Theodora's POVJavier loved me.Mads loved me.And I couldn't fucking say it back. I wanted to, but the words kept getting stuck in my throat, making me say that I cared about them, but I didn't think I loved them. What a load of bullshit. It was the self-destruction talking.I was the problem.Javier stepped away from me, getting to his feet and stripping himself of everything he was wearing. My mouth watered as I watched every article of clothing hit the ground. Fuck, I loved his body. I loved those massive shoulders and veiny arms. Deeply tanned skin that complimented his eyes that glided down me like hot honey. Whorls of black filled his gaze as hunger and lust consumed his eyes. Wetness pooled between my legs again, the eager bastard ready for round two.I knew I was insatiable already, but with Javier and Mads, I was even more sexually ravenous than ever before. Who could blame me, really? Just fucking look at him.Javier slipped his belt out of the loops, slidin
Theodora's POVThe news that we were going to Earth was met with skepticism. Who could blame them, really? There was only one habitable place left, crawling with Lurkers confined to darkness among the receding seas and dying plantlife. Nearly a thousand years ago, humans, fae, and anyone or thing that could abandon Earth did. Bombs and wars tore into the land and poisoned oceans. They stopped teaching Earth history and pretended it never happened. Different species and then countries split, eagerly colonizing and terraforming other planets to meet their species' specifications.At one point in history, we all shared a planet, but it wasn't that easy anymore. Even with countless planets, humankind snatched and stole all in a "God-given" right to control the galaxy. Case and point was Ellie's home planet in the Hermes Cluster. It was hard not to see Earth as a grueling reminder of greed. And what that greed morphed into. "You're in your head again," my brother's voice bro
Mads's POVI couldn't stop staring at my hands. They didn't look like mine. I was trapped inside a skin that wasn't mine. My heart hammered, my body shaking like I was coming down from adrenaline, but it still coursed hotly through my veins.Nothing was as loud as if someone had stuffed cotton in my ears. I couldn't hear Theo's heartbeat or smell her scent. So disjointed from my body. Even Javier's voice sounded different. I couldn't detect the different tenors that made him so interesting to listen to.All their words fell on deaf ears. I couldn't process anything well with my senses dulled like the inhibitor drug the Pantomath dosed me with. But the wolf…the wolf was louder than ever. Stirring. Rousing. Growing in power.When Benji had finally docked, he unclipped his seatbelt harness, rushing over to me to make sure I was okay. Theo couldn't stay with me. Neither could Javier. I knew that. But it didn't make me feel any less than a newborn fawn standing on shaky legs. The
Theodora's POVI couldn't look away. But I also couldn't stand. Everything felt like it was going weak. Tingles in my chest ebbing outwards to my hands. I swayed forward, struggling to find my steps. Struggling to find my breath.Daxton caught me before I fell forward, a strangled sob leaving my lips as devastation swallowed me whole."Theo! Hey!" Dax shouted, trying to snap me out of my stupor.But I didn't see him. All I saw was Mads's teeth digging into Javier's throat. The harrowing visual of them caked in blood, running thick as oil. Javi threw Mads off him. Heavy hits and the sound of grinding metal as they knocked each other into the portable sun shelters.They were going to break the windows. Send sunlight streaming into their homes.The vampires watching couldn't even do anything without risking exposure. A gruesome fiery death. And I was only human. "Fuck!" Sol shrieked, coming to the window. She was too small. Too young. Stronger than me, but she would only ge
Javier's POVA fissure was forming inside of me. Splitting my connection to Theo and Mads. And every time I thought about her, laying there, bleeding and crumpled on the ground, the cracks got deeper. Fanning out inside of my chest.Cold and icy.It got out of hand, and it happened fast. I didn't know how to fix this. And after the fight, I healed pretty fast, but I couldn't say the same for Theo. Daxton wouldn't let me see her and honestly, I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle it if I did see her.Bruised and broken.I did that to her. I could blame Mads all I wanted, but he wasn't in his right mind. I was. Over the next few days during bloodletting, I'd watch Mads leave the holding area to go sit by the trees. He'd look over at me guiltily and dip his head. Stare at his hands.His leg still healing from where Theo shot him.I knew he hadn't been back to Peacemaker. Neither had I. And while the full moon was over and he finally seemed more like himself, he still spe
Theodora's POVI hadn't seen Mads or Javier in days, almost a week now if I was being honest. Confining myself to the ship, licking my wounds so to speak. My body still ached, bruises yellowing. The welts on my back were now a light pink instead of brick red. Healing fast with Ellie's help, but I still felt damaged.Who was I kidding? I was damaged.Sol was first to come on board the Peacemaker, Atlas close behind. She was going to be bunking with Ellie which made the most sense because they were close in age. I pretended not to notice how Sol looked at Atlas, standing in the sun, beaming at the promise of the future.The girl had a crush. Clear as day. I almost expected her to get on her toes and kiss him goodbye, but she didn't. Instead, she tucked fiery hair behind her ear and told him she'd be in contact soon.Arrange transport from Ilios. That they would see each other again. His inky eyes watched Sol like he had something he wanted to say…but he didn't. Amelia had de
Theodora's POVThe fact that I could practically feel when Mads and Javier were nearby was really fucking weird. The strain of our physical distance from each other was relaxing even if the emotional tension was still there. It killed me that I couldn't see them. I couldn't let them in.If I did, I'd crumble into a pathetic sobbing mess because I missed them so damn much. The worst fucking bout of homesickness I'd ever felt. Funny. I thought Peacemaker was home. The ship I loved so much, the same one Javier called a rust bucket. A sharp laugh left my lips, followed by a hollow feeling in my chest. My eyes felt so puffy, sore, and red. I couldn't stand Javier back then. My attraction to him was skin-deep. An annoying sexual ache with pent-up frustration from my breakup with Mads. Simple as hell. It wasn't until after I saved him from the Pantomath that it started to feel more serious. That I started to notice how deep it ran. And started to finally notice how Mads looked
Theodora's POVI wasn't ready for sex a few days ago. Everything felt so fragile. New all over again. I had to learn to trust Mads and Javier again. But on the bright side, now I knew our relationship was more than physical.I found myself adoring how sweet Javier was with Sol. How much he cared about his niece and she clearly noticed the change in temperament too. Mads had taken a few massive steps forward to make good on his apologies with the crew. The fact that he even gave Benji a handshake, and returned a hug from Ellie was not lost on me. He'd even playfully bump Sol on the shoulder when she was in his way.He was trying. Working through his own trauma just as hard as we worked together.Those touches meant something to him and it made me feel so warm inside to see.Daxton was starting to come around. Especially now that I didn't feel the need to hide my adoration for my lovers. And Daxton could see how much they meant to me. When we were in open space, Ben