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2024-10-29 19:42:56My shower is hot, steamy, and satisfying. I come out flushed and breathless and figure I maybe should have gone easy on the temperature gauge. My head’s swimming a little, and I’m still feeling fragile.
I haul on my nightdress and robe to try and cool off, pad out into the empty room, and instantly know that I’m alone. I had been in the shower an hour and they must have left for dinner. It feels good to be able to chill out and have some alone time though. I mulled over the call enough in the shower and I’m tired of thinking about it. I’ll have to screen my calls from now on, maybe change my number. I’ll need to call my mother; I have an inkling that she was behind him getting it and it pisses me off immensely.Always a sucker for a goddamn sob story. She needs to get a grip.I have been in the social pages a lot over the last few weeks on Jake’s arm at various functions. I guess he figures I’ve hit a goldmine and wantsRelated chapters
The Carrero Effect 19
That’s a good question to ask a shrink, as I want to know.His face appears above me and I jump a little in fright; I wasn’t expecting him so suddenly, maybe it wasn’t sudden. I have been taking long pauses to daydream between replies. This is a weird angle, but even down here he looks gorgeous.Why can’t you look ugly from at least one angle, Carrero? Even the odds up a little. Maybe have a double chin or something.“Nothing … You deserve so much more than someone like him.” He seems serious, and just hot. Too hot.“I’m part of him … I have his blood … But he didn’t want to know me.” I sigh dejectedly as he moves from above me and on to the couch beside me; he has a glass which clinks with ice and slides it on the low table to my left. He sits near my head so he can look down at my face and he’s no longer smiling. He seems blank.“Does he want to know you now? Is th
The Carrero Effect 20
The sun piercing tiny slices through the drapes is worse than having salt poured in my eyes. The nausea hits as I try to sit up and my mouth waters crazily. My cell is by the bed, and I realize it’s been switched off; I never switch it off, I don’t even know what time it is and I could have missed a multitude of calls.I swallow down the bile and reach for the glass beside my bed, lukewarm water will have to do. I know I should remember last night but after my third drink on the couch I don’t remember much else. I don’t do hard liquor, so it’s no surprise.I’m a total lightweight.I know at one-point Jake came back; I think.Maybe.I have strange images of him leaning over me with his tie hanging free; I’m not even sure if it was a dream or a memory from another time.I shower fast to combat the dizziness and ram toast and paracetamol down my throat in the sitting area in a bid to recover quickly. The place is s
The Carrero Effect 21
I’m falling apart; I don’t shout at Jake. I don’t shout at anyone like this. I’ve more control than this now, I’m no longer that hostile teen Emma.“It affects you.” He’s equally riled, but I don’t care.Be angry. You started this, Jake. Leave me alone.“This doesn’t affect my ability to work for you, therefore it’s none of your business.” I snarl through gritted teeth.“You are my business; we work together almost every second of almost every day. Our relationship goes a little deeper than boss and assistant. It depends on trust and honesty to be able to work this way.” His voice is heated, he reaches for me again and I move out of the way, tense, and prickling. If he touches me, I may lash out, I need to go to my room. “I trust you with every detail of my life; would be nice if you did the same.” His voice matches mine, tense and tempered, rage bubbling between
The Carrero Effect 22
He’s back in playful mode and for once it doesn’t irritate me, it relieves me. This is what I need.“Knew you couldn’t hate me for long, Bambino.” He’s still smiling and trying to look convincingly assured while failing.Yeah, of course, you were so confident when I walked in.I remember his stressed posture and lost look, only moments before.“Hmm, the jury is still out on that,” I answer impassively. I could never hate Jake. He throws me a mock injured look and I push him harder this time, so he falls back onto the couch with flailing arms and a shocked expression.Easy there, teen Emma, he’s still your boss.“Hey, woman! Any more of that and I’ll have to retaliate. I can promise you; my kind of physical exertion will put some color in your cheeks.” He gets up as though he’s going to grab me and I squeal, throwing out my arms toward him and shoving him straight back down wit
The Carrero Effect 23
It’s late, and he’s out with some blonde bimbo who posed in Playboy who’s all fake boobs and Botox with an irritating laugh and a weird pair of overly plump lips. We fly home tomorrow so he’s letting off steam Carrero style. Loose women, booze, and a nightclub. So very Jake.I glance at the clock in distraction, noticing how quiet it is when he’s not around to frustrate me. I don’t get his fascination with nightclubs, all that loud, thumping music grinding bodies, and stifling air. But then Jake’s fascination with jumping out of planes and down buildings is beyond me too. He’s the original adrenaline junkie and never seems to sit still for long.It’s a hot muggy night and I’m sticky in my sweats and T-shirt, my hair has been up all day and it feels itchy with my scalp screaming for release. I had a good workout session in the gym after dinner, but I regret eating first. I’m starving now due to the energy bur
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I don’t get much sleep. I stare at the ceiling listening to the silence in the dark before dawn finally tugs me out of bed. I jog alone at 6.00 a.m. the familiar route I normally take with Jake, but he’s still in bed and avoiding him is my only plan of action this morning.I pound the picturesque streets of Seattle with my soft-soled running shoes and try to bring back all the calm and control that rules my life. We need to forget last night ever happened if we’re to move on. I need to stop over analyzing and obsessing over it and forget it ever happened.He was drunk! Jake’s impulsive and sometimes irrational when he’s drunk; he can be unpredictable and foolish, and I shouldn’t put any weight on last night at all. He’s a born womanizer and last night with beer goggles on I was just another possible conquest who was obviously giving him some sort of come-on signs.I shower and eat in my room and pack my suitcase. We’re h
The Carrero Effect 25
“I’m home,” I yell out into the apartment, dropping my keys on the hall table. There’s soft jazz music coming from Sarah’s room, the distinct smell of Marcus’s aftershave in the sitting room, and a half empty bottle of wine and two glasses on the table. I sigh, bristling inside and ponder showing up at Jake’s apartment for the night as he offered. I should have stopped over, instead of the extra car journey home; we’d be watching a movie by now.There’s no response from the closed bedroom so I assume they don’t want to be disturbed. I don’t attempt to call out again. I just go to my room and dump my luggage by the bed, glad to be home, yet at the same time the familiar pang of missing Jake is already washing over me.We have worked together so much over the last few months, glued side by side, so being apart feels abnormal. Even though we do occasionally spend weekends apart, somehow the recent non-stop chao
The Carrero Effect 26
It’s the middle of the night by the time we land in Chicago, and the hired driver takes me to West Englewood. The streets are badly lit, but don’t conceal the grubbiness or derelict area from view. The streets, although busy with traffic, seem almost deserted. The aura of poverty and hardship reflected in the brown buildings and scruffy stores and I get that old ripple of trepidation as unease moves through me and that weight of emptiness I used to feel at being here returns with a vengeance.I’m to meet Sophie at my old home, the apartment that my mother has lived in since the day she brought me home from the hospital. My mother is stable in St Bernard Hospital, but I won’t be able to see her until morning to assess how much damage has been done.I’m still numb with a tinge of anger even thinking about her. I know this isn’t natural—she’s my mother. I should feel concern, devastation, worry even, but I don’t. I’m
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The Carrero Effect 271
The Carrero Influence ~ The Dance ~ Jake shifted in his seat for the millionth time and tried once more to get his brain to focus on the laptop on the highly polished walnut surface. He just couldn’t keep himself on track lately. The sound of a female clearing her throat startled him to look up and the impatient stance of Margo waving a piece of paper with a raised eyebrow suggested she had been talking to him while he was zoned out. “Sorry. What?” He frowned and sighed heavily, pushing himself back into his molded leather chair and rolled up his shirt sleeves in agitation. “For God’s sake, Jacob. I’ve been here for three minutes talking at you. You need to just bloody well call her.” Margo’s stern tone did nothing to help his current mood, and he just shifted forward again to try to ignore that intent, chastising glare. He went to his laptop, ducking his head in an attempt to dodge her blue eyes and typed something aimlessly. “Don’t k
The Carrero Effect 270
The Carrero Influence~ The Elevator Scene ~Jake walked out of the boardroom meeting without any clue as to what he had just sat and endured for the last hour. Margo had been glaring his way and nudging him with her foot under the table every few minutes and making him all the more aware of how ‘out of it’ he was. He had been this way ever since his father’s email had come in, informing him that Emma was back in his building; Back within reach and he had no idea how to handle it. He didn’t know if he should be happy or panicked that he could just see her around his building again, he wasn’t sure how the hell to feel about it but couldn’t deny the slight feeling of hope in his chest that he could bump into her.If he was being honest, he hadn’t had his head in the game for weeks, not since he had sent her away and today was just another prime example of how ‘not well’ he was doing without her in his life.
The Carrero Effect 269
The Carrero Effect~ The Holiday: Part 2 ~Jake was searching under the water, too dark to see anything and scrambling with his hands at anything that felt like it could be Daniel. Panic gripping his stomach as he frantically surfaced for air and dove again. He had hit the water without a thought the second he knew Danny was in here. No cares that he was maybe too drunk for this and just endlessly searching despite his muscles aching and being so heavy he could barely move anymore. It felt like it had been hours instead of minutes and he still hadn’t found him. He wouldn’t give up on him, he wouldn’t lose his best friend this way.Surfacing for air quicker this time he took a moment to drag more into his burning lungs and wipe the water from his eyes. He could hear yelling from the deck, crying from Leila and other voices but he was fully zoned-in on the surface of the water looking for any signs of him.“He’s here, Mr. Carre
The Carrero Effect 268
The Carrero Effect~ The Holiday: Part 1 ~Jake strolled into his apartment and threw his bag down on the couch. It had been a long trip and an even longer week, but he suddenly felt restless at being back. Normally, getting home brought him all kinds of joy, but this time it felt slightly empty, and he actually wished they’d stayed at that damn dance just so he could still be with her right now. Pacing to the window and looking out across the New York skyline he ran his hand through his hair and cracked his neck in a bid to release some of the tension building up his spine. Flexing his arms over his head and straining the jacket holding him tight. He needed to get out of this monkey suit they called a tux and get comfy, maybe he just needed to feel less business-like and properly relax. Maybe he needed a drink.He needed to stop fixating on Emma; it wasn’t healthy, and the constant stream of thoughts he had about her was getting harder to control. S
The Carrero Effect 267 - Bonus Chapters
The Carrero Effect~ The First Meeting ~Jacob Carrero stood in his room in front of the large mirror over the vanity and warmed hair wax between his fingers, smirking at the familiar black and gold branded product on the wooden surface. His father was still lording over the decision to start a male grooming line with Jake’s face all over the advertising campaign; not that he cared. He was used to being publicly owned, always on show, and every woman’s idea of a fantasy male.Which guy wouldn’t? Women falling at your feet every day. Hell yeah.He rubbed it through his hair expertly and spiked it up toward the center and forward in its trademark style. He was never really one for much fussing over his hair, this kept it sorted and then he never had to care for the rest of the day or mess with it unless he ran his hands through and mussed it up. If he had his way, he would shave it all off, but he had done that in his teens and he
The Carrero Effect 266
I catch sight of some of my favorite women on the right-hand side of the aisle. Margo is wiping a tear from her eye and nudging Wilma in her side as both woman wave to me. They’re blowing their noses and crying as Donna throws tissues their way. My crazy trio of motherly hens. Donna’s mascara is pouring down her normally flawless face and I spot Rosalie wave from behind a very handsome man, grinning wildly and looping arms with him, a look of radiant happiness on her pretty face. I beam back at them with a tiny wave before moving on in time to the music, slow steps, with Giovanni leading the way.I catch sight of the Huntsbergers, my new extended family sitting close by and smile warmly at them. The row of adopted children and Huntsberger father looking so proud of his family. Ben and his baby son are near the end of the row. He’s is cuddling him proudly and looking every bit the doting dad. He is now the soul parent o
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“My son was in pain and hiding from what he wanted most,” he says so factually, looking down at me, “I put you back in his path, so he would stop being a coward.” Giovanni grins and all words leave my brain in an open-mouthed silent gawp; realization dawning on me so suddenly that I am literally rendered speechless.He sent me back to Carrero House? Making me believe that he was going to fire me if I didn’t … an ultimatum that led us to where we are now.Giovanni is admitting to maneuvering me back into Jake’s building, so we would end up back in each other’s arms, crafty jerk that he is. He giggles like a schoolboy at my obviously shocked expression and pats my hand tenderly over his inner elbow. That self-confident effortless look on a man who always sees all and knows everything.“No need to thank me, Emma.” He
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I smooth my hands down my ivory wedding dress. It’s classy elegance and understated top is lined with a simple sleeveless fitted bodice and tiny pearl detailing. It has a full wispy floating skirt, and layers and layers of chiffon puffing out to a full-length cloud of loveliness. It’s a fairy-tale princess dress and matches beautifully with the elegant engagement ring twinkling on my hand, sparkling in all its shining glory.I admire my flawless natural make-up in the mirror, touching up my nude lipstick. My tawny hair is wild and curled in its loose romantic style, tiny tendrils hang around my face and I appraise my reflection with pride.I look beautiful! I feel beautiful and serene. There is no fear whatsoever.I look like a woman hopelessly in love, about to marry the man of her dreams.I am that woman.I slide on my satin ivory stilettos that almost mirror the shoes I used to adore so much. It feels weird to be ba
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I am getting so frustrated at myself, my inner anger rears up. I’m surrounded by the song that gave me two of the happiest moments of my life, when he gave me his all, and yet here I am lying here, my sub-conscious holding me back from what I deserve. It’s like the beginning of our relationship all over again. I’m back to the defiant, closed-off Emma who never let him in, always holding back when he needed me most.No! I am not doing this to you, Jake. Not anymore, I won’t!The song is a reminder that he doesn’t always need to be my strength, but a prompt to show me that sometimes I need to be his too. I need to build my own force to find my way back. I need to hold him up and face whatever reality comes when my body wakes up. Maybe that’s why my mind doesn’t want me to wake up. It’s afraid that what Ray did to me will make me hide in the shadows again, that I won’t be able to love Jake and le
