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2024-10-29 19:42:56What has Jake done to me? Why is he doing this to me now?
My mind is a messy scramble of thoughts and emotions, half of which make no sense and I’m dying inside.I didn’t drink before Jake Carrero, I didn’t like how it made me feel. Like I lost control. I never kissed men ever, because all it did was bring back memories that make me feel ill. Never wanted anyone sexually, or even felt turned on by anyone before Jake.I never opened up and told anyone the things I’ve told him. I never kicked back and just let go, relaxed and had fun, before him. Never took my hair down, let alone cut it. I never cried, and now I can’t seem to stop.Jake has slowly unraveled me, and he has no clue. He has no idea the depth in which he has infected me, changed me. That damn Carrero and his effects on me can’t be reversed.I keep people at arm’s length, even Sarah … She’s my best friend, yet I’ve never told her anythin
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The Carrero Effect 64
He’s been gone more than two days, and I’ve tried his cell so many times. He’s monitoring his calls and I get voicemail almost immediately. I know he’s declining my number and it hurts more than I can bear. I don’t want to email or text, so I don’t, because my pride is bruised, and I won’t beg. I don’t know what to say, I only want to hear him and know he’s still there. I want to know what the hell is going on in that head of his, to know why he’s being this way, and what happens when we go back to work together.I’ve been swimming and reading to distract myself and eating with the others; I’m getting used to them and although Marissa and I give each other a wide berth, I’m starting to warm to the rest of them.Leila, as always, is a joy to be around, but I’m melancholy and would rather my own company. We went shopping on the mainland yesterday and I loved what having a girly friend felt li
The Carrero Effect 65
My apartment is depressing after living on a luxury yacht for a week and I can smell Marcus in everything, even the air around the front entrance. It makes me cringe. There’s no one home and I’m grateful for that; it’s late, Sarah will be at work and Marcus, god knows where. I leave Sarah a note on the fridge, not to disturb me because I’m jet lagged and head to bed. I just want to lay down and get lost in a book or movie, anything to keep my head empty and unfocused.I need to wait until my boss decides to finally show face or contact me, to know what the hell is going on. I dwell over the fact he might fire me, for the hundredth time, and shrug.Maybe I’ll quit … With this job on my resumé I’m sure I’ll get another PA job quickly.Do I want that? I don’t know anymore. It might be for the best now things have gone south.* * *It’s after midnight when I’m woken by the buzz of my c
The Carrero Effect 66
The office is a welcome sight, my assistant, Rosalie, greets me warmly and compliments my hair, tan, and natural highlights. She gushes a little too much at how I look, and I’m forced to coolly look her down, to get her to return to a professional manner.The issues with the merger are nothing and could have been handled by anyone involved, there is no need for me to be here at all. The lawyers have handled mostly everything, and the minor details are rectified in half a morning. I walk through to Jake’s office and dump the files on his desk, I like that they scatter messily, and I don’t bother straightening them. I quell the urge to push over his desk tidy beside them.“Fix them yourself,” I mutter and toss his pen on top. It’s fair to say I’m still as pissed as ever and right now; the thought of resignation is swirling in my mind rather childishly.No, if I’m going to do that, I’d rather say it to his face. I wou
The Carrero Effect 67
I get bogged down with work and end up with the headache from hell, before heading home; it’s been a stressful first day back, and now, more than ever, I’m hating his absence. We’re a team … We work on all this crap together and we do it well. I’ve never had to single-handedly take over and I don’t like it anymore. I’m angry at him for making me do this. Angry at the way my emotions are up and down, and I can’t stick on hating him or missing him.I know it’s part of my job and I know I’m capable but still … I detest it. I know more about the Carrero empire than I could have ever imagined, I’ve so many staff at my fingertips it’s terrifying. I converse with lawyers, security, HR, and other crazily titled employees constantly, and sometimes I wonder how my head hasn’t self-imploded. I’m only twenty-six and to have so much resting on my shoulders at this age, is a huge achievement. I know I
The Carrero Effect 68
His eyes are huge, and he falls into the corner of the elevator with the sheer force of my smack. I’ve never actually lashed out and hit anyone just like that, with unprovoked violence. I can’t talk. I’m in as much shock as he is at what I just did. I just shake my head, words catching in my throat as I stifle a sob and run for an escape. The doors are still open, and I blindly move with speed, immersed in a surge of hysteria.I head for the stairs, kicking off my shoes erratically and hurtle past a couple of shocked suited women, in passing. I hit the stairwell in its gloomy darkness, tumble clumsily down a few steps, hurting my ankle and sink down onto the cold metal to let loose. My chest caving in, and I’m struggling for breath. My head is a jumbled mess of confusion, adrenaline coursing through me savagely and I wail with pain as the tears begin to cascade.I clutch at my head yanking my hair as though to calm the chaos.I just assaulted a
The Carrero Effect 69
Laid in bed in my room at Jake’s apartment, I have dozed in and out of sleep, listening to distant sirens and noises from afar. The calming hustle and bustle of Manhattan. It’s late, I’m tired yet I’m not. I’m somewhere between dosing, and over thinking and restless.The housekeeper has retired to bed and the apartment security is out wandering the outer halls again. I’m aware of the faint sound of a crackling radio occasionally although they never really venture inside the main part of the apartment, but I like knowing they’re out there. Jake isn’t one for much security, but his father insists. He doesn’t see the need for it when he’s home, he rarely uses it when we’re on business either. I guess he knows he’s capable of beating the crap out of most assailants, seeing as boxing and martial arts are some of his past times.I’m uneasy and antsy, I know he’s coming home, and I’m afraid
The Carrero Effect 70
It’s amazing what the human heart can endure when you have a will like mine. It’s amazing how you can bounce back, like you were, no matter what life throws at you. It’s amazing how many masks I must keep in my back pocket for when one gets smashed into a thousand pieces so I can slide a new one on.We’re on a plane already, and I’m cool and controlled and acting like yesterday never happened. Red head is gone, thank god, and Jake seems like the normal good old Jake from before our vacation. The past week or so erased from memory. Just like that!All is almost right with the world if I can just ignore all of that. Forget all the tears, and ignore the crazy way he makes me feel, that I can no longer honestly say is platonic. He’s on his cell, despite me glaring at him about using it on the plane.“Yes, that’s right.” He waves his hand at my expression, dismissing me as I picture us crashing into the ocean. “No
The Carrero Effect 71
“I see.” News to me, but okay…“Working the way we do, requires both …and being this close means, sometimes I forget there would be consequences in trying to screw you.” He’s still watching me closely; I’m dying under his scrutiny and the blatant way he’s talking about sex between us. I think I’m also upset by the fact he’s making it pretty clear it would only be that … Nothing deeper! I forget that sex for him doesn’t carry consequences, maybe that’s the issue. He’s too used to meaningless sex and has to remind himself that he would still have to work with me after. While I’m too hung up on what sex with him would do to my heart afterwards and unable to work with him at all.“So, the red head?” I ask, smarting at this conversation.“What about her?”“She’s the one you ran off with for a week?” I’m back to sulking Emma
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The Carrero Effect 271
The Carrero Influence ~ The Dance ~ Jake shifted in his seat for the millionth time and tried once more to get his brain to focus on the laptop on the highly polished walnut surface. He just couldn’t keep himself on track lately. The sound of a female clearing her throat startled him to look up and the impatient stance of Margo waving a piece of paper with a raised eyebrow suggested she had been talking to him while he was zoned out. “Sorry. What?” He frowned and sighed heavily, pushing himself back into his molded leather chair and rolled up his shirt sleeves in agitation. “For God’s sake, Jacob. I’ve been here for three minutes talking at you. You need to just bloody well call her.” Margo’s stern tone did nothing to help his current mood, and he just shifted forward again to try to ignore that intent, chastising glare. He went to his laptop, ducking his head in an attempt to dodge her blue eyes and typed something aimlessly. “Don’t k
The Carrero Effect 270
The Carrero Influence~ The Elevator Scene ~Jake walked out of the boardroom meeting without any clue as to what he had just sat and endured for the last hour. Margo had been glaring his way and nudging him with her foot under the table every few minutes and making him all the more aware of how ‘out of it’ he was. He had been this way ever since his father’s email had come in, informing him that Emma was back in his building; Back within reach and he had no idea how to handle it. He didn’t know if he should be happy or panicked that he could just see her around his building again, he wasn’t sure how the hell to feel about it but couldn’t deny the slight feeling of hope in his chest that he could bump into her.If he was being honest, he hadn’t had his head in the game for weeks, not since he had sent her away and today was just another prime example of how ‘not well’ he was doing without her in his life.
The Carrero Effect 269
The Carrero Effect~ The Holiday: Part 2 ~Jake was searching under the water, too dark to see anything and scrambling with his hands at anything that felt like it could be Daniel. Panic gripping his stomach as he frantically surfaced for air and dove again. He had hit the water without a thought the second he knew Danny was in here. No cares that he was maybe too drunk for this and just endlessly searching despite his muscles aching and being so heavy he could barely move anymore. It felt like it had been hours instead of minutes and he still hadn’t found him. He wouldn’t give up on him, he wouldn’t lose his best friend this way.Surfacing for air quicker this time he took a moment to drag more into his burning lungs and wipe the water from his eyes. He could hear yelling from the deck, crying from Leila and other voices but he was fully zoned-in on the surface of the water looking for any signs of him.“He’s here, Mr. Carre
The Carrero Effect 268
The Carrero Effect~ The Holiday: Part 1 ~Jake strolled into his apartment and threw his bag down on the couch. It had been a long trip and an even longer week, but he suddenly felt restless at being back. Normally, getting home brought him all kinds of joy, but this time it felt slightly empty, and he actually wished they’d stayed at that damn dance just so he could still be with her right now. Pacing to the window and looking out across the New York skyline he ran his hand through his hair and cracked his neck in a bid to release some of the tension building up his spine. Flexing his arms over his head and straining the jacket holding him tight. He needed to get out of this monkey suit they called a tux and get comfy, maybe he just needed to feel less business-like and properly relax. Maybe he needed a drink.He needed to stop fixating on Emma; it wasn’t healthy, and the constant stream of thoughts he had about her was getting harder to control. S
The Carrero Effect 267 - Bonus Chapters
The Carrero Effect~ The First Meeting ~Jacob Carrero stood in his room in front of the large mirror over the vanity and warmed hair wax between his fingers, smirking at the familiar black and gold branded product on the wooden surface. His father was still lording over the decision to start a male grooming line with Jake’s face all over the advertising campaign; not that he cared. He was used to being publicly owned, always on show, and every woman’s idea of a fantasy male.Which guy wouldn’t? Women falling at your feet every day. Hell yeah.He rubbed it through his hair expertly and spiked it up toward the center and forward in its trademark style. He was never really one for much fussing over his hair, this kept it sorted and then he never had to care for the rest of the day or mess with it unless he ran his hands through and mussed it up. If he had his way, he would shave it all off, but he had done that in his teens and he
The Carrero Effect 266
I catch sight of some of my favorite women on the right-hand side of the aisle. Margo is wiping a tear from her eye and nudging Wilma in her side as both woman wave to me. They’re blowing their noses and crying as Donna throws tissues their way. My crazy trio of motherly hens. Donna’s mascara is pouring down her normally flawless face and I spot Rosalie wave from behind a very handsome man, grinning wildly and looping arms with him, a look of radiant happiness on her pretty face. I beam back at them with a tiny wave before moving on in time to the music, slow steps, with Giovanni leading the way.I catch sight of the Huntsbergers, my new extended family sitting close by and smile warmly at them. The row of adopted children and Huntsberger father looking so proud of his family. Ben and his baby son are near the end of the row. He’s is cuddling him proudly and looking every bit the doting dad. He is now the soul parent o
The Carrero Effect 265
“My son was in pain and hiding from what he wanted most,” he says so factually, looking down at me, “I put you back in his path, so he would stop being a coward.” Giovanni grins and all words leave my brain in an open-mouthed silent gawp; realization dawning on me so suddenly that I am literally rendered speechless.He sent me back to Carrero House? Making me believe that he was going to fire me if I didn’t … an ultimatum that led us to where we are now.Giovanni is admitting to maneuvering me back into Jake’s building, so we would end up back in each other’s arms, crafty jerk that he is. He giggles like a schoolboy at my obviously shocked expression and pats my hand tenderly over his inner elbow. That self-confident effortless look on a man who always sees all and knows everything.“No need to thank me, Emma.” He
The Carrero Effect 264
I smooth my hands down my ivory wedding dress. It’s classy elegance and understated top is lined with a simple sleeveless fitted bodice and tiny pearl detailing. It has a full wispy floating skirt, and layers and layers of chiffon puffing out to a full-length cloud of loveliness. It’s a fairy-tale princess dress and matches beautifully with the elegant engagement ring twinkling on my hand, sparkling in all its shining glory.I admire my flawless natural make-up in the mirror, touching up my nude lipstick. My tawny hair is wild and curled in its loose romantic style, tiny tendrils hang around my face and I appraise my reflection with pride.I look beautiful! I feel beautiful and serene. There is no fear whatsoever.I look like a woman hopelessly in love, about to marry the man of her dreams.I am that woman.I slide on my satin ivory stilettos that almost mirror the shoes I used to adore so much. It feels weird to be ba
The Carrero Effect 263
I am getting so frustrated at myself, my inner anger rears up. I’m surrounded by the song that gave me two of the happiest moments of my life, when he gave me his all, and yet here I am lying here, my sub-conscious holding me back from what I deserve. It’s like the beginning of our relationship all over again. I’m back to the defiant, closed-off Emma who never let him in, always holding back when he needed me most.No! I am not doing this to you, Jake. Not anymore, I won’t!The song is a reminder that he doesn’t always need to be my strength, but a prompt to show me that sometimes I need to be his too. I need to build my own force to find my way back. I need to hold him up and face whatever reality comes when my body wakes up. Maybe that’s why my mind doesn’t want me to wake up. It’s afraid that what Ray did to me will make me hide in the shadows again, that I won’t be able to love Jake and le
