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63
What has Jake done to me? Why is he doing this to me now?
My mind is a messy scramble of thoughts and emotions, half of which make no sense and I’m dying inside.I didn’t drink before Jake Carrero, I didn’t like how it made me feel. Like I lost control. I never kissed men ever, because all it did was bring back memories that make me feel ill. Never wanted anyone sexually, or even felt turned on by anyone before Jake.I never opened up and told anyone the things I’ve told him. I never kicked back and just let go, relaxed and had fun, before him. Never took my hair down, let alone cut it. I never cried, and now I can’t seem to stop.Jake has slowly unraveled me, and he has no clue. He has no idea the depth in which he has infected me, changed me. That damn Carrero and his effects on me can’t be reversed.I keep people at arm’s length, even Sarah … She’s my best friend, yet I’ve never told her anythin
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The Carrero Effect 64
He’s been gone more than two days, and I’ve tried his cell so many times. He’s monitoring his calls and I get voicemail almost immediately. I know he’s declining my number and it hurts more than I can bear. I don’t want to email or text, so I don’t, because my pride is bruised, and I won’t beg. I don’t know what to say, I only want to hear him and know he’s still there. I want to know what the hell is going on in that head of his, to know why he’s being this way, and what happens when we go back to work together.I’ve been swimming and reading to distract myself and eating with the others; I’m getting used to them and although Marissa and I give each other a wide berth, I’m starting to warm to the rest of them.Leila, as always, is a joy to be around, but I’m melancholy and would rather my own company. We went shopping on the mainland yesterday and I loved what having a girly friend felt li
The Carrero Effect 65
My apartment is depressing after living on a luxury yacht for a week and I can smell Marcus in everything, even the air around the front entrance. It makes me cringe. There’s no one home and I’m grateful for that; it’s late, Sarah will be at work and Marcus, god knows where. I leave Sarah a note on the fridge, not to disturb me because I’m jet lagged and head to bed. I just want to lay down and get lost in a book or movie, anything to keep my head empty and unfocused.I need to wait until my boss decides to finally show face or contact me, to know what the hell is going on. I dwell over the fact he might fire me, for the hundredth time, and shrug.Maybe I’ll quit … With this job on my resumé I’m sure I’ll get another PA job quickly.Do I want that? I don’t know anymore. It might be for the best now things have gone south.* * *It’s after midnight when I’m woken by the buzz of my c
The Carrero Effect 66
The office is a welcome sight, my assistant, Rosalie, greets me warmly and compliments my hair, tan, and natural highlights. She gushes a little too much at how I look, and I’m forced to coolly look her down, to get her to return to a professional manner.The issues with the merger are nothing and could have been handled by anyone involved, there is no need for me to be here at all. The lawyers have handled mostly everything, and the minor details are rectified in half a morning. I walk through to Jake’s office and dump the files on his desk, I like that they scatter messily, and I don’t bother straightening them. I quell the urge to push over his desk tidy beside them.“Fix them yourself,” I mutter and toss his pen on top. It’s fair to say I’m still as pissed as ever and right now; the thought of resignation is swirling in my mind rather childishly.No, if I’m going to do that, I’d rather say it to his face. I wou
The Carrero Effect 67
I get bogged down with work and end up with the headache from hell, before heading home; it’s been a stressful first day back, and now, more than ever, I’m hating his absence. We’re a team … We work on all this crap together and we do it well. I’ve never had to single-handedly take over and I don’t like it anymore. I’m angry at him for making me do this. Angry at the way my emotions are up and down, and I can’t stick on hating him or missing him.I know it’s part of my job and I know I’m capable but still … I detest it. I know more about the Carrero empire than I could have ever imagined, I’ve so many staff at my fingertips it’s terrifying. I converse with lawyers, security, HR, and other crazily titled employees constantly, and sometimes I wonder how my head hasn’t self-imploded. I’m only twenty-six and to have so much resting on my shoulders at this age, is a huge achievement. I know I
The Carrero Effect 68
His eyes are huge, and he falls into the corner of the elevator with the sheer force of my smack. I’ve never actually lashed out and hit anyone just like that, with unprovoked violence. I can’t talk. I’m in as much shock as he is at what I just did. I just shake my head, words catching in my throat as I stifle a sob and run for an escape. The doors are still open, and I blindly move with speed, immersed in a surge of hysteria.I head for the stairs, kicking off my shoes erratically and hurtle past a couple of shocked suited women, in passing. I hit the stairwell in its gloomy darkness, tumble clumsily down a few steps, hurting my ankle and sink down onto the cold metal to let loose. My chest caving in, and I’m struggling for breath. My head is a jumbled mess of confusion, adrenaline coursing through me savagely and I wail with pain as the tears begin to cascade.I clutch at my head yanking my hair as though to calm the chaos.I just assaulted a
The Carrero Effect 69
Laid in bed in my room at Jake’s apartment, I have dozed in and out of sleep, listening to distant sirens and noises from afar. The calming hustle and bustle of Manhattan. It’s late, I’m tired yet I’m not. I’m somewhere between dosing, and over thinking and restless.The housekeeper has retired to bed and the apartment security is out wandering the outer halls again. I’m aware of the faint sound of a crackling radio occasionally although they never really venture inside the main part of the apartment, but I like knowing they’re out there. Jake isn’t one for much security, but his father insists. He doesn’t see the need for it when he’s home, he rarely uses it when we’re on business either. I guess he knows he’s capable of beating the crap out of most assailants, seeing as boxing and martial arts are some of his past times.I’m uneasy and antsy, I know he’s coming home, and I’m afraid
The Carrero Effect 70
It’s amazing what the human heart can endure when you have a will like mine. It’s amazing how you can bounce back, like you were, no matter what life throws at you. It’s amazing how many masks I must keep in my back pocket for when one gets smashed into a thousand pieces so I can slide a new one on.We’re on a plane already, and I’m cool and controlled and acting like yesterday never happened. Red head is gone, thank god, and Jake seems like the normal good old Jake from before our vacation. The past week or so erased from memory. Just like that!All is almost right with the world if I can just ignore all of that. Forget all the tears, and ignore the crazy way he makes me feel, that I can no longer honestly say is platonic. He’s on his cell, despite me glaring at him about using it on the plane.“Yes, that’s right.” He waves his hand at my expression, dismissing me as I picture us crashing into the ocean. “No
The Carrero Effect 71
“I see.” News to me, but okay…“Working the way we do, requires both …and being this close means, sometimes I forget there would be consequences in trying to screw you.” He’s still watching me closely; I’m dying under his scrutiny and the blatant way he’s talking about sex between us. I think I’m also upset by the fact he’s making it pretty clear it would only be that … Nothing deeper! I forget that sex for him doesn’t carry consequences, maybe that’s the issue. He’s too used to meaningless sex and has to remind himself that he would still have to work with me after. While I’m too hung up on what sex with him would do to my heart afterwards and unable to work with him at all.“So, the red head?” I ask, smarting at this conversation.“What about her?”“She’s the one you ran off with for a week?” I’m back to sulking Emma
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