‘Just a little bit of touching … You’re too irresistible to not want to touch.’ It’s a wink, a return of playful and yet my heart plummets.
Don’t go there, Alexi, please. I don’t want to fight again.
I mentally will him to not go down this route and just push his hand away as he smiles my way.
‘Did you have some sort of personality transplant when I was gone?’ I chide him, half serious and deflating inside, knowing that this was a dumb invitation to accept. There’s too much between us that comes out whenever we are left alone, and I don’t think we should try to build any sort of camaraderie outside of the club if this is anything to go by. History means there is so much tension and resentment lying in the silence that neither of us wants to air. I’m not that great a communicator, and he seems like he wants avoidance of the before too.
‘Maybe I just had a wake-up
The club is high end, huge and very clearly well used in a very trendy part of Midtown, it’s called ‘Alfa’s’. Its décor isn’t overly dated, just a little worn and faded, and even empty you can smell the years of sweat, boozy-bodied dancers and stale smoke. It’s modern and obviously up market but it just misses the little ‘va voom’ that makes a place stand out.I take a walk around the vast room of multi-levelled platforms and seating as Alexi talks to his manager by the bar, sitting sipping an ice water because he is driving and watching me do my slow evaluation. He told me to go explore and tell him what I think needs to be done and it’s exactly what I am doing while I get a little head space.I can feel his eyes on me every second, burning my skin and giving me goosebumps. He’s been weirdly quiet and distant since we got in here and that suits me fine. Careful not to get too chummy, and even though he
She’s small and brunette, curvy in places with an ample pair of tits and has that exotic brown-eyed beauty of a native Sicilian —Attractive in a wifely, cosy girl next door kind of way. I’m not impressed much by her, and she’s dressed like an Italian peasant right out of a history book. I wonder if it’s the gimmick for this place.Alexi is as he always is around adoring Carrero women, even though she is not one. Charming, warm and entertaining and seems to think touchy-feely is appropriate as she leans in for an awkward hug that lasts for a few seconds. I watch with a lack of amusement, gut aching a little while I battle the spiralling emotion rising in my stomach of my jealous bitch side clenching her claws into my soul. Bitterness has a horrible taste.She ignores my presence, even when Alexi says my name mid foreign spew of words, and she barely glances my way. It’s not hard to tell she has a major thing for him and I lift my menu
‘The sob stories, tears … games … vulnerability … fear. I saw the person I thought you were, your reputation—Nothing else. I saw someone trying to manipulate me, Cam … You wouldn’t be the first woman to use abuse as a way to make a man soften towards her.’ He looks away, almost as though he’s ashamed to utter the words to me, and it kicks me in the gut like a mule. His words slice at me like a dull knife straight through my soul, and I flinch in rage as I get exactly what he means.He thought I was playing him, and all those times he broke me to pieces, was all an act to get under his skin.‘Believe that I was abused, or that I was traumatised by what you did to me? Fuck you! … You have no idea what I have lived through. What men have done to me. How dare you!! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!! And you’re a liar! If you ever really cared about me, then why did you keep pushing me unt
Alexi regards me for a long moment, so much so I look up at him to see if he even heard me and catch those calm grey eyes locked on me. He looks thoughtful and strangely sobering.‘When Gino and I were around nine years old we looked after a stray dog we called Benny …’ He frowns at me, an air of cute boy crossing his face as though locked onto a happy memory of a pet he once loved. A tiny little hint of dimple as something in his mind’s eye makes him smile just a fraction. I quieten myself down and listen intently, immediately drawn to the hints of genuine in him and captured by it.‘This one day, after school, we took a bone down to the street where we knew he liked to hang around during the day, and we found his body in the gutter … car had hit him and he had died quickly from his injuries when we weren’t there.’ Alexi frowns harder and that softness pales out to a far more sinister look that I am more familiar with;
I wake up in my own bed. Well, once again ON my bed, with a throw over me, and yet again, it’s mid-morning and I cannot remember anything after falling asleep. There’s no way I just slept right through from five p.m., but as I check my bedside clock it flashes nine forty-three a.m. at me and I rub my eyes in disbelief. I didn’t dream, no night terrors, no crazy shadows and monsters dragging me out of slumber—a silent dreamless sleep that almost never happened before I came back here. This is happening more and more lately and I feel refreshed from a full night’s rest.I am still wearing yesterday’s dress, so Alexi must have brought me through and put me to bed at some point. This is getting to be a habit for him, and I sit and ponder for a moment the fact that he didn’t even try to wake me or do anything beyond let me sleep.I still don’t trust him, but somehow, lately … I don’t hate him quite so much either.
I am listless and keep clock watching today, even though I have nowhere to be except down in the club, and getting ready for another night of business as usual. I have an idea why it’s making me so restless and frustrated, beyond the obvious sadness. It’s called Alexi.This place is running so smoothly nowadays that I really have nothing much to do most of the time except observe and supervise. Apart from paperwork occasionally and overseeing deliveries I have tuned my well-oiled machine to perfection. Spectacular organisation means it can practically run itself and I can swan around more than actually do anything.Mico appears and catches me sitting at the bar.‘Hey you … future mistress.’ He breaks into a huge amused smile and dumps a pile of files on the bar carelessly that he has obviously brought to go in the office. It looks like some of the accounts we have been waiting for. I’m guessing this is not a random passing jo
He’s back in minutes with a freshly styled do that adds to that groomed perfection of his as he pulls his jacket on one sleeve. Body emphasised by what he’s wearing and I am instantly drawn like a magnet to look at him. My eyes scan impulsively, immediately to the one thing that stands severely out of place, and causes an instant nervousness deep down in my gut; A tight chokehold on my stomach.‘Why are you carrying tonight?’ I nod towards the holster under his armpit, face dropping as seriousness hits me to dampen my libido. His gun on show and he just ignores me and continues putting on his jacket smoothly to cover it up. Something in my stomach swirls with unease, nerves rising as suspicion hits me and I move closer to him.‘Alexi? You never carry when you’re going to dinner. Why are you taking a gun?’ Sixth sense has all my alarms firing and my palms get instantly sweaty as nerves eat away at me. Something deep down alertin
It was the gun. It spooked me, and maybe not because of where he’s going, but maybe just seeing it on him, being in the apartment together—alone. Maybe I’m just triggered by memory and being an idiot; that panic inside of something being wrong … was just memory perhaps. I still carry the burden of that night on my soul and this could just be that. Alexi and I, we have so much history and I shouldn’t dismiss the effect it’s had on me and my sanity. Getting myself worked into hysteria and being stupidly weak over something he has with him on a normal day, so why should I freak about him taking it out of an evening? It’s part of his work uniform and not exactly unknown to be on him.‘Are you okay?’ Jackson moves to follow me out but I raise my palm to him.‘I’m calmer … I’ll call him … let him tell me himself I’m an idiot. Honestly, go back down, I’ll be okay once I pull mys