussed it up. If he had his way, he would shave it all off, but he had done that in his teens and he
The Carrero Effect 266
I catch sight of some of my favorite women on the right-hand side of the aisle. Margo is wiping a tear from her eye and nudging Wilma in her side as both woman wave to me. They’re blowing their noses and crying as Donna throws tissues their way. My crazy trio of motherly hens. Donna’s mascara is pouring down her normally flawless face and I spot Rosalie wave from behind a very handsome man, grinning wildly and looping arms with him, a look of radiant happiness on her pretty face. I beam back at them with a tiny wave before moving on in time to the music, slow steps, with Giovanni leading the way.I catch sight of the Huntsbergers, my new extended family sitting close by and smile warmly at them. The row of adopted children and Huntsberger father looking so proud of his family. Ben and his baby son are near the end of the row. He’s is cuddling him proudly and looking every bit the doting dad. He is now the soul parent o
The Carrero Effect 265
“My son was in pain and hiding from what he wanted most,” he says so factually, looking down at me, “I put you back in his path, so he would stop being a coward.” Giovanni grins and all words leave my brain in an open-mouthed silent gawp; realization dawning on me so suddenly that I am literally rendered speechless.He sent me back to Carrero House? Making me believe that he was going to fire me if I didn’t … an ultimatum that led us to where we are now.Giovanni is admitting to maneuvering me back into Jake’s building, so we would end up back in each other’s arms, crafty jerk that he is. He giggles like a schoolboy at my obviously shocked expression and pats my hand tenderly over his inner elbow. That self-confident effortless look on a man who always sees all and knows everything.“No need to thank me, Emma.” He
The Carrero Effect 264
I smooth my hands down my ivory wedding dress. It’s classy elegance and understated top is lined with a simple sleeveless fitted bodice and tiny pearl detailing. It has a full wispy floating skirt, and layers and layers of chiffon puffing out to a full-length cloud of loveliness. It’s a fairy-tale princess dress and matches beautifully with the elegant engagement ring twinkling on my hand, sparkling in all its shining glory.I admire my flawless natural make-up in the mirror, touching up my nude lipstick. My tawny hair is wild and curled in its loose romantic style, tiny tendrils hang around my face and I appraise my reflection with pride.I look beautiful! I feel beautiful and serene. There is no fear whatsoever.I look like a woman hopelessly in love, about to marry the man of her dreams.I am that woman.I slide on my satin ivory stilettos that almost mirror the shoes I used to adore so much. It feels weird to be ba
The Carrero Effect 263
I am getting so frustrated at myself, my inner anger rears up. I’m surrounded by the song that gave me two of the happiest moments of my life, when he gave me his all, and yet here I am lying here, my sub-conscious holding me back from what I deserve. It’s like the beginning of our relationship all over again. I’m back to the defiant, closed-off Emma who never let him in, always holding back when he needed me most.No! I am not doing this to you, Jake. Not anymore, I won’t!The song is a reminder that he doesn’t always need to be my strength, but a prompt to show me that sometimes I need to be his too. I need to build my own force to find my way back. I need to hold him up and face whatever reality comes when my body wakes up. Maybe that’s why my mind doesn’t want me to wake up. It’s afraid that what Ray did to me will make me hide in the shadows again, that I won’t be able to love Jake and le
