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2024-10-29 19:42:56I wake up and try to stretch out, but I’m restricted by Jake’s heavy body, wrapped around me like always. If I have one complaint about my lover, it’s this unearthly way of sleeping. He literally manages to get as much skin on skin and limb twisting as possible and somehow maneuvers me into positions while unconscious that defy the human body’s ability to bend.
I slide a leg out from between his, rotating my foot to get some feeling back and attempt at retrieving an arm which has gone to sleep pressed under his weight. He is impossible to get loose from in bed, the second I move free he reaches out and re-curls himself to me, pulling my limbs to how he wants them around him. He’s sleeping heavily, I can tell by his deep, even breaths, so moving slowly I manage to get myself loose with some effort.
Sitting up beside him, I gently stroke his cheek with a smile on my face. His sleeping habits are more of an insecure child longing for cuddles
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The Carrero Effect 127
My voice catches in my lungs and I can’t formulate a reply, I just stare at him in open-mouthed silence, inner tingles waving over me like hot sauce. Jake’s never mentioned marriage before, I know he loves me, but part of me still finds it hard to believe he loves me as much as this.“You want to marry me one day, right?” He halts and suddenly sounds so young and unsure, my silence making him think I’m freaking out in a bad way. I guess a small part of me is, but mostly I’m shocked into silence. He moves closer, panic in his face, the doubt that he’s said something he shouldn’t have. I reach out for him and he follows, wrapping himself within my arms.“I just didn’t think you would want that with me,” I mumble, the tears stinging my eyes for a different reason and I sniff.“Why wouldn’t I? You know how I feel about you … I’ve told you enough times.” His face comes to
The Carrero Effect 128
“By eighteen, I was good at defending not only myself but her, I would chase them out with my bat swinging. I’d learned to use my anger effectively, I had so much of it, so much hatred inside of me. I would just keep hitting until my arms ached with the effort … I smashed two of her boyfriend’s cars up in a bid to chase them off.” I shift position on the bed, pulling my legs out and stretching them out, sighing heavily. “She would hate me after and make me go elsewhere to cool down so I slept rough for days on end because she wouldn’t let me come home until I apologized to them for it, which meant returning to being abused in one way or another.” I laugh sardonically, my wonderful mother and her screwed-up sense of parenting.“Ray was the first one to put me back down on my ass and show me I was no match for a man … He wanted me to have sex with him and when I refused, he bea
The Carrero Effect 129
The departure from the boat this morning is tense, Marissa calls several times, ending in heated arguments over Jake’s refusal to meet with lawyers until she agrees to Jake’s terms and not hers. Every time causes Jake to hang up in agitation and throw his phone in various directions, violently, cursing and going off in a full Italian rant. I sit watching with my breath held until he calms down, unsure what to say to bring him back to a simmer instead; there isn’t much to calm that hot temper and I know to let it run its course. His emotions are on edge with the topic of the baby and Marissa seems to know exactly how to push his buttons.The flight home is silent, listening to music as he thrashes emails back and forth to his legal advisor about the meeting over paternity rights. He’s tense and agitated and very much the Jake Carrero I used to work for; boyfriend Jake on hiatus as he frowns his way through a heated typing rampage, his poor laptop taking
The Carrero Effect 130
“Ready?” He gazes at me as his car door is opened and holds out his hand. The Carrero building looms up in front of us and it feels like I haven’t been here in weeks. So much has changed in such a short time. He slides out of the car, pulling me with him and straightens up as Jefferson shuts the door behind us. Normally, Jake would use the underground car park, but Jefferson has errands to run for him today, so we are being dropped at the front door. This is all very public, right outside the main entrance to Carrero House in the morning rush. I take a deep, anxious breath, pushing down the onslaught of emotions and nod and try not to run away.I tense as we enter the building, the urge to pull my hand out of his as heads turn at our arrival. Faces beaming our way, quiet whispers, and stifled grins as people pretend not to be staring. We are obviously the talk of the building and very much confirming rumors while walking hand in hand through the foyer.
The Carrero Effect 131
“I ummm, think I need you to look these over in your office,” I chirp brightly, deliberately getting up to walk sexily into his room without a backward glance. I make sure I walk to his desk in full sight of the open door and bend over enough to slide the file down, just enough for my jacket to ride up, exposing my tight skirt, hugging my butt, lifting one foot slightly as though I’m reaching out, so my legs look shapelier in the confined material. The door shuts behind me almost immediately, his hands running up my thighs and igniting passion; I’m turned and thrown over his shoulder instantly, letting out a small squeal and giggle as he marches me toward that internal door.* * *I stretch out in my chair and arch my back, my desk is littered with papers, my laptop, files, and an overwhelming amount of random crap. It’s been a hard few days, not made any easier by my oversexed boss-lover and his attempts
The Carrero Effect 132
“It makes no sense to me having you beside me at work, then you going home to Queens at night … I want you home with me, to kick back and unwind. Here, we’re starting to get back into our roles as boss and PA … I want my girlfriend when we’re not working.”“Sarah’s going to try and talk me out of it” I sigh, watching him play with my fingers one by one, enjoying the sensation. “She’ll think we’re rushing things.” I look up at him and shake my head when he shrugs, his answer to everything. Infuriatingly so.“I’m not going to force you, Emma … Go see her, collect what you need for this week anyway then let me know what you decide … I won’t be mad, but I want you to know that it will happen.” He moves forward, kissing me quickly before letting me get up to leave. I ruffle my fingers lightly through his hair for a moment, smiling at the way he looks up at m
The Carrero Effect 133
We’re sitting with feet entwined on the huge king size bed in Jake’s bedroom, backs against the padded headboard and a mountain of cushions with some action movie playing on his oversized flat screen TV hanging from the ceiling. There are Chinese food tubs standing all over the bed around us, open and easy to reach for dipping into.I’m wearing one of his T-shirts after our not so clean bubble bath and he’s in a pair of dark gray sweatpants and a naked torso, showcasing his chiseled body and tribal ink perfectly. I have a serious case of ‘my boyfriend’s so hot’ swoons as I watch his muscular arms and shoulders flex and tense as he shovels food into his mouth with the expertise of an avid Chinese food eater. He leans forward with chop sticks full of noodles and pops it in my mouth without waiting to ask if I even want any, his eyes glued to what he’s watching. I’m being obedient and letting him stuff me full of food despite
The Carrero Effect 134
“I’m too much woman to be your side chick, I’m an all or nothing kind of guy when it comes to you.” Daniel doesn’t even look back. There’s a moment of pause, his body language changes subtly as he changes tone completely. “Have you heard from Leila lately?” His voice instantly tense, I catch Jake frowning at the back of his head rather pointedly for a moment.“Why would you ask about Leila? I thought you two stayed well clear of each other?” Jake sits up, I know that look on his face. A dog with a bone, sniffing out some little secret. Whatever he’s caught onto has peaked his Rottweiler mode.“No reason. Just, you know, sometimes I wonder how she is.” Daniel slides his food on the floor and lays out across the end of the bed lifting his feet up to get comfy.“Okay, cut the shit. What happened with Leila?” Jake’s domineering protective tone cuts in, he picks up the TV
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The Carrero Effect 271
The Carrero Influence ~ The Dance ~ Jake shifted in his seat for the millionth time and tried once more to get his brain to focus on the laptop on the highly polished walnut surface. He just couldn’t keep himself on track lately. The sound of a female clearing her throat startled him to look up and the impatient stance of Margo waving a piece of paper with a raised eyebrow suggested she had been talking to him while he was zoned out. “Sorry. What?” He frowned and sighed heavily, pushing himself back into his molded leather chair and rolled up his shirt sleeves in agitation. “For God’s sake, Jacob. I’ve been here for three minutes talking at you. You need to just bloody well call her.” Margo’s stern tone did nothing to help his current mood, and he just shifted forward again to try to ignore that intent, chastising glare. He went to his laptop, ducking his head in an attempt to dodge her blue eyes and typed something aimlessly. “Don’t k
The Carrero Effect 270
The Carrero Influence~ The Elevator Scene ~Jake walked out of the boardroom meeting without any clue as to what he had just sat and endured for the last hour. Margo had been glaring his way and nudging him with her foot under the table every few minutes and making him all the more aware of how ‘out of it’ he was. He had been this way ever since his father’s email had come in, informing him that Emma was back in his building; Back within reach and he had no idea how to handle it. He didn’t know if he should be happy or panicked that he could just see her around his building again, he wasn’t sure how the hell to feel about it but couldn’t deny the slight feeling of hope in his chest that he could bump into her.If he was being honest, he hadn’t had his head in the game for weeks, not since he had sent her away and today was just another prime example of how ‘not well’ he was doing without her in his life.
The Carrero Effect 269
The Carrero Effect~ The Holiday: Part 2 ~Jake was searching under the water, too dark to see anything and scrambling with his hands at anything that felt like it could be Daniel. Panic gripping his stomach as he frantically surfaced for air and dove again. He had hit the water without a thought the second he knew Danny was in here. No cares that he was maybe too drunk for this and just endlessly searching despite his muscles aching and being so heavy he could barely move anymore. It felt like it had been hours instead of minutes and he still hadn’t found him. He wouldn’t give up on him, he wouldn’t lose his best friend this way.Surfacing for air quicker this time he took a moment to drag more into his burning lungs and wipe the water from his eyes. He could hear yelling from the deck, crying from Leila and other voices but he was fully zoned-in on the surface of the water looking for any signs of him.“He’s here, Mr. Carre
The Carrero Effect 268
The Carrero Effect~ The Holiday: Part 1 ~Jake strolled into his apartment and threw his bag down on the couch. It had been a long trip and an even longer week, but he suddenly felt restless at being back. Normally, getting home brought him all kinds of joy, but this time it felt slightly empty, and he actually wished they’d stayed at that damn dance just so he could still be with her right now. Pacing to the window and looking out across the New York skyline he ran his hand through his hair and cracked his neck in a bid to release some of the tension building up his spine. Flexing his arms over his head and straining the jacket holding him tight. He needed to get out of this monkey suit they called a tux and get comfy, maybe he just needed to feel less business-like and properly relax. Maybe he needed a drink.He needed to stop fixating on Emma; it wasn’t healthy, and the constant stream of thoughts he had about her was getting harder to control. S
The Carrero Effect 267 - Bonus Chapters
The Carrero Effect~ The First Meeting ~Jacob Carrero stood in his room in front of the large mirror over the vanity and warmed hair wax between his fingers, smirking at the familiar black and gold branded product on the wooden surface. His father was still lording over the decision to start a male grooming line with Jake’s face all over the advertising campaign; not that he cared. He was used to being publicly owned, always on show, and every woman’s idea of a fantasy male.Which guy wouldn’t? Women falling at your feet every day. Hell yeah.He rubbed it through his hair expertly and spiked it up toward the center and forward in its trademark style. He was never really one for much fussing over his hair, this kept it sorted and then he never had to care for the rest of the day or mess with it unless he ran his hands through and mussed it up. If he had his way, he would shave it all off, but he had done that in his teens and he
The Carrero Effect 266
I catch sight of some of my favorite women on the right-hand side of the aisle. Margo is wiping a tear from her eye and nudging Wilma in her side as both woman wave to me. They’re blowing their noses and crying as Donna throws tissues their way. My crazy trio of motherly hens. Donna’s mascara is pouring down her normally flawless face and I spot Rosalie wave from behind a very handsome man, grinning wildly and looping arms with him, a look of radiant happiness on her pretty face. I beam back at them with a tiny wave before moving on in time to the music, slow steps, with Giovanni leading the way.I catch sight of the Huntsbergers, my new extended family sitting close by and smile warmly at them. The row of adopted children and Huntsberger father looking so proud of his family. Ben and his baby son are near the end of the row. He’s is cuddling him proudly and looking every bit the doting dad. He is now the soul parent o
The Carrero Effect 265
“My son was in pain and hiding from what he wanted most,” he says so factually, looking down at me, “I put you back in his path, so he would stop being a coward.” Giovanni grins and all words leave my brain in an open-mouthed silent gawp; realization dawning on me so suddenly that I am literally rendered speechless.He sent me back to Carrero House? Making me believe that he was going to fire me if I didn’t … an ultimatum that led us to where we are now.Giovanni is admitting to maneuvering me back into Jake’s building, so we would end up back in each other’s arms, crafty jerk that he is. He giggles like a schoolboy at my obviously shocked expression and pats my hand tenderly over his inner elbow. That self-confident effortless look on a man who always sees all and knows everything.“No need to thank me, Emma.” He
The Carrero Effect 264
I smooth my hands down my ivory wedding dress. It’s classy elegance and understated top is lined with a simple sleeveless fitted bodice and tiny pearl detailing. It has a full wispy floating skirt, and layers and layers of chiffon puffing out to a full-length cloud of loveliness. It’s a fairy-tale princess dress and matches beautifully with the elegant engagement ring twinkling on my hand, sparkling in all its shining glory.I admire my flawless natural make-up in the mirror, touching up my nude lipstick. My tawny hair is wild and curled in its loose romantic style, tiny tendrils hang around my face and I appraise my reflection with pride.I look beautiful! I feel beautiful and serene. There is no fear whatsoever.I look like a woman hopelessly in love, about to marry the man of her dreams.I am that woman.I slide on my satin ivory stilettos that almost mirror the shoes I used to adore so much. It feels weird to be ba
The Carrero Effect 263
I am getting so frustrated at myself, my inner anger rears up. I’m surrounded by the song that gave me two of the happiest moments of my life, when he gave me his all, and yet here I am lying here, my sub-conscious holding me back from what I deserve. It’s like the beginning of our relationship all over again. I’m back to the defiant, closed-off Emma who never let him in, always holding back when he needed me most.No! I am not doing this to you, Jake. Not anymore, I won’t!The song is a reminder that he doesn’t always need to be my strength, but a prompt to show me that sometimes I need to be his too. I need to build my own force to find my way back. I need to hold him up and face whatever reality comes when my body wakes up. Maybe that’s why my mind doesn’t want me to wake up. It’s afraid that what Ray did to me will make me hide in the shadows again, that I won’t be able to love Jake and le
