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I try to ignore Jake’s smug look when I saunter into the open-plan living space, finally awake from my two-hour nap on his bed. I had a tantrum on the way home, making him walk with me while I refused to get in the car, while Jefferson drove alongside at the pace of a snail. It was utterly ridiculous, but I was adamant that Jake wouldn’t tell me what to do and he walked alongside me with hands in pockets; daring not to argue.

I’ve woken up feeling a hundred times angrier and more emotional, whether it’s delayed shock or my brain unraveling slowly I have no clue. I only know that I feel like breaking down and sobbing about everything and eating a lot of ice cream … with chips … and hot sauce … And maybe a bowl of pistachios too. I suddenly want food more than anything; again. Food and some damn mental rest. This is completely exhausting, like I am going through some sort of grief that I can’t understand.

He’s stan