Chapter 4

I went straight to my room, threw off my clothes and went straight into the shower.  I was on fire and I couldn't pretending any longer.  The cold water gave me a little comfort but my stomach was still tied in notes.  I was so aroused that my body ached with the prolonged tension. 

I stroked myself trying to relieve my throbbing erection so I could think a little clearer but instead I let lose a tide of pent up lust. I pulled and squeezed myself violently, with images of him beneath me, reaching up to touch my face spurring me on until I came with such force my knees nearly buckled.  It brought some relief, at least for a short while I could think relatively calmly about what I had to do.

When I was under control  I read the rest of the information.  It  had been quickly collected, mostly from pack members at the auditorium who all referred to him as the "Freak"  and his school.  "Freak" was a constant throughout.  He was a loner, not popular mainly because he had none of the normal Pure blood characteristic also the fact that the other boys considered him  feminine.

The only people who held Axen in high regard were his teachers, all of whom said he is a remarkable young man, very intelligent. Top in every class. 

His family barely registered in the pack hierarchy. From a brief interview with them the PA suggested that they, as lowborn as they were, saw him as an embarrassment, no love lost there.

It was all too depressing, the poor boy was alone and defenceless already and I was about to add the proverbial last straw that could break him.  I could still hear his desperate  voice pleading for me to go to him.  I felt such intense shame at letting my mate down and knowing full well I was going to do something even worse. I was going to reject him.  I had no choice.  I told myself over and over I had no choice.

Axen PoV Past

When I finally woke up I felt calmer but very weak.  I was in a lush bed with soft smooth sheets.  I looked at my hands and arms and they were carefully bandaged.  I can't really remember getting hurt but then again it was all a blur.

In this foggy state, I recall being spoken to softly by a lovely older woman, she had the sweetest smile and such soft eyes.  She looked at me kindly which made me cry.  I couldn't remember the last time anyone looked at me like that.  She helped me dress in fresh clothes, all the while asking me questions about myself and my family.  She looked sad and touched my cheek, wiping away my tears.  Then offered me a drink to ease my suffering. The fog in my head grew deeper and every movement felt like I was in slow motion. Then she was gone.

I lay there in a half-dream state staring at the ceiling for what could have been 5 minutes or 5 hours. I'm not sure if it was a dream but I have a vague memory of Ravysitting on the side of the bed holding my hand. Slowly and with great care he brought it to his lips and gently kissed my open palm resting his cheek against it for the briefest moment.  Even deep in my dull haze I felt the spark between us, not the burning painful kind that had tortured me all day, instead it felt so good, comforting and warm.  I saw his eyes light up, he felt it too.

We looked into each other eyes for an eternity.  I drifted off into the fog, his beautiful face fading away.

I apologise again for any typos, no amount of staring at the writing makes me see them straight away.

With my birthday a day away I'm feeling increasingly uneasy.  Now that I live outside the Lycan community I have no support, no one to ask for advice at time like this.  I'm unsure what will happen when I reach maturity.  I know my senses will become sharper and the bond with my wolf will strengthen, but as I have found and lost my mate already, the rest is a mystery.  My connection with my Ravythese days is only a rare flash of an image through his eyes, a room, a snippet of conversation, his reflection in a mirror...nothing substantial, nothing that hurts anymore. Perhaps  with turning 18 even that will disappear.  Whatever happens my main concern is that the important people in my life, my humans, aren't affected by it.  I live with two humans and I've carefully kept my past hidden from them for almost year and a half.  I don't want to spoil things between us.

Kevin Wilson is my Saviour.  I would do anything to protect him.  My wolf would shred anyone who even looked at him the wrong way.  He found me living on the streets and took me in, giving me a job and a room in his home, giving me a purpose, with no questions asked.   Against all the well meaning advice he got from friends and family, he accepted me at face value and I will never let him down.  He is worth a hundred of my own kind.

One of those people who distrusted me the most and complained the loudest at first was his son James. Ironically, he ended up being my first love and is now my closest friend, something I thought I would never have.  Kevin doesn't know about us and that's for the best.  Neither James nor I want to complicate things.  The three of us work at Kevin's artisan bakery and we live in a huge house together, Kevin out the back in a separate flat and us in the main house.  Which I have to say is very convenient when either of us gets a little twitchy.  We have sex because it's convenient and it's really good but we are friends because we realised early on that we could say anything to each other and it grew into mutual trust and respect. Of course, I have one secret I have to keep.

How funny, I'm a Lycan apprentice baker, with a human best friend, human lovers who say I'm beautiful, desirable and no one calls me a freak anymore.

Ravy PoV Past

All the details have been worked out and settled, well between everyone except Axen.  He is beyond normal conversation.  The moment he awoke he immediately started to feel the effects of being on heat and became frenzied again. The physician told me nothing but mating with him would calm him, that wasn't happening.  I had no choice but to have him sedated again. 

I felt everything he did and I was at my wits end trying to control myself.  For him it would have been torture.  As his mate I should have protected him, instead like a coward I turned him into a halfdead thing, so I could save myself from feeling his longing and pain. He whimpered in his sleep, sometimes calling out my name.  I only trusted myself once to touch him, his feverish skin burned my fingertips. The kiss I placed on his hand held the life time of love we were meant to have.  We had at least one kiss before it all ended.

A representative for The Pure spoke to Axen's parents and explained the situation, no problem there.  They assumed he would be rejected.  They were given an annuity, not to silence them but as the parents of the intended mate of the Alpha, rejected or not.  Our pack was wealthy and money meant little to us. 

They were ordered to be present when he was rejected and then he could return home to go on with his life.   I also insisted that money was to be set aside for Axen's personal use when he came of age. It was doubtful that he would see any of the money given to his parents.  I wanted him to at least be financial secure.  He was smart and it would pay for University and set him up for the future.  It was the least I could do for him.  I wonder when I have a new mate, when she and I have a house full of pure bloods to raise, will I be able to forget him. Is it possible to wipe him, along with the regret and shame of rejecting him, totally from my memory.